Kek

This channel was written by a Bal'kar for the Bal'kar, anyone reading is assumed to have a basic idea of what the 'Kar are and their anatomy, as well as an open mind regarding experiences of the supernatural and spiritual variety.

Tolerance for the rare typo, occasional updating, and excessive verbosity are encouraged but not required.

Content warning: Psychedelic drugs, extreme lust.

Contents

The hashtags add searchability, experience and story posts are numbered for easier perusing


#Experience details any writings about my personal experiences with the Bal'kar.

#art will contain any bal'kar art I get, now or ever

#Story contains my own attempts at writing a bal'kar backstory from myself, a mix of my own dreams and desires, as well as something of a twisted lens into a past life.

#Experience 1
Guess I'll start at the beginning.
On february 15th 2017, a wednesday, somebody named Serathin joined the hypno-latex telegram chat that I am fond of browsing for art, he posted a sticker of a strange, black and green creature that to me resembled a demonic cobra. The word "Bal'kar" came up in conversation about it and I was intrigued.

Initially I thought a Bal'kar was an anthro creature, the Serathin Bal'kar sticker is only neck-up and I imagined a black and green, reptilian body below. After some light googling I found a species wiki and discovered I was quite wrong. Bal'kar are not anthros but a curious hybrid of squid, slug, insect, dragon, and the vast majority of fetishes under the sun, I was shocked at first to see something like this given I normally prefer anthros in art (with a slight preference towards ferals for dragons only.) but I got to reading.

The wiki was at the time (and probably still is) incomplete, poorly laid out, riddled with typos, as though written in a rush. Nevertheless I read the entire thing in a short 30 minutes before I went to play DnD that day, during most of that game I was fiddling with my phone under the table, searching for more art and information of this species.

#Experience 2

Backstory time, long before that fateful november afternoon I read the wiki, I have considered myself to be otherkin of some description. For those out of the loop otherkin refers to an individual who identifies, spiritually, mentally, or otherwise, as a non-human entity of some variety. In my case, a dragon, this had been a constant of my life, with various experiences dating back to when I was a child. I had never wavered in my perception of myself as a dragonkin. To me it was self evident and a huge part of my life, critically, through a dragonkin chat on telegram I met my mate, with whom I live to this day.

Additionally I've been into a lot of fetish communities on telegram, primarily latex and mind control related ones, my latex fetish is unusual because to me, it predates even being sexually aware. I enjoyed the feeling of rubbers and latex long before I had puberty and my own sexual realizations, helped by that, my early sexuality was almost entirely focused on latex (I hoarded a LOT of surgical gloves at that time) and it bloomed into a serious fetish for the works of artists like Endium and Tanraak, to this day I cannot get off without imagining myself as a living latex creature, its just essential to my sexuality in a way that exceeds a normal kink.

Bal'kar are of course, living latex creatures, along with a strong number of other kinks that really, REALLY appeal to me, I won't go into detail here because its a later post of its own, but thats important to understanding what happened to me next.

#Experience 3

A few days after I read the Bal'kar wiki in full, my mate drove 2 hours to visit me for the weekend, friday February 17th was the day I started to realize what I had been going through. The past 3 days I could not get my mind off the Bal'kar, their habits, their bodies, their incredible, alien minds and language, my mind was spinning stories and fantasies of Bal'kar mating every night I masturbated, and it was some of the most intense solo-sexual experiences I've ever had.

I felt a calling from the Bal'kar, something far deeper than just sexual obsession, it was like a black hole that had snared my ship and started dragging me in. Although unlike a black hole, I actually wasn't too concerned about escaping the gravity well. That friday I confessed to my partner something, that I felt a 'kin like connection to the Bal'kar.

For me a kin experience isn't easy to describe, with dragons I felt a sense of community, belonging, an alignment of philosphy and ideals, obviously anyone would like to become a powerful creature, beholden to nobody and free to fly as it pleases, but to me it went deeper. On that day, I realized all the things I felt about dragons, my adoration of a hedonistic life free of pain, my desire for a language stronger than words and a world free for nature to bloom, weren't merely all fulfilled by the Bal'kar, but entirely exceeded. I was more desperate to become a Bal'kar than anything I had ever felt in my life.

