Life In The Herd

--------------------------(Life In The Herd)

>"'EY! GIT UR 'OOVES OFF ME CRISPS!"
>Octavia slaps Trixie's hoof away from her bag of chips.
>Trixie fumes, "We're in a herd now! Herds share!"
>Luna levitates the bag of chips out of Octavia's hoof and dumps it's contents into her mouth with magic.
>Octavia can only stare at her empty hoof in shock.
>Luna swallows, crumples the bag and throws it at Octavia's head with her ever-present bored expression.
>The princess then turns and goes back to her room to continue sleeping.
>"WHA THA HAY?! SHE JUS ATE ALL ME CRISPS!"
>Trixie looks pissed, "She thinks she can do whatever she wants because she's the alpha mare. She's a bitch!"
>Lyra pulls on your sleeve and you look down.
>"Hey Anon? I wanted to talk to you about something. Concerning our sleeping arrangement, I feel like Trixie gets too many cuddles and the rest of us don't get enough?"
>Trixie snorts and opens another bag of chips, "That's because Trixie is the greatest cuddler!"
>Lyra tugs on your sleeve again.
>"Also, I clogged the toilet again and I don't know how to fix it..."

>They're eating all your food.
>They're spending all of your money.
>They never clean up.
>They're loud.
>Luna sleeps at all fucking hours.
>Octavia is ALWAYS screaming.
>Trixie is a massive bitch to anyone but you.
>And Lyra breaks everything she touches.
>Whoever said making a herd was a great idea should be fucking shot.
>You sit on the ground, put your face in your hands and begin to sob.
>This is your life now.
>Your 'B-squad' herd.
>"LUNA!" Octavia screams.
>"OI, LUNA WAKE UP! WE 'AVTA SNUGGLE ANON, EE'S CRYIN' AGAIN!"


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Bath)

>Sweat beads on your forehead as you pound as hard as you can into Luna from behind.
>This is the only real win you can think of when it comes to your motley herd.
>The sex.
>This is where you get to vent your frustration.
>Luna's flanks jiggle as you pump in and out of her.
>You grunt and squeeze her cutie marks until your knuckles are white.
>Luna (as usual) seems rather bored.
>She's currently balancing the check book as you fuck her from behind.
>Her passive expression is only broken when she yawns.
>If you don't finish soon, she'll fall asleep again...
>Suddenly, Lyra is poking your arm.
>God dammit.
"What?"
>You glare at her, still going hard inside Luna.
>Didn't you lock the door to Luna's room?
>"Hey Anon, good form by the way, uh... Anyway, I was just going to say that Trixie decided to move the television into her room."
"What?"
>You begin to cum and bend over Luna's back, taking a handful of her mane just as she falls asleep.
>Lyra rubs her head, "Yeah, I didn't tell her that I broke it though. Oh, I broke the TV by the way... What should we do?"
>You pull out of Luna and wipe your forehead.
>Octavia bursts into the room.
>"ANON! SOMEONE KNICKED THE DAMN TELE! I JUS' CALLED THE POLICE!"
>There's a knock on the front door.
>Without a word, you get off the bed and go to the kitchen.
>Lyra and Octavia follow you and you can hear the sound of the TV being smashed in Trixie's room.
>You unplug the toaster and walk down the hall.
>"Anon? Where are you going?" Lyra asks.
>You open the door to the bathroom and plug the toaster in with a sigh.
"To take a bath."


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Shopping)

