Aug 17th, 2013
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  1. >Day Braces in Equestria.
  2. >”We’ll be back by midnight. Make sure Twilight is put to bed at 8. Anon is grounded so keep him inside.”
  3. >”Sure thing, Ms. Sparkle.”
  4. >”Anon, you be good for Cadence, alright?”
  5. >You roll your eyes at her from the couch.
  6. >”What about me, Mom? You don’t need to ask me to be good,” Twilight says.
  7. >”Of course not, sweetie. You always behave. Bye.”
  8. >And with that they are gone.
  9. >And hell has just begun.
  10. >Of course, to the casual observer it would appear to be paradise.
  11. >You have everything you want - even the semi-awkward almost love from your foster parents.
  12. >They haven’t quite gotten to that point just yet.
  13. >Maybe that’s why you weren’t formally adopted.
  14. >Now you’re stuck in a sort of in-between position, but at least your prospects look good.
  15. >Everything is just fine… except for Cadence.
  16. >Just look at her.
  17. >She maintains eye contact with you.
  18. >Her half lidded eyes gazing into your very soul.
  19. >Begging – no… demanding your attention.
  20. >She opens her mouth for a smile.
  21. >And there they are.
  22. >Braces.
  23. >You hate braces.
  24. >Its unnatural to change God’s will.
  25. >That never stopped your family… your real family, from putting them on you.
  26. >No matter how often you brushed they always had a smell to them.
  27. >Rotting bits of meat clinging to your mouth.
  28. >Ponies very rarely eat meat, so they don’t have to worry about that quite as much.
  29. >However, that smell never goes away.
  30. >Sure you can fight it off for a time, but it’s always lingering.
  31. >This isn't weird you assure yourself.
  32. >Everyone has an aversion.
  33. >Hell, some peeople don't like hard boiled eggs.
  34. >”Cadence, look at the book I’m reading.”
  35. >”Oh, ‘An Introduction to Geometry.’ That sounds exciting,” Cadence says with her practiced mock enthusiasm.
  36. >It almost sounds genuine.
  37. >She’s just playing along.
  38. >Biding her time.
  39. >”It is!” Twilight announces.
  40. >”Why don’t you go to your room and read it then?”
  41. >”Okay.”
  42. >Twilight climbs the stairs to her room.
  43. >You don’t hear the door shut.
  44. >You might still be safe.
  45. >”Hi, Anon.”
  46. >This was inevitable.
  47. >Might as well get it over with.
  48. “Hello, Cadence.”
  49. >She is standing a few feet from you.
  50. >Probably deciding whether or not to sit next to you.
  51. >”Where’s your brother?”
  52. “Shining? He’s at his part time job.”
  53. >”I didn’t know he was working.”
  54. “He just started a week or two ago.”
  55. >”So you’re the stallion of the house right now,” she says not raising her tone on the last syllable.
  56. >Like she’s telling you, not asking.
  57. >You frown at her.
  58. “Cut the crap, Cadence. Just leave me alone, and everything is going to be just fine.”
  59. >Now that she knows both Twilight and Shining are out of the picture, she drops the chipper school girl act.
  60. >Her voice drops her just a bit.
  61. >She probably thinks it sounds sexier that way.
  62. >She reads too many teen magazines.
  63. >”What do you mean, Anon? I’m just making light conversation, but we can move to… heavier subjects if you like.”
  64. >It only takes a moment for her to wobble toward the couch to sit next to you.
  65. >Again, she makes the mistake of trying to act sexy.
  66. >If you eventually end up liking ponies that way, you would still not be attracted to such a lanky and uncoordinated mare as her.
  67. >She makes sure not to touch you.
  68. >She made that mistake before, and is careful not to repeat it.
  69. >Still, she’s dangerously close to you.
  70. “Cadence, I don’t like you.”
  71. >She tries to laugh to shrug off that comment, but you can tell that it’s fake.
  72. >”I’m just playing with you, Anon. Lighten up.”
  73. >You look her in her eyes.
  74. >It’s a standoff.
  75. >Finally, she relents and looks away.
  76. >Now the room is filled with awkward silence.
  77. >Time to change tactics.
  78. “What about Shining? He likes you.”
  79. >She sighs.
  80. >It’s real this time.
