you're not alone.

if you are somebody like me and you read this paste  well  you're not alone.

Dying young is just better  you don't need to ask for favours you're not a constant burden on your  family if you   are lucky enough to have  at least a family.  Why do I come to this conclusion I'm a caregiver to my mom
 I've been doing the job for the past 16 years I have two sisters but they are long gone they had  the chance to live their own  lives, but  I didn't.  I realised as you get older  you will become more dependent on people  for everything.  Even though I'm 39 I can  feel some parts of my body slowly  ageing  away  and one day  I  myself will be 60 and  might get a serious medical condition. But who the hell am I going to ask for help i have no family no friends so I'm left on my own  and that scares me. I may only be 39 years old,  but god dammit do I feel that I have been  treated unfairly in life why ?  I have no job.
 I never  been in love,  I have never  experienced a Christmas  being together with people.
  I have never experienced being with a family.  this has been my life  from the moment I lost everything when I was 9 years old.  I hate it.

sometimes I  want to go back into the past and redo everything, I so missed being young  and when was a kid myself it was a very good time I still had hope back then.  I still felt that this wouldn't be my future.   I didn't realise how lonely I was  back then god  ignorance is Bliss.
Now I just think time is cruel and hard.  It's the greatest middle finger of them all!   So  who am I ?   I'm a 39 year old guy named emile  living in the Netherlands near the city of Utrecht nieuwegein  to be precise.   I am part of the LGBT community yes I am gay,  I'm completely alone  and I so hate it  and it's been like this for the past 30 years.   what do I do to forget my misery  I go on an online game and just play to forget that I exist.
 I have no Facebook I have no Twitter I have no social media because I have nobody   all I have  is an old multiplayer game  that I can still play.  the first  battlefield  can still bring a smile to my face  and maybe one day I will see you in the game  so we can smile together.