Anima, Ch.37: Intervention

--01-- [Scene: Dugald Aisle] <BGM: My Heart!>
A loud knock at the door woke me.
Ugh, now what? I paid the rent; it can't be that.
Who'd be here at this hour? ...what time is it, anyway?
I've been in here too long if I've lost track of time...

--02-- <BGM: My Heart!> {huge failure}
Is it...? Did they find me? Am I being arrested?!
No, I doubt any law enforcers would show restraint enough to not just kick the door in and seize me.
The knock repeats. They're persistent...


--03-- <BGM: My Heart!>
"I know you're in there, Meara," a familiar voice shouted from outside.
Oh. Kiandra.
I struggled out of bed, downed a wound remedy potion, then stumbled to the door in a haze of pain.


--04-- <BGM: My Heart!>
"I appreciate the visit, but I'd rather be alone," I shouted back.
"That's not why I'm here," she replied. "I brought you some gold herbs. Found them while gathering leather."



--05-- <BGM: My Heart!>
"Leave them on the doorstep. I'll get them in a bit."
"No. You're going to open the door, you're going to take them from my hands,
and you're going to say 'thank you.'"


--06-- <BGM: My Heart!>
She's being stubborn again...
"Come on, I know you want them."
You're just tempting me, aren't you?


--07-- <BGM: My Heart!>
"I know you *need* them," she insisted. "Don't think that I didn't notice all those empty
wound remedy potion bottles you've got lying around in there."



--08-- <BGM: My Heart!> {failure}
I sighed. Once she digs her heels in, there's no budging her.
I begrudgingly open the door.
"Wait a minute, you didn't--"
She reached out and grabbed me by the ear, then tugged me outside!

--09--
"OW! Let go! That hurts!"
"Sorry, Meara, but this is for your own good."
With her free hand she took something, some sort of small capsule, and threw it on the ground.
The space around us distorted...

--10-- [Scene: Port Ceann]
We were suddenly elsewhere, at some kind of sea shore.
My other friends Devin and Vivian were nearby, waiting.
"LET. GO." I broke her grip on my ear and stepped away.
Where is this place?

--11-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
Kiandra stood, glaring disapprovingly, arms crossed.
"What is this? What are you doing?" I interrogated.
"You're going down a dark road that leads to an ugly end, Meara. You don't wanna end up there.


--12-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I'm not going to let a friend ruin their life with substance abuse.
Why are you doing this to yourself? You got what you wanted.
Why are you moping about it now and shutting yourself away?"


--13-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"Look at me."
Her hands went to my shoulders. She glared at me, her carmine eyes locked with my own, staring into my soul.
"Don't do this to yourself. Don't shut yourself off. Don't push them away."


--14-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
By 'them' she meant Devin and Vivian.
"They're better off if I--"
"No." She cut me off. "I see it in your eyes. Guilt. Something's eating away at you inside.
If you don't want to tell me about it..."

--15-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"...then talk to them. Tell them how you feel. They won't think less of you as long as you're honest."
She let me go and stepped back. "Talk to someone. Anyone. Get this off your chest."



--16-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
The other two at last stepped closer. Vivian spoke first.
"I...I was a little freaked out when you said you'd...well...done that.
I didn't know all the details. Sorry. I'm...still your friend."


--17-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I told you I wasn't going to let you go," Devin added. "I know you don't have the heart of a murderer.
I know you wouldn't have done what you did without a very good reason for it..."



--18-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"You might have saved the kingdom. I won't let you take on the weight of the world alone, though.
I can't help if I don't know what's going on...
I want you to be honest with me. About everything."


--19-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
Kiandra frowned. "For starters, how about why you're hooked on wound remedies?"
Confessing what I'd done to Esras the other day might've been the hardest thing I ever had to do. This comes close.



--20-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I keep getting these bad headaches. I always have, as long as I've...been here.
It used to be only right after I woke up, but in the last month it's gotten much worse, and the pain never stops..."



--21-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
I turned my gaze downward. "None of the healers know what's causing it, or how to get rid of it..."
Vivian put a hand on my shoulder. "Is that why you haven't been leaving your house?"



--22-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I can't risk going out in public, I'm kind of a wanted murderer!"
"Oh; you might be off the hook for that." Kiandra grinned. "You know Milletians can
completely change their appearance, right?"


--23-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"Yeah. A lot of them don't, though. What're you getting at?"
"Well, when they told me what you'd done, I went and asked around.
Seems nobody knows what the 'murderer' looks like, or their name..."


--24-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"...so the authorities have no idea who they're looking for, and as far as they know,
it could be anyone among the Milletians. They can't arrest us all."
"See? You're gonna be okay." Vivian said.


--25-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"Unless you turn yourself in," Kiandra said grimly.
"Not helping," I grumbled.
So much for my clean slate.
"I don't know if my conscience will let me go on living with blood on my hands..."

--26-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"There's more, though," Devin added. "It's...have you seen the way the locals look at us now?
They don't trust us anymore.
A Milletian killed one of their own, even if she was a scumbag necromancer."


--27-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
I sighed. "It's all my fault... I didn't think of what would happen...
All I was concerned about was helping you two."
"I've got mixed feelings about that," Vivian said. "I appreciate it, but..."


--28-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"But you *killed* someone... I...didn't think you were capable, Meara. Normally you're loathe to hurt anything."
"I...wasn't quite myself at the time..."
"What?"
"It's hard to explain..."

--29-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I've...come to learn some things about...who I used to be...before I lost my memory.
The old me was willing to do anything to get what she wanted, who'd kill someone and enjoy watching them die."



--30-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"I...hurt a lot of people...and that old self is still inside me somewhere."
That's what happened to me in Barri.
The shell of who I am now fell away, and me-that-was showed herself in her full fury.


--31-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"Are you starting to get your memories back?"
"No...it's... Esras had made a golem that used Rian's body as a core.
She tried to kill me with it...and I lost myself in despair and rage..."


--32-- <BGM: Ruler of the Dark>
"What I did was so horrible...I can't even make myself think about it."
I balled my fists. Tears came to my eyes.
"I'm...I'm afraid I'll do it again."
I closed my eyes and hung my head in shame.

--33--
"You're not safe around me! I can't control this!"
I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me in a group hug.
"That's not who you are anymore," Vivian said, her voice right in my ear.


--34-- <BGM: Back in the Happy Days>
From my other side, Devin said, "I've watched you change and grow over this past year, from a blank slate,
to a kind and wonderful person that I'd trust with my life. Someone I can love."



--35-- <BGM: Back in the Happy Days>
From a distance, Kiandra chimed in too. "Look, sometimes you've just got to let go of the past and move on.
You've got it pretty good here, Meara. Maybe it's time to let sleeping ghosts lie."



--36-- <BGM: Back in the Happy Days>
Let go? Give up on my memory? Stop looking? ...Maybe it *is* time to stop.
The closer I get to my 'real' nature, the worse it looks...
What I was, was something terrible, inhuman, and utterly evil...


--37-- <BGM: Back in the Happy Days>
If I get any closer to that past, they'll be hurt by it...
I don't want to lose control of myself again...
I don't want to hurt the people I love...
I don't want to go back to being what I was...

--38-- <BGM: Back in the Happy Days>
"Maybe you're right...from what I've learned already, what I used to be is something that I don't ever
want to be again. I wanted to find my past because I had nothing else... but now I have you..."
--39-- <BGM: Andras' Music Box>
Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor; giving you something you always wanted at the worst time possible
to receive it; giving it to you, only to take it away again once you've gotten used to it.



--40-- <BGM: Andras' Music Box>
I want to hope things can go back to normal, but this incident laid bare an ugly truth.
The me that I am now is but a thin shell, over a very dangerous primal nature...that won't stay asleep forever.



[end of chapter]