  81. >”Shining is…” she looks for the words, “not for me. He’s kind of weird.”
  82. >She’s one to talk.
  83. >You keep yourself from chuckling.
  84. “Maybe if you got to know him better, you would find something in common with him.”
  85. >”Maybe…” she offers. “And maybe if you got to know me better we could at least be friends.”
  86. >She doesn’t look at you.
  87. >The awkward silence returns.
  88. “Just friends?”
  89. >”Don’t make me promise that, Anon,” she says, blushing slightly.
  90. >You think for a moment.
  91. >You’ve probably been too hard on her.
  92. >She’s just infatuated with you because you are so different.
  93. >Give her a chance.
  94. >Against your better judgment you smile and nod at her.
  95. >”Cool.”
  96. >
  97. >A few hours pass and you get to know her story.
  98. >Where she grew up, why she has that slight scar on her back right leg.
  99. >She listens intently as you describe your previous life, and even makes you both a snack.
  100. >Her sandwich making skills need some work, but you overlook this flaw.
  101. >You decide that she’s not that bad.
  102. >Somehow while you weren’t paying attention she managed to shift so that her shoulder is touching yours.
  103. >Her soft body is pleasantly warm against your skin.
  104. >She doesn’t lay a hoof on you, as if to make sure that this could all be explained away as a simple misunderstanding.
  105. >She can stay there for a bit if she wants.
  106. >Silence returns, but its not awkward this time.
  107. >What else is left to say?
  108. >You both know so much about each other now.
  109. >She shifts again to face you.
  110. >”I know that you only tolerate me… but I have to say it. I like you.”
  111. >You put an arm around her.
  112. >Maybe you like her too.
  113. >Why does this have to be so confusing?
  114. >She pulls herself toward you.
  115. >Unlike before this is obviously intentional.
  116. >She looks at you with her big pink eyes.
  117. >Why do you have to be such a softy?
  118. >She moves toward you slowly.
  119. >Her lips part.
  120. >In this moment everyth-
  121. >FUCK
  122. >Her lips lock against yours.
  123. >You can taste rotting bits of leafy greens.
  124. >You push her off of you.
  125. “When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”
  126. >”This morning. Is it really that bad?”
  127. “Yes it is.”
  128. >She looks at you like a deer in headlights.
  129. >You hear the door open and she scrambles off of you.
  130. >”Hello Mrs. Sparkle,” she says, returning to her chipper self.
  131. >You ignore them and walk up to your room.
  132. >You should ask out that girl that’s obsessed with oral hygiene.
  133. >At least she won’t taste bad.
  134. [spoiler]>You hope.[/spoiler]
  135. fin
  137. >Day Braces in Equestria, cont.
  138. >First period is going to start in a few minutes.
  139. >You spent the last 15 minutes building up the courage to ask out Colgate.
  140. >There she is.
  141. >This is your chance.
  142. >You clear your throat before proceeding.
  143. >You strut over to show the other ponies how cool you are.
  144. “Hi, Colgate, how are you?”
  145. >She pokes her head out of her locker and gives what can only be described as a “oh… its you” look.
  146. >”I’m fine.”
  147. >Usually they ask you, ‘How you are doing?’ as well.
  148. >That’s how these things go.
  149. >Whatever. Just roll with it.
  150. ”I’m good too.”
  151. >”What do you want, Anon?”
  152. >Shit.
  153. “Who said I wanted anything?”
  154. >She presses her lips together – clearly unconvinced.
  155. >You’ll have to work on your acting later.
  156. “Alright, fine. I need a favor.”
  157. >”What kind of favor?”
  158. “Not much. You would hardly have to do anything.”
  159. >She raises an eyebrow.
  160. “I just need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”
  161. >She laughs.
  162. >”You’re joking right?”
  163. >You frown at her.
  164. >"Oh, you're serious."
  165. “Com’n, Colgate. You owe me.”
  166. >”For what?”
  167. “I let you borrow a pen once, and you never gave it back.”
  168. >She magics over a new pen.
  169. >”Here.”
  170. >This isn’t going as well as you hoped.
  171. >Still it's a nice blue gel pen so you put it in your pocket.
  172. ”Listen, I’m your friend right? Friends help each other out.”
