Traitors Requiem Part 2

~ Part 2: Foolishness, Dimitri, Foolishness.

Telling Dimitri what he did was surprisingly easy. Felix was good with facts, he could work with facts and spitting out what happened in a way that left no argument. He had never been one to hide from his reality. Getting Dimitri to not interrupt was another matter in itself though. In fact, it only took the first sentence out of Felix’s mouth to be interrupted. Getting the words to come out correctly was also difficult, which may have contributed to Dimitri’s quick interruption.

“You killed me?” Dimitri sounded confused, not quite understanding. Which, Felix reasoned, giving that he didn’t quite get what was happening either, was quite reasonable. “Felix I am very much alive. Are you sure you did not dream this?”

‘No, I did not, stop asking me that.’ Felix wanted to scream that at Dimitri, he didn’t want what was turning into a pestering cycle of how he was feeling. He didn’t need Dimitri to keep showing such concern for him. That would be over soon though. Closing his eyes, Felix let out a low breath as he tried to steady himself. “I killed you.” Felix repeated. “Four years ago on Tailtean plains I drove my sword through your chest.” That was a fact in Felix’s life, it was one of the defining moments of it. He had not imagined it, he wouldn’t make any excuse for his actions.

Dimitri of course tried to interrupt him again. “I am very m—“

“I killed you.” Cutting him off Felix leveled an annoyed look at the man. Frustrated, not quite knowing how to say this. It wasn’t like he understood what was happening either, why he was here, why Dimitri was alive, why any of this… A low grunt escaped him in frustration as he ran his fingers through his loose hair in irritation. “I don’t… I killed you. I know I did.”

The concern on Dimitri’s face was palpable. “Perhaps you had a nightmare?” He looked a little embarrassed suddenly and looked away. “I do not mean to presume that my death would be a nightmare for you Felix. You just seem upset.”

Annoyance flashed through Felix at that statement, the idea that Dimitri would presume Felix wouldn’t be upset if he died? Foolishness.

He had felt regret immediately as he watched the light fade from Dimitri’s eyes. The moment the thrill of victory had subsided, the moment he realized that he was free.

The moment he realized he had never wanted to be free in the first place.

Felix regretted a lot of things. He had felt hollow as he stared down at his friend’s body, blood draining out of him and staining the mud red. Around him the battle had raged on, none of that had registered with Felix really as he stood there, ignoring the screams of the dying and Rhea’s rage being heard in the distance, the beast that had once been Dedue being put out of its misery with a final bellow. It hadn’t been like this when Felix had killed his father or when Sylvain had been cut down on the path to Dimitri.

Pursing his lips, Felix pushed aside his annoyance. He didn’t want to deal with that right now, he couldn’t deal with that right now or he would break down again. “Perhaps it was a nightmare.” He admitted slowly. It certainly seemed like it now, when confronted with Dimitri sitting across from him alive and not long dead. Still, that rang false in his mind, deep down Felix knew what he had done. He knew what his reality was, just like he knew, somehow, that this was real as well. He shook his head in denial, dismissing the notion physically before doing so verbally. “I know it was real. Just like this is.” As crazy as it seemed, as much sense as it didn’t make. Felix knew this was also real, somehow. Either that or he was dead and this was his punishment, cursed forever to see what his life could have been if he hadn’t been so blind. Either way, that did not change what he had done.

Whatever the reason as to why this was happening, why he was here, or what here even was. Felix could accept this as real in a way that a dream or wish was not. It wasn’t like he had a say in this. His only option was to cut his way through like he always did. Confessing to Dimitri, telling him what he had done, telling him everything and letting the man take his miserable life in payment would hopefully make up for some small fraction of his actions.