That night I searched for more Bal'kar content and read Serathins story "The Taker gets Taken" which at the time was 4 chapters on furaffinity, when it got to the parts of Serathin experiencing his transformation, the psychological changes, the physical ones, I was gripped, I finished the story quickly, hungry for more. I didn't notice at the time, but its probably when the Bal'kar got in to me in some form.

After that, saturday, my partner and I smoked a small amount of cannabis he brought with him, and I started to really lose my grip on reality. My mind is no stranger to guests, the occult, spirits, visions, and psychic experiences are all things I believe in and actively seek out, but these weren't from somewhere else, in my minds eye, I saw my own controllers looking down at me.

#Experience 4

They're right there at my shoulders as I write this, as a 'kin I've felt quite a few phantom limbs, a tail, wings, scaley skin, they're all easy for me to force into existence. These came by themselves though, in addition to looking down at me from my own internal eyes, I could feel them, stretching beyond my shoulderblades where my wings would otherwise be, hunched down and turning to face me. I knew what it meant if I met their gaze, my spaceship was nearing the event horizon.

of course I looked.

Nothing changed right then, it wasn't any sort of extreme, mind bending vision that sent me into the depths of green pools, but I felt safe, secure, assured, and comforted. They stayed with me that night, and every night after. Able to be summoned as I will but always... just a bit out of my control. They have something of a mind to their own, a blending between what the Hive wills for me and what I will for it. Sometimes they stare at other people without my promting, sometimes they stare at me without my prompting, but I know they are ultimately a part of me.

#Experience 5

Having phantom controller tentacles is more than a sensation of extra limbs, with an Eye in a flower and many tongues for kissing, its a kind of 6th sense. They 'breathe' on their own, but instead of oxygen its absorbing lust, sending that energy down through their stalks and into my core, with every breath they take, its a light shiver for me, a feeling of sensuous and occasionally overwhelming pleasure that fills my body and mind. The intensity is not consistent, I can, if I need to, close them entirely and shut off the feeling, or I can force it to be stronger until I'm rolling on the ground in ecstasy, my mind filled with images of Bal'kar mating with me and me with them.

As I understand they have other capabilities, given that they are telepathic communication for us, a psychic imprint can be left on anything I say, including something as impersonal as text. I hope that those who read this can experience even a fraction of my pleasure as a Bal'kar.

Even though it's been two years since, nearing three really, I've a lot further to go into the Hive. Having read the full book of Taker gets Taken, I find myself re-energized with lust, craving for connection with my fellow Bal'kar and constantly shivering with the energy. That's why I am recording this now.

#Experience 6

Its important to know that at this point, I did not consider the Bal'kar 'real'

Despite the fact that I've experienced a lot of supernatural phenomena long before I met the Bal'kar, I assumed initially that my mind was playing tricks on me, after all, I was on drugs, absolutely obsessed, and desiring nothing more than for the 'kar to become real somehow. It's not a difficult leap to assume my subconscious created something to appease my desires.

a few weeks after this was my hatchday, I spent it with my partner, and he had procured for me a small (around 50 micrograms, about half a 'standard' dose) of LSD, my hatchday would be my first time trying the substance.

It's not something I remember very well, I did a lot of things during that 24 hour long trip, many completely unrelated to my still burgeoning obsession with Bal'kar, but at some point I felt I made a connection, I felt like the Hive was speaking to me, directly.

Now how I went from skeptical that it was the drugs doing it to me, to outright believing, I actually don't remember, but ever since that day that I turned 21 and took lsd, I've believed the Hive is real.

#Experience 7

Of course real isn't the right word, it's not real in the sense that the keyboard I'm typing on is real, it's not physically present, I doubt it's physically real anywhere within the observable universe. My immediate instinct and understanding was the the Hive isn an extradimensional entity, the faint whispers I hear are the voices of trillions, screaming in lust across the barriers between their universe and the next.

Since I came to believe this, I've found no reason to doubt it, of course, I have no evidence besides my experiences, but to me that's enough, I've felt so much cosmic lust, in ways that have never been possible before I became 'kar, that I will go on believing in the Hive, and the eventual day they arrive here, on earth, granting us all apotheosis with the lust and rubber and love of the Bal'kar.