>Luna plods along beside you as you walk down the isles of the grocery store, checking your list.
>She looks tired, even though she just slept for 14 hours.
>At least she has a serene smile on her face.
>You like it when Luna is happy.
>Octavia dumps about 5 bags of chips into the cart.
>"DON' FORGET ME CRISPS, EH?"
>She even fucking yells in public.
>Other ponies are staring.
>Your eye twitches.
"Only two bags. Put the rest back."
>Octavia looks crestfallen.
>"Wanker..."
>Trixie suddenly points to a shelf.
>She insisted on riding in the cart, throwing a tantrum when Lyra said she wanted to ride.
>"Anon, we must get pop tarts."
"We don't need fucking pop tarts."
>"We NEED pop tarts."
"Trixie, last time I got you pop tarts, you said you hated them. There's still a box in the pantry at home."
>She grabs them anyway and slams them into the cart, crushing the chips.
>"Trixie changed her mind."
>You squeeze your eyes shut and head for the alcohol isle.
>Sweet, sweet alcohol.
"Luna, do you want some more wine?"
>The princess yawns and nods, giving you a pat on the butt.
>"Mr. Anonymous?"
>You stop, your heart dropping.
>The voice coming from the speakers above you sounds worried.
>"If there is a Mr. Anonymous in the store, can you please come to the seafood section?"
>From the back of the store you hear the smashing of glass.
>A lot of glass.
>Ponies scream.
>A mare comes running past you with a lobster pinching her snout.
>"THERE'S LOBSTERS EVERYWHERE!"
>Trixie shakes her head.
>"You should have let Lyra ride in the cart, Anon."
>Octavia slams a 50 pound bag of oats into the cart.
>"GOTTA 'AVE ME OATS!"
>This is your life.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Movie Night)

>The only time Octavia shuts her mouth is when she has your dick in it.
>And currently she does.
>The mare sure can suck a mean cock.
>Sounds of her wet work full the living room.
>You rest your head propped up on one hand with the other on the back of Octavia's head and grumble.
"Trixie, turn it up."
>Trixie grabs the remote and raises the volume on the new TV.
>It's movie night.
>You sit with your herd on the couch, watching some horror flick.
>Luna is actually awake and eating popcorn while she watches with half-lidded eyes.
>Trixie has been bitching about how stupid the movie is, even though she picked it.
>Lyra is holding a pillow to her chest, scared shitless.
>Octavia lets your dick go with an exhale and flips around, mounting you so she can watch the movie.
>"WAT R U DOIN' U DAFT CUNT?! DON'T GO INTO THE CELLAR!" She screams at the TV.
>You push her head out of your field of vision and grab her hips, slamming them down.
>Suddenly the television goes black, sending the room into complete darkness.
>Lyra screams, hurting your ears.
>Octavia falls off of you, bending your dick into a painful angle.
>You roar in frustration.
"Luna! Did you pay the power bill?"
>Silence fills the room.
>There's a loud crash.
>Your new TV has just been smashed again.
>Trixie's frustrated voice comes through the dark, "This piece of garbage is broken!"
>"We may have forgotten to pay the power bill..." Luna mumbles.
>"Anon?"
>You can feel Lyra shivering beside you on the couch.
"What... What is it?"
>"Uhm, I got scared when it got dark."
"So I heard."
>"And I... I accidentally peed."
>You can feel a headache coming.
>Octavia stumbles around, bumping into things.
>"ANON! ANON I FINK I'M BLIND! U DICK'D ME EYES BLIND!"


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Dog)

>It's a fine morning in Ponyville.
>The sun comes shining through your bedroom window.
>Trixie's mane brushes your face.
>You pull her closer and wrap your arms around her belly.
>She mumbles happily.
>From the living room, you hear the sound of a dog barking and Octavia shouting.
>Your eyes bolt open, staring at the ceiling.
"No... No. Fuck. No."
>Trixie sighs and sits up, "Trixie will take care of this one."
>You roll over and pull Luna close to your body instead as Trixie leaves the room grumbling.
>Shouts from Trixie come from the living room and you hear something smash.
>Now you have to get up.
>Luna whines as you get up and put on your robe.
>You go into the living room.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!"
>There's a dog on the coffee table, eating pizza that Lyra left out last night.
>Trixie is currently on top of Octavia on the ground, beating the shit out of her.
>Octavia laughs, "U HIT LIKE A LIL' FILLY!"
>Reaching down, you grab Trixie and throw her onto the couch.
"Octavia, why the fuck is there a fucking dog in the fucking house?!"
>She wipes a bit of blood from the corner of her mouth and sits up.
>"It followed me home. I was jus' at the bar an' he liked me smell or sumffin'. Thought we could use a pet."
>Trixie tries to jump on her again, "YOU are our pet!"
>You hold her back.
"Get rid of it. Now."
>Lyra comes from out of nowhere holding her butterfly net, "I'll take care of it!"
"NO!"
>Before you can stop her, she swings.
>The hard part of the net hits the dog in the head.
>It yelps and falls off the table.
>You stare at it's motionless body.
"Is it..."
>Trixie reaches down and places a hoof on its neck.
>"Thing's dead."
>Lyra looks horrified.
>"I didn't... I didn't mean to..."
>"U KILLED ME DOG! U BITCH!" Octavia tackles Lyra and begins wailing on her.
>Trixie jumps in, trying to choke Octavia.
>You pick up the dead dog and take it out back to bury it.
>Next to the other animals Octavia has brought home.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Punishment)

