Ain't life Beautiful - 5

>Day dramatic tension
>You are still Anon
>And you think you may have found a paralyzing spell
>None of the ponies have moved since you asked about the fathers of AJ's and Dash's foals
>Pure shock on each face
>Even Big Mac's
>There is only two places this leads
>One is big red and kinda disgusting
>Though not wholly unexpected
>The other
>Holy shit
>You really hope that it isn't what you're starting to think it is
>You will straight up murder a pony if it is
Could one of you answer me?
I'm starting to think that I should go get an angry mob together.
>"No, oh by Celestia, no Anon.  Nopony did that!," Twilight says a little disgusted that the pleasant conversation was going towards
>rape
>"Darling, please no need to breach such horrid subjects there was no foul play involved in the conception of the foals," Rarity says trying to calm everyone down.
Good, but that doesn't explained why you guys blue-screened on me.
>"Excuse me?"
Human term Twilight, all of you just froze up in shock when I asked.  What was I supposed to expect?
>"Oooooh Nonny doesn't know, can I tell him, I can let him down easy and we could all shed a single masculine tear together, like those buffaloes in the old stampeding grounds commercials! Or, or I can just rip the band-aid off and scream NONNY ___'__ ___ ______!" Pinkie screamed, somehow spoiler protecting her own speech.
>"Pinkie calm down, and quit confusing everypony," Twilight said.
>"Ooh or we can make it like Marey Pullbits and tell him he isn't only to switch back and say he is when he is doing the zebra jig so that AJ and Dashie can do the zebra jig!  Or even better we can make it into a guessing game!  Nonny who do you think are the fathers of Applejack's and Dashie's foals?"
Uh, Caramel and Thunderlane?
>"Caramel? That tran-"
>"THUNDERLANE you think I would lift my tail for bucking THUNDERLANE?!," Dash roars flying right up in your face.
Nope, but it is better to see you mad than depressed.
>"I uh.."
>"Ooh he got you so good Dashie, I've been trying to get you to out of that funk all day!  Why do you think they call it a funk anyway?  Think it is because it looks like you're always smelling a moldy cupcake that you left under the oven in case of a cupcake based emergency, and couldn't reach because your hooves were too short?  Or because it is the face you make when you get funkay!  But that has to mean a different thing! Funky, Funkay which do you think is better Applejack? Funky or Funkay, Funky funk getting Funkay tee hee hee!"
>"PINKIE you are getting way off topic. Now, I'm sorry I had to shout, but Anon asked a question.  I know you're excited, but I have to remind you that this is their big announcement not yours."
>"You're right Fluttershy, I'm sorry."
>"Now as we were tryin ta say," Applejack says tapping on Dash's head to get her to stop grumbling about that lazy bucking Thunderlane, "The father of our foals is-"
Wait, 'father', singular? Oh wow what party did I mis-
>"Its you Anon, you bucking idiot," Dash shouts crushing your admittedly pathetic attempt to distract.
>Now it is your turn to stare at nothing in shock
>You knew it
>You knew it when it was both of them that had an announcement
>You knew it when Dash was depressed on the day of her Wonderbolts tryouts
>You knew when Big Mac was looking like someone fucked his sister
>"-onny?"
>You knew it when Dash couldn't even look you in the eye
>"-sn't funn-"
>You knew it when it took all of Applejack's willpower all of her friends, and her brother to just say she was pregnant
>"-erously Nonn-"
>You knew it when Applejack cried tears of joy at you accepting her
>"ANONYMOUS!" Pinkie screams directly in your ear
>You only reaction is to carefully put a finger over her mouth, silencing her
Another minute please.
>You can't tell how the mares are reacting to you right now, there is a bee outside and you're too invested in seeing which flower it picks to pollinate
>Outwardly anyway
>Inside, your mind is racing, and fighting over where to go from here
>Even if you do the right thing, one mare ends up out in the cold.
>Not to mention that you barely know either of them enough to do the right thing, and be ok with it.
>All you wanted was a fun night, you didn't even want to fuck ponies when that damn party started
>This shit is supposed to be impossible, you're not even close in species
But we're not even close in species
>You weren't even talking to anyone, just tossing words in the air
But we're not even close in species
>You say to the girls, it is a small flimsy defense, but it is yours
>"We know that, Anon, but according to both Applejack and Rainbow Dash you were the last *ahem* male company either of them...engaged with," Twilight said trying her best to avoid talking about sex.
>"Nonny, you're not sad now are you?," Pinkie asks clutching your neck a little tighter and laying her head on top of yours
>You aren't sad, pissed, shocked, confused? Definitely, but sad, no.
