Greentexts to not forget

permittedly stolen soos: https://steamcommunity.com/groups/HUGEGROUPLOL/discussions/0/1708438376926419933/
last post #325


>Be me
>Be 6th grade me
>Me and my friend are playing Minecraft on my Xbox
>We'll call him Chad
>Mom kicks me and Chad off the Xbox and tells us to go play outside
>We have a creek that runs through our neighborhood
>Go to explore it
>We can only go so far up the creek before the leaves are to thicc to continue
>Ask the neighborhood kids if they've ever been up the creek past the leaves
>Nobody has ever been up there
>Sidequestaccepted.mov
>Me and Chad try to figure out ways to get up the creek
>Finding a way around it was out of the question
>Hacking and slashing through the foliage was taking to long
>Making a riot shield out of cardboard and pushing our way through wasnt working
>It seemed like we had exhausted all of our options
>Then Chad remembered the drainage system that runs under our neighborhood
>This thing is like a maze so nobody crawls through the tunnels except a select few people
>We'll call these people Tunnelers
>They'll play a bigger part in the story later on
>Me and Chad figure that the drainpipes probably enter back into the creek at some point
>Conclude there's a good chance some of the pipes drain into the creek and that we can just follow them to where we want to go
>Go back home and find a really old map of the drainage system
>Ride our bikes to the UPS store and use their printer to print out like 10 copies of this map
>Thesacredtexts.jpg
>Over the next week or to me and Chad become devoted to this project
>We nickname it project unknown and talked about the hunt for the creek endlessly
>We eventually noticed some interesting patterns and got a good guess of where the creek probably was
>Autobotsrollout.gif
>We grab some big ass flashlights from my garage and head out for the nearest entry point for the tunnels
>On our way to the tunnels we run into one of the tunnelers because the entrance is practically in his backyard
>He tries to talk to us but I know he would try to come with us so Chad and I ditch him and sprint into the tunnels
>We resolved a long time ago that we would be the first to set foot down in the uncharted creek and we weren't about to let him steal the spotlight
>We hear him follow us into the tunnels but we keep our flashlights off and stay quiet till he leaves
>He's smart enough to not follow us into the maze without any gear
>We quest onwards
>The map outdated but we were making progress and correcting the map as we went
>Then we made it
>My boot hits the shallow creek water first and Chad whacks me on the shoulder for taking the first step into the uncharted
>We both stop to appreciate the isolated region of the creek and say nothing for like 3 minutes
>I don't remember who locked eyes on it first but to the left of where we where standing where 2 massive tunnels that where completely dry
>For a sense of scale they where both a little over 100 feet from end to end and about 9 feet high in the center
>To make things even better we found a way to get back to the street without having to go through the tunnels
>Jackpot.exe
>Over the next few weeks we take pieces of furniture and deck out the left tunnel and make it the most badass hideout you've ever seen
>We had battery operated christmas lights running across the ceiling and shit
>We had 3 discarded couches and 2 coffee tables
>We had 4 different rooms made by reinforcing cardboard as walls and a wall of maps
>This was our base of operation
>This was our fortress of solitude
>This was the ultimate hideout
>It was like having a tree house below street level
>But nothing good can last
>Some of the tunnelers saw us carrying lots of stuff around the neighborhood
>There already a little suspicious of me but now they see me carrying lots of big things around the neighborhood
>Even more suspicious at my oddly evasive conversations with them when they try to talk to me
>Notihingtoseehere.fuckoff
>They know I know something they don't witch pisses them off
>An unspoken rule of all tunnelers in anybody who knows a route shares it with another dude who yes'nt knows the route till it becomes common knowledge
>I had violated their code and they where now silently hunting me
>I see a tunneler lingering to close for comfort to my hideouts hidden street level entrance
>"Hey anon, whatca doing over here?"
>"Oh you know, going down to the tunnels"
>Why the fuck am I so autistic
>"Oh really anon, that's cool! I didnt know there were any tunnel openings on this dead-end"
>"Well, there aren't any on this street"
>He's visibly confused
>"Oh. If the entrance isnt here, then where is it?"
>"Umm, it's a few streets down actually. I was just taking a walk"
>He can tell I'm lying but he doesnt say anything
>"Okay anon that actually sounds really cool, could you show it to me?"
>He knows I'm laying at this point, so I just take him on a long detour to a common entry point everybody knows about and play dumb just to piss him off
>He mumbles something along the lines of cool and I ditch him in the tunnels
>I see some flashlights on my way through the tunnels and hear some familiar voices
>It's more fucking tunnelers
>Out of the luck of my good timing I hear them mention that there going to find the creek
>Apparently everybody is equally obsessed with finding it now
>It's hard being stealthy in a tunnel filled with puddles so they heard me pretty quickly and I had to make a break for it
>Made it back to my hideout without them catching me
>Sat on the couch in silence
>Eventually they where going to find the way around the creek
>Then they would find my hideout and most likely trash it
>Fast forward a few weeks
>A massive storm comes through
>Everything in the hideout got washed far far away
>The tunnel to get into the hideout was completely blocked up with mud from the storm
>Nobody will ever find it now in less they find the street entrance but they would have to be following me to find it and I havent gone there in some time for that very reason
>People started becoming more obsessed with finding it as time goes on
>Eventually they give up and say it's impossible
>Fools
>The creek is basically an urban legend now
>MFW