  173. >”I barely know you. I’m not going to pretend to be your girlfriend.”
  174. ”But we have so much in common. We both like oral hygiene.”
  175. 1/9
  176. >”Then you should brush more often. I can smell your breath from here.”
  177. >That's not very nice to say.
  178. >She sighs.
  179. >”Why do you need a girlfriend?”
  180. “It’s Cadence. She likes me and tried to make a move last night.”
  181. >”Yeah? You should be glad that anypony likes you.”
  182. ”I’m not that bad.”
  183. >She just smirks at this.
  184. ”She’s weird.”
  185. >”Anon, I don't appreciate you talking about my friend like that. You're the one that's weird.”
  186. >You forgot that they hang out together.
  187. >Unfortunatly you need a pretend girlfriend before lunch.
  188. >Hopefully she won't tell Cadence your plan.
  189. “I'm not weird. I’m more along the lines of quirky.”
  190. >”They are the same thing. You should just give up and be with her.”
  191. >The bell rings.
  192. >”Ugh. You’ve made us late to class. Thanks a lot.”
  193. >
  194. >Colgate is sitting in the second row of chairs.
  195. >You’re in the back row.
  196. >Though seats aren’t assigned, ponies can get very territorial.
  197. >The seat you got on the first day is usually the one you keep.
  198. >You write a note to Colgate.
  199. >It reads: [spoiler][/spoiler] “Will you go out with me? Yes/No.”
  200. >You put the note on Bon Bon’s desk and motion toward Colgate.
  201. >She passes it up the column to Big Mac.
  202. >He looks at the note and opens it up.
  203. >You try to wave at him to pass it on but he doesn't see you.
  204. >He opens the note and looks over at you confused.
  205. >You hide your face.
  206. >He scribbles something before passing the note back to Bon Bon, who promptly puts it on your desk.
  207. >No is circled three times.
  208. >God damn it.
  209. >You make a new note, and write Colgate’s name on it.
  210. >While the teacher isn’t -
  211. “Anon, are you passing notes?”
  212. >”OOooooo,” the class says in unison.
  213. ”No, ma’am.”
  214. >She trots over and grabs the note.
  215. >”Colgate, will you go out with me? Circle yes or no.”
  216. >You look over and Colgate has turned a bright shade of purple.
  217. >You shrink into your chair the rest of class.
  218. >
  219. >Back at the lockers.
  220. 2/9
  221. >”Why’d you have to do that? Now everypony is asking me if I’m going to date you.”
  222. “So, are you?”
  223. >”NO!”
  224. “Jeez, you’re acting like it’s a big deal or something.”
  225. >”I have standards, Anon. I’m not just going to date a… uh – what are you anyway?”
  226. ”I’m a monkey.”
  227. >”I’m not going to date a monkey. Besides, Cadence is my friend and I would never betray her.”
  228. “Com’n. I’ll do anything. Please. I just need to get Cadence off my back.”
  229. >”If I agree to date you will you leave me alone?”
  230. ”I don’t see how that would work out very well.”
  231. >”What?”
  232. “If I leave you alone, then no one will think we’re dating.”
  233. >Colgate raises a hoof to her chest and takes a deep breath.
  234. >Her hoof extends outwards as she exhales.
  235. “Feel better?”
  236. >”Not really.”
  237. “Great! So here’s the plan…”
  238. >
  239. >It’s lunchtime.
  240. >You know Colgate and Cadence both attend second period together.
  241. >Hopefully they didn't talk.
  242. >”Hi, Anon,” Cadence yells from across the lunchroom.
  243. >She’s sitting at a table with an open chair.
  244. >This will be perfect.
  245. >You will be able to completely crush her spirit.
  246. >Slowly you make your way over.
  247. >Each sway is calculated to give you the maximum amount of cool points.
  248. >Ponies all around you watch what you know is a glorious display of confidence.
  249. ”Hello, Cadence,” you say – emphasizing your distain for her.
  250. >You almost feel sorry for the emotional scarring you are about to unleash.
  251. >”How was class?”
  252. >You ignore her question.
  253. ”Cadence, as much as I enjoy these encounters… I have a girlfriend now.”
  254. >”That’s great, Anon!”
  255. >That chipper school girl act annoys you to no end.
  256. >”Who is she?”
