Volume E Chapter 3

Volume E Chapter 3

[Suavely, Hayama Hayato runs away]

The park which served as the starting point for the marathon saw the gradual gathering of both the first and second year boys and girls. The route the boys were running on was on the coastal lane and back here with the Mihama Bridge.
The distance was long, really long. Anything bigger than three would be counted as a lot for Hachiman-kun who was no good at arithmetic!
Well, regardless, the number of kilometers wouldn’t affect what I needed to do.
When we were instructed to line up, we sluggishly began lining up behind the white line drawn at the starting point.
I mingled through people towards the leading group by slimily maneuvering my body like that of a hagfish. Unexpectedly, everyone made way for me.
This was at most just a school-only marathon. It wasn’t a particularly flashy event nor did it affect our grades. Being forced to just run in this cold weather didn’t see that many motivated people.
All except for one person.
With the expectation of taking another win this year, Hayama couldn’t let this end in an unsightly result. He wasn’t allowed to take it easy in public view.
He was at the forefront of the line, a spot that was across from me with several people in between. It’s essentially the pole position.
When he stretched his elastic body, girls who were going to watch us take off raised their cheering voices.
Thirty minutes after the boys was when the girls would start. Until then, it looks like they were going to cheer and observe the boys.
Hayama lightly raised his hand to the cheering voices. At the end of where he looked, slightly apart from the girls frolicking energetically was Miura.
Seemingly nervous due to the girls around her, Miura sent only reserved glances his way. Beside her was Ebina-san and Yuigahama. A step further behind them was also Yukinoshita.
And walking up to them was Isshiki.

After noticing Isshiki, Miura greeted her. Isshiki nodded back. Both Miura and Hayama made alternate looks between one another. Isshiki, noticing this, gave a fearless smirk to Miura. Then, she placed her hands to her mouth and yelled out with a large voice, “Hayama-senpai, doooo your best…! Ah, while I’m at it, senpai, too.”
After hearing that, he waved his hand with a wry smile and for some reason, Tobe who was slightly further away replied with an energetic “Yeaaah”.
“No, no, I didn’t mean you Tobe-senpai,” said Isshiki, slightly waving her hands as if saying “no way”.
Miura watched that quietly, but after taking a deep breath in determination, she spat it out along with her voice. “Ha-Hayato… D-Do your best!”
Her reserved voice was so small that it seemed like it could be drowned out by the cheering voices. But Hayama quietly raised his hand and of course, wore a gentle smile.
Miura watched that in a trance and slowly nodded without letting out her voice.
Isshiki watched the both of them in satisfaction on the side and then turned this way again. “…Senpai, do your best too, okaaaay!”
This time it looked like she was looking my way and telling me.
Y-Yeah…Just why is she so stubborn about not saying my name…? I wonder if she doesn’t remember… As I thought about that, Yuigahama who had been watching Isshiki in a daze took a single step forward.
Then, Yuigahama waved her hand. “D-Do your best!”
Her voice was considerably more soft-spoken than Isshiki’s as if she was being conscious of her surroundings, but it definitely reached my ears… Thank goodness she didn’t call my name. I’m grateful for her consideration at times like these.
I covertly raised my hand with appreciation and Yuigahama clenched her fist back. Then, next to her, Yukinoshita’s eyes met with mine.
She wordlessly made a small nod. It felt like her mouth moved just slightly, but her voice didn’t reach me.
I wasn’t sure what she said nor did I know who it was directed to.
But well, I felt motivated.
Alrighty, let’s get to work…
I slipped my body further through the crowd and stood in the same starting line as Hayama at the very front. His eyes were facing forward, not looking in my direction.
I rotated my shoulders, stretched my Achilles heel, and bit by bit, closed the distance between me and Hayama. Along the way, I could hear a lot of tongues clicking as well as annoyed faces. I would utter a “Sorry”, laugh sheepishly and apologize to them in my heart. Somehow or other, I eventually made it beside Hayama.

He was in a chat with Tobe and the others about something. When he noticed me, he sent me a smile wondering if I had some business.
I shook my head and looked ahead.
In just a moment, the marathon would start. I could tell without bothering to look at the clock placed in the park.
The noisy voices of the students in the back gradually hushed. The sporadic cheering of the girls also grew smaller.

