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- >Ponies simply hate doing the dishes.
- >This has extended to the horse restaurant industry.
- >It's gotten so bad to the point of where instead of actually washing them in-house, it's all either disposable utensils & plates, or all of the dishes are sent out to be washed elsewhere to private companies.
- >Usually the places that are big enough to afford it do so, but a large majority of restaurants in Equestria lack the money to do it.
- >This is due to the "Mom & Pop" nature of establishments of areas outside of Canterlot.
- >Those who WANT to do the dishes, are few and far between, and there are even less so who excel at it.
- >Thus, dishwashing is seen as a job for those who are struggling and have no option.
- >In pony land, unless your business was big, you were forced to do the grueling task of handling dishes every night.
- >Pony dishwasher turnover is the worst out of all industries in Equestria.
- >You are Anon, and you're looking to get a job.
- >Back in homeworld, you've been working in restaurants since you could even remember.
- >God damned job markets forcing your college-aged ass to cook.
- >Unfortunately most places here in pony world just won't hire line cooks right off the bat, so your options are somewhat limited.
- >"Sorry, we already have enough cooks!"
- >Fucking ponies doubting your skills of deep frying and grilling shit.
- >This time, you're back to square one. You have to wash dishes.
- >You're not completely adverse to the idea, you've always been good at it.
- >But you shudder to imagine the lack of bluetooth speakers blasting obscure 80s synthpop to keep you company.
- >But a man must do what a man must do.
- >You found a somewhat busy establishment in Ponyville, called "Dinny's!"
- >As you approach the door, a sad, wet, and angry pony storms out, brushing by you in a huff.
- >"I'm never going to wash dishes again! This is poo poo!"
- >Looks like a job is now available.
- >You walk in with a grin, knowing that you guaranteed have a place to work.
- >You've been in this strange land for a little while now, and now it's time for you to engage in participating in society.
- >The place is currently in a lull between the lunch and dinner rushes, so the place isn't particularly busy at the moment.
- >You walk up to the counter, and encounter a mare running it.
- >"Hi! Welcome to Dinny's! Are you going to be dining in with us today?"
- "No, actually. Can I speak to a manager?"
- >The color drains from the mare's face.
- >The mare is clearly worried that she did something wrong.
- >"Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad pony?" she squeaks.
- >You laugh.
- "No, I'm looking for a job here."
- >The color quickly regains in the mare's face, as she lets out a massive sigh.
- >"Phew! Okay!"
- >She clops her two hooves together.
- >"Let me go get my manager!"
- >You appreciate that in this world, there are no such things as "online portals" because there's no internet, and meeting people face to face is a whole lot more straightforward.
- >The mare runs to the back, and a minute later the manager walks out.
- >"Hello! You must be the human in town, what's your name?"
- "Anonymous."
- >"Is it okay if I call you Anon?"
- "Sure."
- >The manager is a mare that's somewhat pink with a light blue mane & tail, and you notice some grey hairs mixed in there.
- >There's definitely a wrinkle or two on her face, and her little pony body is definitely in the stages of transitioning between normal mare and old hag mare.
- >"Oh, how rude of me! I haven't told you who I am. My name is Palette Dinny!"
- "Like the name of this place?"
- >"Yes sir! This restaurant has been in my family for quite some time now, and I'm the current owner."
- >You take a peek at her rump and see what appears to be a printed out schedule for a cutie mark.
- >Guess management runs in the family.
- "That's neat! So this place has some history in it. I've worked in family owned restaurants before."
- >"Oh, really?" Palette says.
- "Yeah. I've been everything from a busboy to a line cook."
- >"That's great to hear! Unfortunately we don't have any cook positions open at the moment..."
- "That's okay. I couldn't help but notice what I think was your dishwasher walking out. I'd like to wash your dishes for you."
- >Palette is shocked.
- >"Are you in a bad place at the moment? We would love to have you but we understand if it gets too tough for you... a lot of ponies can't handle it more than a few days."
- >Seriously? A few days? It can't be THAT bad, can it?
- "I've washed dishes for some busy places in my life, how bad could it be?"
- >"W-well, if you think you're up to it, Anon, you're more than welcome to work here! Would you come to my office so I can give you a proper interview?"
- "Alrighty then."
- >You and Palette go to her office, a small little room with a desk and a filing cabinet.
- >On the desk is what appears to be some accounting information, and an employee schedule.
- >There is a garbage bin in the corner with what appears to be multiple employee files in it.
- "So, uh, how many dishwashers have you had come through here?"
- >Palette scrunches her nose, and puts a hoof to her forehead and starts rubbing slowly.
- >"We, uh, have had about 30 come and go in the past six months."
- >Your eyes widen at this information.
- "You're kidding me, right? 30 in the past six MONTHS?"
- >"You see, Anon, you see, dishwashing is not for the faint of heart. Most ponies do it because they have to while they're holding out for a better job."
