Thread 85: Stories 76-89

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>Applejack
"???"
'Store owners'
~~~~

>AH CRAP AH CRAP AH CRAP!

She was not having a good day.

>WHY YA' GOTTA SPRING THIS ON ME NOW YA' DANG BLASTED VARMIT!? WHY!? DANG IT APPLEBLOOM, TELL ME SOONER!

She was also not in the right state of mind to examine at what point in her month long stint of sadness Applebloom could have informed her she really wanted a Smarty Super Delux doll and not come across terrible.

Somehow, deep down, even she knew if Applebloom had gone on about how it had THREE whole hats while she was sitting outside Sunset's prison cell, she probably would have responded a touch harshly.

But, as a result of her state of being thus far, this meant that when she did finally come to a state she could respond in...

>CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!

They were all sold out.

'Sorry, Princess.'

Again.

'Sorry.'

And again.

'Would if I could, especially for you!'

And agaaiiinnnn.

'...This doesn't mean I'm arrested, right?'

>CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAAAPPPPPPP!

'...T-that's a no, right?'

>CRAP!

Every store in Canterlot, every one. Empty.

>...Gad dang it.

Few things suck as bad as being one of the most important figures in Equestrian society and being utterly unable to get a doll.

She had experienced most of them already, and had not been keen to add this to the list.

With only one place left, she wasn't looking forward to-

>......EEEEEEE!

Hopefully nobody had seen her squeal like a little filly.

...They probably had.

>THANK YOU... WHOEVER IS UP THERE!

There, on the shelf, was that which she sought, that which would bring her everlasting peace, happiness and joy!

Or at least be a cool gift for Applebloom, one of the two!

She was so completely, utterly happy at having spotted it she only felt the urge to maim the pair of hooves that slid it to the other end of the shelf and took it away, no murder!

Little murder, maybe!

>OH BUCK NO!

But whoever had grabbed that seemed unaware of her rage, which was odd considering she was likely glowing hot enough to give someone cancer but never mind, and said odd shape was happily trotting to the front of that shelf. Now, under most circumstances, Applejack would reasonably, calmly, and rationally go to them and explain her situation, and perhaps reach a compromise of some monetary or otherwise form.

But, as Applejack had been to more stores, fought through more crowds and been punched enough times to qualify as a small revolt and had come up with nada, she was long past the point of rational thinking. Now was not the time for thinking.

Now was the time for tackling.

"At last! Mine journey has come to a decisive end, and I can finally-OOF!"

Somehow, that voice had only made her want to tackle them more.

Not that she hated Twenty Nine per-say, she just found him very assaultable.

"...Yes, I accept."

That didn't help.

"I know what I spoke of before, but I am so utterly thrilled at the prospect of royalty at last seeing all that I can do for them, and I graciously accept, I accept and will do whatever fantasy resides in thine head! Multiple times!"

This was Applejack's darkest moment, she accepted. None of it, not being almost taken over by a spore, not breaking someone's arm, not even nearly killing someone, matched the darkness of what she felt right now.

For, even though it lasted but a fraction of a moment, a time there and gone so quickly that it would never be known to any but her, in that moment, that one single moment, Applejack the former earth pony was so completely, utterly desperate in her exasperation she was seriously considering sleeping with the changeling in order to get that toy.

It was gone and mentally burned at the stake for the demon it was as quickly as it had come, but she knew a part of her had died that day.

Only one thing was going to make it better.

>Gimme that toy!

"...What? No."

It occurred to her that she hadn't denied him and he still said no, but she tried not to focus on that.

>Ah' need that toy for Applebloom! GIMME!

"No! Mine hooves had it first! Get your own!"

>Ah' have been ta' every gad danged store in this whole city, and there ain't no own for me ta' get! Now, either ya'll give it ta' me the easy way, or Ah' go the hard way!

"...Wait, the whole city is sold out? Huh. Weird, this is the first store I tried."

She had never wanted to kill a ling so much in her whole life.

She was actually considering doing it.

>Gimme.

"No?"

>Gimme!

"No!"

>GIMME THAT DANG DOLL!

"TIS MINE, AND THOU MUST RIP IT FROM MY- OW!... Did you just hit me!?"