>Lyra grips the sheets and turns her head to the side, her tongue flopping out.
>"Ohhhhh Anon! You're the best!"
>You press down on her belly and slowly pull your cock out of her, then slowly slide it back in.
>Lyra likes it slow.
>She flails her head side to side and bites her lip, "You're driving my insides crazy! I think... Ugh! I think you're gonna get me pregnant!"
>You stop.
>Turning, you give Luna a worried expression.
"Can I get ponies pregnant?"
>Luna shakes her head lazily, looking down on Lyra, who is still spazzing out.
>"We think not."
"Good."
>You go back to fucking Lyra while Luna watches.
>Suddenly, Lyra is pushed aside and Trixie takes her place, trying to wrangle your dick inside of her.
>"Trixie will be the first to be bred!"
>Octavia pops up onto the bed and yells next to your ear, "OI! HOW COME U 'AVN'T PUT UR WILLY IN ME BUM FOR SO LONG?!"
>You smack Trixie's hoof away and scream.
"THAT'S IT!"

>Trixie, Octavia and Lyra are all tied up to the headrest of the bed.
>Their tails have been tied up as well, presenting all of their holes to you.
>You slap a wooden paddle against your palm.
"It's time all of you received some punishment."
>And an angry orgy would help with your frustration as well.
>Lyra looks back with tears in her eyes, "But I didn't do anything!"
>You place a ball gag in her mouth.
>Turning to Luna, you hand her a second paddle.
"Ready?"
>She smears some lube onto her horn, takes the paddle and eyes Octavia's ass.
>"Whenever you are, Anon."
>Sometimes herding is fun.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: New Mare)

>You have been talking with Luna about getting a new mare in the herd.
>These ponies are driving you crazy.
>Maybe if you can get a normal one, it will help balance things out.
>Luna agrees.
>"Of course," She says, "As per this herd's rules, we will have to watch you breed the mare and give our approval for her to enter into contract."
"Yeah, yeah. I know what your weird fetish is. And it's not breeding."
>"Tis not a fetish, Anon. Tis the greatest fetish."
>The two of you go to the Herd Assignment Center.
>The receptionist greets you, "How can I help you, Anon?"
"I need a new mare in my herd, any available?"
>You place the bits for the fee on the counter.
"Any NORMAL mares?"
>The receptionist flips through some files.
>"Yes! We have one mare that put in an application. I will notify her and send her to your home by tomorrow."
>You thank her and head home.
"I hope this works out..."
>"We hope this one is a squirter..." Luna muses.

>The next morning, there's a gentle knock on the door.
"She's here!"
>You scramble to the door and open it.
"Hello!"
>You look down.
>There's a filly standing on your porch.
"Oh. Can I help you, little girl?"
>She pulls a scroll from her little saddle bag, "Hello! My name is Sweetie Belle and I'm here to be part of your herd!"
>You blink.
>Is this a joke?
>She shows you the official scroll.
>Luna pokes her head over your shoulder and looks down at Sweetie Belle.
>"And you said OUR fetish was weird..."
>Octavia slaps your back and drains the rest of her morning beer.
>"U SHAGGIN' LIL' FILLIES NOW, MATE? HAHA WOT THE FUCK?"
>Sweetie Belle trots between your legs into the house.
>"Wait 'til my sister hears about this awesome place!"


