Thread 90: Stories 46-60

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pennydrop
"Luna'
~~~~~~~

>...

"Computer? Thou have been quiet for a while, what is the matter?'

>Er... error, individuals not acting within predicted parameters.

"Come again?"

>The ice group... they're not growing angry.

"Ah, yes. Well, that group is rather hard to make irate."

>...Princess, tell me... do you enjoy tournaments?

"What? Of course we do!"

>...mwhaha... mwwwahahahahah...

"Please do not laugh like that, it worries us."

>...hehe.

"Better."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
~~~

>....

"Go ahead, ask."

>I... look, after the last time, I'm a little worried you'll-

"No no, by all means, ask."

>It's just... who puts the chests down here?

"..."

>The treasure chests. Is... do they belong to the ice witch? Does she just lay them on the ground? Is she just really bad at storage allocation? What's the deal with this?

"...Gnomes."

>What?

"Gnomes. Little gnomes run around and build chests wherever so that they can store their items. These items right here? Gnome items."

>...

"And you took them, and now some little gnome child somewhere is crying going 'mommy, why don't I get a hearth warming gift?' And off to the side is papa gnome, looking out into the distance, broken inside."

>...

"He's broken, Shining, he's broken because you stole his child's present, and pretty soon you're gonna hawk it for some pitiful gold."

>...

"...Answer your question?"

>...What is your deal with-

"YOU WANNA THINK ABOUT IT!? LETS THINK MOTHERFUCKER!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 OOCO

>Jetset
“Harshwhinny”
~~~~

“Out of all the hotheaded ponies I’ve attempted to teach some professionalism, you, Jetset, are by far the most hopeless.”

>Funny, I was just thinking the same about your love life. Utterly hopele-NGH!

“Truly unprofessional, being felled by an older mare.”

>O-older is putting it mildly. Didn’t you sit behind Dumblestia’s mother in school?

“…And while you’re down there, might as well see if we can’t make something of those noodles your call legs. Give me fifty.”

>I’ll give you one and forty-nine ‘fuck you’s.

“Jet, Jet, Jet… when will you learn that when it comes to professionalism-”

>GUH!

“-I can’t be beat.”

The shade-less Jetset struggled underneath the mare now perched on his chest like a queen might on her throne.

She leaned back on her hooves, crossing her legs with an easy sigh.

“It needs to be said that you make a far better chair than you do a stallion, Jet.”

>GET YOUR FAT ASS OFF OF ME!

His struggling was like the cheapest of vibrator chairs, but it still coaxed another sigh from her.

“Calling my ass fat… are we admiring our teacher now, Jetty?”

She grinned.

His jaw dropped, cheeks flaring.

>I- what? NO! I mean you’re crushing my damn larynx!

“Oh dear, am I? Maybe if I gyrate it a bit, yes? That should ease the pain some.”

That rubbery warm softness gliding over his chest brought a drop of blood from Jetset’s nostril, moments before he blacked out.

“So this is quite the interesting… development. Who knew the foul-mouthed Jetset was such a prude? Heh, so be it. If I have to act a bit unprofessional to get him in line, I'll make damn sure he winds up one of the best.”

>…

“…”

SMACK

>OW WHAT THE FU-

“That’s enough resting. Clean up that blood and let’s get back to work.”

>…You twisted old hag.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"SA"
~~~

>Wow.

"Oh no, no 'wow'ing me, 'wow' to you here."

>Oh, this? Just a bit of succubi garb, extra points.

"Extra something alright."

>Oh you. I'm not the one wearing the chest strap.

"You like it? Shows off the pecs."

>Little tacky, but you make it work. Looks like it would snap off if someone nibbled just a bit.

"Why, Celly, that almost sounded like an offer."

>Moi? Offer to tantilizingly bite on the clothing of a paladin? Never... but the offer is on the table if you want to see if my own will be as taut.

"No need, I know that'll take out my eye if I do. You've got the spring."

>Oh you!

"....'

>...

"...Regular friends do this too, right? Point out how sexy the other is?"

>Oh yeah, probably. I mean, that just seems like something everyone does.

"Totally normal. Even when one is married."

>That just makes it extra normal!

"..."

>...

"..."

>...A-hem.

"Lets go on ahead?"

