A New Beginning - Part 5

Part 4: https://pastebin.com/aGX5zKxn

'Hhhnnggg'

I wince as my heart struggles to return to normal.

Is this what finally kills me off? The sight of a flower finally blossoming after being repressed for so long?

A few moments pass, but they feel like an eternity.

My breathing slows down and becomes deeper, hoping my heart does the same in kind.

'thump'

...

'thump'

As I start contemplating reaching for my mobile phone to call the emergency services, the pain subsides as the rhythm finally returns to normal.

Oh thank god. Of all the places to go, this is certainly not one I would want. Same goes for a top floor hospice.

I lean against the wall and breathe a sigh of relief, that's the closest I've ever come to thinking I was going to die ever since my first heart attack.

Although lately, I think there's a higher chance I'll be killed by Kenji with a weapon as I enter our apartment.

That's if I don't murder him when I get back; I mean, where in hell is he?

As my mind wanders to where Kenji could be, the door to the classroom opens...

"HICCHANN!?"

Misha deafens me as she runs over.

"Y-You alright, Hicchan!? Do we need to call a nurse or something!?"

"No, I'm okay. Thank you."

Misha glares, like a mother scolding her child.

"Don't give me that! You look white as a ghost!

"Honestly, I'm fine! My heart has returned to normal. My pacemaker's done its job."

"You better not be lying Hicchan!"

"No I'm not, I promise!"

"Wahaha~! What are you doing here anyway?"

"Came to look for you and Shizune."

Misha's face drops, from the scolding parent to the child.

"Did you see or... hear anything?"

I use up my little strength to raise a smirk at her.

"Enough. But don't worry, if you or Shizune don't want me to say to anyone, that's fine with me."

"Thank you Hicchan~."

"Just don't mention my heart to anyone, I don't want anyone, especially Akira's kid panicking."

Misha signs something to Shizune who is stood half way between the door and myself, so I couldn't see until Misha moved around.

"Deal!"

Misha and Shizune give me a hand getting up, giving me a second to brush myself down before heading to the lobby together.

The air feels lighter again, the awkwardness between them has disappeared completely, making the walk back feel shorter than anything else that's happened today.

"Ah! I told you that you'd find them easy, Hisao!"

"Yeah, yeah, anyway. I want to ask you something, Akira."

"What's that?"

"If you're worried about us being done for trespassing now, why have you come in the first place?"

Akira is taken aback by my blunt question. I feel like a prosecutor in court and she's the defence.

"I thought the school were involved in this! I would never have expected someone to organise something so elaborate without having them on board as well!"

"That's fair, how do we know they aren't?"

"We don't. That's the problem, we've had no indication that the school is involved or not. We could find out but do you want to risk it?"

"Honestly, I'd rather not."

"Me either, I've got Yoshiro to worry about."

"Then why bring him?"

Akira begins to shake with anger. Have I just gone too far? She looks genuinely mad.

"I wasn't going to! Hideaki was supposed to look after him today but he bailed last minute!"

"Hisao! Akira! That's quite enough!"

Lilly's sudden interjection silences both of us, we just stare at her in amazement then back at each other respectively.

"Arguing will get us nowhere! We are all here, we all share the blame! Akira is not more responsible for this as you, Hisao!"

I didn't mean it like that! Or, I don't think I did. Did it come across like that?

"I-I'm sorry, Lilly, Akira. I didn't mean to off like that."

Akira's stance relaxes thankfully, she looked like she was going to dive on me.

"It's fine, Hisao. Any bright ideas anyone?"

Hanako doesn't respond, she is still cowering in shock from Lilly's interruption; has she never seen Lilly deal with confrontation before?

"Well we can't leave, the weather is really bad and the sun is starting to set."

"What you getting at, Emi?"

"Stay tonight. It's all we can do."

"But where? You're not seriously suggesting we break into the dorms?"

"Of course not, Hisao! Just sleep in one of the classrooms or something. Then sneak out early tomorrow morning."

Not exactly what I wanted to do, but Emi does have a point, other than risk alerting the authorities, it is all we can do.

Lilly sighs and nods, as does Hanako.

Turning to Misha and Shizune, they are signing to each other, Shizune looking really tense.

"What's up with Shizune, Misha?"

"She doesn't want to risk getting caught in the morning. Would like really bad being student council president."

"We've got no choice, unless she wants to risk calling the authorities now."

Shizune lowers her head in defeat, I guess that's as much indication we'll get from her.

"H-How about the library? It should still have the bean bags and cushions we could use."

"Great idea, Hanako! Anyone got anything else?"

"What about food? I'm really hungry."

I didn't think Rin was listening since she was just staring blankly into space. But even after everything so far today, I'm still surprised.