His voice reached new, unsettling octaves as he rubbed his eye, but it was all she needed.

"HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!"

>Mine now! And that's just how it- OW!... Did ya'll just assault a princess!?

She hated referring to herself like such, it felt pretty sickening in her mouth to say, but it had just sort of slipped out. Still... him poking her nose in like that hurt.

Speaking of hurt...

>HEY! Give that back ya' dang royal assaulter!

"No, I assaulted a HARLOT who tries to steal that which brings others joy! HRMPH, I say to you! HRMPH! Thou gives a foul name to the glory of royaltEEEEEEEE!"

There had been a crunch when hoof met hoof.

She didn't care.

"OWOWOWOWOW!... RETURN THAT, WENCH!"

>This here's official business-HNG!

She hated how sensitive her ears were.

"The only business thou should be associated with is the kind that pours from one's rear!"

>GIMME!

"NEVER!"

And then came the rolling.

And the tumbling.

And the occasional hair pulling, biting, scratching and screeching.

Applejack would forever be ashamed of how many of those came from her.

"HRMPH!"
>GADDANG VARMIT!
"PRINCESS STYROFOAM!"
>PRISS!
"SECOND RATE PRINCESS!"
>THIRD RATE IDIOT!
"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I- o-ooh my! Princess Celestia herself!? Oh, oh dear, this is, um..."

>Celestia!? Ah crap Ah'm-

"HA!"

There were many shames she was going to leave this place with.

She wasn't sure where falling for the old 'there's someone behind you' trick landed, but it was top five, minimum.

It's despair was only matched by that of watching him stride up to the counter, toy in hoof, and lay it down in front of the horrified store owner.

"My good sir! I shall purchase this item!"

'...I'm not getting arrested for treason if I say yes, right?'

She almost said yes.

Momma above please don't be mad, she almost said yes instead of just sighing in defeat.

>...Obviously not, come on now.

'Oh uh... g-good.'

"...Well!?"

'It's just, she's a princess... and has saved the world a bunch of times...'

"Yes yes yes, all well and good, just ring this up."

'...Okay, I'll do it, because that's my job and I'm pretty sure not doing that is illegal somehow, but I'm going to feel bad about it.'

"That sounds like thou's problem, not mine!"

'...Really bad about it.'

He made her watch.

...Well, technically not, but she still very much felt like he made her watch as it was rung up, and she was left without.

>...gad dang it.

"Ah hah! I have succeeded! Mine prize well won!"

'...You get that just, like, everyone is going to be mad at you now, right?'

"As opposed toooo...."

'More so than normal.'

"I hear no concern of my... of mine..."

She may have been wibbling.

She wasn't sure.

"...Ah... ahhhh... thou art really going to do this?"

>Ah'm not doin' nothin'. Ya' got it first, ya' won, just leave me alone.

"Tis' just... it is for Marey's cousin!"

>So get on with it. Applebloom can just... wait a bit, they'll come back after Hearth's Warmin'.

"...Oh, right, thou hath a little sister... it's not like I wished this"

>Didn't say ya' had ta'.

"...Ahhhhhh!"

PRISSTOMP PRISSTOMP PRISSTOMP

PRISSHOVE!

>...Ya' didn't have ta' do that.

He HRMPHED! impetuously, crossing his forelegs like an overgrown child.

"...Did."

>What's that?

"I... sort of did. If thou hadn't tossed me as thou did, I wouldn't have started working for Marey, and wouldn't have..."

He HRMPHED again, starting to stomp off in the other direction. She could only stare, feeling like she should say something, but not sure in the least what...

>Thanks... this means a lot ta' her. Ah' ain't been around as much as Ah' should've this year, so...

"...most times..."

>...

"...most times just showing up is enough, to them. In place of those... who can't show up anymore."

He left on those cryptic words, gone like a specter in the night, gone... with but a whisper.

...And then coming right back in the door not two seconds later.

"Foul thing! I totally forgot why I came in here in the first place!"

He grabbed a seemingly random toy off the shelf, purchased it, and then-

FLASH!

'MY EYES!'

With that, he started to leave again.

>Hey, Twenty Nine?

"..."

>...Happy Hearth's Warmin', ya' priss.

"...Happy Hearth's Warming, Princess Styrofoam."

Once more, he was gone.

>...Wait, hold up, is this the one with two hats, not the three!? GAD DANG... ya' know what? It'll do. If she complains Ah'm poppin' her one.

'OH FAUST IT HURTS SO MUCH!'

>Dang straight, that's what she's gonna be sayin'.

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 >13
"Changelings"
'Chitania'
~~~

>Hey guys.

