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All short oneshots made after May 11th, 2013

shukaku20 May 11th, 2013 1,323 Never
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  1. >Day Cake dancing in Equestria.
  2. >You've been going out with Pinkie for several weeks now, even though her landlords don't approve.
  3. >Good thing you knew how to sneak in when they weren't around.
  4. >Today, you plan on laying the moves on that sweet, pink mare, and maybe, just maybe, get some sweet, pink poon.
  5. >She may be sweet and affectionate, but a guy's got his urges.
  6. >Sugarcube corner is closed today, and the Cakes are out getting more supplies, meaning the place is going to be empty.
  7. >Just you, and Pinkie.
  8. >Coming in the back door with the key Pinkie let you have, you creep around, listening to make sure the cakes are gone.
  9. >With no signs of the landlords, you silently climb the stairs.
  10. >Outside the door to your marefriend’s room, you gently take hold of the knob.
  11. "Pinks, I'm here."
  12. >There's no response, and you try to turn it, but the door is locked.
  13. "Pinkie, are you in there?"
  14. >Again, no response, and you turn to head out, when there is a sound from downstairs.
  15. >"Pinkie, we're home!" Mrs. Cake calls out.
  16. >"She's not here, remember. She had princess related business." Mr. Cake replies, "That means we have the house, all. To. Ourselves."
  17. >A giggle carries up the stairs, and panic sets in.
  18. "Oh fuck, this is bad."
  19. >Looking around for some way to get out of for somewhere to hide, your mind runs through all the shit that would happen if you were found.
  20. "Bathroom? Way to open. Twin's room? Knowing them, this is probably where it's going to happen."
  21. >Turning to the last room on this floor, their bedroom, you run inside.
  22. >It's the first time you've been in here, and you're shocked by what you see.
  23. >Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.
  24. >Seriously, with the way they hated on you, you had figured they'd have at least one dartboard with your face on it.
  25. >Hoof steps come up the stairs and you dive into the closet.
  26. >You just manage to close the door before you hear them walk in.
  27. >"So, what did you have in mind, dear?" you hear Mr. Cake ask before they come into view.
  28. >Circling him like a shark and practically molesting him with her tail, Mrs Cake replies, "I was thinking you could show off some of those dance moves you used, back when we first dated."
  29. >His smirk cant be missed, and he motions her to the bed.
  30. >"It's been a while, but these flanks of mine can still shake."
  31. >Stretching out on the bed, Mrs. Cake rests her head on crossed fore hooves and watches eagerly.
  32. >It starts simple enough, Mr. Cake doing a few dance steps punctuated by the occasional flank shake.
  33. >Then, he unties his apron and shit starts getting weird.
  34. >The feeling of the dance changes from kinda normal and a little erotic(for a horse dancing) to him just waving his junk around.
  35. >What has to be the creepiest part of it, Mrs. Cake is blushing like a maniac and her tail is slowly rising.
  36. >Like a train wreck, you find it impossible to look away, despite being disgusted by the look of his mottled horse cock.
  37. >And for his finishing move, he rears up on his rear hooves, junk swaying like a pendulum.
  38. "DEAR GOD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" you yell out, bursting from the closet doors, "You seriously call that erotic dancing. I was practically blowing chunks just watching."
  39. >"What the buck were you doing in our closet, and I doubt you could do any better, monkey man," Mr. Cake snaps back.
  40. "Challenge accepted," you reply, giving a smile.
  41. >Nop0ny knows it, but before you came to Equestria, you were a professional male stripper, and a high class one at that.
  42. >Snapping your fingers, a tune starts up (Thank you, song magic.), and you start your show.
  43. Pick your favourite strippery type song and put it here
  44. >With each beat, you strike a slightly different pose, and slowly pull of pieces of clothing.
  45. >Getting down to only your boxers, you start towards her, still moving only with the song.
  46. >As it comes to a close, you are climbing up the edge of the bed with half-lidded eyes, a finger under her chin and a seductive smile.