"I'll go to the canteen and take Yoshiro with me. Need to make sure he eats, anyone else is free to join us."

"Don't you want to not leave any evidence?"

"Well we still need to eat, Hisao. I don't think they'll miss a little bit of food."

"I'll wait until I get out of here. Canteen was never that good anyway."

Akira grins as she ruffles Yoshiro's hair again.

"Suit yourself, let's go, Rin. Anyone else?"

"I'll come too!"

Emi runs up alongside them and Shizune nudges Misha to join them as well.

"What about you, Lilly, Hanako?"

"I'm okay, thank you, Hisao. I don't think they will have any tea there anyway."

Lilly gently giggles as Hanako nods.

"I'm not hungry either so I don't need to go. Shall we go to the library then?"

"Yes, let's do that."

The library feels no different from all those years ago.

The pungent aroma of new and old tomes alongside the polished wood of the bookcases and the desks; all coming together to make a comforting whole.

I spy around the room, looking for new volumes I could glance before we lose what little remains of the sun's shine.

Hanako finds a beanbag and rests in it for a while, I guess being here is more comforting for her the most.

Lilly sits reservedly at one of the small reading desks. Not wanting to leave her on her own, I thought I'd join her.

"Room for one more?"

"Oh, yes, Hisao. Plenty of room."

I can't help but shake a feeling when I look at Lilly. She seems so distant and detached. Being uprooted and moved across the world twice would do things to you I suppose.

"Lilly."

"Yes, Hisao?"

"I'm sorry for that with Akira, I was out of order."

"It's okay, Hisao. It was heat of the moment."

Seems like she's agreeing that I was out of order, sometimes silence speaks the loudest volumes.

"Also, I shouldn't have just asked whether you have a partner like I did earlier today, considering what's happened to you and your family."

"No need to make all these apologies but thank you, Hisao. You didn't know what had happened."

Lilly slides her hand delicately across the table until it comes into contact with mine. She rests it gently on mine and smiles warmly.

"I still shouldn't have asked that in the first place."

"We live and learn, Hisao. It's important to recognize that."

"Yeah, I guess I've learned some things today."

"We all have, Hisao. Myself included."

"Yourself? What might that be, may I ask?"

Lilly's smile disappears quicker than it took to emerge.

"I-I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

Lilly raises her hand to pause me calmly and swiftly.

"I let Hanako down, Hisao. I should be the one making all the apologies."

"What do you mean?"

"When I went to Scotland, I had to focus on my English studies and my teacher training. Over time I gradually stopped talking to Hanako because everything became too much."

It's certainly not like Lilly to let her friendship with Hanako falter before anything else.

"Well, I'm sure she understands, Lilly. All of us growing up and all that."

"It's still no excuse, Hisao. I left her here on her own, no best friend would do that."

"But you had no choice?"

"I did, I could have told my parents that I was staying here. But I didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I could have stayed, I had the grades I needed, I already started looking at jobs and what university to go to. But in my heart, I wanted to be with my family."

"Sometimes, you got to do what your heart tells you, I can assure you Hanako understands that."

"I still abandoned her though, and I didn't contact her when I returned because I thought she would hate me."

"But she doesn't though? As I saw with you two this morning, have you not spoke to her about it?"

"Yes we have. She doesn't blame me, but I blame myself. It was my choice."

By this point Lilly's eyes had welled up. The guilt must be weighing down on her like a large demon.

"She doesn't blame you, that's what matters here, Lilly. There's nothing to feel guilty for."

"It's harder than that, Hisao. I feel like I caused her unnecessary hardship."

"Was it unnecessary? Look- I mean, if you could see-, damn it! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Lilly giggles to herself again, at least I've cheered her up a bit.

"My, my. Getting all flustered, Hisao?"

What is she trying to imply? She's right though.

"What I'm trying to say, Lilly, is that you've been with Hanako all day today. Does she seem more comfortable in herself?"

"Well, yes."

"There we go, as far as we know. This may have been what she needed, to come out of her shell."

"I see your point, Hisao."

Despite my best efforts not to, I snort at the remark sounding like an over fed pig, making Lilly giggle even more.

"Besides, your friendship can survive time and distance. You're too close to fall apart like that."

"Thank you Hisao, I feel much better now-"

Before Lilly could finish her sentence, Yoshiro, Misha and Emi burst through the door; Akira, Shizune and Rin following close behind.

The shock of them rocketing in the way they did is deafening, I hope it hasn't made Hanako panic.

"Here we are! Got to make sure you lot all eat as well!"

Emi thrusts a load of snacks and drinks onto the table as Hanako timidly joins us.

"Thank you, Emi. But, Akira, won't the school find out?"