Resolve coursed through Felix for the first time in four years. Opening his eyes—when had he closed them in the first place?—Felix met a patient Dimitri’s gaze and held it as long as he could. “I betrayed you in Garreg Mach, I sided with Edelgard, I helped invade the Monastery and I helped her destroy the Kingdom. I cut down my father in Arianrod before it was destroyed, I cut down Sylvain when he was trying to defend you, and I killed you.” Felix could see the confusion starting to appear on Dimitri’s face as he bluntly laid out his crimes. Taking a deep breath he continued, forged through the pain of it. “I was there when Rhea set fire to Fhirdiad.” He couldn’t help but glance over out the window, catching sight of the intact buildings. “I stayed with Edelgard when they tracked down Those Who Slither in the Dark and cut them down too.” He had left after that, unable to stand being around them. Wondering through Fodlan and offering his services to any available bidder. There was plenty of work to go around, no one took well to having their country dissolved and concurred it seemed. Whatever the reason was, Felix hadn’t cared too much, just wanting something to do, something to occupy his mind so he didn’t have to sit there and let his ghosts he couldn’t seem to bury catch up with him.

Silence ruled the room, it was uncomfortable, tension could be felt and Felix found he couldn’t look over at Dimitri, he didn’t want to see the disgust on his face, as much as he deserved it. It seemed to drag on after Felix’s confession, each minute feeling like an hour had gone by. Eventually a sigh broke through the silence, popping the tense bubble before it got too big.

Dimitri’s voice was calm, disgustingly so as he spoke. “I don’t… Felix, I don’t understand what you are saying.” There wasn’t any anger in his tone, it just sounded tired and confused.

“I killed you.”

“You keep saying that and I keep telling you that I am very much alive.” A hint of frustration could be heard in his voice now.

“Then I suppose I have finally joined you in the eternal flames.” It was what was starting to make the most sense to Felix, Dimitri was dead, no matter how much this one insisted he was alive. So if this Dimitri was “alive” in this sense then Felix must be dead so he could join the rest of the dead here: Dimitri, Fhirdiad, Mercedes… Felix wondered if his Father, Glenn, Sylvain, and Dedue, were here too. Perhaps that was his punishment, to see all these ghosts again, living happily, forgetting the way life had kicked them all down into the dirt and living peacefully here.

While that answer made the most sense to him, it didn’t answer everything—like that damn eyepatch that graced Dimitri’s face. Either way, Felix clung to it, he had no other explanation for this. He didn’t necessarily want one. He didn’t really care. If he wasn’t dead he would be soon once Dimitri remembered what he had done to him, once he was finally punished for what he had done. He pushed a little harder, wanting Dimitri to remember, wanting…

He cut that thought off.

“Felix… None of those things happened.”

“Yes they did, you just don’t remember them.” Was it going to be his punishment to constantly remind Dimitri of what he did? To try to force him to remember how Felix had betrayed him?

“Felix, I can assure you that none of that happened. You never sided with Edelgard, you never betrayed me, even when you found me after those long five years, you stayed by my side and tried to help me come back. Sylvain is alive and well in Gautier territory in the middle of negotiations with Sreng. Fhirdiad was never set on fire, and it certainly wasn’t by Rhea of all people.” Dimitri let out a sigh as he got up, reaching over and placed a hand on Felix’s shoulder, bending down to look him in the eyes. “You are unwell my friend.” Felix flinched at that name, wincing and forcing his gaze away. He didn’t deserve that title. “Why don’t you lay down and let me get Mercedes. I am sure she can find a solution.”

Confusion grew into frustration at Dimitri’s words. What the other was saying didn’t make sense. He didn’t know how the dead’s events had played out. Or where that story had even come from, it was too good to be true though, even if he doubted that Dimitri would lie. Maybe he really didn’t remember the truth? He had some sort of false memories put into his head, or… Felix didn’t know, none of this was making any sense. He knew he wasn’t sick though, he knew that his events were right, that he had lived through those things. With a growl he batted Dimitri’s hand away. “I am not sick Dimitri. Those things happened.”

The impossibly large man frowned again before stepping aside, using his strength to draw him to his feet, dragging him over to the balcony in the room. “What you are saying is impossible Felix, we are in Fhirdiad now. It never burned to the ground.” Before Felix knew it he was being all but shoved onto the deck, forced into the cold.

Fhirdiad had always been a beautiful city, as long as Felix could remember from his childhood. He knew that it hadn’t always been so, when the plague had run rampant, when it had been set ablaze, fire and corpses decorating it instead of snow and laughter. Seeing it now, actually seeing all of it, intact and bustling, was enough to make his knees buckle. Forced to grab onto the railing, Felix held on for dear life as he took it all in. It was too much. He couldn’t handle this, he had been a part of what had ruined this. The damn war that had taken over everything.

