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- >You've lived a long, long, long life.
- >Longer than any good man ever had before you.
- >Which is good, because you've never been a good man.
- >"Daddeh?"
- >Ahh, A little bit of sunshine is climbing up her carpeted mahogany ramp into your bed.
- "Yes Swan?"
- >"Yuu nuu feew gud?"
- >You take your time answering this.
- >Fluffy Ponies, what ever would you have done without them?
- >You were already a septuagenarian when they were introduced, but there was something so... pleasing about them.
- >They were affectionate... but you've known much false affection in your time...
- >Every marriage after your first really.
- >But beyond that, they were... honest.
- >When something smelled like shit, they would tell you.
- >They didn't ask for anything more than any other pet you ever owned.
- >And they loved you, old blackened heart and all.
- >Time to be honest with them.
- "No Swan. I'm going to die soon."
- >"Nuu daddeh! Nuu sai dat! Swan Nuu wan Yuu goh fowevah sweep." She lowers her voice. "Swan wuv Yuu."
- >You cheated your way through college, clawed your way to the top of a meaningless company, and, through some underhanded financial shenanigans, turned it into the biggest multinational conglomerate the world ever had seen.
- >You bought entire legislative bodies in order to avoid any manner of prosecution, and got away with so much that they tried, feebly, to get you anyway.
- >Some have even invented new laws after-the-fact, purely to prohibit doing what you already did.
- >And now, you find yourself feeling guilty as sin.
- >All because you'll be making a fluffy pony sad.
- >You raise one hand, weakly, and Swan snuggles in to it, giving it a cuddle.
- >Your skin is as thin as tissue paper, even the parts that are supplemented by polymers.
- >You have a kindred body in the fragile fluffy pony at your side.
- >As she cries gently while hugging your hand, you smile and exhale.
- >Owning a fluffy pony has made your life a better thing for many years now.
- >Well, several dozen fluffy ponies actually.
- >A few at every home you own.
- >It's much easier than flying fluffy ponies from country to country.
- >Some won't even allow the little darlings, so you had to get yours through special exceptions.
- >Some are ferals who you adopted on impulse.
- >Some are the...
- >Twentieth?
- >Twenty fifth?
- >Whatever.
- >Nth Generational descendants of fluffies you owned before.
- >All lovingly kept on your property.
- >They made you feel... alive, in a way no human ever could.
- >And now, you're dying.
- >You've been in the same bed for five days.
- >This isn't like your fourth honeymoon, as much joy as that memory brings you, it's more that you are simply too weak.
- >The flies are already starting to buzz around you.
- >Strictly metaphorically speaking, no insect has come within a hundred feet of you in the last ten years.
- >In this case, the flies are your relatives, your business partners, even your own staff.
- >They've all been "loyal" and "friendly" with your near-infinite pockets for the last ninety or so years.
- >You've bought them everything from cars to college degrees in order to get them to just leave you alone.
- >And now, they're all looking for the big payout.
- >Four generations of entitled bastards who have had as many children as possible to get as much of your money as they can, on the off-chance that you split it evenly or take a fancy to one of them.
- >Every last one is a useless, greedy fuck who couldn't put a hammer to a nail without banging both their thumbs.
- >Then calling a lawyer to sue the people who made hammers, nails, and wood.
- >Well, very nearly all of them.
- >What those fuckers don't know, is the air-tight, iron-clad, quite nasty provisions you have written into your will.
- >You're ready to fuck them all over, just for being the useless parasites they are.
- >Exactly as the ornate mantelpiece clock's hands overlap, a butler enters your bedroom.
- >"Sir? How are you feeling today?"
- >Dumbass.
- >Just focus on how gentle Swan is, holding your hand.
- "Thirsty. Bring me water."
- >"I am obligated to remind you, Sir, that Your doctor has said that you will receive all fluids intravenious-"
- "Water DAMNIT."
- >Raising your voice was a mistake, your dry throat cracks, and you start into another body-wracking cough.
- >Swan jumps on your arm, holding you tightly.
- >"Nuu daddeh! Nuu make sicky noise! Daddeh nee wawa! Pwease fwiend, bwing wawa tuu Daddeh!"
- >The Butler scampers away, in a professional manner.
- >Pathetic wretch, taking orders from a fluffy pony.
- >But no fluffy has ever called him a "meanie", so you left him a little cash.
- >Swan is still hugging you.
- >So fragile, so kind.
- >When the butler returns, with a small crystal glass filled with some sort of ridiculously over-priced water, your vision is already beginning to go gray.
- "Give it to me" a gasp "I need water..."
- >He raises the glass to your lips, and hesitantly tips it into your mouth.
- >"Wawa gud foh daddeh, dwink cawfuw..."
- >Your throat contracts and, involuntarily, you inhale as the slim trickle of water passes your throat.
- >So this is how it ends...
- >Fluffy loving human corperate bastard drowns.
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