One Shot Collection (March 2013)

Random One shots I wrote in March

>Day emoots in Equestria.
>You wake up from your obnoxious sounding alarm clock.
>Jinx! Jinx!
>You smash it with your fist.
"Bitch, shut up!"
>You stomp your way to the bathroom and activate....
>THE MORNING RITUAL!!
>As you know "The Morning Ritual" allows me to special summon a fresh clean Anon from my hand by sending "Shower", "Shit", and "Shave" to the graveyard as tribute.
>After the explanation you actually do the morning ritual.
>After that, you poof your way downstairs thanks to the magical power of writing.
>You've got some shopping to do today so you gather your wallet and keys.
>As soon as you open the door you find Fluttershy was just about to knock on your door.
"Ugh, what is it today Flutters?"
>"Oh I was wondering..."
>You cross your arms and raise an eye brow in suspicion.
"I'm listening..."
>"I was wondering ifyou'llpleasegooutwithmeandhavelotsofsexafterward!!!"
"What?"
>"Can we go out? Please? <3 :DDD"
"How are you doing that emoot thing with your voice?"
>"Pony magic."
"Are you serious?."
>She pulls out a smartphone and begins texting.
"Where did you get-"
>The phone in your pocket begins going off with it's ringtone.
>"Stayin' alive stayin' alive, Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' Aliii-"
>You check you phone and see you've recieve a message from Fluttershy.
>Okay since when did you have her number?
>Since when did she have a phone?
>You check the message.
>"TELL ME YOUR FETISH!! You have seven days before I rape you O_O"
>...oookaay
>You receive another text message from her.
>"Also, you NEVER question pony magic, that shit is serious business mang."
>At this point it was time for your back up plan.
>You dial on your phone and wait for the person on the other end to answer.
>"God speaking, how can I help you?"
"God it's Anon."
>"ANON! What's good man? I haven't heard from you and junior keeps asking about you."
"Oh ya know, dealing with Fluttershy."
>"Well how can I help you?"
"Activate it."

>"Oh my ME, are you sure?"
"Do it."
>"Got it."
>A portal appears next to you and spits out a cannon with the words "NOPE" on the sides.
>You get in the NOPE canon and wait for the launch.
>Fluttershy has the dumbest look on her face.
>"Umm, Anon? Where are you going?"
"Away from here."
>"Ummm, call me?"
>You don't respond.
>You blast off into the sky and fly through another portal.
>You crash through a window in an apartment, the first thing you notice is some guy typing.
>He doesn't seem to notice you thanks to the headphones he has one.
>"GOD DAMN IT!! FUCKING EMOOTS!!"
>You raise an eyebrow and walk over to him and lightly tap him on the shoulder.
>He takes off his headphones and turns to you.
>"Dude, how dafuq did you get in here?"
"Used the NOPE canon. What are you cussin' about man?"
>"Oh just some newfags in this thread using emoots."
>You receive another text message, you check your phone and see it's a message from Jesus.
>"Hey what's up man? I got your number from my dad. Wanna hang man out man? :D"
>Rage begins to flow through you.
>Your blood boils and you slam your phone on the ground.
>You run outside and look up into the sky and shout...
"FUCKING EMOOTS!!!"
===============================
>Day feeling the [spoiler]LOVE[/spoiler]in Equestria.
[spoiler] I still don't know how to go from spoiler text to >greentext so give me a break here[/spoiler]
>You wake up abruptly on your couch from a violent knock at the door.
"Damn Flutters, already with the shenanigans?"
>You might as well get this over with, the sooner the better.
>You shuffle your way to the door in your half sleep state of mind.
>Answer the door to find Fluttershy with a smile on her face and a box of Pinkie Pie's cupcakes.
>"Gooood Morning Anon! How's my favorite human today?"
"I-...I'm okay. Why are you treating me this way?"
>"Oh well, since I do LOVE you so much I thought I do something nice for you today."
>She hoofs you the box of cupcakes, and gives you a quick peck on the cheek.
>You gently blush, damn her and her kindness!
>"Have a good day today sweetie!"
>She hugs you tightly and trots away.
>Okay, well that was pleasant...
>You close the door and walk over to the kitchen table and place the cupcakes on table.
>You then waltz upstairs and do that there triple S.
>Dash right back downstairs with the intention of devouring those sweet cupcakes.
>You make to the kitchen table and open the box and sure enough those delicious cupcakes stare back at you with dem bedroom eyes.
>Your inner fat kid is shouting with joy.
"Well look at you little beauties."
>Without hesitation you gobble down the half of the dozen cupcakes, not to mention Pinkie went overboard with her baker's dozen.
>About 15 minutes later you find yourself on your couch feeling like a fat ass.
>Another knock at your door occurs.
>Your lazy ass on the couch simply shouts..
"It's open, come on in!!"
>The door opens and you find Fluttershy smiling sweetly.
>"Hello sweetie did you enjoy the cupcakes I made?"
"Wait...you made them?"

>"Of course Anon, I wanted to make something from my heart."
>Fuck! You idiot! She may have drugged them.
>You dash over to your kitchen trash can.
>You shove your finger in your mouth until you gag.
>"What are you doing?"
>You puke the cupcakes out of your stomach into the trash can.
"Bluuuurgh!"
>Fluttershy quickly dashes over to you.
>For about a minute or two, you puke.
>Once done, your wipe your mouth.
"Whew that was a close one."
>"Why? Why would you do that? I REALLY put hard work into those cupcakes. Heck even Pinkie wanted me to make WAY more than I should have."
"You drugged them."
>Struck from your comment she scoffs from irritation.
>"I...I can't believe you! You really think I drugged those cupcakes?"
"Well yeah."
>She trots over to the box of cupcakes, opens them and takes one of them.
>She looks at your directly into your eyes and eats the cupcake.
>Chewing slowly and swallows it, she sticks out her tongue to proof she actually ate it.
>"See?! Not drugged one bit!"
>Well you feel like an asshole.
"Sorry Flutters, I'm just..."
>Her eyes begin watering.
"Oh Flutters, no not the sad eyes."
>She bursts into tears, crying hysterically.
>"Why don't you love me?!"
>You walk over to her to simply comfort her.
>You give her a gentle hug.
"Flutters, you know I hate seeing ponies sad."
>"Well, there's one way you can make me happy."
"And that would be?"
>"Ummm...cuddle as we eat the cupcakes together?"
"No funny business?"
>"No funny business."
"Okay then."
>She squees for joy and flies upstairs.
>You grab the box of cupcakes and waltz upstairs as well.

>You make it bed with the box of cupcakes laying on your stomach.
>Fluttershy snuggles up to you and places a warm smile on her face.
>The two of you enjoy the cupcakes she made.
>Simply chatted as you two cuddled.
>You feeling her warm fur brush up against you.
>Then there was only one cupcake left remaining.
>You already had more than enough so you figured you would offer her the last one.
"Flutters, you can have the last one, I ate enough already."
>"Oh no it's okay, I made these for you sweetie."
>You shrug and without a second thought, you gobble it down in a jiffy.
>She giggles adorably as she watches you.
>"Oh ummm, you gotta a little...here let me get it."
>She gently places her hoof on the corner of your mouth to wipe off the little bit of icing.
>"There we go. See? I'm not so bad."
"Yeah, I guess your ri-"
>Suddenly, your head felt woozy.
>You vision began to blur and but your senses felt heightened.
"Fluuuutershy, wat didya doooto meh?"
>"Oh I thought I save the best cupcake for last for you."
"What do ya meaan?"
>"How do you feel right now?"
>The moment she asked the question, you felt yourself aroused simply from the sound of her sweet voice.
>You can feel your member downstairs occasionally twitching involuntarily from it being so hard.
"Whaaat iiiz haaapeningah?"
>She gently places her hoof on your mouth, "Sssh, Anon everything is going to be fine."
>She delicately kisses your lips, "Ready to feel the [spoiler]LOVE[/spoiler] Anon?"
>Welp, looks like today you're going to be....
>Fucking Fluttershy
===============================
>Day Anon needs a new narrator in Equestria.
>Wake up.
>Rush out of bed to the bathroom.
>Dat dur triple S mang.
>Walk downstairs and fix you a cup of french 'nilla coffee and make you nice bowl of dem Appa Snaps, yo.
>Damn it you're getting a new narrator.
>That's going to be on yo to-do list.
>Yo, you might as well add Flutters to yo to-do list mang, dat flank.
>.....
>Ugh.
>A knock occurs at the door
>You make your way to the door and get ready for what Fluttershy has today.
>You answer the door to find, of course dat silent banana hot monkey doxk slamma.
>Ugh, after this one shot, you're fired.
>"Hey Anoooony."
>You know what? You're going to actually be nice to her today.
"Gooood Mornin' Fluttershy! What's the ol' fetish guess today?! How about a hug?!"
>She slowly creeps away.
>"Y-you're not Anon, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY LOVE?!"
"Good googly moo, can't I be nice for once?"
>"No, I want you to HATE me, that way when we finally do it, it'll full of angry sex."
>Ayo, angry sex is hawt mang.
>You're fired narrator guy.
>Not even going bother finishing this one shot.
>But in the end all you need to know is that you still have yet to start...
>Fucking Fluttershy.
===============================

>Day Shit's about to go down in Equestria.
>You're sitting on your couch listening TV as you work on a crossword puzzle.
>About noon, enjoying the quiet little town.
>Fluttershy made her little guess today, she drove you so crazy you actually smacked her.
>You was even more surprised when she liked it.
>Such a strange pony.
>You decide to walk outside to check the mail.
>On your way there, you notice Flutterrape stomping her way down the street with steam shooting out of her ears, followed by three other ponies who have no life.
>Two of then were trying to look cool while the other one was nerdy.
>"Eyo man did you get a look of dat flank? I swur, errday it's doublin', check em' before ya wreck em'."
>"Bro, I'd give her da D...as in DUBS!"
>The nerdy one begins snickering with his nerdy laugh, trying to fit in.
>"Ah hahahaha, yeeah man, I would insert my penis into her sweet vagina!!"
>The other two remain silent for a moment.
>"...Why do we keep him around again?"
>"I don't know man, but I'd tell you who I'd like to keep around..." He said as he looked at Flutterrape and juked at his friends arm.
>"Dat dur Flutterrape, dat flank mang, it's straight burger with all dat meat."
>Did they get dropped on their heads or some shit?
>Flutterrape stops in her tracks, turns around and begins walking toward them.
>"You think I can't hear you?!" She said as she sped up the pace towards them.
>You lean against your mailbox and equip you bag of popcorn and watch religiously of what's about to go down.
>"Ey shawty just calm down we just admirin' da product ya huur me?"
>"Oh you like my flank huh?"
>The fellas begin smiling ear to ear, nodding "yes" in sync.
>"Well in that case..."
>Flutterrape somehow splits herself into three ponies. They all tackle the trolling fuckers to the ground and sit on their face before your eyes.
>"Ya know boys, we had a lot to eat for lunch today, think you can hold it for us?"
>Oh God.

>Holding the ignorant mofos down, they proceed to unleash a merciless bowel movement right into their mouths.
>In an instant, pony shit was overflowing out of their mouths as they gagged for air.
>"Aaah, that's better, don't forget to lick us clean!"
>You don't want to see the rest of this go down.
>You turn around and walk back into your house scarred by the sight.
>Time to get your mind off of this.
>You pull out your phone and begin dialing away.
>You know just the pony that can help you.
>Yeah, ponies have phones thanks to you.
>You wait for the pony to pick up on the other end.
>Finally, she answers.
>"E-element of Kindness speaking, who am I speaking with?"
"It's Anon."
>"Wat?"
"Yeah, where are you?"
>"Oh I'm just in Manehatten feeding the homeless."
"Aww damn, Flutters I was hoping you would come by, I really need to relax from-"
>A desperate knock occurs at your door, jeez someone must be in a rush to the bathroom.
>You walk over and answer the door and find Fluttershy still on the phone.
>You hang up your phone and put it in your pocket.
>She catches her breath for a moment, "Sorry...I...couldn't...get...here sooner."
"How did you even-"
>"What's wrong my love?"
>You look just behind her to find Flutterrape and her clones laughing devilishly as shit flies everywhere.
>"That's it you scum! SWALLOW IT!!"
>You threw up in your mouth a bit.
"Fluttershy, I need you to-"
>She puts a hoof on your lips, "Sssssh, say no more. I'll be happy to help."

>She trots inside your home.
>You close and lock the door behind you.
>No way in hell anyone is finding out about this.
>She walks upstairs to your bedroom and you follow close behind.
>You dive in bed and wait for her to join you.
>She closes the curtains and goes into your closet.
"Fluttershy? What are you doing?"
>"The reason why I'm able to break in this house so easily is because I use to live here..."
>That explains a lot.
>"There was a secret little panel that I kept some old stuff just in case..."
"Just in case what?"
>All you can hear is her rummaging through your closet.
>"AHA! Here it is!"
>She trots out in fishnet stockings and holding a whip in her left wing with a death grip.
>She cracks the whip toward you making you jolt a little bit.
>"So Anon, why don't you tell Mistress Kindness about your little problem hmm?"
>This was it.
>After see that ungodly shit fest that took place just outside. Something far less worse was about to take place in your bedroom.
>And that's...
>Fucking Fluttershy
>"Oh and one more thing Anon, you don't cum until I say so."
>What the fuck did you get yourself into?

Wat dafuq am I writing?

===============================
>Day too lazy in Equestria.
>You wake up from your alarm clock blasting in your ears.
>You check the time.
>9:00am
>That's weird, it's still dark out.
>You shrug and do your sleepy zombie shuffle to the bathroom.
>Dat thur mornin' routine y'all!
>Applejack, stahp you suck a narration.
>Daaaw shoot.
>You walk back to bed and tune into the radio.
>"Aaaand in other news, it seems everyp0ny and Celestia is too lazy to-...oh fuck it, I'm going back to bed, AYO Tom! Get my coat, I gotta a gal at home wanting to straight up rut."
>Well, someone won't have a job tomorrow.
>You waltz downstairs and plop on the couch.
>A knock at the door occurs.
>You go against every lazy bone in your body and answer it.
>Fluttershy stands there half dressed in some cop uniform, her mane ruffled up like she just threw something on.
>She yawns for a moment, "Oh hey Anon...is a-"
"No..."
>"Oh okay..."
>She waltz into your home and barely makes it to the couch, she grabs the remote and begins flippin' through channels.
>"Hey Anon?"
"What?"
>"Can you get some snacks?"
"No, you get em, and move over."
>You walk over to the couch and just free fall on top of Fluttershy not giving a two bit fuck about it.
>She looks at you eye to eye and sighs in relaxation, "umm Anon, you're...on top of me."
"So? You didn't move."
>"You're lucky I'm too lazy to do anything about it."
>You yawn in her face and snooze off.
>You're just too lazy to even think about...
>Fucking Fluttershy

===============================
>Day Lust n' fuckin' bust. in Equestria.
>Wake up.
>Perform mornin' ritual.
>Dash downstairs to the kitchen and fix up a cup o' joe.
>Suddenly, a knock at the door.
>Answer it, it's Yellow Silence...in...some sort of FBI uniform and agent shades..
>She flashes a badge.
"Ummm...Flutters what are you doing?"
>"Good morning Mr. Uknown, I'm Special agent Kindness, I'm with the FBI.
"FBI?"
>"Fetish Bureau of Investigation, I'd like to ask you a few questions...if you d-don't mind..."
>You groan in response.
"Ugh, let's just get this outta the way, what is it today Flutters?"
>She sprays something in your face, making your eyes burn.
>You shout in agony from the pain.
"FUUUCK WHAT THE HELL?!"
>You suddenly feel woozy and notice you fellow downstairs is waking up quickly.
>You pass out and wake up in your basement.
>Tied to a chair as a bright light flashes before your eyes.
"God damn it Flutters, what happen to just asking questions?!"
>She stands in front of the light so you don't have to squint your  eyes.
>"That's just what I'm about to do, so how about you tell me that little fetish of yours?"
"Piss off."
>"You have one last chance hun."
>You don't respond.
>"Mhm, I see how it is..."
>She pulls an agent issued cell phone outta Lord knows where.
>She dial on the phone and waits for someone to pick up on the other line.
>Suddenly you hear ramble jibber jabber on the other end.
>"He's not talking, should I proceed with protocol FR 83 dash J?"
>You lean in toward her to see if you can hear anything.
>She hangs up aruptly, "Well...this should be fun..."
>She walks out of the room.
>Alone for 30 minutes or so, she returns with a briefcase.
>She places the briefcase on the table and takes out syringe filled with some sort of serum.
>"Alright sweetie, this may sting a little..."
>She walks over to you and grabs your arm.
>"Let's see if you'll talk now hmm?"

>You struggle and try to jerk your arm away from her.
>She simply responds with a slap to your face.
>"Hold still mister!!"
"Flutters, needles aren't my fetish."
>"You're...terrified of needles?"
"I hate them."
>"Hmmm....I suppose I can deliver this little gift another way..."
>She walks back over to the brief case and puts the syringe down.
>"I'll be right back my love."
>She leaves the room again for about 5 minutes.
>After she returns with a cup, she squirts the serum into the cup.
>"Ya know Anon, there's more than one way to skin a cat..."
"What?"
>She drinks the serum but from the looks of it didn't swallow it.
>She trots over to you and grabs your shirt collar...somehow...
>She pulls you toward her and goes for a sloppy kiss.
>Transferring the liquid from her mouth to yours as you unintentionally dance tongues with her.
>The serum goes down smoothly and suddenly, you're getting turned on.
>Lust begins flowing through your veins and member springs to life in an instant.
>The taste of lemon and peach becomes far more noticeable and addicting.
>She breaks the kiss leaving a string of lust drenched saliva connecting the two of you.
>"How was that?"
"What...was that?"
>"Oh just little potion that intensifies any sensation or physical stimuli...with a little bit of lust dust."
"Lust dust?"
>"Anon, it's pony magic, just go with it."

>She gracefully traces her hoof along your arms and all you can feel is intense tingles of absolute bliss.
>Turning you on even more, your boner is practically twitching and throbbing beyond your control.
>All you can really do is muffle a moan in response.
>She of course took notice of it.
>"Feels good huh? The serum is almost in full effect."
>She gently kisses your lips and walks back over to the table.
>She has a seat and proceeds to read her newest subscription of Fetish Weekly.
>Not giving a fuck that your there, you take notice of the sin juice dripping from her.
>Blushing beyond her control.
>She moves one of front hooves to the her crotch area and gently rubs.
>Letting out a sigh of pleasure as she rolls her eyes into the back of her head.
>Witnessing what she's doing is only driving you wild.
>Millions of different thoughts of fucking her senseless fly and crash land into your mind.
"Fuckin' tease."
>She locks her bedroom eyes onto you, "Hmm, looks like you're under the full effect, good."
>She trots over to you and takes notice of your tent in your pants.
>Gently, she rubs it with caution, keeping eye contact with you.
>At this point, you feel your boner is going to rip through your zipper.
>Fluttershy's smell of lemons and peach invade your nose.
>"Ready to talk Anon?"
"God damn it, yes."
>"My my, looks like your ready to admit your fantasies of..."
>Fucking Fluttershy.