When everyone went quiet, as if waiting for that moment, someone walked towards the white line drawn on the floor.
“Now, are we ready?”
The one who said that and aimed a pistol at the sky was Hiratsuka-sensei.
Why is Hiratsuka-sensei…? Usually it’s a gym teacher that does this. Jeez, this person totally just wants to do things that stand out. Or could it be she just wanted to shoot the pistol, hm?
Hiratsuka-sensei raised the pistol up high and used her other hand to cover her ears. When she placed her finger on the trigger, the male students faced forward and the girls held their breath as they watched.
A few seconds passed and Hiratsuka-sensei slowly opened her mouth. “Take your position… Ready.”
In the next instant, the trigger was pulled followed by a gunshot.
Then, we all simultaneously started running as if being launched.
First, I warmed up my legs by slowly beginning my run. My goal was catching up to Hayama.
But numerous individuals lined up beside me went out at top speed as if it was the climax.
The reason for that was because of the incessant flashing of cameras. I wasn’t sure if it was for the yearbook or whatever, but for some reason, there were cameras at this marathon.
These idiots who ran with all their strength for the first dozen meters of the marathon just to leave an image were endless. In the end, they probably just wanted to brag saying, “I was first in the middle of it, you know!” Boys were really stupid.
The lot who bet their lives on their starting dash would quickly lose their energy.
That’s why the real battle started on the sidewalk we exited to from the park segment.
I quietly avoided the retiring group that fought for the top with their starting dashes, and gradually began closing the distance between me and Hayama.

I mingled with those who were amongst the first, and kept up with their pace for a short while. They remained bunched up in a group, which was what I expected from people in the first few places. Everyone continued facing forward, silently, without expression. These people were almost guaranteed the top few places, hence they won’t disrupt the pace this early on in the race. This was especially so for Hayama at the head of group, aiming for the first place.

However, amongst these people, there was an exception. Now, who is that person?

That would be me! Hey, isn’t this quiz a little too easy?

I was always the one who was being ostracized. This time, amongst the group of top runners was no different. I had obviously no intention of taking the top places. I didn’t even make any plans as to how I was going to complete the race.

That’s why, I could do things that were the complete opposite from them.

“Hayama.”

As I ran, I called out to him. The others threw me surprised looks. Even Hayama looked surprised when he looked at me.

“So, what became of that matter?”

I ran up to Hayama’s side and asked him that question. Hayama didn’t reduce his speed and his gaze returned to the front again.

“……Can’t that wait for later?”

“No, it has to be now. Gradually, all the parties involved will suffer definitely. There’s no time.”

Perhaps it was because I was running, but I thought my voice came out quite sharply.

It wasn’t that I suffered from the rumors or anything. However, those around me becoming topics of conversations behind their backs irked me. Or perhaps, I should say I hated it.

Hayama looked at me with troubled eyes, perhaps sensing the urgency in my voice.

“…… Probably during this marathon.”

“I see. That’s probably not a problem then. I mean, it’s you after all.”

Saying that, I motioned with my lower jaw to give my approval and increased my pace. However, Hayama didn’t catch up with me.

“I don’t think there’s a need to talk about that right now.”

Hayama told me that in a small voice. I wondered if that was because he was being mindful of his surroundings.

To the outsiders, the conversation ongoing within the top group of runners must appear really weird. The others were all sneaking awkward glances at me and Hayama.

However, that was precisely the situation I needed.

Hayama Hayato was an existence that always attracted the attention of others, thus, his actions too revolve around others as well. That is why, he was always somewhat hard to phantom.

With everyone watching, it would result in the formation of many subjective opinions. Taking the average of all these opinions, or the median of them, it would form the image of “The Hayama Hayato that everyone hopes to be and likes.”

If I didn’t squash this false image, this idol-like image they have, I wouldn’t be able to pierce through Hayama’s core.

I forcibly quelled my own breathing that had increased. Though my chest was in agony, I endured the pain and contorted my mouth into a smile.

“Didn’t you say that last time? ……When are you going to stop avoiding the reality?”

Having said my piece, Hayama looked at me once more.

His expression was no longer calm and collected like before. His eyes opened wide in surprise, and he ground his teeth in frustration. He looked totally out of breath.

Hey Hayama, this expression looks good on you. Ah, that’s right, this is the expression that I wanted to see.

My mouth contorted into a grin in response to his expression. Then, Hayama looked surprise, before laughing somewhat softly.

“……What a cheap provocation.”

