The Chalkboard Confessional

	Lincoln Loud fidgeted at his desk, cautiously filling in bubble after bubble on the exam he was assigned. The boy chewed on his pencil and wracked his head for the next answer, trying desperately to make up for his shortcomings and lack of studying. He was in a spot of trouble but he needed to reassure himself.

	The boy quickly darted his eyes about, not to cheat but to survey the area.The classroom full of rowdy students fell silent as each individual focused on the test before them. Some breezed through it, others struggled as he did. Knowing there were others on the same ship as he was eased Lincoln’s troubles slightly. However, he couldn’t shake the feeling of a mighty and intimidating presence that loomed over him. Like a sharp pair of eyes burning holes through his favorite polo.

	“AHEM. Eyes on your own papers everyone. You know my no tolerance policy on cheating!” The booming voice of classroom authority bellowed.

	Lincoln tensed up, nearly snapping his pencil in half. His gaze turned towards the woman up front, sitting patiently at her desk. It was none other than Mrs. Johnson, the aging, redheaded sweetheart in the green turtleneck. At least that’s who it was by appearance.

	The past few days, she had been nothing short of a ballbreaker, especially to Lincoln. Extra homework, incessant callings to the board and even dusting the chalkboard cleaners during lunch were some of the ways she had him wrapped around her finger. Then midway through the week, her personality took a complete u-turn, going from a babysitting mode Lori to a kind-hearted Leni in nature. Excused tardies and an abundance of compliments were one thing, unwarranted hair tussles and cheek pinches were another. It was enough to make any eleven year old uncomfortable and if she kept it up, he wasn’t planning to stick around much longer.

	“Time’s up children,” The woman stood up from her seat and addressed the students. “Pencils down, papers up!”

	Lost in his own thoughts, it took Mrs. Johnson’s words to snap Lincoln out of his funk. The boy felt his stomach twist when he realized he hadn’t yet completed his work. He panicked and began filling in each bubble, guessing out of desperation. As he scribbled in his final answer, a familiar shapely shadow obscured his light and stopped him dead in his tracks.

	“I said pencils down, Liiincoln.” Mrs. Johnson spoke, arms placed upon her hips to show that she meant business. The way her words lingered upon his name sent chills running up his spine.

	Lincoln took his instructor's words a bit too literally, dropping his pencil to the floor. The anxiety of the test and his teacher’s intense presence got the better of the kid.

	“Lincoln Loud you clumsy boy, let me get that for you.”The woman turned her back and bent over.

	Lincoln turned away, taking note of some of his classmates giggling at his expense. The boy turned back towards his teacher and caught a faceful of the junk in the trunk Johnson was handling.The boy quickly averted his gaze once more, looking straight ahead and clasping his hands together. More so than his peers, Lincoln was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t checking out the woman’s rocking rear end. It wasn’t his fault she had an apple bottom booty as delicious as the fruit that sat on her desk. Lincoln just wanted to get on with his life but this lady had to make everything so difficult.

	“There you go Linc,” Mrs. Johnson politely spoke as she returned the boy’s pencil and picked up his paper. “I’ll have these graded before the end of the day so make sure to pick them up before you leave. Run along to lunch now.”

***

	“I’m telling you Clyde, Mrs. Johnson is out to get me,” Lincoln whispered to his friend in the back of the classroom as the woman sifted through paperwork.“There are times where I feel like she’s bullying me and times where she’s really nice to me. Like, super unnaturally nice! Kind of like how my sisters butter me up when they want something out of me. What am I supposed to do?”

	“You may be on to something there Lincoln,” Clyde responded. “Mrs. Johnson has been acting kind of unusual lately. Think back. Was there anything you did that might have set her off? A rogue spitball?”

	“Nope.”

	“Blackmail?”

	“Come on Clyde, i’m not that evil.”

	“Did you accidentally call her ‘mom’ again?”

	“FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT WAS A DARE,” Lincoln lied. “Now enough joking around this is seri— WAIT A SECOND!”

	Lincoln’s own words about joking around tipped him off to the truth. The sound of his palm slapping his mortified face was loud enough to catch the attention of a few sleepy schoolmates. He couldn’t believe that the embarrassing incident the other day had already slipped his mind. This wasn’t his fault, it was Luan’s.

	“Dang it, I know what the problem is,” Lincoln said with total clarity. “You see it all started when—”

	*BBBBBRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNG*

	Lincoln’s words were cut off by the sudden ringing of the final bell. The children let out a collective sigh of relief upon surviving another day.