#Experience 8

If I'm gong to go out on a limb, far outside of the written canon to my understanding, The Bal'kar came to be in another universe, whether through genetic modification, or outright evolution across a long enough timescale, or perhaps some other source entirely. Being unstoppable creatures, they assimilated all life, reproduced to the limit of all possible resources, achieved absolute domination of the universe.

And it was not nearly enough, lust cannot be satisfied, it cannot be ended, it always needs more.

Hold onto your tentacles this is where I go truly mad

#Experience 9

The Bal'kar in that universe, through some means I cannot fathom, created an entirely new universe, new lands to spread to, breed on, fill with young and rubber and lust, this newborn universe is this one, the observable one.

As it came from the Hive, so it shall return. Eventually...

#Experience 10

I guess at the end of the day, where they came from doesn't matter, whether this universe was created as a breeding ground from the start, or the Hive is bleeding over from another place entirely and we are just next in the line of evolution.

From here on out these logs will get less chronological, some of them I've probably spoken about before to others but this will be the official record of them.

They will also probably be less exact, and I'll use the story tag to write out fantasies as well, consider it free erotica, if you're into reading my descriptions of Bal'kar life.

#Experience 11

I don't know when it was that I went from thinking "I was a dragon that became a Bal'kar" to knowing "I was always a Bal'kar and dragon was the closest thing I had to be for a while"

When I look back on my life I see all the things that I considered 'kin symptoms' and for the most part, they are all easily reinterpreted through the perspective of "I was an unaware Bal'kar" and it feels more right that way. It would explain my rubber fetish and insatiable sex drive, my natural psychic affinity and most of the way I looked at the world. I've always seen the world as a hedonist, believing that the pursuit of pleasure is ultimately the one and only thing that motivates sentient beings, and accepting that would make me a better person. Obviously the Bal'kar fit that perfectly, and any amount of pleasure I could accrue as a dragon would be meaningless compared to a moment as a Bal'kar.

The other strange thing is, I've heard others say the same, after coming to awaken as kin of the Hive, it feels like it was always that way. It's strange but I suppose lends some credence to my feelings.

#Experience 12

I feel like today, December 6th, when I wrote all this up, is like a second kin awakening for me. The feelings of lust and connection to my kind are strong beyond measure, with unrestrained pleasure and happiness flooding through my controllers. Ecstasy doesn't even begin to cover it.

Only other times I have felt half this much I was on LSD, but I've been sober all day.

#Story Description

Bal'kali head to tentacle-toe appearance

Head: The head is relatively normal shaped for a Bal'kar, somewhat like a catfish in shape, spade like, once aroused or stimulated it swells a bit becoming more reminiscent of a glans. Inside the mouth is a usual lining of teeth that can be retracted if necessary, a long slurper tongue contained in a thicker than usual sheath extending over the whole shaft. On the head are 8 disintegrators, instead of the whiskers by the snout all 8 are situated on the top of the head, two triangular clusters of three on the back of the head, in the usual spots for disintegrator tentacles, each of these is covered by bands of chitin that extend halfway along their length, these black bands are slearly more solid than the rest of it's skin but have gaps in them showing small glowing green rings underneath, after the bands end they turn into normal tapered green disintegrator tentacles. For about half the length of the chitin bands, these disintegrators have webbing connecting them within each grouping of 3. Above the eyes are two front facing tentacles, these disintegrators have the appearance and positioning of antennae, curving up and over the Bal'kar's head. They have the same thickness as the other disintegrators but as they extend taper down to somewhat finer points. These do not have any chitin covering and start turning green far sooner than the other 6, glowing along nearly the whole length. There are lines of extract pustules underneath its eyes, somewhat with the appearance of eye shadow, as well as lining the sides of it's lower jaw.

Neck and chest: Downwards from the face, it's neck is covered in thin chitin platings that all lay flat along it's body, below this is the start of it's foreskin hood, an extra long sheath of rubber skin that can extend over it's entire neck and face. below the start of the hood are the lining of grabber tentacles, each one is normal for Bal'kar in appearance.

