My name is Chris coleman.Im writing this from a mould ridden apartment just south of pheonix but I didn't originally live here.Im writing this note in the hope that I can live knowing people will understand what happened to me and many other ex privates who were victims of a government program called MK ultra,Which was used to make weaponry for what the government called a new era of warfare.I personally was tested with something called sarin gas,and not a day goes by where I don't hear that awful sound.

Drip...drip...drip...

I believe it was the early 50's when I got the offer for the program. It was a typical day in the new york winter. With me skimming through the paper,drinking the morning coffee. Something was in the paper about the Russians making the first shuttle into space and I remember feeling upset about thisout of blind patriotism.The sudden three knocks on my solid wooden door had interupted this calm routine with it's benevolent echo.The sound alone had authority to it.To my suprise there was two...Well one extremely presentable man.One was very well dressed;looking like the sterotypical american standing proudly.The other was bug like and seemed to analyse everyone he looked at with his beady eyes.They both seemed respectable but slightly odd and they began to explain what I was offered.

They explained they were from the CIA and that they wanted my help down in 'a state of the art' facility a few miles away.I never even asked any questions such as why they wanted me as I was that ignorant.I guess that's how they got every other 'fine american'.I gladly agreed and signed all the forums without even skimming exclaiming-
"If I help you we might be able to beat those commies to the moon."
They both smirked as I said that at my ignorance.No reply.My methaphorical picket fence I was given at the time was apparently too high to see over.

As I left my house I had no clue that I would never return to the glistening lights of new York again.I had found out during this car ride that a few miles was a far larger exagration than I has initially thought. This was the first time I had suspicion over the agents but I still blindly followed.They started to tell me about how the lab I was going to was state of the art lab as my muscles began to ache from staying still.This was of course another lie,and even a person as ignorant as my old self got a little suspicious.What was promised as a comfortable ride turned into an awfully long slog.Of course the blindfold wouldn't help with my comfort at the time either as I had a tendancy to look out the window.After hours of silent thought I asked them why I was going to this facility and one of the men blurted out something about curing the common cold.I cannot describe why I belived that absurd statement but I guess I was just clutching at straws to keep my beliefs unchanged.We drove on and on and on monotonously until we finally stopped.The door was opened for me and the blindfold was ripped off,blinding me in the desert sun and leaving spots in my eyes.

"Welcome to the mk program sir" the handsome agent said.He was holding back laughter as he drove off.Ditching me with the strange,lanky one.All I could think is that he still has not said a single word to me or even reacted to any speech around him.He even pointed me foward to the tin box of a building.In there strong looking men were lined up shoulder to shoulder, They were so neatly packed together that they looked like dominoes stacked and ready to tumble. We started being lectured by the snake like man and his face contorted to a unnatural,eerie smile as the identical men in hazmat suits lined behind him."This is your last chance to leave if you do not wish to protect our beautiful land.If you want to proceed with our protection program simply say yes" I remember the pressure and authority in the room being immence as everyone simply agreed as we were pointed at to go in separate sealed off rooms.

Time distorted to me as I sat and stared at the wall,only hearing the occasional buzz and parts of the paint start to fall.Once again silence until the snake like man began to open the door,I got a close look at his face and noticed he looked very similar to the typical propeganda I saw back home about evil communist or nazi scientists. Maybe our government did the exact same things they were critisising.As he reaches for a dropper I gulp and feel like the thin room will collapse from the pressure like a tin can being stood on.He is going to hurt me.I can't belive I was lied to.
Drip...
It was a lie. All of it. The russians are not different they are just people like us,Their government is just like ours.Printing progeganda on americans.
Drip...
The corporate american dream is not my dream.I wanted to be an artist.The government wanted me being a parasite to larger corperations, never gaining true indepence.I see now that the land of the free is ran by slaves.
Drip...
My service was nothing to be proud of, I should be ashamed for even thinking that, I was just cannon fodder for the rich to get richer.A personal bodyguard for their bills.
Drip...

I remember as he kept putting the sarin gas onto me the only emotion I could feel was anger towards being lied to for my entire life.The snake like man,who I hated for almost 2 decades after this incident could tell this.
"I can tell you're angry but I hope you take this suggestion."The man loomed over me,Ill never forget the way his pupils cut through me when he told me to"grab the chair tightly " My nervous system was attacked moments later.My nose began to run and eyes started to water,My pupils tightened,becoming incredibly sharp depsite my vision filling with tears and a thick blurry smog.

The next ten minutes were probably the worst moments of my life.My eyes were pierced with needles of pain.sweat was soaking my chair and I became dazed and confused,I felt a crushing abdominal pain as I began to cough heavily.All I could think was two words."they lied".I began to breath quicker and my heart beated like a train.The pain reached my head and I gritted my teeth,cracking one as my legs and arms began to spazm from the severity of this pain and causing the chair to topple.Lying without any control over my body I begin to cough uncontrollably from my belly,I think of how I was lied to through my entire life and vomit on the previously clean floor.The last thing I remember from that horrific experience was my head hitting my vomit as I blacked out.

After that experience I had woken up in the desert as a new man.Not a better one but a lost one,someone who has escaped the graps of ignorance and is now faced with immense loneliness.My experience was negative at the time but I believe that it taught me some lessons I'll never forget.The first is to avoid ignorance at all costs,from this incident I discovered no one is immune to propeganda and people must learn to recognise it as it becomes common.The second is to prepare for the worst moment in your life, because in a moment you can lose anything,even yourself.