psychiatry

"Get over it", sounds like a double whammy.

Blaming one's descendants for one's suffering, even misery does not sound narcicistic, sounds psychopathic to me, without diagnosing.

A descendant claiming it really didn't changed me sounds savant to me. That's what Hemingway said of his torture and ECT outcomes.

Trying to put into descendants the idea that it did, not only lacks causality and explanatory power, it sounds diabling to them. Surely one is more than the sum of one's troubles. One can be in a way that trescends them even... not saying it is always the case though...

Ingraining the idea that one's parents irrevocably damaged someone, even if it is to expunge it, requires reasons to bring it up in the first place!.

It is not only the parents idea, it's the therapists one's too. Per the review that's something "achieved" by therapy...

Putting in it there when it didn't came to therapy and then removing it, it is not that way really!?, "you are not broken"?!, because it needed to be "wroked with it", because one would not feel better otherwise, is just so God giveth and God taketh away, among others... an empty looking piece of work...

And parents not taking responsability for harming their descendants does not start addressing the fact that one's parents put themselves irresponsably in that situation without any prodding from their descendants.

Responsability goes all that way up!. They won't take responsability, probably, for having descendendants in the first place...

There is also the opinion and preference that repairing one's relationship with a "narcicist" or "psychopath" is not doable, it can only add to one's harm. One can perhaps use time and effort in a different endeavour more succesfully, or more satisfyingly.

Apology without explanation, except in the most simple, formulaic situations, is no apology at all. No parent will be able to EXPLAIN themselves. That would mean looking at one ugly picture in the mirror without anyone else to blame for MY actions. No one else...

And I do get this article is intended for "parents" who can, or think can do better. But I don't think it will help the majority of descendants. Granted, no one should suffer for things one cannot change.

And the OTHER parents, I think, are way TOO aware of that. Among others, that's why they blame their children and don't go to therapy except to "whine" about their descendants, if only transiently, as per my guesses of this review and the linked article...

Taking responsability does not mean owning anything. Responsability implies to each it's own...

"no relationship" is perfect, it is also not linear, not spheric, and not cubic.

Focusing on one's problems, imperfections, yuuuck!, will not make me grow flippers nor wings. But it might give me incentives to imagine I did with a therapists contribution for a fee...

Humans are not perfect. Parents are human, Kids can be messy, there is no perfect childhood, everyone faces challenges, people respond in imperfect ways, the context involves anything ex-you, we all bring strengths and weaknesses, intentions matter, love means trying again, one thing is not the only thing affecting you, we have other relationships, etc., is circularity or several fallacies of relevance at least.

The writer was on a Roll!, in the original.

One cannot use those vacuous statements to build any cause, reason nor argument!, that's ALL fallacious to begin with. And one has to pay money, time, suffering, etc., to perhaps come out conviced it was worth paying. When a priori there is no reason it should work: those are appeals to emotion fallacies...

Which in itself might turn to be a sunk costs fallacy, to say the least.