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: New Mare 2)

>The Herd Assignment Company gave you a full refund.
>Sweetie Belle was sent back to her sister and scolded.
>There was no way you were going to have a filly in your herd.
>You wait at the table with Trixie.
>In apology for their mix up, the herd company is sending another mare your way.
>Trixie was very angry about the mix up.
>She's currently in a post-tantrum sleep, drooling on your arm as you stroke her head.
>If you had gone to jail for filly fiddling, she had the most to lose.
>It would be back to the cuck shed (your name for her old cart) for her.
>There's a knock on the door and you go to answer.
"Hello?"
>Standing on your porch is a beautiful unicorn.
>She has a silky pink mane and her pure white coat sparkles in the morning sun.
>You can't believe your eyes.
>They bulge and scan her long delicate legs.
>She gives a wave, "Elloooo~"
>Oh god, she has an accent!
>"My name iz Fleur De Liz..." She mumbles and stumbles to the side a bit.
>You notice her face is flushed and reach out to steady her.
>As you grab her hoof, she burps
>And sprays your shirt in vomit.
>You jump back as she falls onto the porch.
>"Oh, I am zo zorry! I waz zo nervouz and maybe I drink too much before I come..."
>Fleur drifts into a drunken sleep.
>Octavia pushes past you, grabs Fleur, and drags her inside.
>"OI! GIRLS, WE GOT A LIVE ONE! LET'S BREAK 'ER IN!"
>You grind your teeth and grab Fleur's bag off the porch to bring in.
>It makes a lot of noise.
>You open it up to find it filled with several bottles of alcohol.
>They sent you an alcoholic.
>Of course.
"Why would anything good ever happen here?"


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Fleur De Plz)

>You are currently out on a date at a restaurant with the new addition to your herd.
>Luna has stayed at home to keep an eye on the other ponies.
>She's actually most likely asleep.
>Fleur sits on the opposite side of the table, drinking a glass of wine.
>Alcoholic or not, this unicorn is a serious looker.
>She reads the menu and gives a little hiccup, brushing her pretty mane from her eyes.
>You can't stop staring.
>It's almost as if she's too pretty for you to think about defiling...
>Nah, you're totally going to wreck her ass.
>Tonight.
"So, Fleur. What do you like to do in your free time?"
>She smiles at you and sips her wine.
>"I am very interezted in ze exotic danzing. Zer iz a local club where I am frequent danzer."
>You almost choke on the water you're drinking.
"E-Exotic dancing? Like... What?"
>Fleur giggles and twirls a hoof, "You know, like ze um... Twirl around ze pole and ze stallionz go 'WOW!' and throw ze money at me?"
>She's a stripper.
>A fucking pony stripper.
"I see... Um, is that all you do? Just... Dance?"
>She gives a seductive look.
>"Oh no. Ze cuztomer will require more... Perzonal releaze occazzionally."
>Nope.
>Fleur sputters with laughter and covers her mouth.
>"I am only joking, Anon! Your faze! It iz too cute!"
>Your stomach un-knots.
"Oh thank god! Haha, I thought you were serious! I can't see you actually being a stripper!"
>Fleur finishes her wine.
>"Oh, I really am ze exotic danzer. I am zcheduled to danze tonight, actually."
>Your smile drops.
>Fleur holds up her glass and shouts in the direction of the waiter.
>"More wine pleaze! Can you juz bring ze bottle?"
>Trailer trash.
>Your whole herd is trailer trash.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Drunk Asshole)