  47. >Slowly dragging your finger down her chin and back, you step away and turn to Mr. Cake.
  48. "And THAT is how you dance seductively."
  49. >Defeated, Mr. Cake hangs his head low and slinks out of the room, tail between his legs.
  50. >Turning back to Mrs. Cake, you are knocked down as she tackles you, her lips seeking yours.
  51. >Before you can get a word out, she's taken over your mouth with hers and is rubbing her crotch along your waist.
  52. >Breaking away, she says, "I didn't know you could dance like that! If I had, I would have left him for you long ago."
  53. "Left him?! What are you talking about?"
  54. >Sitting up, but still grinding, she replies, "Ponies, we *moan* attract mates with our colours and seal the deal with dancing."
  55. "So I just..."
  56. >Nodding, she starts trying to kick away your boxers, but due to the massive boner you're sporting, they don't move.
  57. >Getting up, she climbs onto the edge of the bed, her tail jacked up so high you could swear it was going to rip off and her vagina dripping juices like a leaky faucet.
  58. "But I'm with Pinkie..."
  59. >"Rut me now, and dance for her later; I don't mind sharing, and I'm quite sure she doesn't."
  60. >Unable to argue with her logic, you pull off your only remaining piece of clothing and step forward.
  61. >Lining up with her soaked slit, you press in and pierce deep into her.
  62. >Her soft folds part around your cock, squeezing gently as you fill her most intimate of holes.
  63. >Just as you are about to start thrusting, the door behind you opens, and you hear a gasp.
  64. >"Nonny! How could you take Mrs. Cake away from Mr. Cake?"
  65. "I didn't, at least, not intentionally."
  66. >"Pinkie, how come you never told me he was so good at mating dances?" Mrs. Cake asks, trying to get you to start thrusting by wiggling her ample ass.
  67. >"Nonny's never done a mating dance for me though..."
  68. "Because I didn't know it was so important. After I'm done here, how about we head to your room, and I show you just how well I can dance?"
  69. >Pinkie's smile could split her face, and she trots out, wagging her flank as she does.
  70. >"Don't keep me waiting too long, Nonny."
  71. >Turning back to the task at hand, you can only think, "Today is going to be a great day."
  72.  
  73.  
  74.  
  75. >Your bobber floats in the water, your line vanishing into the depths of the clear water.
  76. >Few of the ponies here accepted your hobby, but it is one thing you refused to give up from your home.
  77. >While it may not be exciting to most, the feeling of fighting an unknown foe, the joy of discovering your prize...
  78. >Getting to relax all day with a few beers never hurts either.
  79. >The bobber dips below the surface a second, and you slowly pick up your rod.
  80. "Come on, take the bait," you whisper to yourself, watching the bobber.
  81. >It dips again, before popping back up.
  82. >Muscles tensed, you watch as it dips below one last time, and give the rod a jerk upward.
  83. >The rod immediately bends as the hooked prey starts swimming away, drawing out line.
  84. >Letting it get some distance, you ease off the drag a moment, before slowly increasing it.
  85. >Pulling back, you reel in the line, feeling the weight and strength of the aquatic creature on the other side.
  86. >Tension suddenly drops as it swims towards you, and you have to reel quickly to keep the line attached.
  87. >Resistance returns as whatever is there suddenly swims straight down, just beside your boat.
  88. >Your rod bends far, accentuating your strength as you fight to bring your prize up.
  89. >It's resistance slowly drops as they tire, and you gradually bring it closer and closer to the surface.
  90. >Just as it is about to come into view, it gets a second wind, drawing out more line as it dives down again.
  91. >Setting yourself for the final stretch, you lock your rod under your ribs and start giving your prize a real fight.
  92. >Back and forth, figure eights, your prey tries everything to get off the line, but your years of experience keeps you one step ahead.
  93. >Slowly, you work it up, and for the briefest of moments, you see a light blue/green side appear before it draws out more line and dives again.