	“Don’t forget to take your tests home kids,” Mrs. Johnson cheerily spoke as she handed each paper out. “Each one is graded and accounted for. Stick it on the fridge… or in the trash if you want, my part is done anyways.”

	The crowd of kids hustled out the door eager to leave the academic prison behind them. Despite his best efforts to blend in, a bright orange shirt and head of white hair only proved to work against the Loud boy’s favor.

	“Not so fast Lincoln,” The woman’s voice pierced through the crowd, hooking the boy like a harpoon. “I’m going to need you to stay after class for a little bit. There’s something I need to discuss with you. Please take a seat.”

	Lincoln froze in place. He was like a bunny corned by a hungry cougar with no way to escape. All he could do was grin and bear it as his classmates teased and gossiped about him on the way out.

	“I’ll pray for you buddy.” Clyde’s somber words stung Lincoln as he walked out the door.

	Lincoln didn’t know what to expect from this student-teacher confrontation. He knew the elephant in the classroom had to be addressed though, he just didn’t know how. Dealing with sisters was one thing but a grown woman was a whole different beast. Added with the fact that she was his “incredibly attractive in just the right light” teacher, it was an equation for pure disaster.

	The boy swallowed his breath and begrudgingly lugged himself back into the classroom and took a seat front and center. The children dispersed and the hallways grew empty. The air in the room was about as thick as the woman before him. He watched patiently as Mrs.Johnson flipped through a stack of papers, as if she were intentionally refusing to acknowledge him. If she wasn’t about to talk then it was up to him. However, it was the moment Lincoln opened his mouth to speak that the redhead reacted.

	Mrs. Johnson set her papers down and sauntered across the room. Walking right by the boy, she made sure to emphasize the sway of her hips the whole way. The teacher closed the door and with a quick jingle of her keys and a satisfying click, locked the only way out.

	Lincoln’s heart accelerated. He was on the verge of panic but he couldn’t scream or respond. He was as stunned as he was entranced.

	Johnson turned around and sat, not at her seat but her desk. Her palms rested against the polished wood and her legs crossed ever so perfectly. Lincoln kept his gaze locked upon the woman’s serious expression, fighting the urge to wander. Her foot tapped out of the corner his eyes and it was just too much to ignore. For a split second, almost unreadable to the average human, Lincoln stole the quickest peek he could. If he didn’t know any better, Lincoln would have assumed teaching wasn’t this woman’s profession. She was too cool and collected for that.

	As soon as he looked back, Lincoln caught a change in Mrs. Johnson’s expression. A smirk stretch across her face without him noticing. Inside that thick head of his, Lincoln was cursing up a storm. She didn’t need to say a word to tell him that he was busted. She instead said something else to break the ice.

	“Lincoln Loud I’m sure you know why I held you here after class.” The woman clasped her hands together and put on her serious face once more. This sounded more like the teacher Lincoln had become accustomed to over the months. “There’s an urgent matter we need to discuss that has been on hold for too long.”

	“Mrs. Johnson I know exactly what you’re talking about,” Lincoln quickly hopped on the same page. “You see about the other day—”

	“Please, call me Agnes,” The redhead spoke in a rather sultry tone. “There’s no need to explain yourself Lincoln. I understand the situation fully.”

	“Y-You do?”

	“Of course, these feelings you have are completely natural for a boy your age. I’m not upset, just surprised. I don’t blame you. How could I when you have someone like me as your teacher?”

	“Excuse me?” Lincoln’s raised brow spoke volumes.

	“It took a lot of guts to share your innermost feelings so eloquently like that. Clearly I taught you well.” The woman couldn’t resist patting herself on the back. “And even though I feel the same, I don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”

	“Okay but let me just clarify,” Lincoln fumbled and stumbled over his words. “This past weekend was April Fool’s and WAIT A MINUTE WHAT WAS THAT LAST PART?”

	“As much as it hurts me to say this, it just won’t work between us,” Agnes lamented. “A relationship between a teacher and her student? What would folks say? How could we live with ourselves?”

	“Agnes slow down,” Lincoln demanded. Part of him liked being on a first name basis with his superior. “That confession wasn’t done by me, it was some old—”

	“Oh but when I think back to that day it sends this lovelorn woman’s heart a flutter once more!” Agnes swooned, her face lit up and her heart melted as she recalled the moment. “I haven’t heard such romantic and powerful words spill out of a man’s soul since I met my ex husband all those years ago! Forgive my recent attitude, I just didn’t know how to tell you. I know these feelings are wrong but I just can’t help myself! Only you know what I’m going through right now Lincoln Loud.”

