Just Got Back From The Discomfort--We're Alright Outline[1]

Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Aight I’ll take it chapter by chapter synopses
There’s only twelve
One moment, gotta reset the power
Back
Okay, so to preface: this is twidash
My parameter challenge for this was to write about one of the ships I super don’t like
The first chapter starts off with rainbow dash volunteering for twilight to help her with a telepathy experiment
Twilight fucks it up slightly, or rainbow does (I flip back on forth on it between drafts), and rainbow suddenly finds her memory thrown and scattered across her mind
She starts getting intensively immersive flashbacks and will see ponies from the past in the place of ponies who are presently there
For instance, a younger version of her father when looking at him, or an old teenage marefriend when looking at twilight
The caveat is that twilight has sympathetic aping of these flashbacks synchronized to rainbow dash’s
And through this (looking at rainbow dash looking at her and seeing that she sees her as an old marefriend) reveals a lot about rainbow’s adolescence and teenage years that she never talks about
But twilight only gets little bits and pieces so she’s confused and curious
But dash doesn’t want to talk about it
Essentially tells twilight to fuck off and stop invading her privacy
As time progresses, the flashbacks get more intensive and more immersive
I originally started writing this before s7 aired so rainbow’s parents hadn’t been introduced
At this point, it’s revealed that rainbow’s mom died when rainbow dash was very young, and it’s starting to be hinted at that her constant and insatiable desire to win and be the absolute best is driven by the fact that she feels like she can’t let her mom down (although she’d be loath to ever admit that)
But now I’d have to slap an alt universe tag on it to keep that plotpoint
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
AU tags are smart anyway.
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Yeah
Most of my longforms are au
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
It's just easier than trying to fit things into sometimes-contradictory canon
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Indizzle
More freedom too
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
So I have two questions
First, is Twilight only seeing these flashbacks when near RD, or is she also getting them while alone?
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Same time as her regardless of proximity
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
Second, is Dash getting any of Twilight's memories?
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
No, although...
Fuck, that could be really interesting
I wanted this story to be mostly about rainbow dash though, I suppose
One of the reasons this even happened is because rainbow’s psyche interacted violently with the telepathy spell since she’s holding on to a lot of shit from her adolescence
And twilight isn’t so it didn’t go both ways
Was my explanation for how it is now
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
It might be an interesting point later for Twilight to share one of her memories as part of an apology or empathy or something.
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
The story’s main focus once it really gets going is helping rainbow let go and move on
Yes
That’s perfect actually
There’s a spot in the fic where that slides in nicely
A lot of the rest of the story from here is twilight slowly learning more and more about rainbow’s past, and showing how rainbow’s life is thrown into tumult by what is essentially full sensation hallucinatory ptsd
Just that rainbow deeply regrets how she acted after her mom died, bottling things up and throwing herself into just being the winner
And how Gilda and her ended up with a crowd of punks as teenagers and she ran away from home because she couldn’t stand the memories any longer
Some good drama with her dad
When she’s with the punk pegasi she ends up with the gf she sees twilight as now
Whom I named Aurora but is probably gonna have a different one eventually
She’s a punk Pegasus twilight, essentially
That edgy lit student
Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
She reads Poe and Marx
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Exactly
But all dash, Gilda, and the punkasi do are drink and smoke, wallow in hatred for the mockingly saccharine world they live in, and cause property damage/commit petty theft
And rainbow, who’s just running from everything, doesn’t care at the time
In the present when twilight has to see this though
It’s horribly embarrassing and shameful for her
Subsumed by regret at twilight now knowing how she was back then
And seeing a bunch of intimate stuff she did with various ponies (and griffons) as a teenager
She breaks the relationship off with twilight
Who is just baffled and concerned for rainbow
“I literally don’t care about who you were with before”
R5h02/19/2019
So far this sounds good
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
But rainbow is too far gone in the past now and retreats
Since she’s in such a state of emotional turmoil I had this be the part where rainbow hallucinates for essentially an entire day
Instead of seconds or minutes at the most like previously
She passes out during the end of the hallucination from exhaustion and the flashback continues into her dreams
Which, of course, alerts Luna like a fucking wildfire
Luna gets involved, manages to stabilize rainbow and pull her out of the dream
Ask her what the fuck is going on
Rainbow’s either not in the mood to talk or sort of can’t because she’s so stricken
So Luna goes to find twilight
However
She’s in canterlot
Rainbow and twilight are in ponyville
And twilight had this day long hallucination too
So she saw everything
There’s a little aerial chase where twilight pursues a fleeing dash
And dash, in an effort to shake twilight off, crashes off a cloud and slams through one of twilight’s palace windows
She’s unharmed, mostly
Wing a bit fucked but not even broken
But twilight freaks out over it, starts doting over rainbow
And as she leans over her, rainbow, still seeing her as flickering between twilight, herself, and aurora
drags her into the first kiss she and twilight have ever had
Which blends together in both of their experiences as a culmination of every kiss rainbow dash has ever had
And then they fuck
During which, same deal happens
Twilight gets a smoothie smorgasbord of rainbow memories
Of all the ponies (and griffons) she’s fucked
Afterwards, rainbow tells her that this is exactly why they can’t be together
“Because even before you could see these memories, they were all I thought about”
Twilight still pressing that she doesn’t give a fuck
“Of course you’re the aggregate of your experiences, rainbow, but that doesn’t matter. They’re over, and now they’re a part of who you are. You wouldn’t be Rainbow without them; as long as you know that I’m me, and not the others, then there’s nothing to be scared of.”
