Charybdis editing

>"Driven almost mad by arousal, you fall to your knees and claw at your shaking, lust filled body beneath your " + player.armorName + ".");
Something I've been pretty unsure about in my own writing is how much you need to cater to nudists. What does that return if the player isn't wearing anything?
>The Cecaelia's assault is too much for you and you collapse
comma after the first "you"
>Lolloping forward, she plucks your " + player.weaponName + " out from your numbed grasp and"
Once again, degenerates (i.e., unarmed players) need a second description all their own.
>but your struggles are useless.
Mild repetition of "struggle"
>but some small animal part of you responds to her ministrations, anyway
Don't think this comma is meant to be here
>her'kindness.'
missing space
>Appearance.DEFAULT_EARS_NAMES[ears.type]
What an eyesore. I find it surprising that ears weren't referred to enough in vanilla to prevent this.
>with her soft lips
I agree with that anon earlier that "nibble" is a bit weird here. In addition to the fact that she's using her lips, the "hollow behind your ear" isn't something she can get in her mouth (the skin is, but you'd need to specify that). Maybe "tease" would work (but that obviously interferes with the second half of the sentence)? It's not a great solution, but I don't know if the English language is [].
>revenge for favors
This confused me a bit.
>Agree to help the Cecaelia?
I might include a tooltip for refusing that hints that it's a bad end (and one for the agreeing to match).
>You agree to help the Cecaelia and her insane smile softens.
comma after "Cecaelia." Also, I probably should've checked before, but I'm seeing that most races aren't capitalized ("Alice" being an understandable exception). Even if you feel like keeping this as is, there was at least one "Valkyrie" last scene that needs fixing.
>the Cecaelia's head-sized tit
Are they only head-big? I was under the impression they were bath-slut sized. Also, I was checking through the last scene and found a "Ceecaelia."
>and  " + player.armorName + "
Nudism
>"You pick up your discarded  " + player.weaponName + "
Pugilism
>just as you turn to face her
Repetition of "turn to face"
>\"<i>Betrayal,</i>\" (etc.)
Just a reminder to make the earlier changes to this part here too.
>Confused as you may be, at the moment,
It seems more natural to me that "at the moment" would be part of the first phrase rather than the main clause, but that comma makes it the latter.
>smooths
smoothes (is what I thought was right, but apparently there's a huge argument about it, like always).
>rote, insane smile
"Rote" was bothering me a little bit, and looking into it, I think it's because it's usually used to modify processes rather than things. In any case, I don't know if the PC would know it's habitual given that they have only known her for like two minutes (and I'm not sure you've dwelt on her smile in that time).
>stripping your " + player.armorName + " from your body
Same deal
>with eminent death
Imminent?
>then pricks you on the cheek, in the blink of an eye
I'd recommend against that comma.
>her magical barrier shatters and,
comma after "shatters"
>with her four remaining free tentacles
I'd probably take out either "remaining" or "free" as they seem a bit redundant.
>larger and large
r
>more and more
It's worth considering that you already used this construction in this sentence, but I don't think it's a HUGE deal if you want to keep it.
>her fecundity
Assuming this is a euphemism for her vagoo, I think it might be a touch too much (but I'm not personally into the scene, so maybe it works better if you're feelin' it).
>doNext(charybdisDefeatBadEnd2)
You start out the last paragraph with "The last thing you remember before losing consciousness[...]," but you're adding onto this scene even more. You might want to add a note about the PC being startled awake or something in the next paragraph.
>be used as a cock-toy and cum stud, fertilizing the hyperpregnant Cecaelia, over and over,
I'd recommend removing one of the comma setting off "over and over," as it feels a bit weird all alone.
>right beside
Think there should be a "her" after this.
>With that thought in your mind, you lose consciousness.
Ah, well that settles the question from earlier. I might change the initial wording, as "the last thing you remember" kind of implies it'd be one image, but this goes on for a bit.
>and over the rest of the course of your life
"the course of the rest of your life"?
>the monster says. Tears flowing down her face.
I think both of these periods should be commas, but definitely the first one.
>outputText("each of y");
Out of curiosity, was there any reason for splitting up this "your" like this? Is it just to leave a placeholder in case you're doing an alternative later?
>shoving her face
shove
>Despite this, the feeling of riding a woman's face while literally riding on her insanely exploded belly is novel enough to send you careening into a solid orgasm.
Seems pretty quick.
>Once satisfied, you turn to the business at hand.
Doesn't seem like male PCs had their fun just yet. Were both those parts just placeholders?
>Psyche slashes at the Cecaelia
Doesn't she use a spear? Not that you can't slash with certain kinds, but seems like stabbing would be a bit more appropriate.
>[champion.name]
Is there a difference between this and [player.name]?
>betrayal,[player.name].
space (and the other stuff for this scene)

And then the same changes for the rape/spare scene.