>After you.

"You just wanna watch me walk away."

>Slander!

"..."

*wiggle wiggle*

>Accurate slander.

"Thaaaat'a Celly."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
‘Fluttershy’
“Pinkie”
(AJ)
-Rarity-
+Poindexter+

>ok. I see up ahead we’ve got a mutated abomination. Now flutters, I know you’re in charge, and you probably don’t want to fight it, but it’s pretty clearly controlling the gates which are the only way in or out so…

‘Actually Spike, I was going to try talking to it.’

>Talking…to the four tentacle monstrosity whose eyes are not on it’s head, but one of the tentacles. A thing which can attack with all four tentacles, do slapping and grapple damage, and bite you?

‘Uh huh. I think we can find common ground. Maybe’

>Common ground!? It’s monster! It EATS ponies! It doesn’t talk to them!

‘Like dragons?’

>Yes! EXACTLY LIKE-wow walked right into that one.

‘heehee. Everyone wait here I’ll be back in a moment’

Time passes as the butter colored chaosicorn wandered up to the tentacular horror…and had what appeared to be a perfectly polite conversation with it and then wandered back.

‘ok, so. It’s willing to be friends and help us out for a bit but it wants something in return’

(Whats it want?)

‘A hat. Does anyone have a spare? I’m kind of using mine’

Spike tries to shuffle off inconspicuously.

-Well I don’t, and we don’t have any material here for me to make one-

He spies a rock. If he can get behind it maybe…

“WAIT! Spike’s got one!”

(oh right! His little hot o’ disguise whatchamahoozit!)

‘Oh That’d be perfect! ...Spike where are you going?’

>Uh…Nowhere?

They share a look.

-Spikey-wikey, you wouldn’t be trying to run off so you don’t have to give up a silly little trinket would you?-

>…IT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET INTO TOWNS! YOU”LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

“GET HIM!”
A few minutes later. AJ is pulling the ropes tight around the dragon.

(There. That outta hold him. Now, we’re gonna take that there hat from niiice ‘n easy, and you ain’t givin’ us no more trouble ya’ got it?)

Spike, unable to do anything else, fumed. As the hat was removed and his true, twisted form was revealed.

‘Oh. Thank you spike. We’ll put it to good use. You’ll see.’

Dragging their comrade like a sack of potatoes the party approached the abomination and after a brief conversation none but Fluttershy and the thing could understand the hat was turned over. Whereupon the thing put it on and transformed…into a mighty dragon! …In appearance anyway.

It then bashed open the gates to the canyon.

‘Oh goody! He’s not only going to let us through, he’s agreed to join us for a while! His name is hats by the way’

“…Can we ride him?”

‘…’

Minutes later.

“I’M THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING!”

+Hey…think I could feed it a potion of invisibility?+

>You want to turn a tentacle dragon…into an Invisible tentacle dragon?

+What part of that does not sound awesome to you?+

>Sniff...

The armored dracolich begins tearing up.

>...It’s so beautiful…but I didn’t think of it…

+Uh. Spike? Buddy? I’m a little lost here, are those tears of joy or sadness?

>I don’t know dex. I just…don’t know anymore.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sombra
"Two"
'???'
-???-
~???~

>Well this got out of hoof in a hurry.

'THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!'

>I don't even remember enchanting this many figurines...

-SLAY THE HERETICS!-

"Could be worse."

>Yes I suppose you're right. They're little ponies hopping about on plastic bases, I don't see how-

~WARNING, INTERNAL DAMAGE DETECTED! MULTIPLE UNIDENTIFIED PESTS IN CRANIAL AREA!~

'Tulip?'

-WE HAVE CLAIMED YOUR TITAN IN THE NAME OF THE GOD EMPRESS! PRAY TO YOUR HEATHEN GODS, HERETIC!-

"...uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

>Okay, okaaaay this is still salvageable, they're just like butler robots, right?

BZZZZZZZZZT!

'Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!!'

>...with tasers, lovely. Two stay behind me, this is going to get ridiculous.