>Be me
>Be working on the the schools literary magazine
>It's basically a compilation of all the works of the students for that semester (DM me if you want a digital copy)
>Yell despacito out of context because I'm an autist
>My lit teacher says "They should have a class to teach people social skills at this school. Most of you would be totally helpless in the real world."
>Pull a reverse card out of the Uno deck in my backpack and yell "No u" while throwing it at him
>It hits the back of his laptop
>He stares at me
>"Why are you like this?"
>I stand over his desk and T pose
>"Because Despacito 2 was confirmed by Markaplier"
>He looks disappointed for me
>"Anon, I'm concerned for you. Like, I'm actually worried for your future. Arent you at least slightly fearful of not being a functioning member of society and doing nothing but spit out memes and internet culture?"
>Wave of depression washes over me
>Smile and say "Lol XD I'm all alone in this world and nobody understands enough about me to save me from myself, memes are just something I use to pretend I'm connected to a network of other people who get me, but really all it does is make you lose a sense of identity and become part of the latest trends of internet culture so we don't feel like where getting left behind. we only do it because where so unbearably lonely, and yelling out things like ATTENTION ALL EPIC FORTNITE GAMERS gives us a sense of purpose that what we're doing indeed connects us to a social circle, when in reality it acts as a wedge that drives us further from the reality we where hoping to achieve in the first place and closer and closer to being some goblin that wants nothing to do with social contact over anything but the internet; slowly sucking more and more people into his trap under the pretense that it can substitute for socializing."
>Play it off as a meme and dab
>MFW



>Be me
>Be yesterday
>At the book store with my mom
>She was off doing her own thing while I was surfing through the Manga like a weeb
>I find the No Game No Life light novel
>Hell yeah I'm buying this
>Get to the checkout with my mom a bit later
>Shes browsing through the bag of books I'm about to get but I don't stop her
>Then she picks up No Game No Life
>Looks at the inside cover [https://archive.org/details/manga_No_Game_No_Life/page/n1] and mutters "OH"
>Put's it back in the bag
>She buys it for me no questions asked
>MFW



>Be me
>Be right now
>My family is playing a card game about memes called "What Do You Meme"
>The memes are all outdated
>I was annoyed at my family's lack of culture and screamed "Fucking normies REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" when I saw the pepe card
>I am no longer playing this game



>Be me
>Be visiting New York for the holidays
>Get off the plane
>instantly greeted by a giant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles poster with a gargantuan dick scrawled on the outside of it in sharpie
>Wait for the train and see rats defend a bucket of fried chicken from other rats
>Get on the train and hear a man singing "Piano Man" as loud as humanly possible
>Get off the train and see a woman barfing onto the tracks while her boyfriend holds a six-pack of hard liquor and shouts "Encore, encore!"
>Walk down the street to my dads house and a hooker yells at me for money to buy tampons
>God it feels good to be back home



>Be me
>Be invited on a skiing trip with some good lad's church group
>In the course of a single day, I 420 blazed it, made out with and then banished a thot, skied down 3 black diamonds in -29 degrees while the wind speeds where over 50 mph without wiping out once, and stole 50 bucks along with as many rice crispy treats I could carry from a vending machine.
>Be wearing an old USSR military cap during all of those events
>I tell myself that the hat is the source of good fortune
>Praise the hat for being a good luck charm
>Fast forward one day
>I have the worst fucking flu ever witnessed by humanity
>cyka blyat?