  94. >With your victory in sight, you start working with renewed fervour, bringing your prize up into sight again.
  95. >They're visibly tired, and it doesn't take long to get them up to net height.
  96. >Setting your rod in a hook, you pick up the extra large net and set it in the water.
  97. >One hand on the end of your rod and one holding the net, you steer your prey into the net before tilting it to secure your prize.
  98. "Looky here at what I caught," you say, lifting your heavy net, and the seapony within, up.
  99. >"Please, kind sir, release me and I promise you whatever you wish."
  100. "How do I know I can trust you," you say, lifting her up to your face.
  101. >Her golden eyes water as she looks at you, her horn sparking and fizzling without contact to water.
  102. >"I... please? I promise I will..." she says, her voice starting to quiver.
  103. >Lowering her into your oversized live tank, you sit and smile.
  104. "So, what will you do for me, huh?"
  105. >She circles around a bit, spinning and turning, before asking, "Umm.... what do you want?"
  106. "I know what I want," you say, reaching out and running a hand along her side and down her stomach.
  107. >Biting her lip she looks at you nervously before rolling onto her back.
  108. ~~~
  109. >"Same time tomorrow, okay?" she asks, leaning forward and kissing you on the cheek.
  110. "Of course Sweetie, I always look forward to it."
  111. >Chuckling, you lower her into the water and wave as she heads back home.
  112. >Yep, none of these ponies would understand or accept how you "hooked" your girlfriend.
  113.  
  114.  
  115. The dangers of Towel smacking
  116.  
  117. >Day locker room weaponry in Equestria.
  118. >Climbing out of the pool, you grab your towel and bro, the ever cool Rainbow Dash, and head for the showers.
  119. >Both you and her quickly shower off, before drying off in the locker room.
  120. >Soaking wet towel in hand, a fun idea strikes you.
  121. >Twisting your towel, you hold it at the ready.
  122. "Hey Dash, check this out," you say.
  123. >The moment she steps around the lockers, you whip the towel forward, snapping it in front of her face, making her jump.
  124. >"Buck man, don't scare me like that," she says, flying over and punching you in the shoulder, "how'd you do that anyways?"
  125. >Spinning the towel up again, you snap it forward while Dash watches.
  126. "Spin a damp towel like this and you can make it crack like a whip. It's something guys used to do to eachother in the locker rooms back on Earth."
  127. >"Why?"
  128. "Why not, I guess. We're guys. Plus, it doesn't hurt a lot if the towel isn't too wet."
  129. >Winding up, you snap it against her side, making her jump back.
  130. >She smiles, before shooting behind the lockers, and you step back, knowing what is coming.
  131. >Dash comes out, towel spun up and ready, when another idea hits you.
  132. "Wait! Why hit eachother, when we can get everyone else?"
  133. >"Bro, that's genius!"
  134. >Towels ready, the two of you slink from the locker room, keeping out of sight.
  135. >Roaming the streets of Ponyville, you spy your first target.
  136. >With a snap, your towel lashes out and tags the cutie mark of a certain mint colored mare.
  137. >She lets out a surprised squeak, before shooting forward, and by the time she looks back, you and Dash are out of sight.
  138. >As you go Dash get Aj, you get Roseluck and Caramel, Dash gets Twilight and Aloe.
  139. >A pure white flank catches your eye, and you grin.
  140. >Closing the gap, you wind your towel up and snap it against her blue diamond cutie mark.
  141. >Unlike the others though, her reaction is a moan and she spins around to face you.
  142. >"My, Anonymous, I never knew you liked such a thing."
  143. "Uh... I..." you stutter, before magic wraps around you.
  144. >"Come with me to my place, and we can enjoy some," her grin turns sultry, "Marshmallow Madness."
  145.  
  146.  
  147. Til Anon got to Ponyville random, horrible shit would happen all day to ponies.
  148. I want Pinkie Pie to burst into flames at least twice a day.
  149.  
  150.  
  151. >Day -1 of Anon in Equestria.