"Yeah, but this lot wanted said they were starving and I just thought, 'hell, why not?' We're all here once, loosen up a little!"

As she smiles, Yoshiro brings a tray with some tea cups and a pot onto the table.

"Anyway, all of you grab a teacup."

"Oh, you made tea, Akira?"

"It was a group effort, I couldn't comment on the quality though."

I pass the cups around to each of us as they're poured, Rin was a little awkward having to hook the handle into her toes.

"Despite not finding out why we're all here or who sent us that letter. To us, to the New Year!"

We all cheer as we drink our tea, with the exception of Yoshiro who has some fruit juice instead.

"The tea isn't bad, Akira. Nice work all of you."

"Thanks, Hisao. What about you, sis? What do you think?"

"It is satisfactory, Akira. Thank you."

"Well, I would say that's a success then!"

We all place the tea back on the tray and start eating the snacks that were brought down. Emi and Rin wander off, as do Misha and Shizune.

While we're eating, the orange glow of the setting sun dims and fades away. The darkness isn't total, as the moon is out tonight and shining just enough.

Yoshiro lets out a yawn that becomes quite infectious, within minutes we all do.

"Time for you to get some sleep, little man! Going to be getting up bright and early tomorrow."

Akira takes Yoshiro away and they both settle down on the beanbags alongside Hanako.

"You coming, Lilly? I think I'm going to retire as well."

"Okay, I think that would be best, thank you, Hisao."

I think in this darkness, Lilly is more suited to be guiding me than vice versa. But thankfully we make the short distance without any mishaps.

Everyone is in the small space, completely surrounded by bookcases. Luckily there are enough beanbags for all us.

I retire to the same position where I came on my first day here. I turn to my left and see an already fast asleep Shizune cuddling up to Misha who looks serene.

"Psst, Misha."

"Yes?"

"I guess, even crafting that fell apart can be repaired, sometimes being tighter than before."

Misha doesn't respond with her trademark 'Wahaha~!" that I expected, she simply smiles and nods back at me before leaning her head back to rest. Doesn't want to ruin the moment I suppose.

I best do the same, I lean back and close my eyes. Strangely I don't feel that tired, probably since I've done nothing but walk all day.

I can't seem to drift off though, my mind is a buzz working out everything that's happened so far.

Everyone seems to have found a catharsis coming here today. I mean, everyone except Yoshiro and maybe Akira? She did mention about living a bit more carefree.

Is that why we're here? We all became lost one way or another and this was to help get us back on track?

If so, what about me? I didn't feel lost before I came here today, but now I'm not sure.

What is my track? I've not done much the last few years; Get up, go to work, come home, listen to more of Kenji's bull, watch TV, go to bed, and repeat.

Pondering my thoughts keep me awake for a while, I turn to relieve some stiffness in my neck and I notice Hanako's still awake as well.

"Trouble sleeping?"

Hanako nods silently, not wanting to wake anyone up. I slowly make my way over to her and sit down with my back leant on the old stone wall.

"Me too."

We both stare into space for a while in complete silence as I think more about earlier.

I need to take my mind off this.

"You know, Hanako. This is where we met, wasn't it?"

"I think it was, yes."

"Feels like so long ago."

"It does, things were a lot different back then, including us."

That ending stops my train of thought abruptly. I realize the hospital is Omega and this place is Alpha where I was still adjusting to my new life.

"You can say that again."

"By the way, I'm sorry."

"What for, Hisao?"

"The day we met."

"What do you mean?"

Hanako looks confused but with hint of childlike innocence to her expression.

"For scaring you and making you run off."

Her head drops into her arms that were wrapped around her legs, I worry I've upset her but she raises her head with a smile.

"I actually forgot about that! If anything I should be sorry for running away like I did!"

"Nah, I should have been a bit more courteous when I met you."

"It's fine, Hisao. I was in a bad place back then."

"I think we both were, to be fair. I was still struggling to adjust to everything."

"Oh?"

"I thought my life was over, but it wasn't. It was a reset, I felt reborn when I left here. Primarily because of everyone in this room."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed."

"Mhmm. I look back on those memories fondly because I didn't become the shut in I imagined I would be."

Why am I reeling all this off like I was in therapy? I don't expect Hanako to be wanting to hear everything I'm spouting.

"Me too, Hisao. I don't think I would be here today if it wasn't for this place. Despite people's perception that Yamaku is society's way of hiding us, it really made me who I am today. I wouldn't change anything."

I let out a wide yawn as I try to reply.

"Me either."

Hanako smiles as she lays down to get some sleep, leaving me with my thoughts once again.

Before I could do or think anything, a bright red light brightens the room. Followed by another and another.