And rainbow just gives her a dead look and says “the only reason I’m with you is because you’re her. You’re just like her.”
And she leaves
Luna makes it to ponyville by morning but it’s uh
A little late
Rainbow is nowhere to be found and Spike is doing damage control on twilight
Talks to twilight for a bit to find out what the sam fuck happened
As she’s talking to her, more flashbacks occur
Luna tries to sort of “jack in” to the hallucinations as they’re going on, but with little success
Mostly just gets painfully uncomfortable flashes of sensation related to the more concrete hallucinations twilight is having
As she works on fine tuning it, talking through with twilight about what she knows about rainbow’s past and what’s presently going on
She discovers more and more about rainbow and starts to fortunate a theory as to what needs to be done
In addition, twilight manages to pinpoint where rainbow is hiding
Once Luna has calmed her down shes lucid enough to just trace the telepathy
They reach dash, but not before another hallucination hits
This one about how rainbow, finally fed up of living a gutter trash life with vacant punks, releasing bad memories, empty sex, condescending marefriends, and self destructive tendencies
To run away to someplace entirely different from the fetid underbelly of cloudsdale
And take another stab at that stupid dream she had as a filly
She’s gonna need a way to support herself first
So she takes an entry level weather pony job in some podunk hamlet in the middle of equestria
After this hallucination, Luna is Sure she knows what to do
She doesn’t like it
But she’s positive this is what must be done
That clears up the first ten chapters, I need to reset the internet and then I’ll finish with the last two
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Chapter 11 has Luna and twilight finally making it to dash’s hiding spot (a cloudbank on the edge of the everfree) and confronting her about everything that’s been going on with her and twilight
And rainbow just breaks down and starts off by demanding Luna do something about these hallucinations, to which she responds she can’t because they’re not actually Dreams
She just happened to be able to intersect the one that overlapped with a dream
R5h02/19/2019
all right
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Sorry this next part is complicated for me to write cohesively
Gonna take a moment
So rainbow demands that something else be done about it, and while twilight tries to calm down a further angering dash, Luna just sort of bluntly suggests
Right after rainbow yells something to her like “you’re a damned princess, why don’t you DO anything?”
“Why don’t you stop running?”
Which of course as I’m sure you’ve noticed is dash’s consistent survival tactic when dealing with a non-physical enemy as presented in this story
She runs
Or flies
Whatever
She flees
Of course rainbow doesn’t like to think of it that way
Cowards flee
She just retreats way more quickly than anypony else
R5h02/19/2019
she advances in an alternate direction
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Exactly
States this to Luna, Luna swats it down and asks her to actually really think about what she just said
Rainbow grinds her teeth, acknowledges the absurdity of it, but then flips around to “well running isn’t always bad plus I never run from when it matters”
Insert fractured and jumbled rambling about how she helped kick a big band’s ass in the past
“Certainly didn’t run from those changelings” or something like that
And Luna points out that when it’s a clear cut black and white physical situation, she doesn’t run
But literally anything to do with her emotions is just “I’m faster than you”
And rainbow again goes on to that not being a bad thing and confrontationally asks what the problem is
“Simply put, it catches up to you.”
“As if anything catches up to me; rainbow dash outpaces anything, physical or fake.”
Twilight quietly points out that something not being physical doesn’t not make it fake
R5h02/19/2019
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/terry_pratchett_400601
BrainyQuote
Terry Pratchett Quotes
"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." - Terry Pratchett quotes from BrainyQuote.com

Lawful Disaster02/19/2019
"Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast and I would catch it."
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Kek
R5h02/19/2019
So what happens next?
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Rainbow has a sudden and intense flashback
Like, the moment after
R5h02/19/2019
And then?
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
Oi, sorry
Internet died
I was thinking that would be the sort of snapping point
Rainbow’s been trying to suppress the flashbacks and she can only do it for so long
While the mental pressure builds like steam in a kettle
Which is why the last couple flashbacks have been so intense
And this one is powerful enough that Luna sees it too
The flashback mostly concerns a really young rainbow feeling inadequate and weak
Her getting bullied by other colts and fillies (far before she has her cutie mark mind you)
And at first, she’d have her mom to tell her it was okay and that she was bound to be the greatest flier equestria’s ever seen as long as she never gave up and didn’t let the others get to her
But one day she wasn’t there to do that anymore
As a filly she doubled down, pushed it under, threw herself into being the absolute best
Can’t let her mom down after all
But as time goes on she gets lost in headstrong self-focus and became that impulsive, Devil-May-care punk she regrets and hates
Who is still just a burnout weather pony in a hick town
Stuck in the past
“But that’s not true.”
