President Trump got such overwhelming approval at his rally for his “Bring back ‘Gone With The Wind!’” remark that he immediately flew back to DC, renamed his residence The White Power House and decided to do a remake of the famous 1940 Civil War soap opera starring himself as Rhett Butler and featuring his cabinet and family.

SCENE: Film aides and prop people prepping the White Power House and grounds to look like Tara, a White Power Antebellum mansion circa 1860. In the middle of the hubbub Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff walk up to see what the hell is going on.

Trump: Melania, come here. You get to play Melanie Wilkes, so act like a long suffering wife.

Melania: Is no acting.

Trump: Do what you’re paid to do!

Melania: I don’t want to play long suffering wife. I want to be girl who says fiddle the dee dee.

Ivanka, who is standing nearby, glares at her: I’m Scarlett O’ Vanka. That’s MY role. I am the beautifully coifed gritty heroine and Rhett’s true love. And you got it wrong anyway – there’s no “the” in fiddle dee dee!

Melania (glares back): I don’t give a damn!

Trump: That’s MY line. It goes “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” and I can’t wait to say it over and over! In fact, I made it my new campaign slogan. Anyway, Mike Pence is going to play…wait, where’s Mike?

Aide: He’s trying on Scarlett’s ball gown.

Melania: I want to wear ball gown.

Ivanka: YOU are Melanie, the long suffering wife who gives birth and dies. I get to wear frocks and prosper with my business paid for by some man’s money. Daddy said so. (Turns to aide) Can someone get Mike Pence out of my gown?

Adam Schiff: There’s something I never thought I’d hear.

Trump: Shut up Yankee scum!

Nancy Pelosi: Two things. That line is not in the film. Annnnnd we are not doing this.

Bernie Sanders pulls up in a horse drawn carriage and before anyone can say anything imposes taxes on Tara. The sign on the back of his ride reads “Making Wealth Inequality My Bitch Since 1861.”

Ivanka: Daddy! A carpetbagger just taxed my plantation!

Trump: He’s not a carpetbagger, he’s a communist.

Ivanka: Oh wait, I’m supposed to find a way to pay the taxes. I saw it in the movie. I mean…let me do this. Oh my! Oh my! Ah can’t pay those taxes! What is poor me going to do!

Melania: Nothing. We never pay taxes. Let’s go to Saks.

Ivanka: Mammy, hand me those curtains so I can have my Chinese factory make a me a dress.

Melania: What. No. I am Melanie.

Ivanka: You’re Mammy now. Hand me those curtains.

Melania: I am not Mammy.

Ivanka: Yes you are. You have to wear a fat suit and say things like “I swear I gwine…yadda yadda yadda.” That’s what Mammy says. Hand me the curtains Mammy.

Melania: I want to say fiddle the dee dee! Not I swear whatever you just said.

Nancy Pelosi: No! NO person is going to speak like that in this White House. It’s demeaning and ---

Trump: What? It’s historically accurate! You just want everything to be PC!

Pelosi: So do you. Pre-Confederacy. A plantation master who bullies other humans and makes them work for free. This is insane. You can’t dress your wife up like a house slave you bought off the open market and call it historically accurate.

Schiff: *Ahem *

Pelosi: Okay, that part’s accurate. But moving on…This movie is a romance with war! It’s filled with crazy out-dated ideals spouted by egotistical Southerners who think they can rule the country with arrogance and attitude. Then everything falls apart and people get killed, lose their homes, there is no healthcare for the troops --

Trump: Yes! It’s just like today! (turns to Ivanka) Land, Katie Scarlett! Land is the only thing that matters!

Ivanka: But Daddy, you said that money and power were the only thing that matters.

Schiff (interrupts): Um, Donald, just looking around your…uh, plantation thing here…I noticed all your field hands are white.

Trump: They’re my Twitter followers.

Schiff: I see. Well. Just out of curiosity, do you have any Black people in this film?

Trump: Sure. Ben Carson.

Schiff: Oh no. I am almost afraid to ask this next question but what role does Mr. Carson play?

Trump: Big Sam. The slave who saves Ivanka when she drives through Shithole Town.

Aide: It’s Shanty town sir. “Shanty town.”

Pelosi: YOU HAVE YOUR UNITED STATES SECRETARY OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT PLAYING A SLAVE???

Trump: Kanye was busy. Anyway, it’s a freed slave. Big Sam.

Pelosi: I’m sorry Mr. Impeached President but there’s no way Ben Carson is going to do that. He has too much dignity to let you --

Ben Carson walks up: Hey everyone! I’m BIG SAM! Big Sam here to save the Confederate Caucasian!

Pelosi: Mr. Carson! You cannot be serious –

Carson: Call me Big Sam little lady.

Pelosi: I’ll call you an ambulance if you ever refer to me as “little lady” again.

Carson: Oh… sorry Nancy. I was just getting into my role as BIG SAM! I get to be a hero! I even get a fight scene…you know…and I win! Stick around and watch BIG SAM!

Pelosi: I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than see any of this ridiculous, racist, ignorant piece-of-crap remake of an old movie that romanticized one of the most tragic parts of this country’s history and portrayed people…your people, Mr. Carson…as simpletons and festive free labour owned by white Southerners! It’s beyond horrifying and--

Trump: Oh shut up Nancy. You’re just jealous because you don’t get to be in the film. No one wants to see you on the big screen. They want to see me - Rhett Trumpler! Where’s my suit? Hey…has anyone seen Mike Pence?

Aide: Still trying on ball gowns.

Pelosi to Schiff: *whispers* I need you to call a meeting of every Democratic leader, their team and constituents and get them all over here, right now.

Schiff: What’s the plan?

Pelosi: We’re going to win the Civil War.