Ask Monstergirls! Shitposts

A sample of how mamono react when asked, "Your crush is alone on a Friday night. How do you approach him?"

Arachne
>"Silently. He's probably relaxing with his headphones, or talking about liquor with his friends over the net. Either way, he won't see me coming. I-I dunno if he's scared of bugs, so maybe I'll make a blindfold. That's not too assertive, is it? Ah, jeez, I'm getting all self-conscious now..."

Doppelganger
>"On a Friday? Uuuu.... His crush has work on Friday nights, so... It'd be too obvious. Still, seeing him alone makes me so excited. To be honest, this isn't the first time I've encountered this problem. Usually, I just get comfortable inside of his closet, maybe take some of his dirty clothes with me while he isn't looking, and immerse myself in his presence. It feels really nice, but it's nothing compared to the real thing. Sometimes, I let out little moans, hoping he'll get curious enough to look, but... I'm too quiet."

Shirohebi
>"Alone? But he's always with me. That would mean... he's been kidnapped?! Sorry, I must leave immediately."

Atlach-Nacha
>"Hmph. Sounds pretty typical. That fucking loser never leaves his home. It's fucking pathetic. He keeps thinking that someone will break into his house, and steal him away from his current situation. What is he, some kind of damsel in distress? What a cretin. I don't think I'd get anywhere near him until he takes a shower for once in his life."
We asked monstergirls, "How would you react if your co-worker (male) asked you to work a late shift with him?"

Shelly, (Golem, Pyramid District)
>"I would be more than happy to assist him. However, I would have ulterior motives. Men in business attire are appealing to my tastes."

Michelle (Elf, Alchemy District)
>"Do you really think I have time for humans? Hmph! Well, if he's asking politely, I'll take it as a subtle submission to my superior intellect. It's kind of cute that he's so stubborn about it. I wouldn't tell him I said that, though."

Roxanne (Inari, Red Light District)
>"In my line of work, that means he wants some one-on-one time with me. That, or he's just eager to please. Either way, I like it when men are assertive like that."

Cheyenne (Hakutaku, Zipangu Educational Dept.)
>"With me? I'd be delighted. I always work late anyway, so it'd be nice to have some company. I'd also have an excuse to break out that extra-fancy tea I've been wanting to try out. If all goes well, it'll impress him enough to work late with me more often."

Trisha (Minotaur, Construction Foreman)
>"You mean, a night shift? Sure. I'll make sure he sweats, though. If he wants extra money, he better damn well work for it. Of course, I always get a bit rowdy when I work hard. If he isn't too scared of getting roughed up by a tough gal, I'm sure he could make a lot of extra hours, yaknowhaddimsayin'?"

Beth (Lich, Science & Arts District)
>"If he wants to be my guinea pig for a little while longer, I won't refuse. True scientists never sleep."

Nicole (Weresheep, Hollistic Fashions)
>"W-with me? Like, that's totally cute, but I can't work retail. The only time that would work out would be if he stayed late to shear me. If that's the case, then umm, I'd like, totally lose it. If he fell asleep, I'd totally have my way with him, and like, ask him to marry me the next morning. Boys like that are hard to come by."

Robin (Harpy, MGCPS Postal)
>"I'm always working late anyway, so it'd be super comfy to have a cute boy in the van with me. Of course, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from teasing him. You have no idea how good giving head in a car feels, especially when you're going down a rough country road. Sorry for the horn talk, I've had an egg coming along for the past week, and it's driving me nuts."

We asked single monstergirls, "What is your ideal first date?"

Tzezi (Anubis, Pyramid District)
>"I always run my dates through a litmus test on the first date. I have a toy in my office that's just a bunch of little magnetic cubes, so I bring that along, and ask them to build something with me. If we click, and build something neat, I'll carry on. Otherwise, I fake an emergency phone call and leave in a hurry. Umm, that's not weird, is it?"

Holly (Wight, Holly's Vineyard)
>"I won't be ashamed to admit that I am very fond of sex on the first date. Maybe dinner with drinks to start things off. Of course, that would mean finding a date in the first place. There aren't many men willing to put up with a lonely, hundred-something-year-old undead. I always tell them I'm only 30, but I guess I'm just not a very convincing liar."

Trish (Yeti, MGCPD Search & Rescue Team)
>"A trip to the movies, preferably a scary one. I don't really like scary movies, but it's a great excuse to cling tightly to someone's arm. I'm a glutton for skinship."

Joan (Centaur, Fitness Instructor at MADMUSCLE)
>"I'd have to get him hooked on exercise. There's no better way to test a partner than working together to achieve a common goal. Of course, he'd have to be pretty scrawny, so I could really make an impression. I'd also have to practice a bit of self-control, too. Seeing a man sweat like that would get me pretty hot and bothered."

Robin (Harpy, MGCPS Postal)
>"A road trip to somewhere rural. I get pretty sick of the city after work, so being whisked away to somewhere I've never been would be fun!"

Dorothy (Alice, Unemployed)
>"He'd have to attend a tea party with me tea party. I'll bring along Betsy, Piggy, and Mister Fluffles (her stuffed animals), too. He should have good manners, and be really fuzzy, so I can pet him."

Have anything you'd like to ask a monstergirl? Sex tips, relationship advice, mortgage lender recommendations? Submit your requests, and it might be featured in The Daily Ask™!

We asked Monstergirls, "Do you believe in love at first sight? If so, has it ever happened to you?"

Molly (Hobgoblin, Darla's Chop Shop)
>"Yeah. It's pretty easy to tell when a guy has the hots for ya. Just check where their eyes are lookin', and you'll know right away. Has it ever happened to me? Iunno, maybe? It always turns me on when a guy can't stop gawkin' at my chest, but I dunno if that's love, or pride."

 Chloe, (Doppelganger, Unemployed?)
>"Of course I do, and of course I have. It's just... taking a little time to be reciprocated, that's all. He'll come around eventually, I know it."

Michelle (Elf, Alchemy District)
>"Of course it happens. I've had countless men eye me up, before they even decide to talk to me. It's disgusting. Eh? Did it happen to me? Someone as intelligent and beautiful as I, throwing myself at men at a whim? You're kidding."

Sister Christine (Dark Priest, Hoenheim Chapel)
>"Certainly. People are attracted to one another when their bodies and souls are compatible. It's a natural feeling to develop these sudden, powerful feelings of lust, and our church is dedicated to nurturing those feelings into a happy, healthy romance. Has it ever happened to me? Well, whenever I try to make it happen, it never seems to work. I've had my eye on a fair number of men, too. I can get them to come to the church, but they always spend time with the other sisters. It'll happen someday, I'm sure of it."

Trisha (Minitaur, Construction Foreman)
>"If I had a dime for every time I wanted to push a man over, I'd have enough to buy a man for myself outright. It's not fair! Most men are too intimidated by my appearance to look at me anywhere but my eyes. I just want a cute, short boy who can appreciate a good set of abs. Is that too much to ask for? Dammit!"

Nicole (Weresheep, Hollistic Fashions)
>"I want to, but like, the cynical part of me won't let me. Boys avoid me, 'cause I'm a risk if they need to, like, drive, or work after they see me. I used to hold a hugging booth at the county Fair with my BFF, Trish, but she like, got almost all of the attention. It upset me so much that I bought a body pillow to practice on for the next time she feels like holding one with me. Ugh, just thinking about last time is making me, like, painfully jealous. Maybe that's why I have a hard time believing in love at first sight."