"HEYYYYY! Holy shit you're alive!"

>Every time! EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAT! It's not funny!

"It is to me!"

>Ugh.

"...So, how's things going with your mom?"

>....

~~~~

'...Is... is this too cold? Do you want me to turn down the thermostat?'

>I'm fine, mom.

'You just get cold sometimes.'

>I'm not cold.

'Tell me if you are, my cold sense is skewed something terrible.'

>It's fine.

'...Is it actually fine or "I don't want to make a fuss" fine, because you can make a fuss.'

>I'm not making a fuss.

'...Where do you want to go tomorrow?'

>Where ever, you pick.

'...I'd rather you picked.'

>You can pick, it's fine.

'...Could you pick?'

>You pick!

'OKAY!'

>...

'...Okay....'

>...

'Eat your brussle sprouts.'

>We don't even-

'That's what it says to do!'

~~~~~

>...She's doing fine.

"Cooool... wanna play facepunch?"

' *ROAR* '

>Mom says no.


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>Chrysalis
"2"
~~

"Ooooo~"

>No touching.

"Oooooo~!"

>No touching.

"....OOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>Two? Stop touching.

"But there's so many presents!"

>Yes, that is the point, I have spent way too many of my bits on a holiday I have absolutely no stance in or desire to be a part of, as it is celebrating unison of every pony species except us.

"...But ya' still did it."

>Yes, I did it... because I want presents.

"Works fer' me! So what'dya gettin' Applejack? Ya' got presents fer' everyone else."

>I grant her the gift of not punching her repeatedly in the face. It is an honor.

"...Oh... ya' sure ya' don't wanna get her somethin'?"

>I am utterly positive.

"...Ya' wanna share my gift? I got her Crystal Apple seeds! Ya' can join in if ya' want."

>No, I do not want to share in your gift.

"...Ya' wanna share in Shiny and Moms? They got her a bucket of ink for her paperwork!"

>No, I do not.

"...Ya' waannnnaaaa-"

>I'm not getting her anything.

"...oh..."

>And what's your problem?

"It's just... if it weren't fer' Applejack... ya' wouldn't..."

>Wouldn't what?

"If it weren't fer' Applejack, we wouldn't be here, me and you, right?"

>She didn't give me anything, every good thing happened in spite of her, not because of it.

"But didn't ya' tell Applejack ya' weren't sad bout what yer' mom did, because otherwise ya' don't exist?"

>...

"..."

>...You heard that?

"I play hide and seek really good, sometimes Somby doesn't find me for hours!"

>...

"...Sooo..."

>...

"..."

>...Crap.

"HAH!"

>NO!

"..."

>ABSOLUTELY NOT!

"...okay."

>...I'll think of something for her.

"YAY! Now... Ah' appear to have wrapped myself up in the wrappin' paper, and I could use a hoof."

>...hrm.

"Yeah, that 'Ah'm the present' joke is only funny the first ten times, it ain't gonna get no more laughs."

