Closers Fanfiction

After defeating Director Lane, the Black Lambs and the Wolf Dogs finally had their short break. “The long awaited relaxation has come!” After a long series of battles, everyone can’t help but to utter such line. It was summer time so the two teams decided to go to the beach.

--Gangnam Bus Stop, Sunday--

Two men and two sports bag were slumping on the bench. One has black hair and one has white hair.

Sigh~~~
Sigh~~~

Two disappointed sounds echoed in the air. The reason was because both of them missed the bus heading to the beach. Several minutes the black haired young man could no longer take the awkward silence so he asked a question.

“Ahjussi, how come you miss the bus too?”

The white haired ahjussi adjusted his shades before answering, “My injuries flared up again this morning. “How about you?”

“I took an injury too this morning so I have to fix it.”

“Hmmm... that’s weird which battle did the kid take an injury? Maybe I should ask for a medical check up later.”

After pondering for a moment. The white haired ahjussi replied with “I see, you too.”

After the short conversation between two depressed people, the two went into sulking mode. The awkwardness continued for another 5 minutes until their depression hit rock bottom.

Growl~~~
Growl~~~

As the saying goes, depressed people gets easily hungry.

The two looked at each other and laugh loudly. All the depression and awkwardness were blown away winter wind turning into summer gale.

“Hahahaha”
“Hehehehe”

“Ahjussi let’s grab some food. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. I know a good guksu (noodle) shop near here.”

“Nice idea. Let’s decide what to do after going eating. One can’t think with an empty stomach.“

15 minutes later they arrived in front of the guksu shop. A nice and salivating fragrance was coming inside door. Another round of stomach growling ensued and the two guys chuckled.

However as soon as the white haired ahjussi stepped beyond the door, an extreme sense of danger battered him.

“Dimensionals!? No... this is even dangerous than them. It seems quite... familiar... but I can’t remember it. Argh if it wasn’t for my injury this-”

Beads of sweat started to run down on his forehead but before he finished his internal monologue, he was interrupted with, “Ahjussi, is there something wrong?”

Ahjussi simply shrugged and said, “No it’s nothing. Let’s go in.”

It only took 5 seconds for the revelation to make its appearance.

A golden-eye woman with grey hair was sitting at the front bar. She was wielding chopsticks between her finger while eating a bowl of Bibim-guksu (spicy noodle). It looks like an ordinary person eating a bowl of noodles until you see inches away 20 broken chopsticks. Such oddity was enough to leave the owner with a grunting face. However the woman doesn’t seem to mind this and continued eating.

Crack~~~

Another chopstick bites the dust. It seems this woman is the natural enemy of chopsticks.

“Ah, I broke it again. Owner! Another chopstick please!” But before the owner could react, two disbelieving voices echoed around the room.

“J-j-j-j-j-i-s-s-suu”
“M-m-m-mom”

Sensing the two newcomers, the woman turned around her head and saw two guys activating their life saving techniques, madly dashing off through the shop’s front door.

Seeing them, a happy smile crept on her face. Suddenly, she was gone! In a split moment she was already holding them, one on each arms like a baggage.

The two guys despaired. The ahjussi as the senior took the initiative to ‘negotiate’.

“Jisu, long time no see. As much as I miss the old days, 75 of my injuries are aching up right now so can I go to the hospital?”

The junior followed suit immediately

“Mom, I need to go school or I will be late. It’s the finals today. Can I go now?”

A grey haired woman stared at two seeming to process what she just heard. Soon a bashful smile swept across her face. The two shuddered.

The woman looked at the ahjussi and said, “Should I add 3000 more injuries so the hospital would be happy confining you?” Without bothering Next he looked at the young man with an even wider bashful smile and said, “When did schools have test on Sundays? Should I you back to preschool so you can learn how read the calendar?”

Putong~~~
Putong~~~

The two inwardly knelt. Like an exploding bulb, the two fell into deep chasm of the netherworld – Scarry! Resistance was futile and so the two could only look down not daring to meet the woman’s golden eye.