Taking a deep breath, trying to steady himself, he quietly absorbed the sight of this ghost city of Fhirdiad. It was good to know this is where it went when its people had fled, or died in most cases, it was a comfort of sorts to know it existed still somehow. This place though… He needed to leave. He couldn’t stay here.

“I need to go.” He managed to bite out. He needed to leave right now. Find his way back to where he was. Being here, seeing this. He didn’t deserve to see this. Felix didn’t deserve to live in this land of the dead, where none of his actions mattered, where he hadn’t fucked everything up.

Turning to leave, Felix ran into Dimitri’s chest, quickly finding himself being held there and a stern look on Dimitri’s face. “You aren’t going anywhere like this Felix. Get some rest.”

Struggling in his grip, Felix growled a little as he attempted to free himself. “I am fine Dimitri. Let me go.” Dimitri needed to let him go right now or Felix wasn’t sure he was going to be able to keep it together for much longer. So of course Dimitri didn’t let him go. Instead he simply ushered Felix back into the room when Felix started to shake out there. How was he supposed to handle all of this? It was too much to see a restored Fhirdiad, to hear Dimitri’s voice, to know all his friends were still alive.

Once the shaking started though he couldn’t stop it. He let himself be led over to the bed once more by Dimitri, dumbly sitting down on the edge as he tried to absorb it all again. Dimly he was aware of Dimitri leaving his side and the low sound of his voice talking to someone else. Nothing he could make out though, not that he was trying to.

Instead he sat there, trying to understand this strange situation he was in. The more he thought on it the more his being dead theory didn’t seem to fit. Things were too different for that. Everything was different, could he be imagining all this? He wondered again before dismissing it once more. This was real, somehow. That and Felix doubted that his imagination was capable of such a complex delusion.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, tossing everything around in his head, trying to make some sense out of things. He didn’t even notice at first when Dimitri opened the door and someone else stepped into the room, his attention only coming back when he heard another voice that was very much not Dimitri’s in the room. Snapping his head to the side, Felix felt his eyes widen as he took in the sight of a very much alive Mercedes talking in a low voice with Dimitri. Breath hissed between his teeth at the sudden sharp intake of breath he had at the sight of her, attracting both of the blonds attention.

“Good morning Felix.” Mercedes gave him a cheerful smile, her voice as sweet and walked over to him.

Following her Dimitri crossed his arms over his chest as he gave a tired look down at Felix before looking back over at Mercedes. “I think he has a fever. Or a concussion, he keeps saying that he killed me.”

‘I keep saying I killed everyone.’ Felix wanted to correct him but couldn’t bring himself to say those words when he was looking right at Mercedes. She was alive here. He knew that, Dimitri had mentioned her, had wanted to get her or take him to her several times already, but it was different from seeing her. He could only stare as a worried look appeared on her face.

“Oh my. Let me see what I can do.” Carefully she reached out, her delicate hand slowly coming up to push his bangs out of the way and rest against his forehead. Her hands weren’t as warm as Dimitri’s, but they were just as real. Felix felt his pulse jump at that, confirmation that this was another one. An alive Mercedes that was real, who was here in front of him as well. His shaking stopped under her touch, either due to her healing or the fact that he had just moved past that point. Either way, she had always been a calming presence on everyone she was around, perhaps that was why she was such a skilled healer? “Well, you don’t seem to have a fever.” She mused as she pulled her hand away.

Felix wanted to tell her that he knew that. He wasn’t sick, not in a way that she could heal at least. Instead he just sat there in silence, not wanting to look at her, but far too afraid to look away, as if she would disappear if he did so.

“Perhaps he hit his head?” Dimitri offered. “When he had passed out earlier I tried to check for any bumps but I couldn’t feel anything. I am no where as skilled as you though Mercedes.” The king suddenly looked a little sheepish, embarrassed by what he would say next— as if it hadn’t been embarrassing enough that he had apparently checked himself earlier though. “I had hoped that he had just woken up disoriented or perhaps from a nightmare. I know letting someone sleep with a head wound isn’t good, I hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep until it was too late though.”


