Thread 109: Stories 46-60

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NON-CANON
>Chrysalis
"Zecora"
~~~~~~

>...

"...."

>...I'm watching youuuuu.

"Same."

>Which is especially odd as I don't think we've ever had an extended conversation.

"We've met though, this is true. And it did not leave me blue."

>Huh.

"...'

>...There's something racist about making us be rivals.

"RIGHT!?

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NC
"Rainbow Dash"

"ACTION! RISKS! DARING AND HOT SWEET REWARD!"

"I HAD IT ALL! I HAD IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!"

>...And Ah'm just here makin'..."Apple Pure-ayy"?

"I EVEN GOT A COOL ROBOT WING TOO!!! AND SCARS!!!! GO BACK TWI! GO BACK TO THAT ONE! THAT WAS THE COOLEST OF THEM ALL!"

>Man this just sucks.... and why the hay did Chrysalis decide to disguise as me?- Well.... Ah' guess that's somethin' important...

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NC
>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>...

"Hey! At least the dead desert wasteland wasn't me!"

>...

"Probably!"

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NON-CANON
>Chrysalis
"Celestia'
~~~

>So, wait, with one exception wherein everything turned out perfect-

"Really."

>-Shut up. With the exception of one time when everything turned out just spectacular, Equestria LITERALLY hinges on six poinies. That's it. There's no other heroes to be made, nobody else waiting and ready to rise up to the challenge and take their place, if these six ponies don't see a rainbow the universe is fucked with one exception.

"Yep."

>Isn't that a little... sad? Like, there's literally nobody else in the whole world who could help here, nobody else who could prevent it or stand up and save the day, just them. It's just them, for the whole wide world.

"Now do you see why I make her do everything? Everyone's like "Oh, you're so useless, you just make Twilight do everything". Well... VINDICATION MOTHERFUCKER! It's not me, it's DESTINY."

>...This kinda sucks.

"Little bit yeah."

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NON-CANON
>Twilight
"AJ"
~~~~

>So, wait, since you became a princess, you accidentally caused Fluttershy to become more self conscious about being useless.

"Right."

>And this ended up with Discord transforming her to be an alicorn, with horrible consequences.

"Right."

>Which made Discord feel more guilty and spend more time with her.

"Correct."

>Which meant that when Tirek arrived, Discord wasn't swayed.

"And could'a been countered if he flipped sides, and he knew this even if we didn't, yeah."

>So we never got the Rainbow Power or the rainbow map.

"And thus didn't go down ta' the village and stop Glimmer."

>So she didn't swear revenge.

"So she didn't go back in time."

>So... in this timeline, we... prevented the apocalypse timeline from being created?

"Yep."

>...HUH.

"Butterfly effect is crazy as shit."

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>AB
"SB"
'SL'
[???]
{???}
~???~
~~~~~~

>THIS ESCALATED SO FAST!

Her point was punctuated by another shell going off somewhere close, sending dirt and shrapnel everywhere as it erupted like a volcano formed from the ground. All around her, the thundering of a thousand hooves charging nearly drowned out her screams. Caribou, Yaks, Zebra, even Buffalo and a few Elks were joined together in a rare sight as they moved forwards as one. It was only a roar laced with desperation, fear, and quite a lot of anger that could answer her.

"WELL MAYBE IT WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU HADN'T REACTIVATED THE FREAKING GOLEM ARMY!"

The three fillies were nearly consumed as bodies raced past them, charging towards a living wall that moved towards them in steady pace.

'I didn't know! How was I supposed to know! You're the one who does the dumb things, so I thought if I did it then it wouldn't be a dumb thing!'

>YOU WERE WRONG, SCOOTALOO! YOU WERE WRONG!

The marching steps of a dozen faux ponies of stone either agreed with her or heavily disagreed. Thanks to their stony face and their never ending march, it was hard to tell.

[COME ON LASSIES! DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!]

The crazed pony from before was right there in the thick of it, charging forwards without a care in the world.

"YES! WE DO!"

[Oh... Hey! Harry, which way is out!]

A Yak came to a near frozen dead stop, seemingly oblivious to the charges and roars of battle all around.

{...Well, I guess the fastest way would be to go down the up-pike, but if you're looking for safety you need to go upstream to the trenches until you reach the cornerstone, then double back along the backline. But if you really want to be risky, you could skim the edge of the battery rams and then hop along in the confusion. Or just go straight up until you hit the air and then go rightways the long way. You get all that?}

>"'...WHAT!?''"

{Great! CHAAAAAAARRRGGGGEE!}

[WOOOOOO!]