Seeing this, the woman happily nodded. Then she said “Let’s eat. I’m still hungry. I haven’t done eating yet.”

“Ah!” Suddenly the woman came up with an idea and clapped her hands forgetting the two in the process.

BOOM!

The two fell on the floor, knees first, creating a hole on the floor. Webs of cracks appeared followed by a thick dust. Soon after, three men screamed on top of their lungs.

“AAAHHH my patella! My femur! My fibula! My tibia! So many injuries AAAHHHH”
“AAAHHH my knees! Where’s my +15 shin guard!? AAAHHH I forgot I accidentally salvaged it WAAA Huhuhu”
“AAAHHH my floor! My chopsticks! My water bill! My electric bill! My wig’s downpayment! AAAHHH”

Three cries of not-manly man tears echoed in the shop.

Seemingly not noticing what’s been happening around her, the woman finally said her next line.

“Have you two eaten breakfast? If not let’s eat together. And while we’re on it, let’s chat and have a catch up okay?” When the woman took a glance at the two, she was stunned.

“What happened? Enemy attack? Where? How come I did not notice any presence?” The woman was bewildered on such an impossible scenario. She had lots of experience in sensing enemies and battling enemies who boasted high-stealth specs.

Legend says that during her “younger” years, she swept all the stalkers in the neighborhood, both in Earth and in the Dimensional World. One of them seemed to be a pseudo non-existent, self-proclaimed immortal who boasted godly power of ‘redirection’.

The woman thought she was doomed to lose for the first time, but the enemy has one fatal weakness. Each minute a hole would appear revealing his location. What an oddball! Here’s more. After 3 holes were created, whether he liked it or not, the oddity has to attack the opponent or he would suffer grievous injuries.

At this point of battle she had the urged to flip the table but there’s no table so she flipped the entire land. In the end she defeated the oddball in two rounds while shouting “Explosion” several times.

“...”
“...”
“...”

You’re the one who attacked us! How come you don’t even know! Wait, didn’t you just drop us! Why did we took over 9000 damage, created a hole and broke our knees! Where’s the justice in the world!?

The white haired ahjussi adjusted his shades and sighed. Since he’s the senior, he took the initiative again to patch up the situation. While his knees were still shaking, he said “Let’s just forget it. It’s just some bad air that created the hole. Pretty normal compared to the past. Back then if someone snort an entire building would be blasted away.”

The face of nostalgia appeared on the woman’s face. She shortly replied, “Indeed.” Seemingly reminiscing about something.

The ahjussi continued, “Anyway, let’s eat! Owner! Two bowls of Bibim-guksu and two... no, three Yuzu teas please!”

“Don’t forget the chopstick.” The grey haired woman said in haste.

The owner whose mind was still flying somewhere, mechanically did his job. Soon the orders were served.

The two just took their first bite when the grey haired woman asked, “When are you two going to get married?”

“Pfffffffttttt”
“Kok kok kok kok”

It came out of nowhere! The escalator escalated so quickly! The two experienced the choke of their lifetime, an experience they would never forget for the rest of their lives.

The woman looked at ahjussi and continued, “Hmmm who’s you take? Is it Kim? Maybe Song? Hmmm Carol then? Ah it must be Veronica!”

The poor Ahjussi kept choking, noodles coming out of his nose each time a name was called out. Contrary to what the noodle ahjussi was experiencing, the woman got more and more excited each time she recalled a name.

The sadistic concerned woman mistook the dying ahjussi’s reaction as a no. Therefore she came up with such an apocalyptic epiphany.

“Is, is it me? Hehehe, sorry I’m already taken.”

The soul-ferrying ahjussi couldn’t take it anymore and his face slammed straight into the noodle. He died... but not literally.

Next the woman looked at his son and said, “When are you going to marry Sylvi and make babies? Or do you prefer Yuri?”

This time it was the young man’s  turn to die (but not literally).

THE END

Or not?