Glimglam doth Flimflam the Green Man(1)

“Alright, little closer. Just a hop to the left… NO! TIME WARP, NOT HOKEY POKEY! TIME WARP! GOD DAMMIT! WHAT IS THIS, AMATEUR HOUR!?”
>Be Anonymous.
>”Sorry, sir. Its just… we’ve never moved something like this before. Why… Why do you even NEED something like this?”
“… Friendship, my little pony. Friendship.”
>The small horse gulps and lowers what could only be described as a weapon of mass annoyance.
>A high-yield sonic agitator capable of producing a frequency that could ignite air particles.
>Normally such a device is only the pipe dream of a super villain or a NGE-fag, but you managed to bullshit one with magic.
>Not that you can into magic, you had it commissioned with the limitless funds of a Princess Twilight.
>Hopefully you won’t live to see her reaction to the bill.
>But as to the reason why you need this technologically infeasible weapon is a simple one, today you have decided to help Starlight with her friendship lessons the only way you know how, by being a terrible person.
>Thus, you are am become Anonymous, Destroyer of Quiet Afternoons.
>And Ramiel here is your means of teaching Starlight a very important friendship lesson.
>The lesson of…
>Okay, there is no lesson.
>But that’s what it says in Twilight’s ledger, so this fucking sub-woofer from hell is going to be used for a friendship lesson.
>And property damage.
>Lots of property damage.
>God, this is going to be a great friendship lesson.
>Once the helper ponies have finished placing the monstrosity, you wait around until the little buggers have relocated.
>The power up sequence begins with a beautiful humming.
>You can feel the molecules in your body clench their wee-wads as various physics defying frequencies are cycled through.
>The massive, spinning blades unfurl and begin to ring like the tuning forks of doom they are.
>After lining up the Agitator with Twilight’s front door, you stand before your tool of destruction with pride.
>Sure its a massive cannon capable of wiping a city block off the map.
>But even it must learn that its girth is not mightier than yours.
>It must grovel for your respect.
>You knock on the door.

>Be Starlight Glimmer.
>Today’s been kinda ‘meh.’
>For whatever reason you decided reading old magazines from the 80’s would be a good idea.
>An unquestionable lapse in better judgement, yet you cannot help but chuckle at the more risqué language used to refer to Gryphons.
>Just absolutely savage.
>Doesn’t help that Spike has apparently been overwhelmed with cleaning the castle.
>The amount of dust floating around the halls is just unreal.
>You can FEEL yourself developing a dust allergy.
>Nose is running and everything.
>Fuck this castle and its bizarre tendency to generate dust.
>It’s made crystal, dammit!
>There isn’t even carpeting throughout most of this place, how the hell is dust materializing!?
>Blowing your nose doesn’t work.
>You’ve gone through the pantries entire stock of buffalo sauce.
>You even ate a whole horseradish.
>Not even a little respite from the nasal blockage.
>”Hey Starlight, Anon’s outside with this… thing… And he says he needs to see you.”
>Spike sighs as he runs off, only to pass by your door carrying what appears to be every worldly possession he owns on his person.
>You get to your hooves, head throbbing as blood flows once more through your choked head-veins.
>Fuck Anon’s world and all its inhabitants.
>This had better be important.

>Be Anon, Impatient God of Equestria
>Only you hold the power to decide whether or not the veil will remain whole in this sector.
>And your mercy-gland is becoming dry.
>After what can only be an excruciatingly drawn out minute-thirty, Starlight trots before you.
>Dear god, the dread of your wrath has left her a husk of herself.
>That is the look of a pony who knows that Hope has all but ran for the hills with the knowledge of your coming.
>”What d’is it Anon, I’m d’not feeling wehl.”
“YES! It is I, Anonymous! And today you shall know my wrath! This world will blighted by your existence no-!!”
>”Pleeeehde sdhop shou’ding. *SNRK* My head hurts like a mudder.”
>The purple horse winces while waving her little hoof in sick protest.
>You stare at nothing in particular in annoyance.
>You clear your throat and begin once more.
“…The world will be blighted by your existence no longer -yada yada yada- PREPARE TO DIE!”
>The sound cannon whines and rises like the intimidating force of doom that it is!
>A shrill pitch causes the windows of the surrounding buildings to shatter violently.
>You can feel it.
>Sweet, beautiful victory!
>It is in within grasp!
>Finally! Once and for all you be rid of this horse and this eyesore of a Castle!
>…Though you can’t recall why you sought this path.
>Hmm…
>Weird…
>Initially, it felt like your bones were getting ready to shatter faster than a quadriplegic’s dreams of being a broadways dancer.
>Now it feels like your guts are a ghetto blaster and your brain is dropping it like its hot.
>The sound of a nose tissue is being used.
>”OOOooh, thats SO much better. Can finally BREATHE again!”
>What.
>”Thanks for that Anon, I’ve been blocked up all day.”
>N-no.
>NO!
>”Good luck with your whatever this is, sorry about turning it down though.”
>D-down?
>”Well, I got to get back to… whatever. Hit me up if you wanna do something, ‘kay?”
>The door closes.
>She turned it… down.
>Oh no.
>Sub… Sonic… Frequencies…
>You turn to look at the Agitator.
>A visible distortion is being generated by the tuning prongs.
>Like a bubble in a cotton candy machine.
>Your girth is small now.

>Be Starlight
>Celestia, it feels good to breathe again!
>”NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
>You’re almost back to your room when you remember Anon wanted you for something.
*DOOOOMMF-VIIIORP!*
>After fixing your mane and wiping the crust from your eyes, you open the door.
>Anon’s giant machine-thing is still there, but the big guy is nowhere to be seen!
>Weird…
>Oh well, better go get Spike so he can move Anon’s machine off the front lawn.
>Sometimes you wonder what goes through Anon’s mind.
>He always seems upset when you see him, you worry he might where you were emotionally a year ago.
>Oh, you hope that isn’t the case…
>Wait...
>Thats it! You’ll take him out for a nice, happy, fun-day!
>You head off to your room to plan out tomorrow for your day-out with Anon!

>Be Anon.
>All you feel is rage.
>Rage and the pain of being deconstructed on a molecular level.
>That purple horse sabotaged your machine.
>Now you are sludge on the doormat.
>Fortunately, you can feel your protoplasmic form beginning to reform into your proper state.
>You roll your gooey form back in the direction of your home.
>You are Anon.
>You have no mouth and you must scream.