>be me
>join this massive group
>fast forward a year
>stumble upon a pretty cool thread that tells stories
>fast forward a few months
>thread died, f in chat
>fast forward 20 days
>thread gained a slight pulse
>mfw



>Be me
>Be writing these things
>Lose the fucking word document that had a lot of pieces I was going to dull out to you thicc nibbas about 20 days ago
>Actually have to wait for things to happen for me to write about or get off my fat ass and remake all the shit I lost
>Mfw



>be me
>be hyped for some stories
>all the stories were lost
>stories were on a Word Doc
>mfw
>the Google Drive exists



>Be me
>Have a word doc open for like a week without saving once
>Computer restarts for mandatory update
>Mfw



>be me
>some lazy fucker had his word doc open for a week
>Murphy's law
>anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and in the worst possible way
>mfw



> be me, editing in notepad++
> pc freeze-dies
> force restart
> the file is a bunch of null characters now
> mfw



:implying:be me
:implying:go into leddit steam thread to shill this emoticon
:implying: :implying:.jpg
:implying:profit



>Be me
>Be at a Superbowl party
>Get 3 different girls numbers for pretending to know stuff and things about sports ball
>I lost the numbers as of 5 minutes ago
>My super power is autism
>MFW



>be me
>weird donkey kong guy tells me to get cucumber and butter
>howcardcanitbe.jpg
>go to local supermarket
>emergency broadcast starts
>ohshitnorthkoreaisnukingus
>find nearest basement
>there's a fucking pedophile it in with a girl
>nope.exe
>leave basement
>realize this is actually the wrong server
>Unnamed Headcrab 9001 has left the server.
>Kim Jong Un has joined the server.
>join some weird roblox rp server
>find out its an undertale rp but i should be able to get the cucumber and butter easily
>weird goat thing asks for date
>resetcharacter.exe is now running
>respawn and go to some gay snow town full of weird short skeleton people in blue jackets
>find weird tall skeleton person in red suit
>"Hey, can I get a Cucumber and some Butter?"
>he imeddiately runs away
>go over to the weird short skeleton men
>"Hey, can I buy a Cucumber and some Butter?"
>they dont respond
>look on the player list
>everybody is a goddamn noob
>leave.exe
>join some other server on a real game
>easily purchase cucumber and butter
>deliver to weird donkey kong man
>he gives me money even though i got it for free
>fin



>Be me
>Be going on a church retreat sometime in 7th grade
>Be my good friend, lets call him Chad
>Chad's girlfriend is coming with
>She recently got in some sort of accident that I don't remember the details of, can't use her legs for a little while, and is stuck in a wheelchair for now
>They plans to commit smash once we get to camp and everybody is asleep
>I warn him to get to a spot where they'll be incognito, as they have dudes patrolling around in the dead of night
>Fast forward to lights out
>High five chad and wish him good luck on his shagging
>Chad makes his way over to the girl's side of camp to get down and carries her outside
>They rolled around in the grass having the secc till they see some flashlights
>I told my nigga not to think with his dick, but it was too late for that now
>He shouts "fuck, let's get out of here" to his girl and makes a break for it
>Fast forward to morning
>They both get sent home early
>Mfw my boi abandoned his girl in the middle of a field half-naked because he forgot her legs don't work



>Be me
>Be yesterday
>Find my USSR hat
>Laugh at the pain it brought me the other day
>Pick it up
>The girls phone numbers I lost fell out
>[email protected]
>Go to sleep like a level 10 million mob boss
>Wake up at 2:00 am with the most excruciating pain in my abdomen
>On a scale of 1 to 10 this was a 420
>Try to fall back asleep but it aint happening
>Wake my mom up and tell her to take me to the hospital
>Throw up on my way to the ER
>Get X-ray scans and an ultrasound so they can see whats wrong with me
>Although at first they thought my appendix exploded they could see that it was still intact
>In short they had no idea what was wrong with me and they sent me home at around noon
>Mfw this is what happens when you call upon the power of the hat



>Been in group for years
>Group is amazing
>someone makes shit thread
>bad feeling
>I dunno how to do this properly so sorry if it's shit.