>You're even a little glad you aren't sad, AJ would be able to tell in a heartbeat, and you would be an even bigger hypocritical fuck if you were after reassuring her.
No Pinkie, I'm not sad, pretty shocked though, and more than a little confused.
>"Well that is something I am hoping to clear up in the coming months, Anon," Twilight says with a frightening cheer to her voice.  "If Rainbow Dash's and Applejack's claims are true then for the first time in Equestrian history a bipedal species has managed to interbreed with a quadrupedal one.  Discounting the fact that you may have disproved thousands of years of scientific fact in one night you will be the the progenitor of an entirely new species.  I cannot wait to see the results of such hybridization.  Bipedal, or quadrupedal, furry, or hairless, will they be a pure lateral hybrid like hippogriffs, or will they take qualities from each parent like mules and zebroids?"
>"Um, Twilight"
>"And that isn't even factoring in the entirely new magical studies that will have to take place, by the result of a species crossed from magical and non-magical parents!  An entire new field of magical study will be found! In our time!  This is big, Starswirl the Bearded's Animorphic spell big, and I'll be at the forefront!  They'll name a wing at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns after me!  It'll be my greatest honor and achievement! Lectures will be given based on my studies, and my mere musings will be pontificated on for centuries to come!"
>"Twilight, you stop right there Missy.  How dare you, how DARE you?!  Treating two unborn foals like test subjects, for shame.  I know you love to learn new things, but that is no reason to disregard their lives as mere study." Fluttershy said looking livid, but somehow still adorable.
>"Mere study! MERE STUDY!" Twilight then stops and takes a deep breath while making a weird motion with her hoof, "*sigh* Alright Fluttershy.  I'll admit that I may have taken things too far, but do not disregard the greatest scientific discovery in our generation as mere study."
>"Twilight I-"
>"AND my studies will be important to both parents and foals.  The faster and more thorough my studies, the better prepared we will be during their development, birth, and life.  I'm sorry again Fluttershy for my zeal, and I'm sorry Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Anon for seeming callous.  However without knowing anything about your child, we won't know how to treat it in case of illness or injury."
Um apology accepted
>"No problem Twi."
>"Whatever."
>"Thank you," Twilight says that insane look leaving her eyes, "So, Anon we will pick up our interviews again tomorrow, nothing can be withheld, your children may depend on it."
>You look over to see Big Mac staring intently at you
>Not furious, but the look of a big brother looking at the guy who fucked his little sister
>You then turn and look at Rarity, being oddly quiet despite the drama playing out around her
Heh, enjoying the show Rarity?
>"Oh darling, I'm just waiting for the grand finale," she says laughing quietly.
>Grand finale?  What could that be, the drama bomb has been dropped you are allegedly the father of two.
>With two baby-mommas.
>Fuck, you aren't black enough to handle this shit
>May as well bite the bait, just to distract from wanting to 'go get a pack of smokes'
>It is hard not being a dick
Well, why wait? Lets cut to the chase already.
>"Just remember, you asked for it," Rarity whispers in your ear before sitting up straight, and saying a bit louder, "So where will you go from here, Anon?"
>Oh shit
>"Surely you intend to take responsibility, for your part in all of this, darling."
>Oh Fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>Now you have the full and undivided attention of every pony in the room
>None more than Big Mac, who is full on 'wish a nigga would'
>Shit shit shit shit
>Wait
>The only winning move is not to play
>Momma Femanon didn't raise no fool
I can't
>"EENOPE!" Big Mac growled out
>"Now, calm down Macintosh" Applejack says getting in front of him
>"Eenope." Mac replies.
Hold it Mac, I didn't say I won't, I said I can't.
>All the girls are looking worried at the prospect of a fight, except Rarity who is complely calm and has resumed leaning against you, and Pinkie who is humming a tune on your head.
You guys are in the off season, can't fly to help with the weather, can't bake at Sugarcube Corner without running out half the customers, Spike has the library taken care of, can't talk to animals, and can't sew anything.
Can't really work for anyone else because most of the townspeople are still scared of me.
I can keep myself just fine.  Because push comes to shove I can be self sufficient, and just take what I need from nature.  Taking care of anyone else?  No chance.
>"Well," Rarity says, slipping off the loveseat, "if mere employment is your problem I believe I can be of help.  At least for a time."
What do you mean Rarity?
>She paces in front of you nonplussed by the upset red stallion off to her side
>"Like you said, we are in the off season.  That means I must restock for next season's line, All About Amethyst," she says with dramatic flare.  Seemingly waiting for a spotlight to appear, "This will take me fairly close to Diamond dog territory, and while I trust little Spikey Wikey, I couldn't forgive myself if I put him in harm's way again.  He is, after all, just a baby dragon.  However I'm sure a fine example of a man, such as yourself, will be in no danger."