- >"We've actually got the lowest turnover rate in town, so we're doing pretty fine!"
- >The LOWEST?
- >IN TOWN?
- >Palette explains that working for a living is tough!
- >She interviews you, asks about your experience, and seems pretty happy to have you there.
- >"Anon, you seem to be qualified for a position as a chef in Canterlot! Why are you coming here to work for us?"
- >You're a college age fast casual cook.
- "The dishes beckon, and I am their reckoning."
- >Palette swallows.
- >"Would you be okay starting out as a part time dishwasher?"
- "How many hours would that bring me?"
- >"I don't know if you know this, but part time here in Equestria is a max of 8 hours a week, silly!"
- "Only 8 hours?"
- >Palette looks confused.
- >"What do you mean only?"
- "Part time where I'm from is a max of like, 30 or 35 hours depending on the location. Anything above that is full-time."
- >Palette somehow trips, and catches herself yet standing still.
- >"T-that is just crazy, Anon! You can't tell me that you came from a place where part time is TWICE what full time is here!"
- >Seeing ponies get exasperated brings you much joy.
- >You lean in.
- "Can I start full-time?"
- >One thing led to another and here you are in the dish pit.
- >You said you could start today and finish up whatever's left.
- >The pay isn't glamorous, but it is what you'd expect from such a job.
- >You're also surprised to learn that 15 hours is considered full-time work.
- >You agreed to 20 hours because money is good, and only washing dishes for 20 hours isn't bad at all.
- >You look at the dish pit to notice that there isn't a whole lot.
- >It's a standard 3 sink system, with soak, rinse, and sanitize.
- >The middle sink has the traditional sprayer used for knocking shit loose.
- >All in all, a good setup, and good for what you do.
- >Pony size stuff pisses you off however, and the sink is lower than what you're used to.
- >You ponder, and come to a quick solution.
- >You look around for a bit and find a milk crate.
- >You put the milk crate down in front of the sink.
- >That's right, motherfucker.
- >Sittin' and dishin' like no one else has done before.
- >You let your pony coworkers know to just throw the dishes in the wash sink.
- "I don't care if you think it's mean, throw 'em in there!"
- >Soon, the soak sink is full and it is time for you to begin your journey.
- >You grab the first dish in the left hand, a typical pony entree-sized dish.
- >Good for one human slice of cake.
- >Easy.
- >It begins.
- >4 hours later, and the business is closed.
- >Apparently restaurants close at eight.
- >You thank the heavenly gods above for putting you in a land where 24/7 restaurants isn't even a concept imagined by any living being.
- >It's also a nice thing being an average height human in teeny tiny pony land, because everything is within reach of you.
- >You rarely have to get up at all, you find.
- >You simply put the dishes on the rack as they're washed.
- >You don't even think you broke a sweat.
- >The dinner rush came and went, and you were never behind.
- >It's a Friday, for christ's sake!
- >There should have been more trouble than this, but no!
- >"Hey Anon! You're doing a great job so far!" Palette says.
- "This isn't bad at all! I don't know what you were talking about."
- >Palette giggles.
- >"Well, at the rate you do dishes, we should be able to be home by nine! Fantastic!"
- >The final bit of kitchenware and other ceramics are placed in your soak sink.
- >"This is the final bit! After this, we're all good to go!"
- >Palette starts rambling on about how nice it is to have such a fantastic worker under her command, or some shit nobody cares about.
- >It only took you 5 minutes to clear the sink and put everything on the drying racks.
- "I think that's it."
- >You interrupted Palette.
- >"-and I think you have a shot at being the first dishwasher to last for more than- hey! It's rude to interr- huh? You're done?"
- "Look at it yourself. Sinks are empty, and cleaned. Got all the particulate through the drain, all the dishes put up. I think we are good to go."
- >Palette is shocked. She looks at the clock on the wall, looks at you, then back to the clock.
- >"I, uh, w-wha? Huh? It's only 8:07!"
- >You turn to her.
- "By the way, when's payday?"
- >Day 3 of washing dishes in Equestria.
- >You're getting into the groove now.
- >You are supposed work 5 days a week, 4 hours a day.
- >And you're making a living wage!
- >And you get 2 whole days off!
- >2 DAYS OFF!
- >The ponies in this town have long since gotten used to having you around.
- >Some even are starting to respect you a little bit more now that you're contributing to society.
- >No more crashing at shelters and shit, you think you should be able to have a place to call your own soon enough.
- >Your coworkers are slightly afraid of you.
- >Who wouldn't be afraid of a being that is capable of doing menial dishwashing?
- >One of the server mares comes up to you, 2 hours into your 4 hour shift.
- >You don't know her name but she sure is kind of yellow.
- >"Hey Anon, how come you're able to stick your..."
- "Hand?"
- >"Yes! Right! Hand in the soapy water? It's too hot!"
- >You look at the soak sink.
- >"Whenever it's just been filled, I'm so scared to even put stuff in because sometimes it just makes a splash and then I get that super hot water on me!"