I get up and look out to find out what it is. My view is met by a dazzling spectrum of colour lighting up the clear sky; the resting snow reflecting each burst with ease.

It's the New Year fireworks display from the town, I stare in awe of its inexplicable beauty.

As sky lights up again and again, Rin joins me; I move to the side so she can get a better view.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Seeing these reminds me of the festivals back when we were students ourselves."

"Really? I always thought the displays we had during the festivals were quite lacking."

"Oh, well what do you think of this one?

"It's alright. They are overusing the reds and greens. It would have been nice to see a wider variety."

"That's a good point."

I would converse with Rin further but I feel like she's made her view clear enough, plus my mind is still filled with thoughts from earlier.

The display goes on for a few more minutes, given Rin's statement about overusing colours, I come to realize the same thing as the display ends.

"What's wrong?"

Rin had turned to me as I still gazed out the window, I didn't even notice her move.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"You're not. I can tell."

"H-How on earth?"

"You just gave it away then with that reaction!"

Rin grins at me sarcastically knowing I fell for her trap.

"It's nothing, just something on my mind."

"Well? What is it?"

She's seeming really nosey, but at the same time, she did open up her problems to me earlier; should I reciprocate?

"It's just that, I don't know where I'll go from today."

"Why not?"

"Everyone has had some kind of epiphany today except me. I've helped some of us reach them, but I feel really far from one of my own."

"Why do you think that?"

"I don't know. I just feel it."

"Why do you feel it?"

"I don't know. Are you just going to keep asking why?"

"Possibly. Depends on you. You're not giving me much to work with here, Hisao."

"Sorry, I just don't know if I'm on the right track with my life."

"Are you on any track?"

"What do you mean?"

"You may not feel like you're not on the right track because you're not on any track at all! You can't progress and move on if you're not going anywhere in the first place."

"Huh, I never thought about it like that."

"Only you can start after you've stopped. No one else."

Rin lays down and goes to sleep before I could muster any kind of reply.

This was probably her strategy; torpedo my mind with her abstract thinking and leave me to it.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like she actually has a point.

Am I stuck? Possibly I am, my life hasn't progressed much in the past few years at all; I've not made any new friends, met any new people or got a partner either.

As I try to make more sense of it all, my overly tired body overcomes my racing mind and I finally drift off to sleep.

It's still dark. I check my watch to see that it's 06:30.

I begin to wake everyone, we need to get out of here as soon as possible.

Rin is especially groggy this morning, I wonder whether she went to sleep at all.

We all get up and get the room as clean as before we came, destroying as much evidence to cover our presence as the sun calmly emerges over the horizon, flooding the room with light.

"All sorted? Right, let's hope the gates are open today."

We all begin to head out as Rin's comments come racing into the forefront of my mind.

Upon opening the main entrance doors, we are greeted with a welcoming sight of the small side gate being wide open, but none of us make a break for it, we all hesitate in the snow-filled courtyard.

Hisao: "I guess this is it."

Hanako: "Does it have to be though?"

Emi: "Yeah! We should all meet up again!"

Lilly: "I would like that very much."

Yoshiro: "Me too! Me too!"

Misha: "Wahaha! Me and Shicchan are up for that! ~"

Rin: "I can do that I suppose."

Akira: "Settled then! We all exchange numbers and keep in contact from now on! Speaking of, Hanako, I'll give you a ride home with Lilly and Yoshiro."

Hanako: "Okay, thank you, Akira."

Akira laughs as we all type our contact details into each other's mobiles.

Akira: "I suppose we best head off! Got to make sure this little rascal gets some breakfast!"

Misha: "Me too, I'm starving! ~"

Shizune and Misha confer for a second before returning to the group.

Misha: "Me and Shicchan are going to go to the Shanghai! Anyone care to join us?"

Emi: "I would but I need to get home and train! Also I need to show Rin my medals! Next time though!"

Rin: "I guess that's my answer as well. Hisao, you best come if you want your coat back as well."

Akira: "Very well! Hisao, I can give you a ride to the train station as well if you'd like. Save half your taxi fare."

Hisao: "Only half?"

Akira: "Well yeah, need to cover my gas usage!"

Everyone bursts out laughing and begin approaching the gate.

It finally dawns on me that this is my moment, my chance to get my life moving once again. Do I choose to go straight home and return to the daily grind? Or, do I go one of the other routes and see where it takes me?

Perhaps this is what Rin was talking about. Only I can restart my path, and it starts by choosing where to go today.

A new year.

A new me.

As we reach the gate, everyone turns to me, snapping me back from my little reverie.

"So, which way are you going, Hisao?"

Epilogue: https://pastebin.com/EswiGZbz