  152. >Be pinkest of party ponies.
  153. >Bouncing around the bakery, you gather ingredients, mix mixes and pour batters.
  154. >Today is a good day, it's already two and nothing bad has happened yet.
  155. >Breathing deeply of the bakery sends the smell of fresh pastries, sugar and burning hair into your nostrils.
  156. >Yes, you love the smells of the...
  157. >Burning hair?
  158. >Staring at your tail, you see wisps of black smoke rising from the small flame that is quickly growing and engulfing it.
  159. >Seeing this, you do the only logical thing.
  160. "Ahhhhhhh!! HELPHELPHELPHELPHELP!!!!" you yell out, running around the store in an absolute panic, the flames spreading to your mane.
  161. >Bursting through the front door, you keep running, flames consuming your mane.
  162. >As you rush past a building, a pot falls on your head, breaking and spilling it's dirt and plant all over you and smothering the flames.
  163. >The crisis resolved, you head back to work, grabbing a couple bandages for your singed backside and ears on the way.
  164. >Almost immediately after you apply them, your fur and hair starts to regrow.
  165. >The rest of the day goes by as usual, you catch fire again just after dinner, and you fall down the stairs at nine before falling asleep.
  166.  
  167. >Day 0 of Anon in Equestria.
  168. >Still the pinkest of party ponies.
  169. >While starting up the ovens for the days baking, your pinkie sense suddenly kicks in in full gear, sending you shaking across the floor.
  170. >Rushing out of the store, you head straight for Twilight's house.
  171. >The locked door poses no problem as you jump out of the pot of hot water she was boiling for breakfast.
  172. "TWILIGHT MY PINKIE SENSE WENT CRAZY!!! THERE'S A DOOZIE COMING!!!!"
  173. >Twilight grabs you by the shoulders and pulls you down to the ground.
  174. >"Calm down Pinkie, we can handle any sort of doozie that happens."
  175. >Your body starts rumbling again, sending you skittering across the floor towards a bookshelf.
  176. >Crashing into it, a torrent of books pour down on you.
  177. >After being extricated by Twilight, you get bandaged up and the two of you rush out the door.
  178. >There is a massive commotion, ponies running everywhere.
  179. >"M... Monster!" one of the ponies calls out, stumbling past before crashing into a bush.
  180. >Standing in the middle of town, looking kinda confused is a tall, minotaur looking thing.
  181. >In the next instant, you are on it's chest, looking it in the face with a huge smile on.
  182. "Hithere,mynamesPinkie,whoareyou?Doyoulikeparties?I'mgonnathrowyouahugepartytonightmakesureyou'renotlate!"
  183. >Set to shoot off, Twilight's magic grabs your tail and holds you there.
  184. >"That's not polite, Pinkie," she says, before turning to the creature, "Hello, My name is Twilight Sparkle, do you understand me?"
  185. >"T... Talking horses..." it, rather, he, replies.
  186. >He wavers a bit, before dropping to his haunches.
  187. >"This is crazy, I must be dreaming..."
  188. >Seeing the sadness in his face, you pull out a cupcake and hold it out for him.
  189. >His eyes lock on it, and he reaches out and takes it from you, taking a bite.
  190. >"T...thanks, pink horse, it's good."
  191. >Smiling, you bounce away to set up his party.
  192.  
  193. >Day 5 of Anon in Equestria.
  194. >Even now, you are still the pinkest party pony in Equestria.
  195. >The creature, now known as Anonymous the Human, has been living with you, as it was decided by everyp0ny.
  196. >He's turned out to be rather fun, even for an alien.
  197. >To help cover him living here, he works for the Cakes as well, baking food.
  198. >Together, you mix batters, almost dancing around eachother to get ingredients.
  199. >"Hey, Pinkie, we're out of blueberries, what should I do?"
  200. "Take over my mix, I'll head out to get more."
  201. >"Okay."
  202. >Informing Mrs. Cake on your way out, you head for the fruit stall in the market.