  257. >She smirks while saying this.
  258. >She’s one cool customer.
  259. >You have to give her that.
  260. ”Instead of telling you, why don’t I show you? She’ll be coming through that door right ……….. NOW!”
  261. >The door stays closed.
  262. 3/9
  263. ”Any moment now.”
  264. >Still the door remains unmoved.
  265. >Cadence is unimpressed.
  266. >Fucking Colgate never listens to you.
  267. >She was supposed to crash through the door in a fit of lust.
  268. >”You know I wouldn’t just leave you hanging like that,” her voice drops slightly, “Anon.”
  269. >You just frown and open up your lunch box.
  270. >It’s salad and imitation crab again.
  271. >”So who is this girlfriend of yours anyway?”
  272. “Colgate.”
  273. >Cadence giggles at this.
  274. >"Colgate is one of my good friends. What makes you like her?”
  275. “She’s smart, fun, and she makes me laugh. Also, she isn’t obsessed about me.”
  276. >”I’m all those things, plus the last one. Don’t you want somep0ny who truly loves you?”
  277. “No, you’re just infatuated with me.”
  278. >”That's not true. I have very specific reasons for liking you. Anyway, I’m having a party at my place tonight. You can bring your 'girlfriend.'”
  279. >This will be perfect.
  280. >She will be in front of all of her friends when you publicly reject her.
  281. >No.
  282. >You should trick her into falling in love with your brother instead.
  283. >Shining Armor is technically not your brother, but you refer to your foster family members as such for convenience.
  284. >You hope they will adopt you formally.
  285. >If they fall in love then maybe Cadence will leave you alone.
  286. ”I’ll be there.”
  287. >”Awesome.”
  288. >Cadence gets up and throws away her trash.
  289. >The door bursts open.
  290. >”Anon, I can’t be without you! I must have you right now!”
  291. >Colgate flies through the air and into your arms.
  292. >She oversold the performance a bit, but it’s a good start.
  293. >Too bad her timing is off.
  294. >You move your arms and she falls to the ground.
  295. >”What, was that no good?”
  296. ”It was fine, just really late. Cadence already left.”
  297. >”Darn.”
  298. >She gets up and puts her lunch box on the table.
  299. ”Want to go to a party with me?”
  300. >
  301. >Back at your foster home.
  302. >”It’ll be fun.”
  303. >”You know I don’t like parties,” Shining Armor complains.
  304. ”Cadence will be there.”
  305. 4/9
  306. >”So? She likes you, not me.”
  307. ”We can change that. All we have to do is work together.”
  308. >”Okay. What should I do?”
  309. “First of all, don’t talk about that space show y-
  310. >”Space Journey: Deep Equestria Eight,” he corrects you.
  311. “Yeah. No one likes it. It’s a dumb show.”
  312. >”It’s not dumb. It explores different civilization’s interactions in a very important part of space.”
  313. ”Be that as it may, its nerdy. It’s a show, not a lifestyle.”
  314. >”I’ll just stay here then.”
  315. >He grabs his matching Space Journey plate and utensils and serves himself dinner.
  316. ”Shining, please. I need your help on this one.”
  317. >He shakes his head.
  318. >”Who’s going to watch Twilight?”
  319. “She can stay home alone. What’s the worst that could happen?”
  320. >
  321. >An hour later, at Cadence's house.
  322. >”Hey, Anon! I’m so glad that you could make it.”
  323. >Cadence tries to hug you but you take a step back.
  324. >She quickly catches herself and turns to Shining Armor.
  325. >”Oh, and your brother is here too.”
  326. >”Hi,” is all Shining squeaks out.
  327. >She doesn’t offer him a hug.
  328. >Cadence moves to the side and reveals a surprisingly busy party.
  329. >There are even a few cool ponies from school.
  330. >Thunderlane, the captain of the soccer team, lounges on the couch.
  331. >Big Mac is beside him drinking punch.
  332. >Cheerilee is spazing out on the dance floor.
  333. >There are also bunch of other ponies that you don’t know.
  334. >”We’ve got punch, chips, and games. Help yourselves.”
  335. >Thunderlane waves over Cadence and she excuses herself.
  336. >You turn to your brother to give him a pep talk.
  337. ”Hi? That’s all you can say? You won’t win her over like that.”
