madoka's interview

AS: Long time no see, Ayaheads! This is everyone's favorite spunky tengu reporter, Aya Shameimaru, and I'm here for an exclusive interview with the Moe Matriarch of the Multiverse, Saimoe's reigning champion for 2013, the lovely and talented Madoka Kaname! We're joined by Madoka's faithful groupies, Maullar and Homura Akemi, for a panel discussion on location in Maullar's room.
MK: Um, thanks for having me.
HA: Why couldn't we have done this in my room instead?
MM: Because you don't have a minibar. Can I refresh anyone's Brandy Alexander?
AS: Madoka will take one.
HA: No, she won't.
AS: Well, I think she will.
HA: I think she won't.
MK: I'm fine, really... You two don't need to--
AS: Want to settle this like ladies, Homura?
HA: Fine. But don't complain if you get hurt.

---PAID MESSAGE---

Recettear has the best prices anywhere! I went looking around for any place that had prices lower than ours. Well, a guy in a trenchcoat told me that he had really low prices on Walnut Bread, if I would follow him into this alley. But when I did that, he opened up his trenchcoat and there weren't even any Walnut Breads in there! Just the shorts he was wearing! That was a really mean trick! Anyway, that's when a nice police officer came and started hitting him with her stick and screaming that he had the right to remain silent and the right to a tourney. I didn't know there was a tournament for remaining silent! I bet I would lose, since Tear always complains how noisy I am. Hey, maybe I'll surprise Tear later! The police officer let me borrow her gun, so I could whip it out of my dress and Tear would be really surprised, and it'd be a great prank! Okay, Aya is telling me I need to pay 2000 yen for 100 more words, so I guess I'm done now. See you at the store!

Yayifications,
Recette Lemongrass

---PAID MESSAGE ENDS---

AS: You make a--ow--very convincing point, Homura. Let's just get on with the interview.
HA: Please.
AS: So, Madoka... how did it feel, winning Saimoe?
HS: I helped!
(Homura throws Haruhi out of the room.)
AS: Let's try that again--any words from the champion?
MK: It's no big deal, really...
MM: No big deal, my affably ethnic ass. Saimoe's been trending like nobody's business, and with all eyes on our little moe goddess here, this is Mado-tan's ticket to the prime time.
AS: The prime time? It sounds like you have big plans for Madoka.
MM: You know it. Pink and cute and sweet is the in thing this decade, and with the boost from Saimoe, Madoka is poised to be the next big idol. Marilyn Monroe had her white dress, Madoka has that fluffy bubble skirt of hers. You get me?
AS: So you're going to take a picture of Madoka with her skirt getting blown upwards?
MK: Ehhh?!
MM: That's just the start. I'm talking lifestyle pieces in Newtype and Dengeki... Bellinis with Space Oreo, runs the hottest figma review vlog... maybe endorse some panties in Liquor Illustrated...
MK: That might be--w-w-wait, panties?!
MM: Yeah, maybe like white side-ties with a little kitty face in front, bitta-bitta filigree running along the crotch area...
AS: Oooh! I like the sound of that.
HA: They would be easier to take off...
MK: Um, ah... don't I get a say in this?
MM: Of course you do, sweetie. You can wear whatever panties you want.
HA: Or none, if you prefer.
MK: Ahh...
AS: So what comes after that? A bra with bondage-style straps and built-in nipple tassels?
MM: As nice an idea as that is... You can't build an empire on women's underwear alone, Aya.
AS: You'd be surprised.
MM: I'm sure I would be. Anyway, I'm in talks regarding a special issue of Waifu Quarterly magazine. They're gonna want you to put on a cup size or two, Madoka, but their page rate rules.
MK: A cup size?
MM: Just enough to fill out a bunnysuit, you understand. We'll get you on milk pudding and codswallop oil for a couple weeks and Photoshop will take care of the rest.
HA: I like Madoka's chest fine the way it is.
MK: Homura-chan...
HA: Madoka-chan...
AS: Oooh, a tender moment between the two star-crossed lovers...
MM: Shall I get the ropes and flavored K-Y Jelly?
HA: No. In fact, you can get out.
MM: Say what? Now hold on just a panty-droppin' second here, Homura! You don't sexile a man from his own room. It's just not done!
HA: It is now. (Homura pushes Maullar and myself out of the room and locks the door.)
AS: ...Soooo. Campari shooters and lap dances at the Barking Crab?
MM: I would, but my damn car keys were in there! How do you like them apples?
AS: Then why don't we track down some beers and shoot some bootleg Haruhi DVDs with shotguns?
MM: Heh! Now you're speakin' my language!
AS: That's why you pay me.
MM: Wait, when did I pay you?
AS: You gave me 5000 yen to write a story about Madoka.
MM: I did?
AS: We went to the ATM together. You were drunk and couldn't remember your PIN, only that it was Matsuri's bust measurement followed by Feena's bust measurement. That was enough information for me to figure out your PIN! Don't say Aya never did anything for you.
MM: Huh... now that you mention it, somebody withdrew a million yen from my account just yesterday...
AS: I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about that. See ya!