Saying that, he picked up his pace. Soon, he had caught up to me and almost immediately, overtook me. In the blink of an eye, the distance between him and the top group had begun to increase further and further. The other could only look at him with gaping mouths, and none made the attempt to chase after him.

This is fine. It’s great that I manage to create a situation in which he and I run together, without the others.

I scowled at the disappearing Hayama running ahead of me.

The stage is set.

From here on, the reconciliation between him and me would begin at last.

                              X                                         X                                         X

The winds that blew from the sea numbed my cheeks. When the heat overflowing from the interior touched the cold air, my body pricked with chills.
Every time the soles of my shoe stomped the asphalt, the core of my body received a shock.
I couldn’t distinguish the rumblings sounds as the wind or the cracking of my body. Both sounds gradually mixed together with just warmth escaping from my mouth.
I inhaled violently and there was the sharp smell of salt water.
The trees that grew along the coastal lane seemed to be windbreaks. The place we started off from was planted with numerous pine trees, but after passing by that scenery, the trees that resembled white skeletons with shedding leaves stood out.
I shot out my legs even without being conscious of it. It was like the involuntarily pumping of blood from my heart. My heartbeat and my pace were competing, one trying to overtake the other.
My thoughts sporadically came and gone as I continued to run.
I was glad I commuted to school by bike. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to run as well as this despite not being in any sports club. It’s not like I was completely bad with marathon training. As a matter of fact, anything other than ball games was my specialty. It’s because I could see the game to its end by myself. I didn’t have to bother anyone and there’s a clear goal. For the rest, all I had to do was absentmindedly occupy my head with worthless things and move my legs.
But today’s marathon was a little different.
It felt a lot more agonizing than normal.
It’s because my pace was faster than during class. It’s because the coldness turned even more relentless and that it’s windy. It’s because I thought so much last night that I didn’t get a wink of sleep.
There were plenty of reasons.
However, the biggest reason was because of the one in front of me, Hayama Hayato.
As someone who seemed clearly used to club activities, Hayama didn’t appear exhausted and was making steady progress in his run. His upper body saw no needless and his lower body was stable, a refined form so to speak. I could see why he was able to take the win last year.
On the other hand, I was looking upwards while running without taking into account my pace and was still barely able to keep up with Hayama.
There was still quite some distance to go before I reached the turning point, but my body was close to its limits. From a while ago, there was a throbbing pain in my sides, a stinging pain on the soles of my feet, as well as a ringing sensation in my ears. Truth be told, I really want to go home right now. If I had done this after a meal, I would definitely have vomited.

Somehow or other, I had made it this far through every means possible. I know that I couldn’t keep this up any longer and so I couldn’t afford any more tricks. There was already a nice big gap between us and the guys from before. This was a perfect moment to talk.

After spitting out countless ragged breaths, I somehow managed to run up to Hayama’s side again, and called out to him.

“Hey, you, you said that you would do something. What of it?”

“……I would find a chance to explain it properly. Moreover, there’s no quick way to resolve the problem at hand. Hence, I think I would try and control the flow of the rumors little by little.”

Hayama seemed to be out of breath as he said that. I made my reply in between gasps of breath too.

“I see. However, wouldn’t that take too much time?”

“Indeed.”

Saying that, Hayama nodded his head meekly. Just as I thought, Hayama was used to dealing with rumors in this manner. However, what he suggested was merely a temporary solution. It was not a solution that targeted the problem at its core.

“…….That’s why, I have a proposal.”

Hayama tilted his head slightly upon hearing those words and had a suspicious look in his eyes as he looked in my direction.

“The way you put it makes me have a unpleasant feeling.”

His teasing tone, mixed with his all too serious expression caused me to burst out laughing.

Hayama-kun, that’s correct! 80000 points to you!

As my throat was dry, I began to cough almost as soon as I started laughing. As my coughing stopped, I proceeded to speak slowly.

“Why don’t you date Miura?”

When I was done saying that, Hayama’s face changed. The teasing atmosphere from before had disappeared completely. His eyes were clearly filled with anger as he stared at me.

“I think Miura is really convenient for you.”

To tell the truth, I know that Miura wasn’t a bad person. As someone who had seen how honest she could be, it kind of hurts me to say that. I really do recommend Miura-san. If that’s the case, the one who listened to me say that probably felt the same way as well.

“Your joke’s way overboard, don’t you think?”