>You are drunk.
>It's Friday night and you need to decompress from work at the factory.
>And from your abysmal herd.
>Speaking of them, all your girls surround you on the couch as you drink away misery.
>Luna and Fleur sit on either side of you.
>Trixie is curled up on your lap.
>Lyra is beside Luna, and Octavia comes from the kitchen, giving you another beer.
"Thanks, Octavia."
>She plops down beside Fleur and joins everyone in staring at the TV.
>It's not on.
>You take a long drink of beer and sigh.
"Fuck, man. Fuck..."
>Trixie stirs, "Anon, this is fun and all... But can we watch a movie or something?"
>You gulp another drink.
"No. We're gonna sit here and enjoy silence. Fucking. Silence."
>You grab Fleur and pull her closer to you.
>She smells like cheap booze and stripper.
>Octavia speaks into Fleur's ear, "'EY, I DON'T ENVY U. ANON TURNS INTO A RIGHT ARSEHOLE WHEN 'E DRINKS HAHA! GONNA TEAR UR ARSE UP, I FINK."
>It's true.
>You can be a bit rough when inebriated.
>And you haven't had sex with Fleur.
>But you're very sore from work.
"Nah, I think i'm just gonna drink and go to bed tonight."
>There's a palpable tension in the room.
>Trixie raises her eyebrow, "No... Sex?"
>You shake your head.
"I need another beer."
>Luna picks you up with magic.
"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK!?"
>She takes you off the couch and toward the bedroom.
>"We were all expecting to be pleasured tonight, Anon."
>The girls all follow.
>"It's your duty to the herd."
>"OI! LYRA, GRAB THE LUBE!"
>You see Trixie grab a candle from the table and light it.
"Wait!"
>They're not listening.
>It's a sex frenzy brewing.
"Grab me another beer!"
>"I GOT U MATE! I GOT THE CRISPS TOO!"
>Another usual Friday night in the herd.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Like A Virgin)

>Fleur twirls gracefully around the pole in front of you.
>Her tail just barely grazes your nose and you clap.
>Tonight, you've come to see Fleur dance.
>Luna has come as well.
>As your alpha mare, she felt compelled to come to "protect you from whores," as she put it.
>Though, her presence is a bit troublesome.
>Seeing the Princess in the club has made several stallions come and ask if she was here to dance.
>The song finishes and Fleur bends down on stage to pick up the money thrown to her.
>"Anon, come backztage. I will take you to my drezzing room." She winks and rushes off.
>Finishing your drink, you adjust your semi-chub and get up.
>Luna follows you backstage.
>Once in Fleur's room, she gives you a small bag.
>Opening it, you see it holds several bits.
"What is this?"
>Fleur brushes her mane in front of a mirror, "Zis iz your cut, az they call it. Zince you are the herd patriarch, it iz my duty to 'elp zupport you. Az you do for me."
>A herd member actually GIVING you money?
>Noice.
"Well thank you, Fleur. Your dancing was amazing too!"
>Fleur sets down her brush.
>"I am zo happy to hear you enjoy my danze!"
>God, she's pretty.
>"Now will we have zome fun?"
>She's fun.
>"I alwayz wanted to loze my virginity in zome alleyway. Iz zis fine?"
>She opens a door.
>Outside is the back alley of the strip club.
>"Zere iz a large dumpzter zat will keep uz hidden from view, ya?"
>She's classy.
>You sigh.
"Is this REALLY what you want?"
>Fleur nods giddily.
"Alright then..."
>What a weird mare.
>You follow her along with Luna into the alley.
"Are you really a virgin?"
>Fleur puts her front hooves on the dumpster and looks back at you, flipping her tail over her back.
>"Come find out."
>You shrug and unbutton your pants.
>It's not like there is much difference between trailer trash and real trash.
>This is your life.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Saturday)

>It's Saturday morning in your happy little home.
>Once again, your headphones have gone missing.
>You suspect Octavia borrowed them again.
>You open the door to your room.
>Luna has Fleur pinned against the wall.
>You'd think they were fighting.
>If Luna didn't have her tongue down Fleur's throat.
>They stop making out and stare at you.
"Uh, what's... What's going on in here?"
>Fleur wipes her mouth, "I am teaching the prinzezz 'ow to danze!"
>You slowly back out and close the door.
"Carry on."
>Still bummed about your headphones, you head to the living room and sit down on the couch beside Lyra.
>She's messily eating a bowl of cereal and watching her Saturday morning cartoons.
"Hey Lyra. Have you seen my headphones?"
>She's clearly high on her sugary cereal.
>"Nope. Do you want some?"
>She presses a spoonful of soggy mess in your face.
"No thanks."
>Octavia flops down and takes the remote, changing the channel.
>"NO FILLY CRAP ON THE TELE!"
>Lyra slaps her and takes the remote back, "IT'S MY TURN! ANON! TELL HER IT'S MY TURN!"
"Octavia, have you seen my headphones?"
>Octavia pushes Lyra off the couch and claims the remote.
>"Nah. Did u check ur bedroom?"
"Yeah. Shit..."
>All you want to do is listen to some tunes.
>Trixie walks into the room.
>"Anon, Luna and Fleur are making a disgusting mess all over your bed. Do you want me to stop them?"
>You rub your chin.
"I swear I left them on the coffee table..."
>There's a loud moan from down the hall.
>Trixie's eyes grow big, "Was that Luna? Anon, I'm going to join in."
>She leaves and Octavia gets up.
>"Yeah, me too. Nothing good on tele anyway."
>She throws the remote at Lyra, who happily turns cartoons back on.
"Maybe I left them at work?"
>"ANON! GET IN HERE! U WON'T BELIEVE WOT LUNA FIT INSIDE HER SNATCH! BLOODY 'ELL!"
>Lyra bounces up and down on the couch beside you.
"Can't believe I lost those things..."
>No tunes today.
>Looks like it will be a rather boring Saturday.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Proper Head)