- >You raise your hand.
- "It's simple, really."
- >The soak sink is freshly filled up.
- "I just take my hand,"
- >You aim your hand at the sink.
- "And..."
- >You dive your hand in with a movement so quick, not even making a single splash. A perfect dive.
- >The yellow serverhorse flinches.
- >Your hand is submerged in the somewhat hot water.
- >The yellow serverhorse is now breathing quite heavily.
- >"Y-you don't even have any fur! H-how?"
- "I dunno, man. I'm built different."
- >The day continues.
- >...
- >And now the day is ending soon.
- >Yellow serverhorse brought some of the other staff along with her.
- >You now have a small group of ponies watching you as you're blazing through dishes like nopony has done before.
- >"I haven't seen anypony work that fast!"
- >"How is he able to do that?"
- >"...good thoughts, no bad thoughts, good pony... be a good pony..."
- >Yellow serverhorse speaks up to you.
- >"Hey Anon, show everypony what you showed me earlier!"
- >You lazily put your hand in the hot soapy water sink.
- >You get a few surprised gasps, and then some cheers.
- >"Wow! He sure is tough to be able to do that!"
- >"I'd hate to mess with him!"
- >"Hey Anon how'd you do that?"
- >Yellow serverhorse turns to her fellow horsey workers.
- >"See? He just tells me he's built different or something like that! It's amazing!"
- >This praise leaves you feeling content.
- >Another pony speaks up.
- >"So, Anon, when are you going to quit?"
- >You freeze.
- "What do you mean, quit?"
- >"W-well, we haven't had a dishwasher go at it like you have, so you must be feeling pretty burnt out, right?"
- "What do you mean? I haven't even got started."
- >You get a couple more gasps.
- >Exasperated ponies leave you much joy.
- >"You're not going to be leaving us?"
- "Not until someone starts paying me more to go wash their dishes, no."
- >You get a couple of cheers from that.
- >"Yay! We have a dishwasher that's good at his job!"
- >This is laughably easy.
- >You finish up for the day, and head off to wherever it is that you reside.
- >You figure this is the part of the story that talks about how you live when you're not currently working or interacting with technicolor horses.
- >You go to your hobo spot under a bridge.
- >Since coming here, you haven't had much opportunity to do much and you've made yourself a cozy little campsite under a bridge that goes over a small stream.
- >This bridge is located on the outskirts of the town that is called Ponyville.
- >It's big enough for you and a tent, plus a campfire for whatever flammable needs you may have.
- >You've been living like this for a couple of months now, and it's surprisingly comfy.
- >Since this is a land of magical horseshit, there's no such things as unpleasant nights.
- >You can't even remember a time where it rained at night here.
- >Must be something about how pegasi control the weather or some shit.
- >You strip, wash up in the stream of brilliantly clear water, and cosy on up in your tent for the night.
- >You wake up in the morning, an easy task set forth in this pony land.
- >Birds are singing, sun is shining, and brother,
- >You hurt people.
- >Not really, you haven't been able to perform your acts of moderate human violence in this world.
- >Mostly because you don't want to be put in prison, and end up brainwashed like the rest of them.
- >At least, that's what you think goes on.
- >You don't know much.
- >All you know is that ponies here are childish, and that your pubes are growing a considerable amount.
- >You make a mental note to find a sharp object of some kind so you can tame the jungle one of these days.
- >You splash water on your face from the nearby stream.
- >You also have to handle your clothing situation sooner or later.
- >The only things that came from your world were the clothes on your back.
- >Washing the same set of clothing gets tiring after a while.
- >It may be the morning, but with your work schedule you only go in right before the dinner rush starts.
- >Every time you enter the establishment you are greeted by the sight of dishes piled up haphazardly.
- >There are no morning dishwashers in that place.
- >That's probably because you're the only dishwasher.
- >You're just glad your hands haven't melted away from the constant submersion, but they're still there due to the short length of your shifts.
- >You figure that's enough sitting around on your ass, and you also figure it's time to head into town to get into some Anon debauchery.
- >You don your white t-shirt and jeans, buckle your belt, slip on your socks, and then put on your shoes.
- >It's go time.
- >The shitty morning part of the story is now over.
- >You are strolling at a leisurely pace.
- >Just as luck would have it, there is now a pony behind you.
- >"Move faster, please! You're interrupting my trotty time!" the pony cries out.
- >The path is wide enough for two living beings to walk side-by-side.
- "Can't you just pass me?"
- >"No! You have to get out of the way!" the pony says.
- >Judging from the tone and pitch of the voice, you assume that it is a mare.
- >This may be the same mare that's been harassing your ass every time you take this path.
- "Look, missy, there's more than enough space for the two of us here. Just pass, please."
- >"NO! I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW!"
- >Excuse you?
- >You stop and turn around.
- >Your towering height over the little pony becomes obvious as you notice your shadow completely covering the little shit.