  203. >"Hey Pinkie," Nurse Sweetheart calls out, "It's been a while since you picked up bandages, is everything alright?"
  204. "Has it?I haven't noticed."
  205. >"You usualy stop by more than twice as often as everyp0ny else, but for the past few days, I haven't seen you once."
  206. >Thinking back, you realize nothing bad has happened since Anon came to live with you.
  207. >Normaly you burst into flames at least once a day, but It has yet to happen with Anon here.
  208. >He always warns you when you get too close to candles and stuff, maybe that's why...
  209. "Oh wow! Anon's been keeping me from accidents!"
  210. >Crowds blur past as you rush back to Sugarcube Corner at top speed.
  211. >You burst through the doors, diveinto the kitchen and tackle Anon in a hug.
  212. "Thank you Anon, for keeping me safe."
  213. >"Huh?
  214. "You keep me safe. I used to catch fire a lot every day, but now that you're here, it hasn't happened!"
  215. >"I uh... you're welcome?"
  216. *Here for now, though I may do more.
  217.  
  218.  
  219.  
  220. Falconer Anonymous + RD
  221.  
  222. >But Anon, I don't want to wear the cap," Rainbow Dash whines, sitting on her perch.
  223. "You know how you get without it, Dash," you retort, holding up the crested blinder cap.
  224. >"We're going to see our friends though, it's not like we're training."
  225. >Her ears turn back but she doesn't flinch away as you lower the cap on her head, all of her little motions stopping as you tie it up.
  226. "I don't see why you don't like the calming cap," you comment, holding a sugarcube up to her nose.
  227. >Nostrils twitch as she smells it, before leaning forward and taking it from your hand.
  228. >"It's embarassing," she replies, climbing onto your shoulders, "It makes me look silly."
  229. "I think it makes you look dignified," you say and she nuzzles against the top of your head.
  230. >"You're always saying stuff like that."
  231. >Scratching her ears, you open the door and head outside.
  232. "I'm your special somepony, of course I say stuff like that. Especially because it's true."
  233. >She doesn't move, but you see the edges of her mouth turn up in a smile.
  234. >As you walk through town, you get the ocassional strange look, but by now, most are used to yours and Dash's relationship.
  235. >All the sounds of town draw the attention of Dash's ears, but she doesn't move, your training sticking well with her.
  236. >"Howdy Anon," Applejack calls from her stand, making Dash's ears twitch.
  237. "Hey Aj, how's it going?"
  238. >"Been a little busy, but ah can't complain. How 'bout you?"
  239. "Pretty good. We're headed out to meet a few friends, though I guess you can't come, huh?"
  240. >Applejack sighs and nods, "Yeah, ah can't leave the stall alone today, thanks fer askin though.'
  241. >Giving a wave, you turn and continue on your way.
  242. >Your first stop is the Treebrary, and Twilight is at the door to greet you.
  243. >"Anon, Dash, right on time," she comments, somewhat surprised.
  244. "Yeah, she let me put on the calming cap without a fuss this time."
  245. >Dash's ears shoot forward in anger a second, before tilting down on the side in embarassment.
  246. >Pushing open the door, Twilight motions you inside.
  247. >Making sure it's closed behind you, you undo Dash's cap, and the moment you lift it off, she shoots into the air, nearly taking out a lamp.
  248. "Dash, that's why I have you wear the cap, you're way too active sometimes."
  249. >"Oh come on, I'm not that clumsy."
  250. "What about all those things you broke when I first started training and then again when I started dating you?"
  251. >She grins sheepishly, saying, "Hey, those were just accidents."
  252. "Right, so, is everything ready, Twilight?"
  253. >"Yeah, I managed to get everything ready like you asked, barely."
  254. >Arms wrap around Twilight as you hug her, and pat her head.
  255. "Thanks a bunch, Twi. Any idea when the others are getting here? Aj was busy when I saw her, so she isn't coming."