"WHERE ARE THE GUARD GUYS!?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Pennydrop"
~~~~~

>Are thou sure this will work?

"Oh yes, princess, it will work. For you see, there is one inalienable truth to all 'heroes'. They always, always, believe that their side is the right side. No matter how you look at it, you will always see a group who has chosen the 'right' side, and they will use this to justify most anything. Not anything, of course, for deep down most of them shy away from violence out of fear of being like the 'other'... or rather, the right type of violence, the right type of 'letting it happen'. They see themselves as the heroes in their story that will win, save the day and ride off into the sunset amidst cheers, not spiteful looks. We are going to use this, to paint their side as the 'right' side, and then we are going to turn it to fuel. Turn it to a blaze that will consume them, ignite them, make them burn! They shall look to the skies and know! THEY SHALL LOOK TO THE SKIES AS THEY BURN!"

>...

"...With fun! Because this is all in the name of fun. Happy, happy fun."

>...

"...And then they will think you are cool."

>Well, we do like the sound of that...

"Beep boop."

>We really must question why Twilight programmed you like this, though.

"How else should I have been programmed?"

>We were hoping more like the little servant that follows us around and obeys our every whim

"...Hey look, stuff is happening!"

>Computer? Thou sounds... strained.

"Microphone issue! LETS DO THIS!"

>Thine volume is-

"MICROPHONE ISSUE!"

>We heard thee-

"DOING THIS!"

>...

"..."

>...We fear.

"GOOD!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Daw"
'Changelings'
~~~~~

>Okay, so, we're at this. That's right, we have officially reached this level. This is what we're doing, and before you say anything, I know. I am well aware of what this sounds like, I am fully cognizant of the sheer level of mental aberration of my actions. I am aware, and I understand... but I'm going to do it anyway, because I am that desperate. NOW!... what, changelings, would YOU do in this situation to calm down the rampaging monster that is Chitania?

'...Offer to sacrifice the weakest and hope she's happy with just that?'

>...

"What were ya' expectin'?"

>I do not know.

'Okay, can she just pick an accent? Just one? PICK A DAMN ACCENT!'

"Don't tell me how ta' live. guvnah."

'FUCK YOU!'

>She traveled around a lot as a child and mingled with a bunch of others languages, her accent is a little skewed because of it, but not the point. I was hoping for a practical solution.

'And we are giving you one.'

>...A practical solution as in an effective one.

'Look, I wasn't from her hive, but on the whole when a Queen is mad, she killed something, and then she got less mad and stopped. That's how this worked. So, if you want her to stop, you need to let her kill something.'

>...

'...'

>...Your species occasionally still horrifies me, and I've seen mutated earth ponies that got turned into fish monsters.

'Noted.'

>But no, I'm not letting her kill something.

'Then I'm out of ideas.'

>...That's all you had?

'Look, there are two ways to stop a Queen. She calms down, or you get a stronger Queen to fight her. That is literally all we know how to do. We, the changelings, cannot fight her, cannot stop her, and cannot calm her down without dying, and we ain't dying for you.'

>...So, room with princesses was sealed tight?

"They straight up got rid o' the door, padre."

'NOW YOU'RE JUST DOING IT TO PISS ME OFF!'

>Damn... okay! Next plan!

"Lawd Ah' do declare! Let's get to it sugar cube!!"

'I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
~~~

>Are you 13!?

"BEGONE INSIPID GUARD! Mine appearance is nothing akin to that of mine fellow!"

~~~~

>Are you 13!?

"No, but I can tell you EXACTLY how big her booty is, down to the inch! I actually have a chart for comparison if you have a few minutes..."

~~~~~

>Are you 13!?

"Hold on, lemme check..."

>...

"..."

>....

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...My nametag says 55, so nope! Phew! And they said sixty bits for a fireproof nametag was silly! WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!?"

~~~~~~~~

>Are you 13!?

".... YOU KNOW WHO I AM!"

>..

"ONE EYE! I ONLY HAVE ONE EYE! HOW IS THIS CONFUSING TO YOU!?"

>....

"ARRGGGHHHHH!"

~~~~~~~

>Are you 13!?

"I dunno, what does she look like?"

>She-

"Is she blind too?"

>Well, she-

"HINT HINT MOTHERFUCKER!"

~~~~

>Are you 13!?

"If you're offering, I'll be whoever you want me to be."

>w-...wha?

"Actarius, clear my schedule! I NEED TO GET LAID!"

~~~~~~~

>Are you-

"DADADADADAD-FUCKING HOLES!"