  338. >”I’m just rusty is all.”
  339. ”Let’s go get some liquid courage in you.”
  340. >You two walk over to the punch bowl.
  341. >As expected, it’s spiked with some hard alcohol.
  342. >Colgate and Berry Punch are talking in the kitchen.
  343. >Berry giggles as you walk in.
  344. 5/9
  345. ”Something going on in here?”
  346. >”No, I just told a joke.”
  347. >Berry covers her face and tries not to laugh.
  348. ”Shining and I would like to hear it.”
  349. >”It’s one of those, ‘you had to be there’ jokes."
  350. >”Yeah, you wouldn’t get it," Berry adds.
  351. >What are they hiding?
  352. ”You two met Shining right?”
  353. >”I haven’t,” Berry says as she offers a hoof.
  354. “Alright, You two get to know eachother. I’ll be right back. Com’n Colgate.”
  355. >”But, I’m having fun right here.”
  356. ”We need to talk Colgate.”
  357. >”Oooo… lover’s quarrel…” Berry giggles.
  358. >Colgate turns purple.
  359. >”Fine.”
  360. >She grabs her drink and follows you to an unused room.
  361. >”You need to lighten up, Anon, or this relationship isn’t going to work.”
  362. “We aren’t in a relationship.”
  363. >”Not with that attitude. I’m a method actor, Anon,” she says as she waves a hoof for emphasis. “Reality and pretend mesh together into one singular being.”
  364. >Out of all the mares in school you had to pick this one.
  365. ”Alright fine. We’re dating. Anyway we have to give Shining Armor and Cadence a chance to be alone together.”
  366. >Colgate thinks for a moment.
  367. >”We’re going to play seven minutes in heaven in an hour or so.”
  368. ”Really?”
  369. >”Yeah, didn’t you even look at the agenda posted on the refrigerator?”
  370. >Who plans out a party like that?
  371. ”That’s perfect! All we have to do is rig it.”
  372. >”Rig seven minutes in heaven?”
  373. ”Yes.”
  374. >”What is she wants to play spin the bottle instead?”
  375. ”That’s even better. Just use your magic to make it land on Shining and Cadence.”
  376. >”I don’t know. It sounds unethical.”
  377. ”It’s a game. Who cares?”
  378. 6/9
  379. >
  380. >An hour passes.
  381. >Cadence left you alone most of the night.
  382. >Shining never got the courage to speak with her.
  383. >Instead he spent his time chatting with Colgate about Space Journey.
  384. >At least he had someone to talk to.
  385. >”Alright, it’s time to play seven minutes in heaven!” Cadence announces.
  386. >Finally.
  387. >Ponies around you cheer.
  388. >”Everypony write your name and put it in a hat.”
  389. >Ponies take their turns putting names in either a male or female hat.
  390. >”I’ll read the names out,” Colgate offers.
  391. >This girl is a genius.
  392. >You’re going to have to get her something expensive to make up for this.
  393. >”Alright, first pony is… Cadence!”
  394. >Cadence fans her face with a hoof in mock embarrassment.
  395. >”Second name is…”
  396. >This is it.
  397. >”Anon!”
  398. >Fucking fuck.
  399. ”What the hell, Colgate?”
  400. >”I told you twice that Cadence and I are friends. Maybe if you listened you wouldn't be in this mess. So sorry.”
  401. >The ponies around you laugh.
  402. >She pretends to wipe her eyes in a crying motion.
  403. >Fucking bitch.
  404. >”That’s alright, Anon. It's our destiny to be together.”
  405. >Cadence grabs your hand and leads you to the closet.
  406. >The music is turned up to give you some privacy.
  407. >Through the door you can hear the bass booming.
  408. >A single dim bulb lights the closet.
  409. >”You’ve got me all alone, Anon. I hope you don’t take advantage of me…”
  410. >Cadence shifts and shows herself.
  411. >She’s already wet.
  412. ”Fucking gross.”
  413. >”Nopony will know what happens in here. We can keep it our little secret.”
  414. >She moves forward and puts her weight on you.
  415. >You try to push her away but she’s surprisingly strong.
  416. >She uses her magic to open your zipper.
  417. >A hoof makes it’s way under your underwear and grazes your manhood.