  256. >"Pinkie won't be comming, she said she had something to do, and Rarity had an important order to fill, so she won't make it either."
  257. >Nodding, you whistle for Dash and hold out your arm.
  258. >Perfectly landing on the pad, She fluffs herself up a bit.
  259. "We're heading out, Dash," you say, pulling out the calming cap.
  260. >"Already? But we just got here."
  261. >The fake leather cap settled over her eyes, you tie it up and move her to your shoulder.
  262. "This was just a quick stop on the way, we have somewhere to be soon."
  263. >back through town, you walk, Dash sitting patiently on your shoulders.
  264. >As the edge nears, you reach up and scratch her chin, getting her attention.
  265. "Hey, Dash, do you remember why we got together?"
  266. >"What's with this all of a sudden?" she exclaims, a pink tinge forming on her cheeks, "We became a couple because we fell in love while spending so much time together."
  267. "Not exactly what I asked, but..." giving her a kiss, you say, "I'm glad we did."
  268. "Do you remember why we started spending so much time together?"
  269. >"Oh, that's easy. I asked you to be my trainer for the Wonder..."
  270. >Smiling at the recognition in her voice, you rub under her chin as she nuzzles against your head again.
  271. >"You're the best! I love you Anon!" she squeals, almost jumping off your shoulder, her training keeping her in place.
  272. "Anything for my little blue falcon," you say, using your nickname for her.
  273. >The nickname came around shortly after she got you to start training her; shortly after your old partner died.
  274. >Umbra, her name was, a four year old perigrine falcon, killed by a freak lighting cloud.
  275. >You took it hard, but your friends here, especially Dash, all supported you through it.
  276. >Dash and Umbra always got along, Dash often coming whenever you took Umbra out flying.
  277. >After you lost Umbra, you practically gave up on the skies, but Dash and her entheusiasm, dragged you out of your funk.
  278. >Teaching her re-ignited you love of the sky, and it also sparked a love of the blue pegasus.
  279. >Two blue suited pegasii wave at you from the field ahead, and you wave back.
  280. >"You must be the Anon I've heard a lot about," Spitfire says, holding out a hoof.
  281. "That's right. And I know you're Spitfire, and he's Soarin."
  282. >Reaching up, you undo Dash's cap and hold out your arm.
  283. >When you snap, she flits over onto your arm, the enchanted pad making her weight insigificant.
  284. "I've gotten her, shall we say, rambunctious side, relatively under control, and she will follow orders more effectively now."
  285. >Giving a whistle, she takes off, rising high into the air, before hovering there and waiting for further commands.
  286. >Crossing your arms in the shape of an x, she dives down, performing a series of corkscrews before leveling out and regaining altitude.
  287. "As you can see, different positions give different commands, but it should be fairly simple to teach her your routines."
  288. >Spitfire whistles, likely trying to call Dash down, but as you have trained her, she stays flying.
  289. >"Huh? She's not coming?"
  290. >Whistling for her, Dash comes back down at a lesiurely pace and landing again on your arm.
  291. "She only listens to my commands right now, but it shouldn't be hard to get her listening to yours, isn't that right, Dash?"
  292. >She nods energetically, not moving from her perch.
  293. >"Well, I think we can give her a try now, huh, Spitfire?" Soarin asks, looking over at his fellow Wonderbolt.
  294. >Spitfire nods in agreement, and you reach up and tap Dash's ears.
  295. >Taking the cue to do as she wills, she dives at Spitfire, tackling her and hugging her without consent.
  296. >"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!" she exclaims, nearly crushing the air out of the golden pegasus.
  297. >Before anyone can react, she lets go, turns around and crashes into your chest, nuzzling into your neck, hooves wrapped around you.
  298. >"And you especially, Anon. Thank you."
  299. >Leaning up, she presses her lips to yours, her tongue darting into your mouth.
  300. >Hugging her back, your tongue plays with hers, a hand slipping downward to her flank.
  301. >Dash moans as you lightly squeeze her cutiemark while Spitfire giggles and Soarin groans.
