Technical: We need to talk

please please if you care about the
future of this channel
as well as my twitch please i beg of you
please watch this video in its entirety
i wanted to record an unscripted
likely unedited video well there's gonna
be
gd gameplay in the background but
unedited unscripted
recording about my inactivity on youtube
as well as streaming because i know
that it's been a very long time since
i've been
active on youtube on twitch and most
importantly
in geometry dash so i wanted to address
everything
and basically just tell you where i'm at
um i guess it can simply be put as
uh the fact that i just have not been
interested in geometry dash
in a very long time i think the last
time i was genuinely interested
was when i was verifying ocular miracle
and that was back in mid-june
which is i'd say i think it was four
months ago
four and a half months ago something
like that um
i really just have not had the same
drive to
play the game as i once did i mean the
last time i beat
an extreme demon that wasn't a
verification was spectrum cyclone which
was three and a half months ago or
something like that
and i guess you could pin the blame on
multiple things i
basically i think the main thing you can
blame
is my growing interest in a little game
called mario kart 8 deluxe
and as some of you may know i
have been time trialling a bunch of
tracks mainly rainbow road
where i got the world record four times
in total
and it's just been a really enjoyable
thing for me to do just time trialling
all the tracks in that game
has been something i've truly enjoyed
for
months and months now and honestly
i just it's kind of made me forget about
gd a little bit
and in all honesty that's kind of sad
because
i used to love this game more than
anything
and it this game has given me so much
in life and it's helped me especially
with the people that i've met
and just playing the game in general has
helped me as a human being
and i really wish i could find that same
enjoyment in playing extreme demons
again
as well as even recording content like i
can't i can barely think of ideas
i can barely bring myself to stream
content i'll get to that in just a
second
but overall my interest in gd has just
kind of died almost entirely at this
point
that's not to say i'm quitting because
i'm not i don't
ever want to just quit unless something
actually happens but right now
i just am not interested in the game in
any like to any capacity
i hope that sometime soon this changes
and i start doing things again
but i can't promise you anything
about um my lack of interest to stream
and make content has just simply been
because my personal life has changed
drastically in the last
month or so um i talked about this
in the extreme demons at faster speeds
video
um very briefly but not all that often
or not all that much i should say
um it's just simply because of the fact
that my personal life has changed
um i have moved several times in the
last
year it's taken a huge toll on me
physically
mentally and emotionally um
i got into another relationship in
august late august um i
really really want to put time into this
one um
i mean that's not to say i didn't want
to put time into the other ones i had
but i feel like i need to treat
the one that i'm with with you know
enough
respect um to where our relationship can
actually
thrive and exist pretty much
i really want to focus just on my
personal life that's one of them
uh school work i want to focus on i have
made the decision that i will likely be
going to college
this coming august september um i wasn't
sure before but
i've decided that i'm probably going to
be applying and trying to get into
college
for 2021
and it's just kind of been on my mind a
lot i've been
focusing a lot more on school work so
it's that's also taking a lot of time
away
um i've been trying to figure out
like where i'm actually applying because
i need to do that soon
i'm taking sats pretty soon as well just
a bunch of personal life things that
don't even give me that much time to
play
games at all anymore and this just came
up a
few weeks ago not even that recently
well it's pretty recent but
not even that long ago this has come up
but
it's the reason why i literally went
three weeks in between uploads between
trying the challenge list as well as
extreme dooms at faster speeds there
were three weeks in between those and
it's now been a week and a half since
that video
and yeah i don't have content i mean i
have content i have a video finished
that will be up sometime next week
so you can look forward to that however
after that i don't have anything
and this brings me to my next point
um don't be surprised if i upload non-gd
content because again
i really have not been enjoying gd all
too much
as of late so don't be surprised if you
see
content from many other games i have a
lot of games that i want to create
content on
it's just a matter of thinking of ideas
and executing them
and getting them edited into a video
some games you can see content on are
mario kart
obviously i said that before among us is
pretty big i find that game pretty fun