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>Chitania
"13"
~~~~~~

>...Do you want to wear my crown again?

"What?"

>Don't you remember? You used to love wearing my crown.

"Oh, right... thing never really fit."

>No, it never did...

"...Can..."

>...

"...Can I try it on now?"

>Of course.

"...Hee hee."

>Heh.

"Still doesn't fit."

>Mmm, no, I don't suppose it fits you, even now... that's okay.

"Is it?"

>Yes, it is... it doesn't have to fit you. I'll carry it for you instead.

"Not convinced I'll grow into it anymore?"

>...No.. I think you outgrew it a long time ago.

"...Heh. Never thought I'd get to try this on again."

>Neither did I...

"..."

>...I'm so glad I was wrong...

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 >SA
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>...

"Don't ask."

>You're asking me not to ask why you're sitting in the middle of the snow, I cannot.

"I'm trying to see if I can blend in."

>...

"..."

>...This is a brilliant idea and I am on board with it.

"MY WHITEY!"


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~~~
>NEWSFLASH! Princess of Equestria and Prince of Crystal Empire possibly on the run? Her sovereign Highness Princess Celestia and the esteemed Prince Shining Armor have DISAPPEARED from a crowded city street, last seen walking into an open field completely covered in snow.

>Witnesses report that they completely lost sight of the two royals within seconds. Social media experts now debate whether the former Captain of the Royal Guard has absconded with the princess in a shocking romantic tryst, leaving Princess Mi Amor Cadenza POSSIBLY devastated.

>The Princess of the Night was sadly unavailable for comment, and the Princess of the Empire's only comment was, quote: "It'll all be fine!", unquote.

>Meanwhile, murmurs have become loud among the local populace that the Prince and Princess may be lost or buried amidst the snow, which has been falling quite heavily in the area for the last few days. First rescue workers were sent to survey the area, according to Princess Rarity.

>More later, as the story develo-hold on, there's an update on the situation!

>It seems that Princess Rarity, former holder of the Element of Generosity now too has disappeared in the drifting snow raging outside! As the weather grows worse, now no less than THREE royals are missing! What a shocking twist! Local, independent reporter Changeling Ten from the Hive Gazette now is on site to document the story. Tune back in for the 10 o'clock news, where we will hopefully have more concrete information!

>This was the Canterlot Herald, with the morning news. And now, some music. Daft Bowtie with "Heroes".

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>Celestia
"Rarity"
'Shiny'
~~~~~

>"'...............'"

>So?

"Despite my initial hesitation about sitting in the snow, I must admit that I feel some sort of... bond to the two of you now."

'Welcome to increasingly small White Coat Pony Club, Rarity.'

>The fewest among the many.

"I am honored. Just, ehm... the reason I came here...?"

'You think we should tell them we are OK?'

"I can see the crowd perfectly from here. Are you telling me these ponies can't see us just because we are white ponies among snow?"

>...my little ponies never have been the brightest...

"Oh dear... they... they really can't see us. This is depressing."

>"'............'"

'...who wants to make a snowpony with a wig and see if we can pass it off as one of us to them?'

>"Me!"

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>???
"SA"
~~~~

>SHINY! SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY!

Ahhhh, childlike wonder, that indescribable sound of someone is elated beyond all comprehension at a small little thing.

>SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY!

Is this what he is to expect on this hearth warming's day? Of a child wishing to let him know how totally, utterly happy they are that today was indeed this day? Or...

>SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY!

...Wait... that wasn't Two...

>SHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYSHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

"...Cadence?"

His eyes cracked open, and he dared not believe his eyes.

"...C-Cadence..."

>Shiny... Shinyyyy...

With tears coming from her eyes, she smiled, and held up that which had no horror, or poison, or death.

That which only held warm smiles....

>...I made cookies...

It was the happiest day of his life.

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OMAKEEEE!
>AJ
"29"
'AB'
~~~~~~

>Gimme that toy!

"Why should I?"

>...Look, Ah' really, really need that doll, okay!?

"Well so do I! This is rather unprincess like."

>...Look, Ah' really, REALLY need that doll, okay!?

"...How bad?"

>...baaad...

"...I think an arrangement can be made..."

>...sigh... yer' place or mine?

~~~~~~~On hearts warming~~~~~~

'OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! YA' GOT IT!? YA' ACTUALLY GOT IT!? Even Diamond Tiara's dad couldn't find one!'

>H-heh, you know... anythin' fer' mah little sister....

'...What's that smell?'

>Shame Ah' can never.... ever wash off...

'...'

>...Just enjoy yer' toy.

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Omake!
>Sunset
"Spitfire"
~~~

"...Are we forgetting something?... Oh right! That thing with Cadence!... Why didn't you go with that?"

>Okay, look, I have SHIT TON on my plate right now. I have to deal with being DEAD, okay!? Not to mention the fucking EYE of SAURON in there! Okay!? OKAY!? I've got shit to deal with first!

"...You forgot to do your shopping, didn't you?"

>...I'm poor...

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Omake!
>Vekir
"Watchdog"

"Now this is more like, heading out for some high intrigue and-if that guy's good as his word-another action sequence! Booyah, baby, our star is on the rise!"

>Hurrah!