  302. >"Get a room you two," he says, inciting you to break the kiss.
  303. >Tracing her hoof up your chest, Dash says, "Oh we're going there later, believe me."
  304. >Her soft mane runs through your fingers as your hand reaches up and taps her ears.
  305. >The physical command turns her back into serious mode, and a snap has her reclaim her perch on your shoulders.
  306. "Well, unless there is anything else you want to ask, we have other plans for the rest of the day."
  307. >"Yeah, you wouldn't happen to know a good place to eat?" Spitfire asks, her stomach letting out a low rumble.
  308. "You'd probably want Sugarcube Corner then. It looks like a giant gingerbread house, and it's one of the best places to grab a bite to eat around here."
  309. >With a nod and a wave goodbye, the two Wonderbolts take off in the direction of town.
  310. >Dash's calming cap goes on without a complaint, and the two of you set off as well.
  311. >Headding towards Rarity's boutique, you notice Dash shift a little.
  312. >"Why are we going to Rarity's? Wasn't she busy today?"
  313. "It's just a quick stop, no need to worry."
  314. >Peering in the boutique's window, you see the sign you told Rarity to leave if everything went well.
  315. >A smile on your face, you turn and head towards Sugarcube corner, where everything awaits.
  316. >Bouncing along the road, you quickly reach your destination and step inside.
  317. >The smell of rich icing and baked goods fill both yours and Dash's nose, and she perks up a bit.
  318. >Reaching up, you undo the cap and quickly lift it off.
  319. >Light fills the room, and every p0ny gathered jumps up and yells "Congratulations!"
  320. >Even after tapping her ears, she stays stock still on your shoulders, perhaps in a little shock.
  321. >Pinkie, the ever energetic mare, tackles Dash of your shoulders and drags her into the party.
  322. >Dragged off into the party by the pink ball of energy, Dash finally shows some life, a huge smile forming on her lips.
  323. >Everything kicks into high gear, everyone partying well into the night.
  324. >Before taking Dash home,  you take Rarity off to the side, getting an important package from her.
  325. >With Dash a little too tipsy to stay on your shoulders, you instead carry her home, cradled in your arms.
  326. >Inside, you set Dash on the couch where she rolls onto her stomach, gazing up at you with half-lidded eyes.
  327. >"So, we're all alone now," she whispers, edging closer.
  328. "Mnhmnn," you reply, gently tweaking her ear with your fingers, "but I have one more surprise for you."
  329. >From inside your coat, you pull out the package you got from Rarity and hold it out to her.
  330. >Eyes shooting open, she digs into it like a ravenous changeling at a hippy orgy, wrapping flying every which way.
  331. >A small gasp escapes her lips as she lifts up the perfectly sized Wonderbolts flight suit, hooves shaking, yet clenched on as if letting go would cause it to fade away.
  332. >"It's... I..." she stutters, stunned as the entire days events hit her.
  333. >Carefully setting the suit aside, Dash dives into your chest, her lips taking yours, her tongue diving deep enough into your mouth you fear she might choke you.
  334. >Her rear hooves ineffectually paw away at your pants, and you wrap an arm around her to help support her.
  335. >The other goes to your belt buckle, and the only thing you can think is, 'Tonight's going to be a long night.'
  336.  
  337.  
  338.  
  339. Cadence oneshot
  340. >Equestria is great and all and you love living in Ponyville, but sometimes, a guy has to explore, go on an adventure, get some hair and scars on his chest.
  341. >Or in your case, take a tour of the Crystal kingdom.
  342. >Sure, theirs no danger, but it's an interesting place, and being one of a kind, you do get a few perks.
  343. >Like a 1 on 1 tour of the kingdom by its very own princess.
  344. >While a bit pink for your tastes, she's a pretty cool friend.
  345. >"Hey, Anon, you want to see something cool?" Cadence asks you as you walk through the palace.
  346. "Sure, why not."
  347. >Guiding you through the shimmering halls, she leads you up the central spire of the building.