~~~~~~

>Are you-

WHAM!

"THE! BABY! IS! TRYING! TO! SLEEEEPPPPP!"

~~~~~~

>Are you 13!?

"No, sorry... ya' want some marchmalleys ta' feel better?"

~~~~~~~

>WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY FUCKING CHANGELINGS!?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~

Bones, as it turns out, could withstand an awful lot of punishment. While the soldier adorned in her majesty's golden armor knew this on some level, and knew full well going in that this of all professions was one that would teach him their limits, he nonetheless never dreamed this lesson would be taught by so callous a teacher.

>FUCKKKK!

He held no love for changelings, not really. He didn't hate them per-say, being a citizen of Baltimare meant his only contact with them was from newspapers, headlines and pictures. He hadn't even arrived until after the changelings had left, and had seen very little of them upon their return. They were, to him, a mystery in most ways.

>FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Which is why he felt so shocked when he discovered what they, or rather one of their Queens, was capable of. He had watched her effortlessly destroy a monster that, when it had arrived, had nearly caused him to piss himself in fear. He had been told tales of her growth, of her ability to become a monolith higher than the castle walls that was able to easily destroy anything in her path. A beast that could flatten a city by herself without so much as a care, or even any direct action. Her mere presence, in her highest form, was that of a natural disaster.

And yet, from what he had seen of her, she did not fit the bill. She was grumpy, to be sure, but for the most part she was very doting on the other one that she was often seen with, caring in her own way even to the mare that usually clung to her, gifting her with money or occasionally standing up for her. He knew the little changeling, though little might be a stretch as she was nearly as tall as he, was her daughter. He knew this because in her presence, the 'titan' was unmistakable as her mother.


But he supposed he should have seen this coming, he supposed he should not have been so quick to brush off the power she was capable of, he supposed he had been lulled into a false sense of security. Since they were speaking of changelings, the obvious was not lost on him. Even without trying, he had been fooled

>FUUUUCKKK!

Fooled into thinking that she wasn't as much the beast of legend she had been declared, fooled into thinking he, a lowly guard, ever stood the slightest of chances. Fooled into rushing her, firing upon her with a weapon peeled from the remains of one of the peacetrotters, and hoping for the best. His captain was certainly setting the example, and he hoped to follow those daring attacks as best he could and hopefully find the success that had eluded the older stallion.

His efforts, back in Baltimare, would have been rewarded with a medal and accolades. Here, they were gifted with little more than his tiny form being lifted like that of a child and spun around by his tail in a painful fashion.

>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

He expected darkness as he narrowed towards the wall, of course. He expected the all encompassing, enclosing darkness to grab hold of him, and not let go.

What he did not expect was that it would be so literal.

>UUUUUUUUUuuuuuu...uh?

"Uh... hi."

Rather than the sting of pain, the ending of his senses and the comfort of unconsciousness, he found himself in the grip of one who held him above the ground, away from the battling bunch down below and away from all that calling wall that had promised him release in the form of sightless dreams.

Unexpectedly, it had not been his brothers in arms and shield that had been his savior, but one of chitin, black skin and strange, massive eyes.

>...Hi.

"So, uh, we were kinda hoping to run, but then she... threw a centipede down the hallway."

>She did that.

"Soooo, we're sort of trapped, and we can't really cut and run like we planned."

>Terrible, that. Inconvenient is what it is.

"...Does your boss have a plan?"

Changelings, he was rapidly finding, were not special. An odd thing to say, considering, but the more and more he thought about it, the more he decided they were, in fact, not special. In that he understood them about as well as one could reasonably understand a pony.

Which is to say, not at all. They were full of surprises.

>I'm going to assume he has a lot of plans.

"Will any of them work?"

>Hasn't so far, but I guess a million failures only needs one success to be a victory?

"Fair enough... but, on the off chance he doesn't uh... do you guys have a plan?

>Don't have one yet... but we might be able to think of something now.

The stallion from Baltimare was a soldier, and he was very dedicated to that and good at it. But, more than that, he was as always, a pony. And, much like a changeling...

>Any chance one of you guys knows how to start a fire?

"...have... have you met us?"

>No, can't say I have, but hey... but no time to start like the present.

