Terrible experience. Some of the staff were very friendly and encouraged me to participate in activities only after about a week of milling around doing nothing. Inconsistencies in the rules caused drama between me and another very ill patient, making me extremely uncomfortable, I was simply told to segregate myself in my room to solve the problem. (In a very sarcastic tone, same staff member spoke to me in a monotone after saying bye cheerfully to everybody else on the ward, however these are the things I want to mention at a minimum as my mental state may have affected my judgement, but this is also why staff should be more aware of their behavior)...

I was already having issues with the staff on the first night in hospital, the following two nights however I can't remember so well since I found it impossible to sleep. Staff would blatantly speak about me, my visitors, other patients cases and confidential information while in the living area of the ward. It seems they are not aware of how noise travels. (paraphrase) "Look at all this stuff she brought... (quote) so much shit".

Noise is made into the night, until at least 1:30am on the last night. Extremely loud banging of doors, pots, spoons, sliding tables and chairs around in the living area, this can all be heard very loud in the bedrooms. I went out of my room around half past midnight and said "what's all that banging?" response "It's the printer, emptying paper." For an hour or more? Ceramic noises? Sure okay, I'm not a fucking idiot and that was extremely belittling. I said "really, that's not the sound a printer makes" response "It's the printer, I'm not lying to you". After I went back to my room the same noise, moving furniture, banging doors, jangling keys loudly, talking loudly on the ward, etc, all continued until 1:30am as I said. In my opinion this is endangering mentally ill patients, 2 other patients have clearly expressed their distress with the noise too, in conversation with on they agreed with me about all the banging doors and pots, and another patient was stood by his door during the night saying "so much cleaning to do..." and he was in an extreme state because of lack of sleep too.

This place makes people more ill. It was impossible to sleep for the first three nights anyway, because of such an unfamiliar environment and racing thoughts, anxiety, etc, to have this noise on top of it and being belittled in such a way is just absolutely fucking ridiculous, how can it be allowed to treat mental patients like this? I've had no more than 3 or 5 hours of sleep after that, since some of the night staff have no respect for patient's wellbeing or comfort. Every bang or noise would send shivers down my entire body so I could do very little but stick it out until I was able to leave, but if I had been detained that place would have destroyed me.

On my first night I was given a sandwich when I arrived, around 8:30pm, I was too queasy to eat and wasn't aware of the snack kitchen at the time, later while I was in bed I had stomach pains from hunger, since I have a very fast metabolism. This wasn't taken into account, I asked a night staff to bring me my sandwich and she said if she could find it she'd bring it to me. Of course this didn't fucking happen, I went to the fridge in the morning and found it. I've missed out details from the following two nights because I want this to be completely honest and I know I was suffering strong paranoia due to sleep deprivation.

There is a timetable on the wall and lots of resources about that would impress anybody coming to view the ward, but this isn't to be taken at face value. I was in there for a week and NONE of the activities in this timetable (attached) were offered to me, it was all "patients choice".

... continued ...

I was never encouraged into any sort of group activity but I like to think I participated well regardless, interacting with other patients and staff as much as possible despite my distress, self confidence issues and anxiety, I went into this hospital with the intention of being more brutally honest than I have ever been in good faith to get the help I needed, I've come out feeling not a lot different and slightly traumatised. My good faith and trust was breached, as it has been repeatedly my entire life.

There was very little to do so patients would often walk around like zombies, including myself, the portions were too small for me and I had to try sleep with stomach pains almost every night. There are no daytime visiting hours during the week so you're just going stir crazy during the weekdays unless you happen to be lucky and some nursing staff are free to sit and chat or do something.
Nothing about the art therapy room or the quiet room or any other rooms in the hospital were explained to me, it's almost eerily deserted and quiet, even reception seemed to be shuttered down at all times.

There is very little to do other than watch TV or read, which I find pretty difficult when under stress, I would not like to just hog the TV to myself and there were no options for exercise, a common method for improving mental condition.

My last stay in hospital was 11 weeks and although I still had disagreements with the staff there, it was fine since they were completely straightforward and honest with me. However in Mulberry Ward staff will consistently whisper around patients and for someone suffering from significant anxiety this is not conducive to a beneficial environment or improved mental state. It seems like the staff at night do not respect the patients or get off on fucking with them.

It was difficult at points to know how much I was overthinking things but for this exact reason, confidential discussions and whatever petty discussions staff want to have should be kept in the staff room. This is a purpose built facility, why is it so poorly equipped? My last stay was in an old converted unit but it was great. The staff room was situated as far as possible from the patient bedrooms, but close enough to be safe.

I hope some people have good experiences here, and I hear some do, but any kind of paranoia or anxiety is going to really be affected badly by some of the staff working on this ward.

I had ants all over my room, coming through the radiator, under the peeling bathroom laminate and I had to ask repeatedly for ant spray to be used. They kept coming back after a day or so, when I was told again that there was no ant spray by one staff member only for it to be used when I said "really? but someone used it for me the other day". Staff tried to excuse it by saying things like "yes we get ants here, it's just ant season" I ended up with an ant on my glasses and in my hair, completely freaking me the fuck out. They got as high as my lightswitch so.

A patient next door to mine who was clearly suffering with some kind of paranoid condition would stand by his open door at night watching the staff clean (which they lied to me about) and on the same night I heard a staff member approach the patient and say "shut your bedroom door, PLEASE" he responded "I don't have a problem" and she replied "You haven't got a problem have you, you just wanna have a moan at me?" How can it be allowed to be so belittling towards a distressed patient?

The latest loud bangs, kettle/boiling water and talking loudly on the ward happened at 3am that I remember, I literally went for a cigarette and checked the clock so I'm sure of this. The staff made me feel such a way that even as an informal patient I was afraid to try and discharge myself, and even wish it wasn't necessary. I'd have liked to stay and got the help I needed, waited for a care co-ordinator to be assigned, but every single night I spend there is far too much for me to take. I'm at risk of being permanantly mentally damaged even more than already so if I stay any longer. I wasn't offered any kind of talking therapy while I was there, just one on one's if requested with nursing staff and assistants, this was comforting but nothing useful.

there is possibly more that I've missed out but I've still only had a max of 5 hours sleep last night so it's hard. Also I apologise for jumping around the subjects so much rather than sticking to one subject per paragraph, need to rest so bad. If you get offered an informal admission here, I highly advise declining and if you feel the need to be hospitalised try and find someplace else.