>Be me
>Be in 6th grade
>Be at summer camp with my Boy Scout troop
>Me and my friend, let’s call him Chad, make up a rumor about a man-sized spider creature called “the Death Strider” that came out at night and ate people
>We started spreading stories about the death stalker to other troops at breakfast
>By lunch the entire camp was talking about the Death Strider and the rumor was no longer in our control
>Fast forward to breakfast the next day
>Some kids from the campsites in line of sight of the lake claim they saw a tall, pale white, spider looking creature off lurking around on the other side of the lake
>It was probably just the moonlight reflecting off the water, but people were convinced they saw a Death Strider
>Chad Started to get freaked out by the sightings, even though he basically invented the Death Strider himself
>For context, the only way on the other side of the lake is to walk over a fishing bridge. However, this bridge’s gate gets closed at night and the only other way to get there is to take the ATV trail that staff uses to get around.
>He and some kid from another troop, let’s call him Stacy, to hunt down and kill the death stalker
>Stacy claims to know the layout of the ATV trails and for some reason they see no problem with attempting to navigate them at night
>They leave just around midnight meet and start walking in the general direction of the tire marks
>Even though they had flashlights, Chad and Stacy managed to miss the turn for where they were trying to go
>Eventually they found themselves waist deep in a swamp and weren’t quite sure of how they got there or where exactly the trail was
>They continued onwards even thought they had no idea where the hell they where
>Sometime around 3:00 in the morning they stumble onto the edge of a highway
>They walk to the nearest exit and go into the only store that’s open and ask if he knows where [information redacted] scout camp is
>The fact that there lost in the middle of nowhere is cemented by the cashiers words “[information redacted], what’s that?”
>They wander along the edge of the highway for another exit, and by sheer luck, they see our camp’s logo
>They catch is that it’s 15 fucking miles away by road because it takes the long way around
>After about 4 more hours of walking, they finally march through the front gates at about 7:30ish
>Back at camp, everybody thinks that Chad and Stacy where killed by the Death Strider
>Pretty much the entire staff was looking for Chad and Stacy with no results
>Even the adults were starting to whisper to each other about the Death Strider
>With no one around to tell them not to, people starting forming Death Strider raid groups and zerging over the bridge to find our missing comrades
>Everything turns lawless in the frenzy that descends from the Death Strider hunters “Getting eaten”
>When Chad and Stacy are finally found, they get yelled out by their scoutmasters
>Stacy’s scoutmaster called his mom and had him sent home early, before he had the chance to give his story to any other scouts
>But chad got mega-ultra-super-insanely lucky, as in all the confusion they forgot to call his parents even once to tell them what was going on
>They just decide not to make this a bigger problem and don’t call his parents
>He gets to finish the week as normal
>Instead of being a normal person and keeping his mouth shut after spending a night lost in the woods, Chad wants to see how far he can take this myth
>This boi makes up a story off how it chased him and he fought it off in a hasty retreat and EVERYBODY eats this shit up
>He gets coordinates for a giant group of people to go looking for it at night
>This time they manage to find the route to the opposite side of the creek without getting lost
>I’m woken in the middle of the night by the bloody screams of 30 people crying out in terror
>Fast forward to morning
>Everybody in the group claims to have seen the Death Strider and they all had similarly terrifying description of it
>Even Chad looks shaken, and says that he doesn’t want to do this anymore “Dude, I don’t know if it’s the Death Strider, but that wasn’t no deer. And with 30 people all pointing their flashlights at one spot, you get a pretty good look at it. That thing wasn't human, that thing was a FUCKING MONSTER. I’m not playing games with you anymore fam, this isn't funny anymore. Ask anyone else who was there if you don’t believe me, cause I’m never looking for that gatekeeper of the underworld ever again. Bitch can mind his own business for all I care.”
>Even the adults think there's a Death Strider in the woods
>Fast forward 3 years
>People at camp are still talking about the Death Strider
>Mfw