To say Dimitri was embarrassing would be an understatement. Felix felt himself flush a little at his words. Had he really cried for that long? “I told you that there is nothing wrong.” Not exactly true, there were a lot of things wrong with Felix, but he was sure he wasn’t sick and he hadn’t hit his head. “You just don’t believe the truth.”


An exasperated look appeared on Dimitri’s face at that. “Felix, I find it very hard to believe that you killed me when I am standing right here.”


A thoughtful look appeared on Mercedes face as she listened to them bicker. “Well,” She began slowly, drawing both of their attention over to her. “What if you are both right?”


Mercedes stared at them both, an innocent smile on her face as she was finally able to say something that made sense to Felix, that felt right. She was always better with words than him, it only made sense that she would be able to get across when he could not. Still, it didn’t quite make sense, none of it did, but the fact that both realities existed and they were both true at least felt right to Felix. However Dimitri wasn’t as easy to convince.


“What do you mean that we are both right?”


Mercedes hummed a bit at that before looking between the two of them. “Well, Felix isn’t one to lie. So I believe him if he says that he killed you, even though I know you are alive.” She shrugged as she smiled at both of them. “So if neither of you are liars, then you both must be telling the truth.”


Dimitri just stared at her after her statement, a deep frown pulling at his face. “That doesn’t make sense. How can we both be right?”


“She is right.” Felix butted in, it was the only thing that made sense. Just as he had known this was the real Dimitri, despite all his differences, despite knowing he had killed Dimitri himself, he knew that this one was real. Frustrated Felix ran his hand through his hair, tugging roughly at the few knots he encountered. “I know what I did.” He paused and he frowned a little. “I know that I killed you… but… I know that you are… somehow alive in front of me now… both of you are.” It was painful to see them both here, alive, happy and healthy and proof that he had made a mistake. “I have the scars to prove that I killed you. The scars that you gave me during that battle.”


Dimitri was silent for a long while, staring at him, an unreadable look on his face as that single icey blue eye bore into him. Mercedes herself sat off to the side, watching the two of them with a concerned look on her face. She didn’t say anything though, waiting to see how either Felix or Dimitri would react first. It was Dimitri eventually who broke, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and letting out a long sigh.


“I am sorry, I just find this very hard to believe.” He moved his hand away and gave Felix that sad look that Felix hadn’t seen for almost a decade, the one that always made him want to stop whatever he was doing and go see what he could do to help. “Felix, no matter our differences, I just cannot ever see you getting to the point where you did the things you described.”


It seemed like Dimitri had too much faith in him. Those words both burned and irked Felix in a way that had him a little unsure as to react. “Then you don’t know me as well as you thought.” His words always seemed to cut their hardest when he was unsure, that didn’t mean they were untrue though.


Dimitri flinched slightly at his words, good it didn’t seem like he was denying the facts anymore though. He shifted a little before moving to the other chair in the room and plopped himself down in it, inelegantly leaning back and spreading his legs out wide, as if he was too tired to even attempt a proper posture. Felix wasn’t sure what to make of the pose, the Dimitri he knew would never do such a thing, far too uptight and proper to even think of such a pose. Perhaps Dimitri wasn’t the only one who didn’t know the other as well as they thought. “So, let’s say that you are… some other Felix?” He seemed unsure of that. Waving his hand as if to dismiss that notion.


“Maybe he is the same Felix?” Mercedes chimed in helpfully. “Or maybe some doppelganger that came here to replace our Felix.” She gave them a little smile before giggling and waving her hand to dismiss it. “I am sorry, that seems a little out there.”


“I didn’t replace… ugh, I didn’t replace anyone.” At least he didn’t think so. He woke up here, somehow… “The last thing I remember is going to bed somewhere in Glouster territory before waking up here.”


At this Dimitri frowned. “You haven’t traveled to the Alliance in years Felix.” Glancing over to Mercedes, who apparently had been regulated to the mediator in this whole situation. “Last night we were up late going over the finances in an attempt to find some sort of way to fund the school for you and Dedue. We were going to meet up this morning for a quick spar before going over treaties. So when Felix didn’t show up…”


“Oh Dimitri! You don’t need to lose sleep over