Hayama didn’t even look at me when he said those words agitatedly. Far from his usual composed voice, the current pressure and attitude of his right now make me take a step back.

However, I pressed on with sheer willpower.

“I only said the simplest way, that’s all. I don’t mind if you have any other good ideas up your sleeve. Otherwise, maybe date Isshiki instead of Miura?”

What the heck did I just say? Even I hate myself for that. There were so many times where I had talked with Isshiki. I know that she could at times, reveal that surprisingly pure and innocent side of hers, and at other times reveal that mature expression of hers. I wondered if she would get angry at me if she had heard what I just said or would she endorse it and urge me to continue. I guess it wouldn’t be the latter. Although Isshiki had a tendency to use and rely on others, she was still a very strong-willed girl. I felt that she wouldn’t allow me to distort this opinion.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sharp voice.

“……Just shut up.”

At last, the enmity was clearly evident in those words.
“Why would I shut up just because you said so? ……I am not that kind of good guy you make me out to be.”

Someday, somewhere. Just whose words was it that I borrowed? Those were words that someone spoke to me with a mean smile. Then, Hayama shot me a bored look and laughed scornfully.

“You are kidding right? I have never once thought of you as a nice guy.”

He said those so suddenly that my speed dropped a little upon hearing them. However, if I continue at this pace, the distance would increase. Thus, I raised my head and looked on ahead.

“What an unpleasant guy…”
The words slipped out of my mouth and Hayama smiled with some amount of ridicule.
“I don’t want to hear that from you.”
You got that right. I was on the verge of smiling. But my efforts turned out fruitful since I was able to make him react differently from his typical calm self. If so, this was the best timing.
I regulated my breathing again so my voice wouldn’t sound broke as I ran.

“To be perfectly honest with you, I can’t think of any other way. ……That’s why, I want someone else’s viewpoint.”

As I said that, I picked up my pace. My feet felt heavy, but it picked up my will and sped along and with a few steps, overtook Hayama. Thereupon, I turned my head back and looked at him.

Then, I manage to catch a rare glimpse of the look of shock and incredulity on Hayama’s face. He was stunned for just a short instant. However, he quickly came back to his senses and caught up to me.

“…….That’s really unexpected. That you would say something like that.”

Even Hayama’s breathing seem to increase, probably because he was confused by my words. I could hear the sound of parched laughter from Hayama’s mouth. He was probably dumbfounded. Thanks to that, Hayama’s running speed slowed down a little. I manage to match his pace. Then, noticing that our pace were now in tandem, he shot me a glance and begin to speak once more.

“Sorry, but I don’t intend to cooperate with you. Didn’t I say that this matter concerned me alone? You don’t have to worry about it.”

“You can’t put it that way. That rumor, it’s quite the bother.”

When I said that, Hayama’s eyes narrowed, and with his gaze, ask me for the reason behind that statement.

“I am irked by those who say those irresponsible things. I am pissed by those who just say whatever they want.”

I spat out what had always been stuck in my throat ever since those rumors started. These sort of reasons were reasons that I could just readily throw out, no matter how many of them I had.

However, Hayama’s gaze on me did not slacken up one bit. Watching him, I found myself unable to speak. However, if I continue to keep quiet, to just gloss over it, it would end up being like that time in the park. I would be unable to get the answer that I seek.

“……Moreover, there’s no way I can just look away.”

Despite my voice sounding hoarse due to me being thirsty, I still managed to squeeze out this final line from the depths of my chest.

“Is that so?......”

Hayama looked away, and looked on ahead. I could see a somewhat pained expression from his side-profile. With that expression, he spoke.

“……However, I still haven’t matured to the point where I can just ignore that earlier statement. ……Furthermore, the relationship between us is not one whereby we cooperate, right?”

“That’s right. We are nether friends nor partners.”

There was nothing wrong with what Hayama had said. We were so separated from one another that even the thought of trying to give a definition to our relationship was absurd. Our ideology, our emotions, our circumstances and just about everything else between us was different.

However, similarities did exist between the both of us.

“However, we can agree on our advantages and disadvantages. If that’s the case, the problem that we both currently have could be said to be shared between the two of us.”

Hearing me say that, Hayama remained silent and did not give an answer. He continued to run in silence. However, I knew that this silence was him urging me on to continue.

“……Hence, well, I think I can consider you a comrade.”