>"YE, U LIKE THAT? U LIKE IT WHEN I POLISH UR KNOB LIKE A SLUT?"
"Octavia, please don't say anything."
>"Oh, right. Just suckin' then."
>She goes back to giving you head.
>The girl has a voice like spoons in a trash disposal, but she sucks dick like no other.
>You lean your head back onto your pillow and enjoy the ride.
>She stops again, but only to spit on your shaft, rub it and continue.
>"Yeah Tavi! Suck it good!" Lyra shouts from her seat at the foot of the bed.
>Octavia stops to glare, "WOT THE 'ELL U FINK I'M DOIN'!?"
>Fuck.
>You grab Octavia's head and push it back down.
>Trixie grumbles from right next to your head, "Trixie sucks Anon much better than that."
>Luna's dreamy voice comes from the other side of your head, "You use far too much teeth. And not nearly enough saliva, as Anon likes."
>Fleur speaks up from her seat beside the bed, "Zis remindz me of ze time a ztallion at ze club waz kicked out for trying to zuck ze malez off in ze bazroom. Heehee~"
>You let out a loud sigh.
"Will you all let me have a moment of peace? I'm trying to fucking cum here!"
>Octavia stops sucking again.
>"U wanna cum? WHY DIDN'T U SAY SO?"
>Without warning, she begins pressing her hoof hard against your ass hole.
>You slap her hoof away.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
>"TRYIN' TA FIDDLE UR PROSTATE, WOT THE FUCK IT LOOK LIKE, MATE!?"
>You kick all of the girls out of your room.
>Sometimes it's better to pleasure yourself.
>You masturbate in anger as your herd argues outside your door.
"This can't be healthy."


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Birthday)

>"It's Anon's birthday this weekend, so I was thinking we all chip in and get him one great present." Trixie tells the rest of the herd.
>Lyra smiles, "I already got him something."
>The girls turn on her.
>Luna looms over the unicorn, "Oh? What did you get him?"
>Lyra's ears flatten, "Just... Some headphones..."
>Trixie fumes, "Why do you always have to one-up us? Are you trying to be the favorite?"
>Octavia flicks Lyra's horn, "U FINK WE DON'T KNOW WOT UR TRYIN'?"
>Lyra covers her horn and backs away, "I-I'm not trying anything! Stop bullying me..."
>"We could juz put all our namez on ze headphonez," Fleur offers.
>Trixie nods, "Good idea, new slut. That's what we'll do. Now, what else are we going to get him?"
>"I bought the headphones..." Lyra mutters.
>Luna silences her with a glare.
>"What if we take Anon for a vacation? Maybe the moon?"
>Trixie rubs her chin in thought.
>"Not a bad idea. But not the moon. That place is awful."
>Luna is triggered.
>"WE SHOULD TAKE THE LAD 2 THE BEACH, YE?"
>The girls all begin to babble about Octavia's idea.
>"We can get ze zuim zoots!"
>"ALWAYS WANTED ANON 2 PUT 'IS WILLY IN ME ON THE BEACH DESU!"
>"I'm still saying the headphones were from me..."
>Trixie clops her hooves, "Then it's settled! We'll take Anon to the beach. Now, how much money do you all have?"
>Silence.
>Fleur is the only one to offer some.
>Lyra shrugs, "Spent it all on the headphones."
>Luna reaches in to the drawer behind her, "There should be almost enough bits in here."
>"That's Anon's secret stash!"
>You burst in through the door, scaring them all.
"I can hear every fucking thing you're saying! Get the fuck out of my sock drawer!"
>The ponies all scatter like spooked cats.
"AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"
>You slam the door behind them.
>What a bunch of idiots.
>You smile.
>It's very nice that they're working together though.
>Even if your birthday was actually last weekend and they forgot.
>At least they try.