>Be me
>Be in 3rd grade
>Be at the arcade grinding for hours on the galactica machine
>I had held the second place spot on that machine for almost 6 months
>I vowed to kick Toast’s high scores off the arcade
>I started playing as Acolyte, meaning the follower or the apprentice and I was determined to beat this absolute unit
>The problem was, his power was just on a whole different level then what I could ever hope to achieve
>His high scores where just so ludicrously high I nor any other human could ever come close to beating them
>But I kept refining my trade and played more and more at the arcade
>Eventually, I got good enough where my high scores where creeping up on Toast’s
>Fast forward a few days
>Some chubby kid asks me if I’m the Acolyte
>I tell him I am, and he pulls me aside to have a chat with me
>Turns out he’s Toast, but there’s more
>Toast is just the account given to anybody who might beat it, so it remains dominant forever
>This kid was given the toast account when he himself was about to beat it, and so was the person before him
>Then he gave me a choice, join the toast legacy or destroy it
>I chose to uphold toast
>Eventually I see another kid looking to dethrone Toast
>Give him the Toast account
>Mfw it is still on the leader boards to this day and nobody quite knows how



>Be me
>Be at my summer home (not really my summer home it's actually a friends, but we tag along every year for a few weeks)
>The watermelon there is the best watermelon you've ever tasted
>It's literally so good we would all murder people to get more if necessary
>Our parents are idly chattering about how they know the farmer that grew them and how he has an entire farm above pirates canyon
>Our parents trust us to use the sail boat when we want as long as we tell them ahead of time
>Wake them up at like 6:00am and get permission to use the boat
>After 15 minutes were on the other side of the bay where the canyon is
>We had never actually been there before, we only called it pirates ravine because in 5th grade we said a pirate probably lived there
>We parked slammed the boat into a sandbar and from there it was actually surprisingly easy to climb to the top
>Greeted by the sight of a giant field of watermelon
>We're about to start grabbing and bagging when we hear a deafening gunshot
>Hear something slam into the dirt right next to us and we sanic the fuck outta there
>We sail away in dead silence
>Mfw me and my m8 never discussed this again
>Mfw I'm not fit for the pirate's life



>Be me
>Be this weekend
>Tried out Apex Legends
>The Spitfire is broken beyond repair and they need to up the drop rate for energy ammo but otherwise it's a fun game
>Went to the movies to see Alita: Battle Angel
>10/10 It's actually really good go watch it in 3D
>Had a few friends over after church and played cards
>Argued with some plebs on Reddit about Sword Art Online
>Went for a run, everyday is leg day
>Came to school
>Be right now
>Mfw that's what I did this weekend
>You niggas expecting me to post a story here or something?
>Get bamboozled



>be me
>two weeks ago, bought a new car (Subaru BRZ)
>be yesterday
>just snowed and the ground is wet
>tires don't have as much tread as they should for driving in wetness
>stopped at Sheetz for lunch
>be en route to a parking lot with a fairly sizable hill to practice hills on
>take a turn a bit too fast
>back end of car kicks out
>OHSHIT.mp4
>countersteer midway
>mfw
>did a sick ass impromptu drift



>Be me
>Be on a camping trip with my church group a few weeks ago
>Told them the story of how my friend got caught screwing his disabled girlfriend in the grass
>Come up with the amazing plan to sneak out again, despite being the next campsite over from the building where the staff sleeps
>Fast forward to lights out
>We sneak out just after midnight without getting caught
>Highfives.html
>Nowwhat@[Not_Default]
>One of the kids had a Bic lighter and suggested we build a campfire
>This is somehow seen as a great idea at the time
>It was a pretty dry night, so we start gathering wood and kindling without much trouble
>We suddenly hear footsteps, and everyone freaks out and takes cover behind the trees
>We have this one tard in our church group will all avoid, turns out he saw us leave and followed us
>Spotted us hiding behind a tree and started spouting off his tard nonsense "YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE THIS LATE I'M TELLING ON YOU REEEEEEEEE"
>Realize that he's going to rat us out
>My friend, lets call his chad, had a stroke of genius and was like "Okay tard but before you tell on us you want to do something cool" and hands him the lighter
>Tard starts talking about safety and shit, but we all convince him to light up our almost complete campfire
>Finally the tard decides to light it on fire
>Fast forward 2 seconds
>Everything is on fire as there was nothing around the base of the flame unlike a normal campfire
>Spreading faster than aids at the YMCA
>Everybody except the tard hauls ass back to the tents, who just stands there screaming
>We all get back in our tents and crawl into our sleeping bags like we where there the whole night
>Tard tried to blame everything on us, but we where obviously asleep during the whole ordeal
>Mfw nobody believes him
>Mfw we didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning; we didn't start the fire, no we didn't light it but we tried to fight it