When I actually uttered that word, for some reason or another, I felt a strange sense of shyness come over me.  I could feel the sweat coming out of my scalp as well. I wonder if Hayama felt the same. Hayama noticed the sweat streaming down his face and brushed his hair, before looking towards the sea.

Then, he spoke in a small voice.

“As expected, we still can’t be on good terms with one another, huh?”

“Huh?”

I didn’t understand what he meant by that and as I prepared to ask him, the sound of nimble running footsteps could be heard.

It seemed that during our conversation, our speed had dropped quite a bit, which allowed those behind to catch up with us. I didn’t mind being left behind by them, but as I looked at Hayama, wondering what he would do, he didn’t seem particularly mindful of those catching up. He looked down at his feet, and continued to speak.

“Com……rade?”

“Don’t keep repeating that. I will be embarrassed. Stop it.”

I felt a chill running down my spine at hearing my own words being repeated by others. I frantically tried to get him to stop, and then, Hayama interrupted my words with his calm and collected voice.

“I hate you.”

“R-Right……”

Not even giving me the slightest look, his sudden words caused me to lose my voice. Although I wasn’t exactly the most likable person, being told upfront like this, refreshingly on top of that, had never happened before. Hayama didn’t seem to mind my reaction as he continued looking forward, continued looking into the distance, and continued gradually.
“I absolutely can’t stand it when I feel inferior to you. That’s why I want you to be my equal. That’s why I want to raise you up high, and that just might be it, all so I can accept the things I lose to you in.”
“…I see.”
I’m sure that was the same for me. I elevated Hayama as a special existence as a means to convince myself, reinforcing a lie all this time, the lie that Hayama Hayato was, without a doubt, an absolutely good guy.
I responded meaninglessly and Hayama then faced me as if it had reached him this time. He wore a smile that was far more refreshing and provocative than any other one.
“That’s why I won’t do as you say. I will do things my way till the very bitter end…… The way you do things is different, along with how you see things.”
“I see.”
I nodded and Hayama returned one as well.

At the very end, Hayama and I were still neither friends nor buddies. It was surely not possible for the both of us to cooperate. Even so, even if the way we do were totally different, even if the way we see things were completely opposite, there were still things that we could do to the solve the problem looming right ahead of us.

Hayama seemed to have decided upon something, and he flexed his shoulders to check his body’s condition.

“In order for me to do that, I have to win.”

“I see. Sure you can win? They are closing the distance rather quickly.”

My legs felt heavy as lead and I couldn’t move them even if I wanted to. I felt like I could hardly run any more but Hayama appeared to be different from me.

“No problem at all.”

Hayama said so without once looking back. He shook his hands like a sort of light stretch and then grinned.

“…No, I’ll win… That’s me, after all.”
He stated in such a way, that winning, that he’d answer everyone’s expectations, and that he’d act as Hayama Hayato all the way until the end, as if that was him.

I am sure that this is his way of doing things. Wishing for everything, to place his hopes on everything, to accept everything. A stance that was completely opposite from mine. It is perhaps then that this is why we have two extreme views on what should be the correct way to solve problems involving personal relations.

All. Or. Nothing.

Up until this point, Hayama has been the former, whilst I choose to be the latter.

But then, what was that about earlier?

Hayama quickened his pace and took a few steps ahead of me, turned around and flashed me his refreshing smile.

“What are you going to do?”

You don’t have to ask me that. You will understand when you see it. However, instead of giving him a reply, what came out instead was the sound of me huffing and panting.

“……Just go on ahead.”

Without any particular sort of regret, Hayama shrugged his shoulders.

“……However, the one who will make the first move will probably be you.”

With a smile that betrayed just a tinge of loneliness, Hayama started to run.

Leaving me behind, far far behind.

I didn’t have the strength left at all to chase after him. All I could was just watch him run away.

An answer that I could not give. An unbelievable possibility that I saw in my dreams. Hayama Hayato ran away.

Damn it, aren’t you cool or what?

Even though it would be unlike me, I think that I have no choice but to run as well.
Winning or losing, when everything has already come to this, it didn’t matter anymore.

All I want to do now is run. As that thought filled my head, I continue to put my feet forward and then, my right leg collided with my left calf. Unable to catch my fall, I collapsed onto the floor. I lay there on my back, looking up at the sky.

“Just as I thought, I can’t be like Hayama after all.”
My white breaths blended with the thoroughly blue winter sky overhead.

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