- "You overtake on the left."
- >"I want to go faster!"
- "Then just pass me!"
- >"No! I want this side!"
- >Jesus Christ.
- >You scratch the back of your head.
- >This is always the deal with this one.
- >You wonder if this were Earth, this would be the asshole always tailgating you in the slow lane.
- >You figure the best option at this point is the simplest one.
- >You do a pose, arms reached out.
- "Boo!"
- >"T-that won't work on me this time! I know you're just a slowpoke who wants to ruin my morning routine!"
- "Screw off, then."
- >The mare starts babbling incoherently at this sign of aggression, clearly not used to such foul language.
- >You continue your jaunt as normal.
- >Fast forward to working time, you show up to Dinny's for your usual bout of washing the dishes.
- >You duck your head before walking in.
- >Pony doors aren't as big as human doors.
- >As you walk in through the front door, you are greeted by a couple of your coworkers.
- >There is a certain mare sitting at a table nearby...
- >Is that?
- >The ass-riding mare?
- >She notices you, and her expression sours.
- >Not your problem.
- >Wanting to avoid conflict, you head into the back to start working.
- >Washing dishes
- >Washing dishes
- >Washing dishes while on the clock, yeah!
- >You find yourself in your peaceful state of mind, the new dishes to be washed coming in, the clink and clank of the dishes...
- >There's a simple beauty about it.
- >Too bad you just ran out of dishes to wash.
- >It's a Monday now.
- >The restaurant simply isn't as busy as other days.
- >Days like these make you thankful you have a nice little milk crate to hunch down on.
- >Instead of wasting time and energy standing, you're chilling in front of the dish pit.
- >You miss restaurant-grade dishwashing machines from your old world.
- >Those were cool as hell.
- >Oh, would you look at that!
- >It's yellow serverhorse!
- "How's it hanging, yellow serverhorse?"
- >Yellow serverhorse looks concerned.
- >"I have a name, Anon! My name is-"
- >You didn't hear her name as new dishes are tossed in your soak sink.
- >Some hot water splashed up, and just as it was about to splash yellow serverhorse a tiny bit, you raise your arm to block it.
- >The water harmlessly drips off your forearm.
- >Yellow serverhorse looks flushed.
- >"Wow, Anon! That was quick! Thank you!"
- "Call it reflexes, I remember you telling me about not liking the hot water."
- >Yellow serverhorse is breathing a little heavier than usual.
- >She forgets about telling you her name, and then goes back to the front to go about her duties.
- >You hear Palette requesting you to grab something from the back and bring it up front.
- >You go and grab said thing, silverware, and put it where it's supposed to be.
- >Out the corner of your eye, you see that ass-riding mare is still at her table.
- >You notice that she has some dishes that are empty in front of her.
- >Time for some uncomfortable helpfulness.
- >You approach ass-riding mare with a smile on your face.
- "Hey, mind if I take these dishes off your hands... hooves for you?"
- >Ass-riding mare sits there, wide-eyed, looking at you.
- >Her cheeks are somewhat red.
- >"S-sure. Okay. Go ahead." she says.
- >You take the dishes, and go back.
- >The rest of the night passes by uneventfully.
- >The final bout of dishes and kitchenware hits you right at closing time, and you knock that out quick.
- >Palette approaches you.
- >"You know, Anon, we haven't had a dishwasher as good as you before! I just wanted to give you my praise before you go!"
- >Aw, shit.
- >You're getting complimented.
- >You're a good worker.
- >Atta boy.
- >Spirits are officially raised now.
- "That means a lot, Palette! I'll see you tomorrow."
- >Palette smiles.
- >"Oh, right. Anon, I'm not here every day! There are going to be some days where you won't have me here. There is another manager that works here, and I'm sure you'll like him a lot!"
- >Another manager you say?
- "Another manager? Who is he?"
- >"Why, he's a pony that takes his job very seriously! A hard worker like you would love him!"
- >You've heard that line too many times before.
- >A manager that takes the job seriously.
- >You're positive something's going to happen despite your eagerness to wash dishes.
- "By the way, when's payday?"
- >"Tomorrow! We're closed tomorrow, but I'll be here in the morning handing everypony their pay. I assume you'll be coming by?"
- "Yup."
- >You decide to worry about this other manager later, and head back home to your troll bridge.
- >Everything is like you had it before.
- >Nobody's man enough to touch your stuff, let alone take anything.
- >Not like you have anything of value anyway.
- >As you drift off to sleep under that tent of yours, you ponder about how you're going to spend your money.
- >The next day, you head straight to the restaurant.
- >Apparently, since Tuesdays and Wednesdays aren't the busiest in this part of town, the restaurant is closed.
- >Gives the poor souls some time to rest from their jobs.
- >You ponder how anyone in this land even keeps their job.
- >Probably communism or something.
- >You are now at the restaurant!
- >You walk right in through the front doors, or at least try to.
- >You bumped your head on the door frame.
- >Ouch!
- >You can feel a slight bump in your forehead, but it's nothing too bad.
- >You've hit your head before.
- >However, this was unknown information to the ponies currently inside the building.
- >These ponies were your coworkers.
- >Right as you hit your head, everyone gasps.
- >"Anon! Are you okay?" yellow serverhorse yips as she runs close to your side.
- >You're rubbing the spot on your head.
- "Yeah, I'm fine, just a bump. Gotta watch out for those doors."
- >Yellow serverhorse is on the verge of tears.
- >Everyone else is on the verge of tears.
- >Palette is on the verge of tears.
- >Palette speaks up.
- >"Oh, Celestia! Anon, you don't have to act tough, we've all had booboos before!"
- >Everyone in the room surrounds you, hugging your legs, talking of "Ouchies!" and variations of "Are you okay?"
- >The next thing that happens leaves you really confused.
- >You're now trapped in a horde of ponies hugging you, saying it's going to be okay.
- >Everyone but you is crying.
- >Why...
- >Why is everyone crying?
- >"NOT ANON! NOT OUR POOR DISHPONY! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS PAIN!" you hear one of your coworkers shout.
- "G-guys, I'm, uh, fine."
- >A symphony of crying and wailing surrounds you.
- >"We feel your pain, Anon! Let it out! It's okay! Do you need a doctor?" yellow serverhorse says, huffing from the tears flowing down her face.
- >The only reason you hear her at all is because she practically shouted that at you.
- >You'd have to raise your voice to get heard over the crying.
- >What a strange sight!
- >Ponies cuddled up to your legs, crying because you got hurt, and you're stuck here because there's about 20 of them here.
- >The floor is a crying mass of technicolor.
- >You think of what your dad would say if he saw you in this predicament.
- >After a few minutes, ponies still sniffling, the group of miniature horses let go.
- >Palette, recovering slightly, makes an announcement.
- >"Alright, everypony. I'm so proud of you for showing your support to Anon. Let's give him his first pay!"
- >Cheers fill the room, with somehow everyone forgetting that they were just crying moment prior.
- >What's the deal with groups in this world and cheering at everything?
- >You're standing there dumbfounded.
- >Palette hands you a pouch with a bunch of gold coins in it.
- >"Anon, you've earned this! Thank you for what you're doing for us!"
- >The crowd of ponies nod and "uh huh!" in agreement.
- "Uh... thanks. I'll be back to wash dishes for you when we're open."
- >Everyone is happy now.
- "Guess I better get going, then."
- >"Where are you going Anon? Don't you want to hang out with us for a little while? Payday's my favorite day because I get to talk to my coworkers and not worry about my duties!" yellow serverhorse says to you.
- "I'd love to, but I need to get home and count this out."
- >Palette speaks up.
- >"If you need anything Anon, just let us know! And be sure to stop by the doctor to get your booboo checked out!"
- >Heh, booboo.
- "I'll be sure to."
- >As you turn to walk out the door, there's a burning question in your mind that must be answered.
- "Oh, before I leave, Palette?"
- >Palette turns to you.
- >"Yes, Anon?"
- "When's payday?"
- >You get home after confirming to your manager that you don't have memory loss from hitting your head.
- >You just keep forgetting when payday is.
- >And names.
- >You're not good with names.
- >You sit down in front of your tent, and start counting the coins.
- >Yup, these are golden bits, alright.
- >You're not sure how valuable they are compared to the superior currency (USD) but you assume they're close to a dollar from the times you've used them.
- >After counting, you find that you have earned 300 bits.
- >Not bad, for like, 4 days of work?
- >Wait a minute...
- >This appears to be the highest paid job.
- >You think you're making close to...
- >Fuck
- >300 divided by four...
- >That number divided by four...
- >ALMOST 19 BITS AN HOUR?
- >THAT'S LIKE, A GOOD JOB AND SHIT.
- >Can...
- >Can you afford a new home?
- >No more living in a tent under a bridge?
- >Hell no!
- >Bridge life is the best life!
- >But, you do miss having a floor to walk on.
- >You also miss having a sink...
- >A washing machine...
- >Basic utilities...
- >Time to go find a place.
- >You might be able to rent a room somewhere, but you're not too keen on living with room mates.
- >You think you'll just have an easier time piling up your money for now.
- >You jerry-rig the pouch of money to your belt, tying it to your hip's belt loop.
- >First, before you even consider moving in somewhere, you're going to find some fucking luxury.
- >Luxury like a bar to drink in.
- >You know of one place...
- >You travel a distance across town to a location.
- >You're pretty sure it's a saloon-type thing, you walk in and are greeted by the sight of a bar, stools, and a relatively empty room.
- >There's a couple of ponies here and there sitting in booths by the walls, and there isn't anyone at the bar itself.
- >Perfect.
- >You take a seat, and the bartender pony takes notice of you.
- >"Welcome to our bar! I haven't seen you around. What can I getcha?" the bartender asks.