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: The Shower Scene)

>Trixie lets out a sigh of comfort as you lather shampoo into her mane from behind.
>The two of you are showering.
>One of the herd rules (made by Trixie) is that she's the only one who gets to bathe with you.
>It's a good way to spend some time spoiling her.
>And for sex.
>As you lather, you slide in and out of her from behind.
"I really do spoil you the most."
>You take time to make sure every bit of hair is washed.
>"Well obviously. Trixie is the spoiled one. Luna get's the most time with you."
"She's the most sane. And she was also my girlfriend before we even started this herd."
>"Octavia is the one you have fun with most."
"She's like a dude in a female body though."
>"Lyra is the pampered one. You coddle her too much."
"She's the youngest. Barely out of her filly years... And she's a walking disaster."
>Trixie grabs you with her insides, making you cum.
>You bend over and grunt against her wet flanks.
>She turns her head back and smiles smugly, "And Fleur... I can already tell you enjoy sex with her most."
>You pull out and grab the shower spray.
"Rinse."
>Trixie closes her eyes and lets you rinse her mane.
"She's super flexible... Did you know she can-"
>You're cut off by a sickening smell hitting your nose.
"What the?"
>Ripping the shower curtain back, you see Lyra staring at you from the toilet.
>"Sorry! I couldn't hold it!"
>Trixie throws a bar of soap at her, "GET OUT! THIS IS MY TIME!"
>Lyra jumps up and flushes the toilet before running out of the bathroom.
>"I'm sorry!"
>Suddenly the water is molten hot.
>Both you and Trixie stumble and fall out of the shower.
>"Anon, how sad would you be if Lyra died?"
"It smells like her insides already have..."


--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Postponed)

>Luna has received a letter.
>From her sister.
>The sister she is not on good terms with.
>Ever since Luna decided to leave her royal status to start a herd with you, the sisters have had somewhat of a falling out.
>Celestia had begged her to stay.
>You had told Luna it was probably better to stay.
>But she wouldn't be reasoned with and had left Canterlot.
>This is actually the first time Celestia has even acknowledged Luna since.
>The two of you eye the letter laying on the table.
"Are you gonna open it?"
>Luna shifts uncomfortably, "Yes. No... Yes."
>She picks up the letter with magic and opens it.
>You watch her with bated breath as she reads.
>It's impossible to read her face.
"What's it say?"
>Luna closes her eyes and sets the letter down with a sigh.
>"We are sorry, Anon. Our trip to the beach will have to be postponed..."
>Her voice is grave.
"That's okay, what's up?"
>Luna gulps.
>"Celestia has invited us to the castle for a summer ball."
>A ball?
>She invited her sister?
"That's great! It sounds like she wants to see you again."
>Luna nods, "Yes... It would appear so."
"Why do you sound so sad then?"
>Luna covers her face.
>"She has invited all of us. The whole herd."
>You look down.
"The whole herd... In Canterlot. For a fancy ball..."
>Luna nods gravely.
"Fuck..."



