Guest User

Here it is

a guest
Jan 28th, 2018
92
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. Kek before I die. Anonymous 30/07/17 09:56 /#/ 3757386
  2. Niggers today my country is going down the road to fuck itself, so I thought I'd do a greentext of the cringiest thing that has
  3. happened to me in my whole life, and so I leave with a kek in my face and a kek in your hearts niggers, so here it is, and always remember this anon with love.
  4.  
  5. The greentext is pretty long but give good keks
  6.  
  7. Also: if a guy named juan dies today with an Ñ in his chest, you know who it is
  8. >be me
  9. >be 12
  10. >10 PM
  11. >be at home
  12. >go to the bathroom to take a shit
  13. >mom's taking a bath
  14. >NotProblem.jpg
  15. >I enter after days of not leaving my room for a game that had me really fucking addicted
  16. >Remember I haven't taken a shit in a week
  17. >try to shit, with no results
  18. >ButthurtMoans.mp3
  19. >Mother asks what's going on
  20. >Mommy I can't shit
  21. >Mother tells me to keep pushing with force
  22. >ScreamWithMight.webm
  23. >start feeling the tip coming out
  24. >"almost, it's almost out"
  25. >strengthless, that piece of shit goes back in my anal cave
  26. >mommy I can't shit!
  27. >my mother worries, puts on a robe and runs to call my stepdad
  28. >"turn on the motorcycle, we have to take him to the hospital"
  29. >they take me with only my boxer shorts through the whole city center on a motorbike
  30. >red light
  31. >everything will be fine nobody's looking
  32. >a car stops next to us
  33. >whole family turns around and sees me half naked
  34. >MotherfuckerFloorThisShit.Mp4
  35. >stepdad skips the red light to save the little dignity I had
  36. >he keks during the whole trip to the hospital
  37. >get to the hospital
  38. >get down the motorcycle
  39. >bunch of people notice I smell like shit (because I hadn't taken a bath) and I'm in my underwear
  40. >mother arrives in a taxi
  41. >enters the ER
  42. she's a nurse so she knows everyone there
  43. >gets them to let me in
  44. >tells them I can't shit well
  45. >Whole room laughs
  46. >ShutYourMouthOldBitch.rar
  47. >ass starts to hurt
  48. >tell my mother
  49. >she takes me to the bathroom
  50. >a nurse comes in and says
  51. "don't worry I'm a professional this is my job"
  52. >pulls down my pants
  53. >i obey
  54. >she puts some kind of injection in my ass
  55. >TheFuckSThisShit.Gif
  56. >start feeling uncomfortable
  57. >tells me that thing will make me want to take a shit
  58. >want to, and don't retain the liquid she put in my ass
  59. >all the liquid comes out
  60. >happens various times
  61. >the nurse gets dogged and leaves the bathroom
  62. >my mother walks in
  63. >"are you ok?"
  64. >"No, she put an injection in my ass and it did nothing"
  65. >"wait here I'll look for help"
  66. >Mother looks for 2-meter tall black nurse that looked like an ugly trap.
  67. >"don't worry sweetie I'll help you rest"
  68. >at this point it was almost midnight
  69. >nurse proceeds to to put a bit of her fingers in my anus trying to take the shit out
  70. >shedidnt.fix
  71. >mom tells nurse to leave the room for a bit
  72. >i'm scared, because i know what comes next is not good
  73. >mom tells me
  74. >"close your eyes and take a deep breath"
  75. >she puts her whole hand in my anus
  76. >ScreamOfAGrillWithNiggerAndThousandSunsPower.Mp3
  77. >start crying of pain
  78. >my mother put so much strength that she raised my body a couple centimeters above the floor
  79. >"anon stop moving"
  80. >still shouting and crying like a bitch
  81. >my screams can be heard through the whole emergency room
  82. >mom can't pull the turd out
  83. >her hand's now stuck in my ass
  84. >TakeItOutForFuckSake.Gif
  85. >she calls the trap nurse outside the room
  86. >she enters and looks at the scene
  87. >she stands there shocked
  88. >mom tells her to help her take her hand out of my ass
  89. >i'm still crying
  90. >she helps her and they manage to pull out the hand
  91. >FeelsGood.jpg
  92. >breathe and calm down, but I can't walk
  93. >they look for a bed and put me in a room
  94. >rest for a few minutes and the trap nurse walks in
  95. >"anon, this thing I'm going to inject in your ass is what we give pregnant women to make it easier to push the baby out during birth"
  96. >OhForFuck'sSake.jpg (Coñoesumadre is WAY better by the way, fite me)
  97. >accept since I've no other option
  98. >they inject it in my ass and this time it has an effect
  99. >start having a diarrhea of such magnitude that an explosion left me and I got the nurse's uniform full of shit
  100. >Heelp!! i can't control it!!
  101. >they pick me up quick and try to take me to the bathroom while i'm still shitting all the way there, leaving a trail of my shit
  102. >we get to the bathroom
  103. >push with all my might
  104. >nurse and mom are in front of me and they didn't shut the door
  105. >see how people in the ER approach and watch
  106. >Motherfucker.gif
  107. >I didn't care, I wanted to shit and leave as fast as possible
  108. >start shouting with fury until i got the first turd out
  109. >after that, 3 more came along
  110. >almost faint after using all that strength
  111. >mom took a pic of the 3 shit balls I left and sends them to her friends through her phone
  112. >trails of shit are left on the walls and the floor after my fight with my ass
  113. >they were of magistral size, almost like a small room football
  114. >everyone in the ER starts clapping
  115. >my mother hugs me
  116. >see the janitor lady come around
  117. >sees the disaster I left
  118. >"I don't know who in the flying fuck is cleaning all this shit up, but it ain't gonna be me"
  119. >she rages and I kek hard
  120. such was the shitstorm that the janitor didn't want to clean it up
  121. >after a few minutes she enters the bathroom and tries to flush
  122. >that shit gets stuck and all the toilet water rushes out
  123. >ohboi.exe
  124. >mom says we gotta go because she ain't paying for no motherfucking toilet
  125. >get up on motorcycle with mom and stepdad
  126. >boxers are full of shit
  127.  
  128. sometimes I look at the trap nurse and she tells
  129. me that it was her who made me rest after what
  130. happened i shit twice a day just in case but i'm
  131. still scared from time to time ;-;
  132.  
  133. ###############################################################################
  134. ############################## 19 hours later... ##############################
  135. ###############################################################################
  136.  
  137. Anonymous (OP) 31/07/17 04:52 /#/ 3760490
  138. My little niggers, I am sorry to inform you that today this thread's OP died, I'm
  139. his little brother we liked to chan together and i was here when he made the thread,
  140. my brother died this afternoon and if you don't believe me here's the list of today's
  141. dead, it's him niggers i can't deal with this shit government tomorrow I'm going to
  142. protest and killing each and every one of those bastards
RAW Paste Data