My girl's a vegetable
Lives in a hospital
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

Bought her a new TV
Call it an EKG
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

She's got such a lovely face
Starin' out in outer space
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

Whenever we go somewhere
I push her in her wheelchair
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

I'm at home watching Yogi Bear
She's laying there in intensive care
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

My girl's a vegetable
Lives in a hospital
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

She's got such lovely hair
Patches are here and there
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

She's got such lovely legs
They're swollen up like powder kegs
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

Last year we were pretty sure
The doctors would find a cure
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

(Alright, we've done them goddamn verses, you wanna hear the really dirty motherfuckers? Of course you do, ya sick bastards)

My girl's a vegetable
She lives in a hospital
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

She's got such a goofy cunt
Looks just like a drunken runt
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

She is such a willing slut
Just flop her over and fuck her butt
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive

Anytime she sucks my dick
My balls gets swollen, I feel sick
I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive