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notjoker28

Dad jokes

notjoker28
Mar 19th, 2022 (edited)
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  1. Q: Who is the Best mod? A: notjoker28
  2.  
  3. Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.
  4.  
  5. Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7, 8, 9.
  6.  
  7. Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A: A tuba toothpaste.
  8.  
  9. Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours? A: Nacho cheese!
  10.  
  11. Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The elf-abet.
  12.  
  13. Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? A: He wanted to go to high school.
  14.  
  15. Q: Where do pencils go for vacation? A: Pencil-vania.
  16.  
  17. Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
  18.  
  19. Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? A: Because they might peel!
  20.  
  21. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: You put a little boogie in it.
  22.  
  23. Q: Which flower talks the most? A: Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!
  24.  
  25. Q: A man arrived in a small town on Friday. He stayed for two days and left on Friday. How is this possible? A: His horse’s name is Friday!
  26.  
  27. Q: What did 0 say to 8? A: Nice belt!
  28.  
  29. Q: What did the mushroom say to the fungus? A: You’re a fun guy (fungi).
  30.  
  31. Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? A: He was a little hoarse.
  32.  
  33. Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
  34.  
  35. Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
  36.  
  37. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
  38.  
  39. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
  40.  
  41. Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: You’re pointless!
  42.  
  43. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
  44.  
  45. Q: What do you call a pile of kittens A: a meowntain
  46.  
  47. Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block.
  48.  
  49. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
  50.  
  51. Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock? A: It went back four seconds.
  52.  
  53. Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? A: An ambulance.
  54.  
  55. Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will Let it go.
  56.  
  57. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.
  58.  
  59. Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? A: Idaho… Alaska!
  60.  
  61. Q: Did you hear about that new broom? A: It’s sweeping the nation!
  62.  
  63. Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? A: An irrelephant.
  64.  
  65. Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
  66.  
  67. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
  68.  
  69. Q: Where do crayons go on vacation? A: Color-ado!
  70.  
  71. Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: He held up a pair of pants.
  72.  
  73. Q: What do you call a fat psychic? A: A four chin teller.
  74.  
  75. Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
  76.  
  77. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
  78.  
  79. Q: What do you call a computer that sings? A: A-Dell
  80.  
  81. Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: Because he wasn’t peeling well.
  82.  
  83. Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? A: It’s dread-full.
  84.  
  85. Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
  86.  
  87. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
  88.  
  89. Q: What is heavy forward but not backward? A: Ton.
  90.  
  91. Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman? A: Froze-T
  92.  
  93. Q: What did the femur say to the patella? A: I kneed you.
  94.  
  95. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? A: Kitty Perry
  96.  
  97. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.
  98.  
  99. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark!
  100.  
  101. Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
  102.  
  103. Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station!
  104.  
  105. Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.
  106.  
  107. Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? A: LMAYO
  108.  
  109. Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A: a thesaurus.
  110.  
  111. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?” A: “With a bee bee gun.”
  112.  
  113. Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream.
  114.  
  115. Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? A: Clean Jokes!
  116.  
  117. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: “Where’s Popcorn?”
  118.  
  119. Q: What do you call sad coffee?” A: Despresso.
  120.  
  121. Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it!
  122.  
  123. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light!
  124.  
  125. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp.
  126.  
  127. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? A: Nobody nose.
  128.  
  129. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus!
  130.  
  131. Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them
  132.  
  133. Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A: A penny.
  134.  
  135. Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh? A: With ten-tickles
  136.  
  137. Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr.
  138.  
  139. Q: What is the tallest building in the world? A: The library! It has the most stories!
  140.  
  141. Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their lives? A: the alpha bet
  142.  
  143. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
  144.  
  145. Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet!
  146.  
  147. Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the “spot.”
  148.  
  149. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer!
  150.  
  151. Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
  152.  
  153. Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? A: Instagram.
  154.  
  155. Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well
  156.  
  157. Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
  158.  
  159. Q: What belongs to you but others use more? A: Your name
  160.  
  161. Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  162.  
  163. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash!
  164.  
  165. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
  166.  
  167. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!
  168.  
  169. Q: Which is the building is the largest? A: The library because it has the most stories.
  170.  
  171. Q: What is the best place to live in the world? A: Tasmania, Australia!
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