Cue twilight coming in and reminding rainbow about her accomplishments and how she shouldn’t live by the standard of her past self
“You are not her, and she is not you” etc
Rainbow admits she’s still afraid that she’s only with twilight as a reminder of the past
And that she’s still stuck with no privacy
And how ashamed she is that twilight has to see her so vulnerable and exposed, sobbing like a foal
And this is where I’ll steal lawful’s idea from earlier and have twilight give rainbow a deluge of her memories
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
To finish up with this, the conclusion of the story after twilight’s own secrets are lain bare is Luna letting them have their moment, and then stepping in to propose her plan to rainbow
Who warns her that 1. It’s not going to be quick and 2. It’s going to be painful
Rainbow agrees to try anything she can
So Luna instructs rainbow to fall asleep
And when she does, she’ll finds herself in a dream with her mother
Rainbow doesn’t respond to this, and twilight questions if this is the best thing to do
Luna begins to explain her reasoning but Rainbow interrupts her
“No, I want to do it”
Anyway, rainbow is all “Can’t keep flying forever, right?”
Lays down and falls asleep
And when she starts to dream, she’s there with her mom
At first, she doesn’t know what to say, or do
It’s a stable dream since Luna is proctoring
She and her talk for a moment, rainbow awkward the entire time
Finally:
“I’m supposed to say something to you, I think”
Baron Regidar02/19/2019
“And what’s that, rainbow dear?”
“I-I don’t know.“
“Well, what do you want to say?”
“Goodbye, I guess?”
“Alright.”
“Goodbye.”
There’s a pause
“Do you feel any better?”
“No.”
“Of course not. Saying goodbye doesn’t mean anything. It’s not about how it ended, it’s how it happened.”
“But I can barely remember how it—your life—happened! It was so long ago, I was so young, you weren’t there—“
Rainbow starts getting angry again
Angry at Luna, her mom, herself
“And who was, rainbow?”
Rainbow stops dead in her rant, mouth agape before snorting and rolling her eyes
“Whatever, you’re just a dream projection my mind and Luna made up”
“Thats exactly right, rainbow. I am. The real me—you can’t talk to her. She’s gone. But you know who isn’t?”
“I don’t want to talk to him.”
“But you can’t run away, right?”
“No. I’m done with that.”
Her mom smiles. “that’s my girl.”
Rainbow wakes up in tears, twilight and Luna watching on with concern
“We have to go see my dad”
Before they leave, twilight asks rainbow about their relationship, letting her know that it’s fine if she still wants to break it off, and apologizing for putting her into this state
But rainbow can’t bring herself to leave twilight after she shared her own memories with her
And even though the telepathy thing seems permanent
Rainbow doesn’t feel trapped by it
She feels like she isn’t alone
“I’d be a real shitty element of loyalty if I went and left you, wouldn’t I?”
“Besides, you know the deal already: I’m done running away.”
Story finishes out with rainbow heading back to her dad’s place
Her old home
And reconciling and asking to hear about her mom
I was gonna kinda leave it on a hanging note because I have a sequel that’s about rainbow and her dad
But that’s “Just Got Back From The Discomfort—We’re Alright”
Three years and far too many drugs in the making
@R5h just tagging you so you have an easy way to pick this back up
If anyone else has been scoping this, feedback is appreciated, I wrote most of this in complete isolation and very intoxicated
Also I’m of the bad habit of pushing things to the melodramatic

Aragón, Ultimate Princess02/19/2019
aight so
@Baron Regidar went back and read the whole thing
I think it's good? I don't see any problems
shame about needing an AU tag, but that's the show for ya -- if it helps, I also killed off dash's dad in a fic of mine and got fucked for it immediately afterwards
cause it's our destiny to write shit that gets destroyed by canon as it goes
but yeah the story has a clear structure, clear arcs, and a clear satisfactory emotional conclusion
the only problem yuo might have is not having a clear idea of the hallucinations or some moment-to-moment stuff, but seeing how the end and general arc are so clear that should be easy to deal with
so if you ask me, go for it
like I don't see any points where I'd go 'hey what if you change this or add a subplot here'
magnet's idea of twilight's memories is interesting, and I would suggest adding a bit of how twilight feels regarding this whole thing?
like a mini arc
she could start guilty then get like
curious about dash's life against her own wishes
or something something
twilight is a bit of a blind spot if you're following her POV at points, so just figure out how she feels and what she wants and sorta move from there? and the rest is just solid
(for poetic reasons I think it'd be better if dash fucked up the telepathy spell, btw)
(especially if it's cause she literally runs away halfway through it when something something feelings something happens)
(like not literally, but maybe she flinches backwards or something and that fucks up the spell because they have to be at a super precise distance)