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Sep 26th, 2012
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  1. Dear author,
  2.  
  3. Thank you for your submission. Please see the following list of examples of the types of issues I found in your fic:
  4.  
  5. >Friends maybe wasn't the right word for what they were.
  6. This might need a shipping tag.
  7.  
  8. >looked up from their as they saw the pony missile coming their way
  9. Missing word. You do this multiple times; I suggest getting an editor. It's hard to catch things like this in your own work.
  10.  
  11. >Twilight's horn winked out as she leaned down to kiss Rainbow Dash on her cheek.
  12. I'm almost certain this needs a shipping tag
  13.  
  14. Overall, I liked it, though the pacing feels rather quick and the description could probably be more fleshed out. You also tend to use more state of being verbs in description than is necessary, which isn't wrong, just often less than ideal. I suggest you get a review or two on Ponychan's /fic/ board. I can't recommend your story for posting yet. It's good, but with a bit of polish it could be great. Revise wisely. This is your first strike of three.
  15.  
  16. -Prereader E
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