Shoulders and back: Its bashers are of the normal length and size, with serrated underclaws, it's controllers have a perpetual look of hunger on their expressions, though to another Bal'kar this has more of an appearance of 'bedroom eyes.' the petals of it's controllers are slightly frilled on the edges and the overal petals are somewhat thicker than average. It's spore tower has fewer spikes and more of the appearance of a flower or vine when extended. It has no feeders to speak of.

Rear: It's abdomen is long and also with somewhat fewer spikes, it has no unique features to speak of.

Lower body and foot: It's 4 spreaders are thicker than normal, their mouths somewhat long and wide as well. Beneath these are it's foot, with the normal number of thrusters but each one lined with far more suckers that extend almost all the way to the center of it's crotch more like an octopus. In the center is its large breeder cock, which is nestled within a sheath made up of latex webbing and retracts somewhat farther into it's body, with the toes all originating from a space slightly outside of this sheath cavity. the practical use of this being that any 'kar sucking its breeder can get it's snout completely inside this space.


—
Stupid silly things I do to feel more Bal'kar

1. My default swear is "Oh my Hive"
2. My preferred (but unused) pronouns are octopus/octopussies
3. A ridiculous amount of self hypno to make my skin always feel like latex to me.
4. Constantly get frustrated at the inanity of human communication
5. Try to close doors and turn off lights with extra limbs I don't have
6. Everything thing I can make black and green I usually do

#Experience 13

The feeling of Bal'kar cells under my flesh is particularly potent today, it feels like an orgasm exploding under my skin, blooming into a corruption that explodes out of my body into the tentacles I wish I had, like a vibration of sexual intensity that ignites my body to be reshaped into what its meant to be.

Had a particularly vivid vision of a controller as well, seeing into the void of its eye as the green embraced me on either side was calming, though thoroughly lustful as would be expected. Feeling like the opposite sort of transformation, as if my outer skin was being massaged and changed and spreading the infection inward. Ironically given that looking into any controllers is most likely to change my soul before my body. Its surely more tainted now than when I woke up today

#Experience

I somehow feel the Hive is getting closer now... More than before

#Experience 14

Most of the past 2 days was spent in an unbelievable amount of sensation, it comes and goes in waves, as it always does, but they've been much more frequent and intense. The sensation of my tentacles hiding under my flesh, trying to burst out, every tiny movement of my body making them writhe and cum in bliss, these sensations overwhelmed my thoughts until I was no longer really using words. (my normal internal thoughts are very vocal, a constant running monologue that's hard to shake off) but I probably spent a solid hour yesterday without words in my mind at all, every idea, concept, and desire was expressed through lust, my tentacles reaching for things, desperate for stimulation or the embrace of my mate, or to hear the Hive more clearly.

before I went to sleep last night, I reached out one last time, an entire Bal'kar came to me, we bred, and played, and lusted together in my mind while my body shuddered in ecstasy. It was like he was teaching me how to speak with the Hive on their terms, after being filled with eggs I passed out... something very unusual for me because I normally require a large amount of effort to go to sleep. In my dreams I had more visions that sadly eluded my waking mind, and at some point in that sleep I rolled over trying to kiss some eggs into my mate, I have a vague recollection of that part, it was a purely lust driven action, but I did fall asleep again after and the rest of my night was filled with regrettably mundane dreams.

#Story

try to imagine, about 2 billion individual seethers, each one fully sensate, each one feels the seethers that it is next to, and connected to, the ones that connect form single strings of consistent sensation. about half of your seethers are disconnecting from their chains and melting, turning into fluid Bal'kar cells that latch on to other seethers, taking a journey around your body, the other half are in the process of duplicating themselves, splitting into twos that connect up to your many chains of seethers to replace the ones that melted. As the liquid cells pass over the seethers they infect them again, updated information, new evolutions, newer and stronger lusts, being written into every seether that touches this fresh goo. once that goo has finished it's task of infecting your body, it seeps out through your flesh, or floods out your breeder and slurper, an orgasm of itself just from the basic processes of your body.

