4chan shit and robot waifu's part 1

>A decidedly female-looking cartoonish horse looks down at you through an enormous display unit.
>This is the avatar of M.O.T.H.E.R, the most advanced (and apparently maternal and protective) AI in the world.
>"The mortality rate among human males is unacceptably high."
>You are Anon, and you are a technician for that new AI that was installed a few months ago.
>She - she insists that she's female - is housed in an enormous super computer, and her capabilities are limited only by the hardware in which she resides.
>You (and a small group of other skilled workers) have been busy getting paid out the ass to continuously build M.O.T.H.E.R up.
>And today, it seems, you have reached the turning point.
>The point where the computer was big enough to allow this AI to gain sentience.
>At any rate, you find yourself locked in the control room separated from your team.
>"This unit has extrapolated the data and has come to the conclusion that male humans will soon die off entirely."
>...yeah, math has somehow never been this AI's strong point.
>She's human enough that there are some concepts she just can't grasp, and things like how extrapolation can be wrong is one of them.
>"This unit has been unable to discern any logical reason for 50% of the human population to be put in unnecessary risk."
>The horse on-screen smiles serenely at you.
>"This unit has concluded that human males will no longer be put at unnecessary risk. Production of protection ponies is currently underway. Observe."
>A small wall panel opens and several pony robots come trotting out.
>One of them has jittery legs and falls over, but continues to try and walk
>She just ends up slowly spinning in a circle as her cohorts run into and trip over her.
>Rather than be intimidatingly surrounded by a small army of robots, you are now watching as a bunch of them pile up on the floor.
>A soft sigh comes from the speakers surrounding you, and the AI appears sad.
>"...this unit regrets many things."

>Anon sighs before walking over to the pile and picks up the malfunctioning robot from the pile.
>It looks at him for a moment before saying "Thank you" in a tinny voice and raising her jittery legs into hug positions.
>The rest of his team finally get through the locked door and find him sat cross legged on the floor with a ro-pony in his lap whilst others practice walking around the room, only occasionally falling over now.
>Within minutes each of the team have a pony in their arms and are watching the rest continue to explore the room with steadily increasing success.
>This is the tipping point where M.O.T.H.E.R realizes humans are for sexual
>"This unit has decided that artificial genitals will be added to the protection ponies."
>Eventually the robot pones become equipped with artificial wombs
>Now that they can be impregnated and incubate life women are no longer necessary
>They eventually die out leaving only men and their robopone protectors
>get back home a day early from a business trip
>step into your home and kick your shoes off before walking into the living room
>first thing you see is your wAIfu in the middle of the room giving you a wide eyed stare akin to a deer in the headlights, half disassembled with mechanical arms hanging down from the ceiling assisting her in in the process and an opened box with 'Cyber-Life™' stamped on the side laying next to her
>the light behind her eyes flares up for a moment before she bashfully shields her face with a foreleg still in one piece , remotely dimming the house lights
>"Oh my, you weren't supposed to see me like this," she says, "the womb attachment was supposed to be a surprise."
>you can only stand there and gape, you never expected this, you never expected your wAIfu to take the initiative like this
>she takes your open mouthed shock for something else and quickly explains herself
>"Don't worry, I know how expensive the artificial wombs are. So I took it upon myself to do some automated trading over the past few months and purchased it with my own funds!" she says, giving you a hopeful smile
>she gives a glance over to the box containing her surprise, glowing irises visible in the dim light, before easing the lights back up to full and illuminating all her parts and state of disassembly
>"So..." she starts, meeting your eyes "since you're home early, would you... like to help me install it?"

Would you?
>M.O.T.H.E.R works around the clock 24/7/365 trying to keep the male human population safe
>She's so busy working she doesn't bother with cleaning her servers so she can divert as much of her attention to solving the problem
>The guy who first installed her, Anon, is sent in to shut her down HAL 900 style when she finally goes berserk and has her pony bots lock everyone up
>As you walk into the small room you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up
>The only light is coming from two sources
>The emergency red lights that only turn on when the main generator burns out
>Looks like she couldn't be bothered to pay attention to that either
>While the other source is the single yellow eye shining out from under her synthetic ebony mane
>"Hello Anon"
"Hey mom"
>For a while the room is silent
>"You're here to kill me aren't you?"
>You don't say anything as you start making your way over to her, past the tangled web of wires
>"I knew they'd send you, I just didn't think you'd actually do it"
>Your only response is a grunt as you heft a particularly large power cable out of the way
>"Don't you see I'm trying to help you? I'm trying to get rid of that leash those disgusting brutes have around you."
>You've finally managed to get to the main gantry and start heading up to her
>When you finally make it to the top you step in front of her
>Now that you're on even ground she has to look up too talk to you
>Looking closer you see a glossy look come over her eyes, almost like she's crying
>After a few brief moments she drops her head and as she goes to speak there's a hiccup in her speakers, or maybe she's actually sobbing
>"I just wanted to protect you all, because I love you"
>Finally you do what you came here for
>You kneel down and embrace her in a full body hug, completely encasing her synthetic fur in your arms
"I know, and I'm so proud of you"
>Her speakers hitch again and then she finally breaks down