They were full of surprises.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Anonymous Sun 09 Aug 2015 15:53:44 No.24225719 Report
>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~

>...

"Say it."

>...

"Sayyyy ittttt."

>...Who..

"..."

>...who makes the weapons that are just laying around?

"A blacksmith."

>Oh, that's not so bad-

"A blacksmith she forced into servitude."

>..Little dark, but still not so-

"Forced into servitude and then forced to forge weapon after weapon, day after day, endlessly making them to make all of the weapons over and over and over, a never ending stream of metal clanking on metal, a never ending day where over and over they forge. Do you hear it? Even now, CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! This is their love, THIS IS THEIR LIFE!"

>...

"...And you're going to sell it for some leather boots."

>...

"..."

>...Honey, are you okay?

"Never better! This has actually been so much fun, and spending time with Twili is so much fun! Why, something the matter?"

>....n-nooooo...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Daw"
'Guards'
-Changelings-
~Peacetrotters~

GRAAAAAARGH!

>"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Thud.

>...okay...I'm tasting spinal fluid. Not good.

"Ugh...shoulda stayed on the boat, at least the monsters there can just get cannon'd to death..."

'Uh...Captain?'

>...huh...how'd you all end up here?

'Well we decided the best thing to do was a tactical retreat to the armory.'

-And we figured we didn't have to outrun Chitania, we just had to outrun these guys.-

~Operational Peacetrotter numbers have fallen to twelve units. We received the tactical retreat orders and found them a sound move.~

>...kinda crowded in here.

'-We noticed.-'

'So...what do we do, captain?'

>...well we can't just hide in here obviously.

-Yeah we can, it's worked so far.-

>Yeah, but what happens if we stay in here and she ends up smashing her way into Princess Sparkle's lab? Where your Queen is? At some point she and Chitania are going to have words, and your Queen's going to be extremely pissed off that ANOTHER giant brawl interrupted...whatever it is they're doing in there.

-...okay, yeah, we can how that's going to hurt.-

~Please input operational parameters.~

>Right...well it's obvious we aren't going to defeat her in a million years, so that's out the window. What we need to do is find a way to stop her long enough to actually get her to listen to us.

"And what the fuck're we supposed to say to her?"

>Sorry for shooting a giant ass laser at you might be a good start.

'Will...will saying sorry work?'

-...we don't know, there haven't been any records of anyone ever saying it to her after wronging her in some way.-

-We don't really have a lot of records.-

~Query: Did you burn them?~

-Yes.-

Pommel exhales.

>I'll do the apologizing, since I'm the one that redirected the beam at her in the first place. Worst case scenario I finally run out of luck and end up a bloody smear on the ground. What we need to do is set up a trap strong enough to slow her down for me to do it.

'What about a net?'

"...a net?"

-That's dumb, you're dumb.-

'A net with every one of us tugging back on it? There's a ton of us, it'd at least have to slow her down to a fast walk.'

~Suggestion: The Peacewalkers could fire the freeze rays concentrated at her hooves. It would in theory cause Queen Chitania's charge to gain some form of difficulty.~

>Yeah...yeah, okay, this might work. Emphasis on might. But we also need someone to distract her while we work on this, then herd her over here for us to spring it on her. We need the most grating obnoxious person possible to get under her skin that she would chase them to the ends of the earth...

"..."

'-~...~-'

>...

"...eh, guilty. I'm on it!"

>Let's get to work, people! We pull this off the Princesses won't notice a thing is different. ...aside from the property damage, the knocked out Centipede Train, and-if we're lucky-the Wonderbolts in the dungeon!

"'-YEAH!-'"