- >You examine the bartender.
- >Male, grey coat, black mane, and an older gentleman.
- "What's the strongest stuff you got?"
- >"The strongest stuff? We do have some Sweet Apple Acres cider."
- "Cider? How strong is it?"
- >"A single mug is usually enough to get somepony a buzz, if you're up to that."
- >Might not be that bad.
- "Yeah, I'll have a mug."
- >"Comin' right up!"
- >You look away only for a second, to be startled by a mug being placed right in front of you.
- >This...
- >This is only like, 10 fluid ounces by your estimate.
- >Still, alcohol is alcohol, and you must scratch that itch.
- >You take a sip.
- >And are immediately disappointed.
- >You're not even sure this is alcohol.
- "Hey man, you sure something isn't off about this?"
- >The bartender looks at you funny, then chuckles.
- >"Why? Too strong for you sonny?"
- >You take another swig.
- "This isn't strong at all."
- >The bartender's face goes neutral, and then concerned.
- >"Well, that can't be right. This is fresh from the barrel."
- >The bartender pours some out in a small glass from the barrel mounted behind him, and pours himself a little bit.
- >He drinks from the glass, and then looks at you.
- >"Son, I don't know what you're on about, but this is perfectly normal."
- >What?
- "You're telling me this has alcohol in it?"
- >His eyes widen.
- >"A-alcohol? What kind of place do you come from where they serve that cleaning stuff in a drink?"
- "When I said strong, I meant stuff that's supposed to get me silly."
- >"This does getcha silly! It's got the tang that gets ponies crazy about it!"
- "What?"
- >"The flavor is so strong that it gets folk worked up about it! Why would anypony ever drink that awful a-alcohol stuff?"
- >You down the entire glass.
- >Goddamn it.
- "I guess you wouldn't know. How much do I owe you?"
- >Fucking horses and their lack of alcohol.
- >Of course they wouldn't have that stuff.
- >You had paid a pretty hefty price for such a drink, 9 bits for a glass that small?
- >The bartender told you some bullshit about how it's not cider season and the stuff is premium.
- >You stopped caring the second you sat in front of your ashy campfire spot.
- >Probably going to figure out how to make moonshine under this bridge.
- >You're sure if any fuzz show up you can give some bullshit about how you're making a strong cleaning agent for a friend.
- >Your thoughts are interrupted by someone calling out to you.
- >"Anon? Hey! Anon!"
- >You look up.
- >And the face looking down to you is none other than yellow serverhorse herself!
- "Hello, yellow serverhorse!"
- >"MY NAME IS NOT- uh, what are you doing under the bridge?"
- "Chillin'."
- >Yellow serverhorse runs down around the side of the bridge to get closer to you.
- >"Wow! Are you camping here?"
- "Yeah, don't have a house or apartment yet so I'm out here til' I get the money to get a place of my own."
- >"T-that's terrible Anon! You know, I have a spare room in my apartment you could crash in!"
- >She dares to ask you?
- >This wench dares to ask you to leave your troll bridge?
- >Your troll bridge that you didn't work that hard for?
- >Fair enough.
- "Hey, yellow serverhorse, I appreciate the offer, but why would you let some stranger into your home?"
- >"I know you're no stranger, Anon! I'd be happy to help somepony in need!"
- "Yeah, that may be true, but aren't you worried about... fishy business going on?"
- >Yellow serverhorse pauses.
- >She looks clearly puzzled.
- >This thought had clearly never occurred for her.
- >"What kind of fishy business?"
- >Oh boy.
- "You know... some random guy, coming in your home, taking stuff?"
- >"S-stealing? You wouldn't do that, Anon! That can lead to jail time!"
- "No, I'm saying I wouldn't steal from you, but I have only worked at Dinny's for like, a week tops probably? We hardly know eachother."
- >"But Anon! We're friends!"
- >Oh geez.
- >One thing led to another, and you are now packing up what possessions you have (haphazardly) to head over to wherever yellow serverhorse lives.
- >You don't have too much stuff, the tent rolls up nice and you're able to carry most everything with both arms.
- >You feel like Paul Bunyan holding two trees in each arm.
- >How silly!
- >"Come on, Anon! My house is this way!"
- >You follow yellow serverhorse, possessions in tow, to her home on the other side of town.
- >"Hey, Anon, how are you able to carry all that stuff? We've been going for 10 minutes now and you don't look like you've broke a sweat!"
- "I told you before, yellow serverhorse, I'm built different from ponies."
- >"Who built you?"
- >Seriously?
- "I'm not a robot. I was born like a normal person."
- >"Really?"
- "Yeah."
- >You and yellow serverhorse are walking at a comfortable pace.
- >"Hey Anon, you're smart, right?"
- "As smart as your average Joe."
- >"Joe?"
- "Just a thing we say back home."
- >"Well, do you know WHERE babies come from?"
- >This question catches you off-guard.