"Double hurrah! Heh, can't wait to see what kind of dumb chumps get thrown at us this time. Bring 'em all on, I'll beat them up one side of this city and down the other!"

>Uhm...

"Bet it's more gryphons, you want someone get their asses kicked, it's usually gryphons."

>Uhhhhhmmmm...

"Come on, I'm a big gorilla dog cyborg, nothing on this planet can touch me, nothing! ...hey did it get dark all of a sudden?"

>...please to not be looking behind you.

"What?"

'...rrrrrrrrrgh...'

"Aw...tits."

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Omakuh
>Chitania
"13"
'SN'
~~~

>...

"...So uh..."

>...

"...About you and her..."

>What?

"Uh, it's just..."

~~~~

'Chitty! You forgot your books!'

>Rmn.

~~~~~~

'Chitty! Your hair is a mess!'

>Gnh.

'No no no, let me fix this...'

~~~~

'Chitty! You want to share an ice cream?'

>...sure.

'We've only got one straw!'

~~~~~~

'Chitty! Do I look sexy in this?'

>...Eh.

~~~~~~~

>...What?

"...."

>...

"...Nevermind."

>...Mkay.

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Omake!
>Chitania
"PD"
'???'
~~~

>No, seriously, who is manufacturing these things and why? What possible reason could there be for an action figure with a foam ass?

~~~~~~~

"YEAH! YOU'RE A BAD MONSTER! YOU'RE A BAD MONSTER! WHO'S CRUSHING WHO NOW!? WHO'S CRUSHING WHO-"

'Uh...'

"...."

'...'

"..."

'...Is uh... is this why you wanted to 'test the product?'

"...I'm having you killed."

'I am weirdly okay with that.'

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NCOmake!
>SA
"Celestia"
'Luna'
~~~~

>Okay, Celly, lets hear it, what did we win with the snowball fight?

"Oh, you'll see..."

>It's just, we've been walking down the forest for a while, and you've just been grinning like a loon this whole time.

"Oh, you'll seee...."

>Not that I'm worried, I trust you as much as I-......

"...See?"

>...I have several questions.

"Shoot."

>One, why the middle of nowhere?

"No one will hear."

>Two, how long has Luna been here?

"Not long."

>Okay, and three, and this is a big one... why is she wearing a bridle, and why is it attached to a rope that is lashed to a tree?

"..."

>And why is she holding her tail like that?

"..."

>...And what is that smell?

"..."

>...Celly?

"So, uh... back in the day, we had this bet where, if the other lost, they had to be bred. It was essentially supposed to be a 'I'm done playing' thing, but this one time she went for it... neat!"

>...So...

"So you're going to breed her, yes. As in, jump on on it, do your thing and fire all cannons."

>....Why.

"Welll, I decided to also kill two birds with one stone, so this is Cadence's Hearth Warming gift."

>...SEVERAL more questions, but I'll start with "ARE YOU INSANE!?"... That seems prudent, answer that one first.

'Will thou hurry up? We have things to do!'

>Oh, okay, so you're down with this. I was worried you were roofied or something.

'Of course we are! We knew the risk, and accept it. Thou may mount us.'

>That is... weird to hear from you.

"Trust me, she needs this."

'Enough! Hurry and breed us so we can finish up our shopping. Try not to take too long, just focus on finishing thou's business.'

>...SEVERAL more questions-

"Before you ask, Cadence totally signed off on this, look!"

>...That is a lot of official documents, I grant you.

"Isn't it great? Cadence doesn't want to go through childbirth, but she also wants and alicorn-genetic child to adopt! And you get to fulfill the bet, and I didn't have to pay a bit! Win win win!"

>...She is seriously okay with this?

"Yep!"

>...Notice none of you asked if *I* was okay with this!

"....Are... are you not? I mean, damn, she's my sister and even I would."

>First off, ew.

"..."

>...Second... ehhhh...

'...Well!?'

>...

'...Will thou hurry up and stick it in our-EEP!'

~~~~~~

>So, uh... see you in a few months?

'If our hips get bigger because of this, we art blaming thou!'

>...Did you watch the whole time?

"...Yes..."

>...

"...Do it again."

>Well, to be sure...

'Those hoofprints are never coming out of our baAAAACCCCKKKKKK!'

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