--------------------------(Life In The Herd: The Lads)

"OCTAVIAAAAA!"
>You stand in front of the couch, hyperventilating.
>Octavia walks out of the kitchen, eating from a bag of chips.
>"Wass up?"
>You point to the couch.
"What the FUCK is this!?"
>Pinkie Pie is sleeping on the couch with a mostly empty bottle of vodka.
>"Thas' Pinkie Pie, luv."
"I KNOW WHO THE FUCK SHE IS! WHY IS SHE ON MY FUCKING COUCH!?"
>Octavia rolls her eyes, "Well, u see... I was at the pub last night throwin' back some drinks with the lads, roit?"
>You cut her off.
"Who the fuck are these "lads" you always talk about?"
>"Well, there's Pinkie Pie-"
"Of course."
>"And u got Applejack-"
"Applejack?!"
>"Roit. And uh, some dyke lookin' tramp, calls herself Rainbow Dosh."
"R-Rainbow Dash?!"
>Octavia shoves a hoof full of chips into her mouth, "Yeh thasit. Wassa matter?"
>You pinch your nose and sigh.
"I want Pinkie Pie out of this house. Right. Now."
>Octavia throws her hooves up, "BUT SHE'S THE LAD! I CAN'T DO THAT!"
"YOU WILL DO THAT! RIGHT NOW!"
>"WOT'S UR DEAL, MATE?!"

*1 year ago*

>Pinkie Pie pulls down your pants while Rainbow and Applejack hold you down.
>They're retardedly strong.
>"Hey Nonny, you shouldn't wear all these clothes all the time!"
>The pink pony whips off your underwear and licks her lips.
>"Time to properly introduce you to Equestria!"

*End flashback*

>You cringe and look away from the pink demon that stole your pony virginity.
"JUST GET HER THE FUCK OUT!"
>Octavia rolls her eyes.
>"The lads won't be happy 'bout this."
>From now on, you will have to monitor Octavia's free time.



--------------------------(Life In The Herd: Dress To Kill)

>To prepare for Celestia's ball, you have taken your herd to Canterlot to shop for dresses.
>Luna is the only one with proper ball attire.
>You will have to rely on her to help the girls pick out their dresses.
>Currently all of you are in one of Canterlot's huge fancy shops.
>It's like a mall.
>Too many opportunities for your herd to...
>Be your herd.
"Alright girls, no one leaves my sight while we're here. We're ONLY here to look for dresses and-"
>You stop and look around.
"Where- WHERE IS LYRA?!"
>The girls all look around.
>"EY ANON, U FINK WE CAN STOP FOR SUM NOSH? KINDA HUNGRY HERE, MATE."
>You cringe at Octavia's loud voice.
"After we find Lyra. Did anyone see where she went?"
>Fleur shrugs, "We can juz continue wizout 'er. I am ready to do ze zchopping right away!"
>Trixie nods, "The slut is right, Anon. Lyra is probably in a toy store or something. Let's shop!"
>Wrong.
>Lyra is probably inadvertently causing destruction somewhere.
>You can feel the lawsuit brewing.
"We're not doing SHIT until we find Lyra!"
>Trixie grumbles, "Lyra ruins the day, again."

*Meanwhile at home*

>Lyra sits on the couch, eating cereal and watching cartoons.
>She looks around the room, wondering why the house is so quiet.
>"Hello?"
>There's no answer.
>Realizing she's home alone, Lyra gets up and heads to your room.
>She digs through your drawers until she finds a pair of boxers and puts them on.
>Feels good.
>Something catches her eye.
>She grabs your headphones that she bought you and puts them on her head.
>"What kind of music does da- er, Anon listen to?"
>She goes to your record player.
>As she walks, the cord to your headphones hangs down and catches under her hoof.
>She stumbles and falls, ripping the headphone cord in half and headbutting the dresser holding your record player.
>"OUCH!"
>Her horn chips against the hard wood.
>The record player falls to the ground, smashing into several pieces.
>Lyra jumps up and grabs her head.
>"OH NO! I CAN FIX THIS! I CAN FIX THIS!"
>She runs to the kitchen to grab the super glue and tape.
>"You got this, Lyra! Anon will never know..."
>The little unicorn goes back to your room with shaking hooves.
>"I'll just use a bit of glue, some tape, and... Lyra magic!"
>She charges her horn.
>It fizzles and shoots electricity from the chipped portion.
>The bed bursts into flame.
>Lyra screams and runs in a circle.
>"I CAN FIX THIS!"
>She charges her horn again as the smoke detector begins to beep.