- >You blow a small amount of air out of your nostrils.
- >That's silly.
- "You're telling me you don't know?"
- >"Yeah! As a filly, I kept getting told I'd know when I was older! Between me and the other servers, we've no clue! I thought you might know."
- >What?
- "Where did this come from all of a sudden? You're telling me that full grown adults working a job don't know where babies come from?"
- >"Well, yeah!"
- "You gotta be fucking with me, man. That's just funny."
- >"A-Anon! Watch your language! You don't want a police officer hearing you talk like that!"
- "Come on man, you can't be serious. Is this a joke?"
- >Yellow serverhorse stammers.
- >"N-no."
- >You can't believe what you just heard.
- >Ponies don't tend to lie, and when they do, they're certainly not good at it.
- "Earlier, when I said born, do you know what the word means?"
- >"Yeah! It means to... appear!"
- "In a sense, yeah."
- >The conversation was cut short.
- >Why?
- >You're now in front of yellow serverhorse's home.
- >By the looks of it, it's an apartment complex alright.
- >Multiple apartment buildings placed by each other, looking about pony-sized.
- >You hope the ceiling is high enough.
- >Establishments like restaurants have ceilings high enough for you to walk comfortably in, but you're unsure about pony dwellings themselves.
- >You're pretty sure this is your first time entering a pony's home.
- >"We can finish this talk when we head inside and get you situated!" yellow serverhorse says.
- >Luckily for you, you won't have to be carrying your stuff up any stairs as yellow serverhorse's apartment is on the bottom floor.
- >You head in, ducking your head under the door frame, to be pleasantly surprised.
- >The entire apartment is quite roomy!
- >And the ceiling is high enough for you to be comfortable!
- >...
- >This is suspiciously spacious.
- "Heh, this apartment is pretty big! My friend made a decent bit of money back home, and his wasn't this big!"
- >Yellow serverhorse blushes.
- >"T-that's real kind of you Anon. I know it's not the biggest but you don't have to flatter me like that. It's all I can afford!"
- >The fuck does she mean by that this is all she can afford?
- >Does this mean that low income housing for ponies is the equivalent to VERY nice apartments from middle of nowhere U.S.?
- >You notice how nice the entrance is, a marble floor leading up to a carpeted living room with lots of space and a rather comfy looking couch.
- >Where there would normally be a TV back on homeworld, there is a magical fireplace of some sort on placed in the corner.
- >The kitchen and dining room are kind of merged, but the dining table shares an open space right by the living room.
- >You could have sworn that the building was smaller on the outside.
- >Must be pony magic fuckery.
- >It's like a whole-ass house in here!
- "Does this apartment span the whole ground level or something?"
- >"Well duh, Anon!" yellow serverhorse says, as if saying that it was extremely unusual for there to be multiple apartments on the same floor or something.
- >You find yourself quickly accepting of this fact.
- >Nice digs.
- "So, yellow serverhorse, how much does this place cost you?"
- >"T-thats rude Anon! You can't just ask somepony how much their home costs the second you come in! And my name is Lemon!"
- >...
- >Okay, maybe you were being a little rude, even by human standards.
- >Wait... Lemon?
- "I'm sorry, ye-Lemon, back where I'm from we don't have places as nice as this. From the way you were talking, it seemed like that this very nice place is low-income housing."
- "More importantly, is your name seriously just Lemon? No last name?"
- >Lemon is now blushing profusely.
- >"W-well, that's just my first name..."
- "What's your whole name?"
- >Lemon is now physically shivering, face becoming redder by the second.
- >"Lemon... i-in the..."
- >Your full attention is now on this little yellow horse.
- >This does not sit well with her.
- >She is now struggling to get words out.
- >She tries, and tries again, but nothing comes out.
- >You find yourself bewildered, and slightly amused by this.
- >"My. My name... is Lemon, in the.. Glass."
- "Lemon Glass?"
- >"N-no. Lemon in the Glass."
- "Like... a title?"
- >"No, my full legal name is Lemon in the Glass."
- >You almost laughed, but the smile on your face managed to appear.
- "You're telling me your name is Lemon in the Glass? Even by pony standards that's just stretching it right there."
- >"P-please don't bully me. I had to go throughout the entirety of kindergarten with this name! I barely survived!"
- >Oh, you think this is just adorable.
- >Like naming a spaceship "It's Not a Bug, It's a Feature" or something like that.
- "Don't worry, I may be big and tough, but I'm no bully. I'll, uh, just call you Lemon."
- >Lemon in the Glass calms down.
- >"Thank you for being so nice to me, Anon. I get really nervous when ponies ask me my name! And then they just start asking questions about it and I just don't know what to do!"
- "Yeah, that sucks. I knew a guy with an unfortunate name too, but I don't think you'd understand the reference behind it."
- >Lemon seems content, and happy now.
- "So, like, your name is like putting a lemon in a glass of water or something?"
- >She starts getting red again, with an angry undertone this time.