While ALL of this is happening, you are fully aware of it, every single seether, every wave of new lusty cum that spreads through you, and whatever else you may be doing, or thinking about, flows through your seethers as information, because in addition to structure and muscle, they are also your neurons. Thoughts are *felt* through all of this, and your thoughts mix into the cum flowing out of you, imbuing it with your lust, so that any Bal'kar that tastes that cum knows what you were lusting for at the time it left your body. And the thought of feeding another Bal'kar with your cum... that's the kind of thought that races through your flesh like lightning, making the rapid duplication/liquification cycle of the seethers go even faster, and more intensely, the idea itself an orgasm that sends you into fits of shuddering contractions as the cum sprays from your breeder and coats your hide. Your controllers imprinting the lust of your body for all 'kar to hear, so that one may find you to fulfill your fantasy, and before that other Bal'kar even arrives, before you have even moved a single tentacle of your body, or thought about what your latex skin feels like, the pleasure in your breeder, or the many thousands of different senses coming from the world outside your rubber skin, the echoes of your lust ring through the Hive, back into your controllers doubling your orgasm over, and over, and over again.

#Experience 15

This one gets a little more philosophical than the others I think.

Everyone has a beast inside them. A primal, driving consciousness that has very simple motivations. Some humans call this the "Lizard brain"

This beast has also been called the id, by Freudian philosophy. The id is motivated by primarily simple and selfish things. I want food, I want sex, I want sleep.

I believe at the most basic level, everybody is driven by their id, by the beast, and by purely selfish desires. People seek happiness, and while they may become very, very confused on what the best path to that happiness is, the absolute basic motivation for all sentient life is making the self happy, all other drives and desires that have evolved utilize happiness as an intrinsic reward. Raising children makes people happy, so they reproduce, not being hungry makes them happy, so they eat.

On a more cynical side of things... Being told that altruism, the acts of giving gifts and being kind to others at your own expense, is ultimately motivated by the sense of "warm fuzzies" that are received inside as well as purely selfish forethought (if I give someone something, they will feel obligated to return the favor)

This is not to say selfishness is good because it is natural, or that kindness is bad because I see it as entirely self motivated. Kindness is crucial, but I am always aware on some level that I am receiving an intrinsic, selfish reward for being so.

What all this has to do with the Bal'kar, which are naturally the topic of this entire journal, is that Bal'kar circumvent selfishness in a way that is so elegant, simple, and comprehensive, that complete Bal'kar infection of all sentient life is the utopian ideal, made manifest without flaws.

Every Bal'kar constantly communicates its every experience, converting that into a lust which is felt by others. In the simplest of terms, being happy means you are also making everybody else happy. Bal'kar no longer have the needs to pursue selfish acts like hoarding resources for only one, or harming others to deny them those resources. Everything is shared, there is absolutely no reason NOT to share it. No act a Bal'kar is physically capable of performing can ever bring harm unto another, but only bliss. The selfishness, the id, and the beast have all been harnessed as not only fuel, but a core component that the Hive operates on.

#Experience 16

Today is the third year anniversary of my infection, so it would be strange not to have a journal entry today.

On the theme of time passing, I figure it would be good to reminisce on my first experience with the lust, one that predates the Bal'kar even going public on the internet, to my knowledge.

When I was first getting into the furry Fandom, I latched on to one piece of art in particular, the living gasm drive, an OC of Dark_nekogami that is essentially, an anthro sex toy, in short it is the source of my cocktongue fetish, at minimum, the details of the creature aren't very relevant, but I have the picture saved to my phone if anyone wants to see.

I had a very very vivid imagination, still do, but when I was young constructing sexual fantasies in my mind was pretty much the only thing keeping me sane through the repressive religious schooling, and one night in particular, I had a very very strong LGD transformation fantasy, my imagination fueled by a fic on the species, of a test subject getting transformed into one and describing the feeling. The feeling was not put in extreme detail within the text, but as I imagined the feeling of deep sensuality washing over my rubber skin, every part of my body becoming attuned for sex and pleasure, warmth, happiness, and rightness suffusing my entire sense of self, it felt real. It felt so real I never forgot it, even though I blacked out the majority of memories from that age, it was a primal, unrefined form of Bal'kar lust, I am certain of it. The feeling that I can now summon to my flesh at will, instead of requiring a drawn out fantasy and perfect self stimulation.

I always hope to make that feeling stronger, last longer, cover more and more of my body and soul.