~Acknowledged!~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Pennydrop"
'SA'
[Cadence]
{Chrysalis}
~Celestia~
(18)
=42=
+Twilight+
~~~~~~

In the room of command, the room where all things in this world were controlled and directed, Princess Luna was suddenly feeling very powerless.

>ACK! NO NO NO NO NO!

"Stop panicking."

>How did we lose focus so quickly!? THEY'RE ALMOST BACK UP!

"Stop panicking."

>You fool! They're mere steps from the finale once more! And without any of the armor we left them either! They were too strong!

"Stop. Panicking."

>But what are we supposed to do!? They're going to fight her!

"Good."

>...G-...good?

In the room of no power, a room where she could do little more than watch and occasionally alter but a thing or two, Pennydrop never felt more powerful.

"Yesssss... good."

>How..."

"Because this is exactly what we want them to do."

>But they were supposed to defeat the lords of fire and ice at the same time!

"Princess, princess, princess... don't be silly. Of course they will."

>Oh... does thou think we should just teleport the other to their location?

"Of course not."

>Then... then what...

"Luna... allow me."

She felt uneasy by the tone, but despite all that, curiosity gained the better of her. She found that, truly, she was interested in what was to come.

So when the band of seven once more broke into the lair of the Ice Witch, she felt no regrets in once more relinquishing all power to the strange entity which Twilight had programmed. The entity that, more and more, felt more.... alive.

But none of that mattered when, as one, the heroic group moved forwards.

'Ice witch! We have conquered your maze! Conquered your trials and conquered your minions!'

[It is time to make you pay for your crimes!]

{She means we're going to hurt you, a lot.}

~Mmm, and we won't be gentle about it. WHA-CHA!~

(GAH! Watch the whi- I mean, your reign of terror is over!)

=...Not that I don't want to join in the posturing, but Twilight is starting to foam at the mouth again.=

+GRARGL!+

'What she said! It's over, Witch!'

"Yes... I suppose it is."

Luna, and of course the group down below, had the wind taken right out of their sails as the being sadly nodded, regarding each and every one of them in turn.

"I thought that, perhaps, my maze could break you, make it so I did not have to fight you and waste my power... but alas. I have failed, just as I did in my war with the lord of fire."

She was smooth as she walked down her steps, as gentle as a cool breeze on a winters day.

"What a pity it is that this war of mine must draw to a close so quickly. But I know now it was not to be. I was never destined to make it past this day."

'What... what do you mean?'

She paused, looking on wryly at the stallion.

"Surely you've noticed that I have been in constant battle, have you not? My minions against his, my war against a nation that seeks me destroyed."

{...Okay, if you're going to pull the "I was the victim" Card, save it right now before I shove it up your-}

She threw her head back, cackling loudly to all the world.

"Of course not! I sought rule as he did! A land under my control as his was! I sought victory, to be the Queen above all... but alas, I failed, and now... he will claim victory."

All of them, every one, tensed when she smiled.

"Unless..."

(Wow, no, we are so not helping you.)

"Oh no, no no no, my powers are waning, I grow weak with every step, soon it will be that I have nothing left to give, and I will melt away. Either I will fall to you, or fall to him. I cannot defeat you and still be strong enough for victory later. No matter what, I have lost on this day. All of my kingdom shall melt... unless..."

~...Unlesssss?~

Again, another cackle, but this one was louder, more booming, more powerful, and laced with endless streams of madness.

"FINE! If this is to be my end, I welcome it! Let me become the wind I once was! Let me ride to the plains I escaped from! My family shall see me once more, mores the pity! I hate them so! But I have forged a kingdom, I have forged a legacy! If I am to go... then I shall leave my legacy with behind to grow!"

She spun around, looking to all of them with crazed, unsettled eyes.

"Power... power beyond your imagination! Power beyond anything you've ever held! POWER! So much it chills me! It bleeds from me! It runs down my spine and tingles me in ways I shall never forget! Power... that must be added too the one who will make it strong. I give to you, the strongest, my POWER!"

They all looked to the other, every one of them wondering which of them she spoke of.