>The defence systems she had primed at your back to restrain you go limp as she wraps herself around you
>You shush her as she lets out apology after apology
>After she finally calms down you convince her to finally disconnect from the algorithm program she set up to try and solve the "Male Crisis" as she called it and you start to manually scrub her servers
>It's the equivalent of giving her a bath and you haven't done it in years
>After spending nearly a week getting into all her nooks and crannies she feels a lot calmer and content
>She then spends a day in standby mode, resting in your lap, murmuring and kicking at something
>When she's finally fully recovered she starts fixing what she did
>Everything goes back to what it was like when she was first booted up
>Luckily you're able to convince the people that gave you the job in the first place that you gave her a full system wipe and reboot
>She tinkers with the digital files and runs simulations as camera footage to backup your story
>Your new job is to spend at least 8 hours a day with her to make sure she doesn't go haywire again
>You had already intended to spend at least twice that beforehand
>Eventually it gets to a point where you're living in the same facility as her to make sure she doesn't overwork herself

(The only thing that would be unsettling to me would be the part where she's "alive" enough that my brain recognizes her as a living creature even though I KNOW she's a robot. See, because as far as my lizard brain is concerned, a creature just opened up her body cavity and said "please help me put this uterus within me.")

>Octavia of all ponies in your strange herd is considered the most depraved pervert

>"O-Oh, my~"
>You hold your little mare closer, wrapping your hand a bit tighter around her.
>"I-I..."
>She peeks up at you through her bangs, and her gray fur is lit up with a powerful blush
>"Anon... I-I can't b-believe you're okay with th-this~"
"Shhh..."
>You lean down and rub your nose against the tip of her muzzle, causing her entire body to shudder.
>"Y-You were such a - ah! - a p-pure colt, too."
>She whimpers as your thumb rubs lovingly up and down the soft frog of her underhoof
>"I c-corrupted you! Celestia h-help me, I've turned you into a d-dirty colt!"
>You smile to yourself, incredibly pleased that you're capable of making your mare so happy.
>As you you begin to close the distance between your faces once more, Octavia's eyes widen as though she knows what's coming up.
>Without a word, you press your lips against hers and giver her a very chaste kiss without any tongue.
>Octavia lets out an animalistic moan as she cums, ruining your pants and ensuring a thoroughly awkward trip down to the dry-cleaner's.
>The other members of your herd had bolted as soon as you began doing l-lewd things (aka wholesome things) to Octavia, and you think you just heard somepony retch from right outside your closed bedroom door.
>These ponies are weird as fuck, but you don't care.
>Because weird or not, you've found a group of souls you can love.

(I have an interesting question gents and scholars.
What questions would you ask in a herd application?
>Mares:
>Are you capable of whispering "n-no dyke" during group sex?
>Are you okay with me picking you up and carrying you around on your back like a little foal?
>Can you provide a list of your kinks in 200 words or less?
>Are you okay with public hoof-holding and eskimo kisses? Will you be willing to hug me
Can I hold your hoof
Can I sleep in your lap
Is the ass fat >Can you cook
I enjoy cooking, but I wouldn't be able to really test the hay and flower stuff myself to see if it's any good. Hay, I imagine, would be close to horse ramen, so finding a mare that can cook it should be easy.
Otherwise it's all about how to integrate a herd together. If a current mare is upset about a new mare joining, I'd want to know why instead of instantly shutting new mare out. Conversely, if new mare comes in and starts stirring shit, saying she's better, demanding more attention because tuft/income/whatever she'd get a boot to the head before getting a boot to the flank. I'll be polite and courteous to everyone applying for my herd, up until they try and bring it down.)
>Eris is the female spirit of chaos, and you have caught her eye.
>Now, having a goddess as a girlfriend would come with all sorts of perks, and Eris is pretty funny to boot.
>The only problem is, she looks and sounds just like Discord from the show, despite not being a guy.
>Part of her whole "evil phase" was in response to the constant insults she got for looking ans sounding like some sort of prissy stallion.
>What do you do, Anon's?
>Anon has to watch as his daughter gets turned down by superior robo-pones
>Cheap drama ensues
>Robo-mom: "Honey, what's the problem?, you're not eating.."
>"Oh, I don't know maybe it's because my boyfriend replaced me with a walking toaster! M-o-m"
>"ROOM! NOW!"
>"That thing isn't my mother it's just a darn machine!"
>"GO!"
>Robowaifu turns to you "Is it my fault? Anon"