	“This is too much to take in!” Lincoln was practically pulling his hair out. This woman was so unrelenting, he just couldn’t get a word in. “It was my sister Luan who set—”

	“OKAY LOUD, YOU BROKE ME!” Agnes jumped up and slammed her fists onto the table. Her emotional turmoil was just too much to bear and it certainly wasn’t helping Lincoln. “Maybe we CAN make this work! People do crazy things when they’re in love after all. What do you say?”

	Lincoln was speechless. This heart-to-heart was going down the wrong road. His eleven year old mind couldn’t even begin to process this situation. He may have been the man with the plan, but there was no way to counter this woman’s wicked curriculum.

	“I can see your silence only confirms your approval.” Agnes kneeled down next to the boy, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in close.

	“UHHHHH...” Lincoln stammered. He was a bit distracted by the heaving pair of sweater puppies pressed against his tiny frame.

	“Society will never accept our love though Lincoln! We’ll have to leave the country, is that okay with you? We can live out the rest of our lives together in Milan. No one will judge our love there!  Do you have a passport? Nevermind, I know a guy who owes me a favor. How does the name Lucca sound? Pack your bags and meet me at the airport at midnight tonight! I’ll get an italian dictionary so you can study on the airplane and if anyone asks, you’re my albino nephew who won a game show contest and you brought me along on your all expense paid trip to—”

	“MRS. JOHNSON STOP.” Lincoln screeched at the top of his lungs, pulling himself away from the pushy teacher.

	Agnes’ emotional tirade was effectively silenced by the young lad’s sudden outburst. The sound of Lincoln’s heavy breathing was the only company the two had during their intense moment. The older woman stood silent and surprised as Lincoln simmered down. A single nod was all she gave as she let Lincoln take the wheel of the conversation.

	“That confession the other day was NOT me!” Lincoln clearly and carefully spoke, making sure to get his point across without any further misunderstandings. “That was a prank set up by my sister Luan for April Fool’s. I can’t leave the country with you. Especially not when there’s a new episode of ARGGH! tomorrow night. I like you but not like that!”

	Agnes just stood there motionless as Lincoln came forward with the truth. Her face grew redder than her own hair once she put all the pieces together. A silence quickly settled in. It was longer and more awkward than a greasy teen going through a growth spurt.

	“I… I see...” The dejection in Agnes’ voice was palpable. She was quick to recover and immediately chuckled at the situation. “W-Well then I’m glad we cleared that up! You’re a sharp kid Lincoln. I think it’s for the best if we just stay friends.”

	“That’s right Mrs. Johnson,” Lincoln was sweating bullets. “Just friends!”

	“With benefits?” Agnes added.

	“With what now?”

	“Oh nothing,” The woman quickly moved the conversation along. “By the way, here’s your test. It was one of the other reasons I wanted to talk to you.”

	The white haired boy felt a surge of anxiety envelop him. If it wasn’t one problem eating at him, it was another. His priorities were in a twist and he wasn’t sure which problem was worse. He wasn’t sure sure what to be more wary of, the paper in front of him or the hand holding it.

	The boy quickly swiped the paper from his teacher. Peeking out between his fingers, Lincoln was expecting the worst. What he saw might had to have been the biggest surprise he received today and considering the competition, it was a grand one. After a moment of gawking, he regained his composure and demanded answers.

	“Mrs. Johnson, are you sure this is my test?”

	“It says your name up top doesn’t it? That’s the first 100% you’ve gotten on any assignment all year. I know you didn’t cheat either, I had my eye on you all day after all. Congratulations.”

	To say he was flabbergasted didn’t do Lincoln justice but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the face for another second. The gods showered their light of fortune on the Loud boy in that moment and if luck was never on his side again, he’d be okay with it.

	“Thanks mom, I-I mean Mrs. Johnson. I owe you one!”

	“You sure do Lincoln, you sure do,” Johnson narrowed her eyes, forming a grin that was downright inappropriate for just about anyone on the receiving end. “How’s Monday in the janitor’s closet during lunch sound?”

	“Huh?”

	“Run along now Lincoln you’re dismissed,” Agnes blurted out, shooing the boy out the classroom and down the hallway. “If you ever need someone to talk to, well, just look on the back of your test. Have a good weekend Linky!” With those parting words, the thirsty teacher waved goodbye and closed the door behind her. What took place behind those walls from that point on was her business.

	Lincoln’s head twisted back but the woman was already gone. The boy let out a mighty breath of relief, thrilled not just to be out of the cougar’s den but to have a perfect score. A grade like this was worth at least one new videogame. Speaking of his test, Lincoln turned the paper around as per Johnson's suggestion and began reading what was written.

	“Five-Five-Five-Seven-One— Oh dang it!”