I want a jewish boyfriend, with a dirty jewfro full of saltine cracker crumbs because he eats a lot of soup and doesn't shower often. He secretly has this strange fetish and since that microwave accident a few weeks back I am psychic and now I know what it is. So I go to the store and get the supplies I need and stick them in the fridge. I get off work early, get home an hour or so before he does. I pull out the four jars of ice cold gefilte fish and start shoving them up my ass. He gets home, he sees the empty jars and wonders what happened to all that fish. He's salivating, hoping, scared to say anything. I pull down my pants, he gets on his knees and presses his lips to my salty ass. He sucks the tender moist fish patties out one by one, until he gets them all. He pulls some cracker bits out of his hair and eats them. His mind races back to those family gatherings when his mom used to serve gefilte fish and matzah ball soup with saltines. He already ate so much but his appetite is back. He doesn't know it yet but I ordered soup from the kosher deli down the street. There's a knock on the door I answer it. There's a strangely large aquatic beast at the door, he's pale skinned with an afro. Must be from the deli, I ask how much I owe him. He responds "tree fiddy". Holy shit I ain't giving this loch ness monster no tree fiddy. The smell of gefilte fish enrages the once calm paleolithic creature. He eats my boyfriend and goes on his way leaving the soup behind. I was hungry so after getting everything sucked out of me, well at least out of my ass. I have some soup, holy shit it's so fucking plain I'm so over jews.