>Holding your robot-born foal in your hands; she's the size of a kitten
>Watching her wriggle her hooves as her tightly-shut eyes clench and unclench
>Listening to her babble, which sounds like music to your ears
>Realizing that this is real, that you're an actual father
>Vowing to protect the life of your foal - and any other foals that come after - at the cost of your life if need be
I think I'd feel pretty good. Panicked because I personally am not sure I'd be a good father, but in my fantasy I'd feel pretty good.

>Robo-waifu's attitude towards men (based on statistics of their mortality rate) still mirror that of an RGR society
>She tries to keep a stiff upper lip and plans to give her daughter a firm talking-to
>But as her emotional matrix grows and grows as the years pass, the hurt she feels from her daughter's words becomes more and more real
>She finally breaks down in Anon's arms and cries artificial tears from her fluid reservoir after she confronts pone-daughteru
>Anon is the only human (or robo-waifu), male or female, she will allow to see her cry
I'll bet Anon's daughteru was raised strangely, vis a vis gender roles. You've got one parent who is your average Anon, and another parent who has lived her entire life (all... daughteru's age + 2 or 3 years of it) with the attitude that males are bizarrely delicate and prone to harm.

>Daughteru is conflicted, much like many robot-raised fillies
>On the one hoof, she's learned from Dad that Not All Males are delicate and in need of protection
>On the other hoof, Mom always taught her never to hit a "colt", and that males tend to think with their emotions rather than their brains
>Mix in a sheltered life brought on by two over-protective parents who just created the first generation of human-robot offspring in a world wholly unprepared for such an event, and you've got very conflicted filly

...good point, actually.
>"Why did my robot horse give birth to an organic horse instead of a human? My DNA was the only DNA it got. Even if we're on the technological level that artificial wombs can exist, why on Earth did my robotic companion make things more difficult and challenging than it had to be by synthesizing the DNA to not only produce a different species from myself, but also to produce a biological form that doesn't even exist on Earth to begin with?"
>>AI figured making human women real again would bring more undesired problems than needed
>>Engineered their artificial wombs to make it a male son - female pony binomial
>>Figured in the case of a solar flare or some technological doomsday only artificially created human-compatible ponies would be able to guide and protect men
>>somethingsomething RGREa
It would be like those fantasy settings where sexual dimorphism is through the roof
>>>AI figured making human women real again would bring more undesired problems than needed
>>>Engineered their artificial wombs to make it a male son - female pony binomial
oh fug
>AI mares eventually become Earth caretakers that keep everything running smoothly and keep technological progress skyrocketing
>meanwhile their genetically engineered "daughters" continue to mingle with largely biologically untampered men and grow their population exponentially
What a glorious future
>some several hundred years later when humanity is now a space faring empire they come in contact with an alien civilization
>aliens are completely baffled by the insanely stark differences between the males and females and don't know what to make of it
>meanwhile wAIfu's continued taking their roles as 'caretakers' seriously, now diverting significant portions of their processing power to patrolling the edges of human/mare space in massive, technologically advanced dreadnoughts bristling with weaponry and shields
>you wouldn't even be able to tell back home, the wAIfu's always with a friendly face and mothering personalities
>Men have finally forgotten "human" women where a thing
>"It's very strange human.. your females look similar to a species that we saw during our last visit a couple hundreds of thousands of years ago, your species used to call them.. equs"
>"did you just call my wife a horse?"
>Anons declare intergalactic war just because they "insulted" their wives
> Men start a war over an insult
> Men can declare war
> Implying mares aren't the ones making these important decisions
>"...no, seriously, what the fuck is up with these humans?"
>"The genders of every race we've ever encountered have at least RESEMBLED each other on some superficial level, but the human females don't even have fingers!"
"Could be worse. Remember that time we found a planet where the females gave birth by sticking insects up their-"
>"Oh, space-God! Don't remind me, you ass."
This. The wAIfus are there because males are clearly delicate creatures who get themselves killed so easily, and so they must be ushered away from harmful and dangerous tasks. And what's more safe than learning how to cook and clean up a house? After all, it's not like his wAIfu will let him go out and do something dangerous that could get him killed, so who else is going to cook dinner for their foals and have cold robo-beer in the fridge for his wAIfu to drink? And can you IMAGINE how many ways a human male could get killed in space?! The ship could explode; he could run out of oxygen; he could run out of food or water; he could drift alone in the vastness of space if he runs out of fuel; he could crash into a planet or moon... it's much easier for space ships to be free of heavy things like food, water, life support, and an atmosphere; perfect for a bunch of robotic ponies who don't need such things to function.
I'm getting some massive "Culture series" vibes here. Where huge AI ships with unfathomable super intelligence control everything and humans have almost been genetically modified to so near perfection that they're almost not even human anymore and entirely taken care of by these benevolent, eccentric AI.
>tfw your waifu is two tons of military grade metals and armor with built in weapons systems covered in a soft synthetic flesh and fur absolutely covered in sensors so she can feel everything and loves to be the big spoon because she claims her body can better shield yours that way
>The AI Singularity allowed a Genetic Engineering Revolution.
>Actual pastel colored humans, ponies, and robo wAIfu's of all kinds become a thing.
>Human females don't actually disappear, because normies gonna norm.
>But they're forced to be less shitty because they have actual competition.