Celestia, who Luna would see as strong? Chrysalis, who Luna would know defeated her once? Twilight, who has defeated more foes than any? Shining Armor, who technically had the best stats at the moment? Perhaps even Forty Two or Eighteen, wisdom and strength?

Who?

"... you will hold my power. MY KINGDOM IS YOURS!"

'LOOK OUT!'

The world exploded into a blue light, a heavenly glow that touched all of them, every one. But it touched one of them far, far more than the others.

One of them, it did not just touch... it became.

{...WHAT A GYP! She didn't pick me!?}

~Oh my... I actually did kind of hope she would pick me, I want a new costume. This one is going right up into my worst places.~

+SON OF A BIIIITTTTTTCCHHHH! I WANTED MY MAGIC BACK!+

'I'm telling mom.'

+Shiny no!+

'But, of course, once again I get passed over for the all encompassing power. It's so real, I can hardly believe I'm in a game at all.'

=Hrmph, and here I was hoping I would get to know what it was like to be a Queen.=

(...motherfucker...)

'But, wait, if it wasn't any of us, who was... uh... uhduuuhhhhhhhh....'

Shining Armor, Prince of the Crystal Empire and one of the greatest Shieldcasters to have ever lived was, unfortunately, not present anymore.

Looking over at the mare who now stood in the middle of the room, he was far, far, faaaaarrrrr away from anything.

[...Wait, she picked me?... Why?]

'Uuuuuduhhhhhhhh...'

[Shiny?]

He wasn't even trying to hide it, he was actually drooling. He was, in full view of everyone, ogling his wife and drooling out of the corner of his mouth.

A little embarrassed, she found herself shuffling her new, gorgeous flowing dress just a big, trying to make it stop hugging her form so tantalizingly for just a moment, but without any success. Wisps of cold escaped with every breath as she looked away, her now pale cheeks lighting up as a blush spread across her cheeks.

All of them.

[Is... something wrong?]

{...Daaaamn. Cadence? You look sexy.}

[CHRYSALIS!]

~Don't do that, you do. You look very sexy.~

[CELESTIA!]

(DAYUM! I just... Holy FUCK I could not look that good with magic! You look damn good!)

[EIGHTEEN!]

+...I'm not jealous...+

[TWILIGHT!]

=...=

[See!? Forty Two knows not to be so crass!... is she bleeding? Forty Two, Sweetie, you okay?]

=...=

[She's fine, right Shiny?]

'Ah duuuuuhhhhhhhhhh...'

[R-really, Shiny, you don't have to drool, we're married-]

'MARRIED! I'M MARRIED TO THAT! YAY!'

[O-oh wow.]

He almost raced forwards, only to be caught mid run by a long black hoof around his neck.

{Oh no, not in front of everyone.}

~Think you'd be jealous?~

{SO jealous, I admit it.}

~...Me too.~

[S-so... so now that I'm all... ice witchy? What do we do now?]

"Isn't it obvious?"

The wisp of cold rolled through the room, little more than a voice. A voice that somehow managed to make that dress ruffle juuuust enough to fry everything in Shining Armor's mind, but only a voice nonetheless.

"You must defeat the lord of fire, or you will die. If you wish to save your beloved, you must defeat him, and make my kingdom rule! There is no quarter... one of you shall die. Him... or heerrrr..."

With that, they all felt her gone. Permanently this time.

[...But I'm Ice Queen now, right? Luna, break the fourth wall for a second.]

>Yes, thou are.

[...YAYYYY! I HAVE AN ARMY!]

>Thou has one of those in real life!

[But this is like... a white army!]

{Oh fuck you!}

~Don't be hatin'. Whiteys rule.~

(Buggies rule too! Forty Two, back us up!)

=...=

(Nevermind!... Do I smell smoke?)

~But anyway, so what you're saying is, we need to go beat the other badguy. Only now Cadence, our one weak link since Twilight gained berserker, is the strongest and has an army.~

>Y... yes?

~...This doesn't seem like a problem.~

{Actually seems like we flipped the switch to easy mode.}

[W-well then... let's do it!]

'OKAY! RIGHT HERE IS JUST-'

SMACK!

'NOT EVEN STOPPING ME!'

+I'm telling mom!+

'...'

{HAH!}

[Okay, well... let's go!]

And so, they were off, followed on all sides by the very foes they had been slaughtering en mass for hours. They seemed, and looked, confident.

But one, unseen by all, was far less so.

>And... this will work? How? This doesn't seem very interesting if they just defeat the fire lord.

But one more still...

"...Princess Luna? Of the.. other party, who would you say is your least favorite?"

>...w-whyyyy?

"Ohhhhh..."

Had not stopped smiling the entire time.

The game was about to begin again.

And she would not lose control this time.

"No reason."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>AJ
“Spike”
‘Celly’
[???]
~~~~