With that, they continued their run, right into the battle.

>Did ya' get any of that?

"No."

'Nope.'

>...We're gonna die in here, aren't we?

"Probably."

'Yep.'

>...Whelp.

~ARROOOOOOOO!~

The sound of metal on stone cut through the air, just before a head of a pony golem landed mere inches from the trio. Atop the now headless thing stood none other than a ponies most faithful companion.

>WINONA! THERE YOU ARE!... Last time Ah' tell you ta' check what's up ahead, Ah' swear.

~Applebloom! Have no fear! Though the rocks that live are many, and they are formidable, I swore to forever protect my Apples, and you are my most precious! Yes, the night looks dark upon this day, I know it is. But I have learned in these times of what is important, and how to protect those that I love! And you, I do so dearly. If it must be with my last breath, if it must be over the stony remains of a thousand enemies, if I must face the entire army alone! I WILL PROTECT YOU! TO BATTLE, I WILL GO MY MASTER! STAY BEHIND, AND I WILL PROTECT YOU!!~

Or, as they heard it.

~ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARRRRRFFFFF!~

>...

'...'

"I think your dog wants us to fight the golems."

>...Meh, sure, Ah've heard worse ideas today.

~Wait! No! That's not what I meant!~

>CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!

"...OH! Hey! That fits! History win!"

'LETS DO THIIIIISSS!'

~This is the opposite of what I said to do!~

>"'CHAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGEEEE!"'

Amidst her indecipherable panicked yips, the trio picked up their swords and spears, and into the fray they went.

~I'm telling the big apple on you!~

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NC

>AJ
"Chrysalis"

>So why me?

"I dunno"

>Really, lil' miss "JUST AS PLANNED" doesn't know?

"Well, perhaps it was because no one would expect it."

>Expect what? Me?

"Yeah, no-one expects the boring one to ultimately turn out to be super evil, developed and fleshed out yet flawed and likeable villain"

>...That's.... That's one of the most depressing things Ah've heard anyone say about me....

"HAH"

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NC
>Sunset Glimmer
~~~~~~~

>Wow, I sure am happy absolutely nobody has come around to bother me for this! Yep! Nothing bad whatsoever has happened in my village, and I'm just plain happy! Yepyepyep!... Huh. This feels weird for some reason.

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 >32
"88"
~~~~

>ALRIGHTY THEN! I NEED TO BE LET IN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND!

"How do I know you're you?"

>...beg fucking pardon?

"How do I know you're not a pony pretending to be 32 to get in here?"

>I... how the fuck!?

"Illusion magic is a thing."

>That doesn't mean... look, what pony would pretend to be a changeling?

"Lots, changelings are awesome."

>But illusions don't give you the powers! You don't get any of the awesome with it!

"Ehhhh, point. But still, you might just want in."

>WHY?!

"Same reason the guys around front want in?"

>Why do you think I went around the back!?

"So you could fool me and I'd let you in."

>I'M NOT A FUCKING PONY LET ME IN!

"No."

>WHY!?

"Because you swore at me."

>...

"...Also, I can't find the lock on this thing."

>GAHHHHHHHH!

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 >42
"18"
~~~~

"You don't have to recheck all of my offices 'entry points'. Really doubt someone is going to divebomb me."

>Humor me.

"I find what you are doing very funny, but that's the best I can give you."

>I'll take it.

"..."

>...I'm sorry your date got interrupted again.

"I'm starting to see the divine signs."

>I hope that doesn't imply you are losing hope.

"How can I not at this rate? Starting to think the universe is just like... no."

>...Eighteen?

"..."

>You deserve to be happy, and you deserve this, Shining and Cadence deserve to be happy and deserve it, and if I have to find fate itself and fight it long enough for you to have one successful date, I will do that.

"...W-wow."

>I mean it.

"Yeah, I know you do."

>...

"...Thanks."

>Anytime.

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>Spike
"???"
~Canterlot citizens~
~~~~~

>Can we talk about this? Please?

~FINE!~

>...Oh, wow, really? Um... well, shoot. I'm not great with diplomacy, in fact anytime I even try it, it backfires horribly, but alright! Lets talk about this!

~The changelings are clearly invading over there! I mean... fucking obviously, right!? This happened before! This exact scenario happened before, to a T! Only now instead of breaking in through the ceiling, they just waltzed right in!~

>They were invited.

~Well whoop de doo!~

~Cause that's not suspicious or anything!~

>Hey, she's not invading over there, Eighteen is actually really helpful.

~...~

>Erm...