  348. >After the fifth flight of stairs, you feel compelled to ask.
  349. "Where are you taking me?"
  350. >"One of the most interesting, and least seen places in the Crystal kingdom."
  351. "Does it have to be so hard to get to though?"
  352. >"Well, kinda, because it's vital to the crystal empires survival."
  353. "Should you be letting me see it then?"
  354. >"No, but little things like this make life fun."
  355. >Grinning with her, you pick up the pace, taking stairs is sets of threes and fours.
  356. "Then what are we waiting for?"
  357. >She rushes to catch up, her hooves clattering on the crystaline steps.
  358. >Hitting a door after what you assume is the eigth (ninth?) flight of stairs, you stop as it refuses to open.
  359. >*Gasp* "Geez, Anon, you don't stop for anything, do you?" Cadence says, panting and sweating.
  360. "You know you like that about me," you retort, catching your own breath.
  361. >"There's a lot I like about you, Anon, as a friend, of course, but if you're trying to run me ragged for some reason, you're not getting anywhere."
  362. "Wasn't hoping to. Just looking for some excitement."
  363. >She laughs, saying, "You're not helping your case much, you know."
  364. >Swatting her lightly on her shoulder, you roll your eyes.
  365. "You know what I mean, now are you going to show me your surprise or no?"
  366. >With a flick of the hoof, she opens the door, revealing a large open room.
  367. >Inside is nothing but a small column with a glowing, heart shaped crystal.
  368. >"Here, Anon is the proverbial, and literal heart of the crystal empire, The crystal heart."
  369. >Waving her hooves like jazzhands, she stands beside it.
  370. "This is it? It doesn't look like a whole lot. I mean, for something important in ponyland."
  371. >"Well, this is very important. With my emotions, it provides power and peace to not only the crystal kingdom, but the entirety of Equestria."
  372. >Reaching out to it, she swats your hands away.
  373. >"You can't just touch that. If it falls into the wrong hooves, it could cause untold destruction."
  374. "Hands, not hooves, remember. Besides, what could one small touch hurt?"
  375. >She looks at you, then back to the crystal, before shrugging.
  376. >"I guess it couldn't hurt, since I'm here to fix it if anything goes wrong."
  377. >Reaching out, you notice the glow around the heart increase as your hand nears it.
  378. >Closing the last of the distance, your palm presses against the faintly warm crystal, and for a moment, nothing changes.
  379. "See, noth..."
  380. >Brilliant light erupts from the crystal, infusing the entire building with a vivid glow, which, unknown to you, spreads across the entirity of the planet.
  381. >Cadence is blown back against the wall, being pinned there by the massive ammounts of love energy leaving the crystal.
  382. >"I... what did you do, Anon!" She yells, the air muffling her shout.
  383. "I have no idea, let me just..."
  384. >Touching the crystal, the flow slows down, and Cadence forces her way to you.
  385. >"It's never... how much love is in you, Anon?" She asks, looking at you.
  386. "A normal amount, I think. Why?"
  387. >"The power put out by the crystal is relative to the ammount of love in the last pony who touched it."
  388. >"For the past while, I have been running it, and that's the highest recorded output ever."
  389. >"But you just superceeded that by countlessfold, and not only that, you can control the crystals output."
  390. "Uh, okay, and?"
  391. >"It means you are the rightful ruler of the crystal empire, and seeing as I am the crystal princess..."
  392. >The math quickly clicks in your head, and doing your best impression of a black guy who robbed a kfc while being chased by a cop, you cheese it out of there at mach 4.
  393. >Too bad Cadence is an Alicorn, because you barely make two steps before magic grabs hold of you.
  394. >"I know you don't want to, but the law is the law, so come on, Husband, we have to get to a chapel."
  395. >Fucking ponies and their stupid laws.
  396.  
  397. (Premise is Love, like Friendship is used to power magic. Anon, having no magic, has pretty much unscathed love reserves for massive output.)
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