  418. >Though it feels good, you can never be with her.
  419. ”Stop it.”
  420. 7/9
  421. >She ignores you.
  422. >You put a foot between you and shove her off.
  423. >She quickly jumps back on you.
  424. “Stop! I don’t like you.”
  425. >Your words pierce her and she backs off.
  426. >”What’s so wrong with me, Anon? Nothing I do makes you happy.”
  427. ”You’re weird. No one just falls in love,” you snap a finger, “like that.”
  428. >”Anon, you know how I feel. Last night –“
  429. “There’s nothing to talk about. What happened before was an accident.”
  430. >”We talked for hours. That doesn’t sound like an accident to me.”
  431. ”That was fine. The kissing was the problem.”
  432. >She looks down at the floor.
  433. >”You could have stopped me at any time.”
  434. >She is right.
  435. >You knew she was going to kiss you and you didn’t stop her.
  436. >It’s not your fault that you have a thing about braces.
  437. >Neither of you had a choice when they were put on.
  438. >”I just finished brushing… I made sure to get every last spot.”
  439. >She opens up for you to see.
  440. >Sure enough her teeth look very clean.
  441. >”Look, we’ve only got a few minutes left, and we’re going to need a story to tell.”
  442. >You wave a hand at her to show that any story will be fine.
  443. >”How about we say that kissed a few times, and just leave it at that?”
  444. >When she’s not putting up a chipper act, or trying desperately to be sexy she looks like a decent girl.
  445. >She puts a hoof on your hand.
  446. >Her eyes glisten in the dim light.
  447. >It reminds you of last night.
  448. >She didn't pretend to be something she isnt.
  449. >In this small closet she again showed you that she can be an alright mare.
  450. >Not to mention she's the only mare that ever liked you.
  451. >Against your better judgement, you decide to kiss her.
  452. ”I’ll do you one better.”
  453. >You move forward and she meets up halfway.
  454. >Her breath is clean and minty.
  455. 8/9
  456. >It's much better than last night.
  457. >You lips meet.
  458. >It’s just a peck.
  459. >She stays close and her eyes beg for just one more.
  460. >Who are you to deny her?
  461. >Your arm moves by itself, and pulls Cadence toward you.
  462. >Her lips lock against yours, and you let it happen.
  463. >You pull-
  464. >”No! STOP!”
  465. >Your wires are stuck to each other.
  466. ”FUCK!”
  467. >The door flies open and every pony see you two stuck in an embrace.
  468. >”Time’s up,” Colgate says.
  469. >Her timing is the worst.
  470. >You can't help but feel embarresed.
  471. >Just get through this.
  472. ”Yeah, I don’t think we’re going to leave. We’re stuck.”
  473. >The room explodes in laughter and they close the door again.
  474. ”No! Get help!”
  475. >You bang on the door, but it remains closed.
  476. >”They wouldn’t just leave us here, would they?
  477. >Through the door you hear Colgate.
  478. >”Alright, so now we’re going to use the spare bedroom!”
  479. >Shit.
  480. ”I think they already did leave us.”
  481. >You knew this was a bad idea.
  482. >Cadence tries to get up, but you pull her back down.
  483. >You don’t want to lose any teeth.
  484. ”Alright, just use your magic to –“
  485. >”Like this?”
  486. >You feel your teeth being ripped out.
  487. ”STOP!”
  488. >The magic fades.
  489. ”Don’t you have scissors hanging around?”
  490. >”This is a coat closet.”
  491. >You bang against the door again.
  492. ”Shining! Open the door!”
  493. >”He’s busy.”
  494. >Who is that? Berry Punch?
  495. ”Berry, get some scissors!”
  496. >
  497. >It’s a short walk back home.
  498. >Shining has a wide grin on his face.
  499. >He spent seven minutes with Colgate.
  500. >Apparently she also likes Space Journey.
  501. >At least someone understands him.
  502. >When you arrive you firefighters spraying down the house.
  503. >Little Twilight is sitting down with a blanket over her.
  504. >Ms. Sparkle see’s you walking back.
  505. >”ANON! SHINING! How many times have I told you two not to leave Twilight home alone?”
  506. >You’re in for it now.
  507. >Fucking Twilight.
  508. fin
  509. 9/9
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