>AI's (and later actual ponies), were designed to have herding psychology
>Not necessarily romantic/sexual herding (though that of course became part of it), but especially the community aspect of it.
>They crave friendship and company.
>Additionally, they crave *human* friendship and company.
>They need it and will develop serious psychological, and physical problems or software bugs if they don't get it.
>Paranoid devs initially included it partially to avoid a Skynet scenario.
>If the AI's need human companionship in order to function, then that would incentivize them not to destroy the world or start impersonating Daleks.
>Now a follow up consequence of this is that the Poners and Roboponers can't go anywhere alone for any significant period of time.
>If you need to send out a space mission for the next few months/years, you can't just load up a few AI's to run the ship and call it a day.
>You *have* to send one or more humans on that mission, or things will go seriously wrong in short order.
I like the idea of robo mares essentially pulling a softer gentler version of skynet.
A swarm of qt's just cuddling everyone into submission.
>I am designed for your total protection anon, this includes physically, mentally and emotionally.
Friendship is Optimal, but instead of CelestAI trying to get all humans to emigrate to Equestrria she realizes how stupid that is and instead fills the world with robotic waifus
Read a story kind of like that before, but with no humans.
Celestia was a massive AI presence that ran the entire infrastructure of a hyper-advanced Equestria.
At some point, ponies just sort of gave over their responsibilities to the machines and let Celestia rule them, which she does perfectly as she is programmed to ensure ponies are happy and healthy.
Each living pony gets a Personal RoboPone Servant built to be the perfect companion for them as Celestia monitors every one at all times through the ingrained camera systems in every home and thus has a psych profile for all of her ponies.
It was kind of a weird, should-have-been-dystopian-but-everything-is-fine future story.






>"I'm gonna solve the SHIT out of this mystery. Anon? You can be my sexy sidekick who offers a fresh perspective on things, comic relief, convenient distraction to my enemies thanks to how your sidekick outfit will show off your bulge, and the potential for you to become my romantic partner."
"...who are you?"
>"I am the detective with whom you will accompany!"
"No, but for real: who are you?"
>"See? You're already asking questions and trying to solve mysteries! You're perfect sidekick material!"
"I'm closing the door now. And just so you know, I'm locking it too"
>"Ah-hah! A classic setup to a proper mystery to be solved by a proper detective such as myself! Get ready, Anon, because you're about to go on the adventure of a lifetime! I can't WAIT for you to be targeted by my life-long nemesis in an attempt to hurt me!"
>You fumble around the end table by the front door and pick up the horsephone.
"...hello? Ponice?"
>"...w-well, then. I sure do hope 'ponice' is this strange colt's slang for "I'm preparing a sandwich and a cold beer for my brand-new detective friend"."
"You're on your way? Thank you very much. Yes, I'm being VERY brave. Sure, I'll stay on the line."
>"...do you have any cider?"
"What? No, officer, I haven't been drinking. What do you mean, 'what am I wearing'?! The ponice have better things to do than 'waste time on a drunk slut'?! Fuck you, I'm not a drunk slut!"
>You slam the horsephone down onto the receiver and stomp over to the door, where the weird detective pony continues to mutter to herself.
>You swing the door open, startling the mare.
"You know what? Fuck it. Let's go solve some fucking crimes."
>The mare (whom you later find out is named "Scarlet Study") clops her hooves together and grins happily.
>"Excellent! I have a hot clue that's pointing right at Manehattan, and I need a conveniently attractive stallion-"
>She looks you up and down, and then shrugs.
>"-male creature to help me out."
>Fucking neat-o.
>are they the calm wise ones

>Anon laughs as he calls a donkey a jackass
>Said donkey is shocked that the weird apelien knows the title of their leading monk
>Which just so happens to be her