you could see some on that despite its
decline
fall guys is another game that i could
return to and enjoy
and make content on and yeah
just all i ask of you if you genuinely
care
please please please give these streams
and these videos
a shot even if you're subbed to me just
for gd i beg of you please at least
attempt to give them a shot
and honestly this is for
a couple reasons for one um i genuinely
enjoy
streaming i really do um even
despite everything i've said in this
video i genuinely enjoy streaming
and making content and doing youtube i
really really do enjoy it
um but
it would just hurt to just kind of see a
huge decline because i
unfortunately lost interest in a certain
game that i played for
that i've been playing for years and
years now since 2014 pretty much
and uh it would it would just hurt to
see things just take a
just take a massive toll on my growth as
a streamer and a youtuber
uh without gd videos i mean you'll still
see gd videos and streams
obviously like i i said before that i'm
not quitting
like at all i far from it probably but
just don't be surprised if there are a
lot of
uh non-gd uploads and streams on twitch
um in the coming weeks months maybe even
years we'll see about that um
there are a couple of things i want to
talk about um one of them
has to do they they both have to do with
me personally like as a human being
and what i'm going through and what i've
been like um the first thing i want to
talk about is
uh my current financial state
and this is a hard thing for me to talk
about
um so
recently um to accommodate for my mom's
job as well as my schooling
we moved back to where we were before we
moved in june
about an hour away from where we
currently are and were
the issue with this is that our current
place our current apartment costs more
than what we were
living in uh for the summer and this
puts us in
a very very very very very tricky
situation financially
my mom does not currently make enough to
support the bills as well as the
apartment
so i am stepping in and using
a lot of the money that i make from
twitch and on youtube
to help support us and keep us
financially stable
and this is what has concerned me the
most about going inactive
because going inactive means i don't
make revenue i don't make money
which means it's going to be a lot
harder to keep us stable
so it's been really concerning for me um
to uh be going inactive and you know
needing to help out with keeping us
stable
and i feel like there's more i want to
say about that but i feel like that's
just the gist of it i don't really need
to go any further
it's just we're struggling financially
and without my youtube and streaming
revenue
we would not be living in our current
place
um the other one i want to talk about is
my
uh increasingly bad
mental and emotional state as of late
um this has been for so many reasons
um a lot of it has to do with
self-confidence in myself
um now i might be making a mistake
sharing this information on the internet
but i want to be open with you guys and
i want you to know what i'm going
through
as a human being outside of youtube and
streaming and what you see
on your screens i've been struggling
mentally and emotionally as of late and
it's main it's a lot of it's due to my
self-confidence but there's a lot of
other tiny things that just all bottle
up into one
giant mental and emotional blockage
for me and it's kept me from doing so
much that i want to do
especially online and
that i feel like that's a big reason why
i just don't have any drive to do
anything
i now this being said
i will do my absolute
best and i promise you i will try
my best to make a better effort
to stream and put content out
i really really will for you guys and
honestly i know this sounds super
selfish but also for myself so i can
keep my family stable
uh financially um but
i really really really will try to
pick my activity up and keep things
going
because i really really don't want to
lose what i have and what we have
as a community
however do not be surprised if i do go
on several day to week bouts of
inactivity either on twitch
and or on youtube do just don't be
surprised because
this will happen again if i do end up
picking up my tip
picking my activity back up this will
end up happening again
at some point so uh
i think that's all i had to say um
again just inactivity because of mental
state
uh financially struggling focusing on
personal life
and just an overall uninterest
in geometry dash that i
am trying to pick back up and
uh help my i'm trying to help myself
uh with everything so um if you did
watch this video and its entirety
i really really do appreciate it i
really really do appreciate you taking
the time
to um listen to everything i had to say
even though this was unscripted i may
have gone
all over the place but if you really did
watch this entire video i really really
really really really appreciate you
uh at least giving enough of a to
listen to me ramble about uh
everything that's been going on um
anyway
thanks for watching thanks for listening
uh
i love you guys i will see you in the
next video or stream