~Oh dear Faust please don't tell me you guys are in on this.~

~I just... he does work with changelings, right?~

~HOLY SHIT HE DOES!~

>...Well I do.

~Oh fuck!~

~Did we really give them access to our military before any of us decided to pop up and say something?!~

>Hey! Seventy Seven helped train them for a short period! They're not all...

~...~

>Wrong thing to say?

~Not what I wanted to hear, I admit it.~

~The fact you have a gun is NOT helping.~

>Look, I put it at my side, okay? It's not like you're being held at gunpoint, right?

~Well... he has a point.~

WRRRR- THUM.

~...~

~....~

>...What.

WHRRR-THUM. WHRRR-THUM

Slowly, every head looked up to the tall being casting a shadow over them all.

~...Is... is that a filly in power armor.~

~Carrying a very, very, VERY large missile launcher on it's very... very large back?~

WHRR-THUMWHRR-THUMWHRRRR

"ATTENTION CANTERLOT! I HAVE AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR YOU ALL!"

~...g-g-g...AHHHHHHHH!~

~AHHHHHHHH~

~AHHHHHHHHHHH~

~I'M OUT!~

TELEPORT!

~FUCK THIS!~

~RUUUUUNNNNN!~

>NO WAIT-

Before another word came out, he was trampled underneath he stampede.

"HEY! COME BACK! I JUST SAID I HAD AN ANNOUNCEMENT!... WELL FUCK YOU TOO-Oh crap! Spike! are you okay?!"

A massive claw reached down, peeling him off the sidewalk.

>...You know, I was.

"Jerks!"

>What the heck is that thing?

"It's the new-"

VRRRRrrrrr...

"...NEW PIECE OF JUNK THAT KEEPS RUNNING OUT OF FUCKING POWER!"

>Your dads ears are bleeding.

"UGH!... Hey! One of you unicorns come back! I need a recharge!... Dang it, I knew I shouldn't have done the joyride! Just haaaaadddd to test it out, didn't you DT. Just haaaaadddd to do the flips!"

>...

"I did flips."

>I'm happy for you.

"Ugh... Sexy! We need to get out of here!"

Tiny jump-jets popped out of the side of the mounted launcher, somehow proving enough to lift the thing into the air in hopping bursts.

>You put in a voice command to Tablublu?... How?

"What? No I didn't."

>...

"..."

>...Okay. By the way? I think you made the situation worse.

"But I wanted to give a speech about how not all bug monsters are awful! It was going to be really great too, I was even going to talk about how I used to try to blow them up, but don't now after spending time with them!"

>...that's the best you can do, isn't it?

"HRMPH! I thought it was good!"

>Sigh... where did you get this thing anyway?

"A friend! I wanted the ultimate attachment for Sexy, so I had her work with this."

>...

"..."

>...an... an attach...

"...What?"

>...Take me home please, I need to drink.

"Should you really be-"

>I NEED THIS.

"Eeesh, fine.... WHEEEEE!"

>...

"Screw you, it's fun."

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>Rarity
"Applejack"

>Humm, I swear you could wear better than that awfully drab tan dress.

"Rares, Ah' lost two of the most important parts of mah family and every drop of joy from mah livelihood thanks to tat darn Unicorns time meddlin' whatsits, Ah' will honestly take anything ah' can get."

>Are you... saying you LIKE that dress?

"Yeah? Ah' mean... it is kinda practical...

>I CAN'T TAKE THIS

-SMASH-

"...Huh.... so that's how she does it..."

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NC

>AJ

>....Ah'shouldabeenonnafrontlines...

>....

>...Woulda got me some decent scrneetimethanjustbeenol'MissExpositionlikealltheothertimesuselessfriggin'...

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 NC

"Various Guards"

"...I dunno, that armour looks... practical"

"It's got mobility... uniformity..."

"Mostly fabric too, way less chafing than... is this gold?"

"The armour plating is actually in the useful areas too"

"Hell, is that stuff POWERED?! Like we actually have means of... y'now, making us stronger?"

"We already are strong!"

"Yeah... sorta... only after that one Black guy beat us all up and stole our lunch money"

"She didn't steal our-...Oh faust.... did she..?"

"WE EVEN HAVE ROBO...bits... YEAH!"

"Holy Tartarus those HELMETS though!"

"Awww maaaan, wait... waaait...."

"What?"

"This cool stuff is reserved for the Wonderbolts... and... the Earth ponies!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"You shut the fuck up Donnie!"

"We're stuck with the regular stuff..."

"...Aw maaaaan"

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NC
>Celestia
~~~~~~

>...Really? I don't even get to fucking TALK this go round?... fine.

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