- >After calming Lemon down and assuring her you weren't just trying to get under her skin, she finally lets it go.
- >She gives you the tour of her home, and shows you her spare bedroom that she conveniently had.
- >Sure does feel nice to have a place to store your coins.
- >You ponder how pony taxes work if there's no fragments of bits.
- >It's a pretty nice little room, not too big, but with a bed that is just barely your size.
- >It's a little like a twin bed, but slightly more awkward.
- >You'll make it work.
- >Other than the bed, there's a nightstand, lamp, and drawer.
- >You put your things down.
- "Thanks again for letting me crash here, but I'm sure going to miss being a bridge troll."
- >Lemon's eyes widen.
- >"Y-you're a bridge troll?"
- "No, I'm not a monster. I'm just a regular human dude."
- >Lemon lets out a sigh of relief, and then looks at the clock.
- >"Goodness! it's dinner time already!"
- >You sure do feel a little hungry.
- >"Since you're my guest, Anon, I'll be the one serving up dinner tonight!"
- "Aww, how nice of you. What's on the menu?"
- >"My specialty! Eggs and cereal!"
- "Sounds... delicious."
- >"And while we're enjoying dinner, you can tell me where babies come from!"
- >This ought to be good.
- >You sit at the dinner table, and Lemon serves you a bowl of what looks like Lucky Charms and a plate of scrambled eggs on the side.
- >Honestly, it's not the worst meal you've had for dinner.
- >You remember having sleep for dinner once or twice when you were a kid.
- >Interesting choice by Lemon for this meal.
- >You guess it's quite refined by pony standards, but then again, you remember the restaurant and how there's actual ponies who can cook real food there.
- >You assume this is how everyone else gets by.
- "Thank you for the meal."
- >You and Lemon dig in, enjoying the nice ambiance of the magical fireplace nearby and her little pony gramophone playing antiquated music at a reasonable volume.
- >"So," Lemon swallows. "Where do babies come from?"
- >You figure the only way through is honesty, as your old man taught you.
- "Where do I start..."
- >Lemon's full attention is on you.
- >You can feel a slight bit of metaphorical pressure being pushed on to you.
- "I'm no biologist, but I'll give you my understanding of it. So, uh, basically, when a boy and a girl love eachother very much..."
- >Lemon's eyes widen.
- "Well, see, here's the thing, girls have vaginas."
- >"Ba-ginas?"
- "VA-ginas."
- >"VA-ginas."
- "Yeah, vaginas. They're located under your butthole."
- >Lemon snickers.
- >"Haha, you said butthole. I am so glad we are inside my home!"
- >Lemon refocuses.
- >"VA-gina. Is... that my special place?"
- >Good lord, this is difficult.
- >"I pee out of there! How does that work?"
- "Shit."
- >Lemon winces at the curse, but her attention is still there.
- "Well, it... doubles as something called a reproductive organ."
- >"Reproductive... organ?"
- "Right. Males have the counterpart to the vagina, called a penis."
- >Lemon furrows her brow.
- >"THAT'S the thing colts have?"
- >You nod.
- >"Do you have a penis?"
- "Yes."
- >"Does everypony have a penis?"
- "Only the guys do."
- >"Oh, ok."
- >Lemon looks contemplative.
- >"I don't see how this explains where babies come from."
- >You continue.
- "You see, the boy and girl both start to feel hot and flustered."
- >Lemon looks down, presumably at her own vagina.
- "The male's penis... heheh, expands and elongates."
- >Lemon looks somewhat disgusted.
- >"That's weird!"
- "And then he sticks it inside of the female's vagina."
- >Lemon lost a little color.
- >"H-how..."
- "Then he goes back and forth a little bit with it, in and out, until he reaches a thing called an orgasm."
- >Lemon is slightly mortified.
- >"O-orgasm?"
- "Imagine the best feeling you've ever had. Multiply that by a thousand or so."
- >Lemon is simultaneously losing color and blushing profusely.
- >You think you can feel her heartbeat reverberate through her chair, through the floor, and now in your chair.
- "And when the guy orgasms, his penis squirts out a slimy liquid."
- >Lemon is having trouble coming to terms with reality.
- "And all that stuff goes inside the girl."
- >Lemon is shivering.
- >"H-how does..."
- "Then something happens inside the female, and from the liquid, there's these things called sperm cells."
- >"S-s-s-s-sperm c-cells?"
- "Yeah, little microscopic swimming things."
- >Lemon looks like she's on the verge of losing her shit.
- "There's millions of them inside the liquid."
- >Lemon faints.
- >Lemon falls out of her chair, and flops on the ground.
- >You're sure that may have hurt for her if she was awake enough to register the pain of thudding on the ground like that.
- >You're just sitting there, both surprised and not surprised at the fact that you just made a pony faint.
- >You look at the clock, seeing that it is indeed night time now.
- >Well, you figure that she was going to go to bed soon eventually.
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