Here's a basic Meat outline. Please forgive that I'm not a very good writer and am throwing away a lot of the nuance.

Basically, don't read this, because the actual text is a lot better.

- This is the path where John goes to fight Lord English
- He recruits the Game-over Timeline characters and does the whole 'get trapped in the juju, end up at the Vriska / Meenah / Lord English fight' thing.
- Alt-Rose and Alt-Dave die, but Davepetasprite nobly sacrifices themselves to basically throw a wounded Lord English into the black hole, like a big piece of garbage.
- Alt-Jade is compelled by Alt-Calliope to fly into the black hole as well?????
- Meanwhile, back on Earth C, all that 'consciousnesses converging into your ultimate self' thing is going really, really bad.
- It turns out that Knowing Yourself really, really well lets you exert a certain amount of control over the narrative. Dirk has being doing the Splinters thing for a while, and he's basically gone fucking nuts and decided that not only is he Godtier, but he's a literal god and reality needs to accept that.
- He starts making changes to the story, subtle at first, but increasingly blatant, in order to drive it in the direction he wants to go.
- He makes sure John is killed off, since his retcon powers would be a direct threat to him.
- He's got some insane idea about merging with the other Ultimate Self characters, and his basically herding them off to a remote corner of space to do just that???
- And he's all about destroying their bonds with other people so that no one stands in his way while he does this. For example, he does the thing Hussie did to Caliborn where he narrates thoughts in head, in order to convince Kanaya that Rose doesn't need her anymore and she should just dump her.
- He's also got some serious hangups about sex and among other things, reduces Jake mentally and emotionally until he's basically a fucktoy. Hello, bimboization trigger warning! D:
- Alt-Calliope briefly tries to seize the narrative away from him, but Dirk pulls some dirty tricks and keeps her at bay until he's escaped with all his prisoners.
- The ending implies that there's a whole new story brewing about going after Dirk and kicking his ass.

Basically, you know how Dirk / Dave embodied a bunch of Hussie's mannerisms, and then also retroactively also were responsible for a lot of Doc Scratch's mannerisms? It turns out a Dirk with unlimited narrative power is basically just as smug and capricious as Doc Scratch was. And he's the new bad guy.

Thank you, this is great and will tide me over until I can read it myself.

If anyone can summarize Candy also that would be lovely.

Oh lord, okay, lemme give this a shot. This is going to sound fake.

- John decides to stay, Roxy is overjoyed and they being to date, and some point they get married and have a kid named Harry Anderson
- They let Gamzee out of the box to begin his "wicked sick redemption arc"
- Dirk senses a great disturbance and hangs himself after telling Jane to cancel everything (her plans to run for president) -- there's an awkward funeral
- Rose's headaches immediately vanish compared to Meat, in which they get steadily worse until she succumbs to Dirk and becomes ultimate
- Jade tries to seduce Karkat and Dave, they find the corpse of game over Jade that got sucked into the black hole in Meat, there's an awkward funeral for her too except Roxy goes into labor during this one. Aradia and Sollux are also there! Also, the Calliope that makes the black hole possesses the dead Jade body. Aradia and Sollux hang out with her for the rest of the story.
- Rose and Kanaya start helping with the raising of baby trolls, eventually they raise a baby Vriska and Jane has a baby Tavros
- Dave and Karkat can't come to their feelings about each other and splinter -- Jade and Dave hook up. She can't have babies because she has a dog penis (this is canon). Jade and Dave get married.
- Jade-Calliope is helping protect the world from the Prince, as she explains to Aradia many times -- in particular, one part near the end, she explains the insidious nature of controlling the story, leading to Aradia remarking how "wow you weren't very invested in the story you were trying to get me invested in! what a mean prank!" (hi hussie)
- Jane proceeds to basically sleep with everyone for some reason with Gamzee and Jake as the main ones????
- There's a timeskip -- at this point, Crocker Corp is basically the Illuminati in secret control of the government. She pushes for a hardline stance on troll reproduction, leading Karkat to become the commander of a troll liberation army. Meenah shows up after having stolen the ring of life from John in Meat and joins Karkat's army and becomes his paramour or something after he bosses her around.
- John splinters away from Roxy after suffering from lingering feelings that he's made some sort of colossal mistake, that he's irrevocably created a fake world, where everyone was meant to be and do something else. He suffers a lot over it.
- Vriska falls out of the sky after being hit with a shard of spacetime in Meat. She's pissed and wants to go back to see what happened with Lord English.
- Jane has basically become just as bad as HIC -- dad gets killed trying to protect the puppet president, blown to pieces by the troll liberation army so Jane can't bring him back. She throws Gamzee out and declares she will eradicate every single troll that isn't loyal to her.
- Vriska hatefucks Gamzee then murders him. She meets Rose's daughter Vriska while on top of Gamzee's corpse.
- Okay, this is... this going to be bad.
- Dave... goes into a hatch while exploring jpg statues of liberty and finds a... recreation of the oval office. there he encounters a hologram of president obama generated from a ghost imprint of brain. obama explains that he respects dave a lot and has been waiting for him. obama explains that grandpa harley brought him and a bunch of other kids into the medium when he was a kid in hawaii. there he met dirk. it's implied dirk and obama fucked. dave talks about being gay and never having gotten over karkat. obama explains he went through a lot of the same stuff. obama then, with dave's consent, murders dave by phasing a hand through his brain. dave's soul then integrates into a waiting robot and becomes ultimate dave in davebot form.
- Jade-Calliope is waiting for Lord English to fall through the black hole in order to eat him (she literally eats him piece by piece in the end of Meat).
- Dirk is on a ship in the middle of space while forcing Rose, now in robot form, to do his laundry. It's implied that Jade-Calliope is almost there to meet with him.

Candy is really weird. And also bad?