>"Also Anonymous, I will be willing to reimburse you for your time at the interviews and your willingness to perform a few simple tests.  In fact, I can start tomorrow," Twilight says, putting the last nail in the coffin of your defense.
>"And that's that, so Anonymous I'll ask again where will you go from here?" Rarity asks smiling sweetly
>This mare is good
>"Weddin," Big Mac says surprising the whole room.
Uh, no I'm not.
>"Uh, no he's not." you and Applejack both reply without missing a beat
>"Tradition.  No Apple is born outta wedlock," Big Mac says
>"Now, Big Mac, ah know yer tryin ta protect me, bu-"
>"Eenope," Big Mac says cutting off AJ,"Ah'm tryin to protect the family, no bastards born in the Apple clan."
>"And what about Rainbow and her foal Macintosh?" Applejack asks, "Are we jus supposed to leave her high and dry."
>Big Mac took a second to look at Rainbow Dash, who had more or less excused herself from the conversation since telling you that you are the father of her child.
>Head on the couch's armrest looking at nothing, just looking tired and uninterested.
>Only her ear twitching when her name was said is the only thing indicating that she is even awake.
>"Ah care about her, Applejack.  Ah care about all yer friends, but family comes first.  Always."
>"Now now, everypony.  Everything doesn't need to be decided tonight."  Rarity cuts in
>"Night?," Twilight looks out the window to confirm, "Oh no! I need to get back to the library, I need to prepare my laboratory for the tests, and Spike must be worried sick."
>"Oh dear, I need to go home and feed my nocturnal animal friends.  Gerald the lemur should already on his way, poor sweetie must be starving.  Um, Rainbow, are you ok?"
>Finally getting up and taking a quick stretch Dash floats off the couch and heads to the door
>"I'm fine Fluttershy, just tired, I'll see you tomorrow alright."
>"Ok Rainbow Dash, be careful."
>"Sure," Rainbow Dash says then takes off towards her home.
>Fluttershy, flying just above ground heads off to her house
>"I should be off as well, Sweetie Belle will be over tomorrow and I need to be awake early to receive her.  Anonymous, I expect to see you at the boutique Monday bright and early."
Sure thing, my lady.
>You give her a mock bow.
>"Please, Anonymous. Miss, or Miss Rarity shall suffice during business hours.  Pinkie come along, I know you have to be up early too, Saturday mornings are your busiest after all."
>"But Rarity, Nonny's head is sooooo comfy." Pinkie says rubbing your scalp with her head
>"But who will tuck in Gummy, if not you Pinkie."
>Pinkie immediately pops up and hops off and is at the door in an instant
>"You're right Rarity, I'd hate to see Gummy all grumpypants because he stayed up too late. Bye bye Nonny!"
>Pinkie then bounces out the door with Rarity following behind
>Applejack and Big Mac head toward your door to take their leave as well
>"Ain't done" Mac says, then turns and snorts before walking out.
>"Ah'm sorry about Macintosh, he means well, but he acts like ah'm still a filly when it comes to fellers."
No problem, comes with being a big brother.
>Applejack then rears up on her hind legs and gives you a hug, her head reaching your chest.
>One which you gently return
>"Ah wouldn't mind it so much, ya know."
>Before you can reply she is already down and out the door.
>You smile and close the door behind her
>You walk into the kitchen, nearly tripping over a small wooden bucket and munch on some leftover salad for dinner.
>After your food you head upstairs to bed, stripping down to your boxer-briefs
>Damn comfy
>As you fall asleep all you can wonder is how you went from making plans to give little miss Diamondback the D, to working a job and subjecting yourself to Twilight's 'simple tests' just to help with the offspring you never wanted nor thought you'd have
>Ain't life beautiful


>Night somewhat less rotten apples
>You are Applejack again
>And that talk with Anon left you with a warm feeling in your heart
>He brought you back up when you were feeling mighty low
>And was willing to do his part
>Took the fact that a night of fun, the entire premise of which was the impossibility of a pregnancy, led to two pregnancies much better than anypony else would've
>Yourself included
>You will have to get him alone with Rainbow and you soon
>It'll take a lot more work to bring her out of her depression
>Mostly because she has no experience with it.
>You'll also have to get both of you closer to Anon
>Like it or not you guys are going to be tied together for life, one way or another
>Plenty of time for that though
>Then the nausea hits again
>You pull out of your reverie and spill in the bucket you had Mac bring
>Or at least where it would've been if that fool Macintosh had brought it instead of posturing to Anon.
*urk* Just hooves?
>"Ugh, Nope."
Sorry
>"Eeyup."
Should've remembered the bucket
>"*sigh* Eeyup."