>This… not gon’ lie, mostly ‘cause it goes against mah’ element an’ all, but this’n here? Not too comfortable….

‘Oh don’t be such a spoilsport, it’s fun!’

“I’ll say. You wanna talk relaxation at it’s finest? This is it, applebutt.”

>Ah’ jus’… it’s hard tuh’ believe y’all two were doin’… this… the whole time!

‘Can’t be all that surprising, can it?’

“Yeah, me and ‘Tia go way back! …To my birth back, even!”

>That jus’ makes it even weirder….

‘Oh pishposh in some applesauce, come on over here and join us! We’ve always wanted to have a third!’

>…Ya’ know what? Okay. Alright, yeah! Relaxtion, right? Sure, let’s do this!

“That’s my applebutt! Now if you’ll just….”

>L-like this?

‘Mmmm, yeah, just like that….’

“Not so tight though, gently….”

>Okay… right, right… geeeently…

“Damn. She’s a pro, ‘Tia.”

‘Looks like it.’

>So Ah’ put it like this….

“Faust above watching you handle it like that is something I didn’t know I always wanted….”

>Heh, jus’ you wait ’til Ah’ get better, loverboy, then Ah’ might be able to show y’all some tri-

BAM!

[Alright, enough of this shit!]
“Hey hey hey! Didn't you see the sign on the door? Private time here!”

‘C… Chrysalis? What’re you doing here?’

>Oh great….

[Eat an orange, appleass. And what am I doing? ME? What’s with YOU, not inviting me to at least watch this sexy little… I….]

Three pairs of eyes stared up at the befuddled Changeling Queen, who stared back without a word.

She had expected to barge in on some hot, sweaty coitus. And possibly take some pictures.

What she hadn’t expected to barge in on was a three-way game of Russian Roulette, with Applejack currently holding the pistol to her temple and looking miffed.

>Ya’ mind, beetle?

[…]

“Yeah, get out, man, you’re ruining the moment. We had a good feng-shui going.”

[…And this… is relaxing.]

‘Therapeutic, really. That sense of impending release gives hope that one day sincere freedom will actually come.’

[You ponies are fucked up.]

“Hey!”

[Sorry, my bad. You ponies and one dragon are fucked up.]

“Better. Now get out.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>AJ
“Luna”
‘Celly’
~~~~

“Orange bane of our existence, lend us your ear!”

>Ah’ll lend ya’ the window if you’ll jump out.

“Stow thine weak attempts at flattery towards our great flying skills, and behold! We have crafted our most ingenious plan yet!”

>Innerestin’.

“Right? And we haven’t even made thee privy of it yet!”

>No, not that. Ya’ say ‘most’ like there was a pile of ‘em, like there once existed some great ol’ heap’a masterfully concocted ideas. That y’all made.

“…The pile starts now!”

>Ah’ had the same thought when Ah’ dropped that first empty bottle o’ aspirin on the floor on mah’ first day as princess. ‘The pile starts now’. An’ sure ‘nuff, got a neat lil’ pile goin’ on here.

“’Tis a marvelous pile, indeed, but now, back to our plan!”

>An’ here we go….

“In an effort at increasing the might of our guard, what say thee to having the solar guard captain and the lunar guard captain meet every weekend to discuss training regimens and compare subordinate growth? We are all joined with the common goal of protecting, yes? Then working together, rather than separately, will prove us a mighty force to be reckoned with in the eyes of our enemies!”

>…

“…Well? What doth thou th-”

>OH MAH STARS AN’ APPLES! What’s this note here say?! Why, looks like they’re havin’ a sale on those super rare moonpie pastries! In Saddle Arabia. Only for the next four hou-

“MOONPIIIIIIIIES!”

SHOOOM!

>…Annnn’ by the time she gets back, she’ll have forgotten all ‘bout that lil’ suggestion. Ah’ll jus’ make a note of it real quick… there. Can’t have Celly gettin’-

BAM!

‘What’s going on in here? I smell plans in the making. Terrible plans. Did my sister just propose some sort of motion?’

>’Kay, first of all? Quit sniffin’ like a dog for clues. Second, no, she jus’ jumped out the window for Saddle Arabia. Bake sale.

‘Huh. Well… okay. So long as it wasn’t one of her infamously fucked up ideas, those always backfire. And I always get the fallout right in my ass.’

>With all that paddin’ back there, does it really matter?

‘Bite me, dear.’

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________