once upon a deadpool2

0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
INDOXXI
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1
00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,988
Fuck Wolverine.

2
00:02:17,114 --> 00:02:19,825
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.

3
00:02:19,867 --> 00:02:23,913
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

4
00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:26,040
What a dick.

5
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,334
Well, guess what, Wolvie?

6
00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,711
I'm dying in this one, too.

7
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:38,886
To understand why I took a cat-nap
on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel...

8
00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:42,640
I need to take you back
to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago.

9
00:02:42,681 --> 00:02:45,392
I'd gone international,
taking out mass murderers,

10
00:02:45,434 --> 00:02:47,770
gangsters, unspeakable monsters.

11
00:02:47,812 --> 00:02:50,689
People nobody would touch. Except me.

12
00:02:50,731 --> 00:02:53,484
I'm gonna touch them all over.

13
00:02:56,403 --> 00:02:59,573
Hey, it's Gail calling. Love the shiny suit.

14
00:02:59,615 --> 00:03:02,284
Really brings out
the sex trafficker in your eyes.

15
00:03:02,326 --> 00:03:04,495
Whatever they're paying, I'll double it.

16
00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:07,665
I don't speak Cantonese, Mister...

17
00:03:08,707 --> 00:03:13,546
Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that.
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...

18
00:03:13,587 --> 00:03:15,631
Where is the library?

19
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,008
Which literally translates to...

20
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:21,303
I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker.

21
00:03:44,952 --> 00:03:47,496
I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka.

22
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:50,082
I know it's called a Sea Breeze.
Don't make me say it.

23
00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:51,750
Hit it, Dolly.

24
00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:11,729
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!

25
00:04:19,904 --> 00:04:21,155
Do not go in there!

26
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:34,627
Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out!

27
00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:38,255
Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye.

28
00:04:38,297 --> 00:04:40,466
That's so gross.

29
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,760
Fuck.

30
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,554
Scoutmaster Kevin?

31
00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:53,437
Too exotic?

32
00:04:56,148 --> 00:05:00,319
My world tour brought me home
to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov.

33
00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:03,239
But we'll get to him in a moment.
'Cause I know what you're thinking.

34
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,283
"I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home."

35
00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,785
But that's where you'd be wrong.

36
00:05:07,827 --> 00:05:10,830
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...

37
00:05:10,871 --> 00:05:15,167
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.

38
00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:16,377
True story.

39
00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:20,214
And every good family film starts
with a vicious murder.

40
00:05:20,256 --> 00:05:23,300
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

41
00:05:23,342 --> 00:05:26,637
Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire.

42
00:05:26,679 --> 00:05:29,557
That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire.

43
00:05:29,598 --> 00:05:32,935
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?

44
00:05:32,977 --> 00:05:36,897
But this guy? He was one of the worst of 'em.

45
00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:41,902
Hurry up and open this fucking door,
and let's kill this motherfucker!

46
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:50,494
So gross.

47
00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:53,289
A panic room? Really?

48
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,332
Can you come out?

49
00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:59,170
I really have to go. It's my anniversary.

50
00:06:04,884 --> 00:06:07,845
Over and over, I hear people say,
"I just don't have enough confidence."

51
00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,930
Listen, confidence is not something you have.

52
00:06:09,972 --> 00:06:11,432
It's something you create.

53
00:06:11,474 --> 00:06:13,559
And you can create it at any moment in time.

54
00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:16,687
A sense of confidence is nothing
but a sense of power within yourself...

55
00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:18,856
a sense of certainty
that you can pull something off.

56
00:06:18,898 --> 00:06:21,442
Start the car! Start the fucking car!
Dopinder!

57
00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:23,402
Start the fucking car!

58
00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:32,369
Oh, I shit my pants.

59
00:06:32,411 --> 00:06:34,705
Actually, that may have been me.

60
00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,040
Oh, mission accomplished?

61
00:06:36,081 --> 00:06:37,917
Well, in a George W. sort of way.

62
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,877
Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever.

63
00:06:40,211 --> 00:06:41,462
You're living the dreams, DP.

64
00:06:41,504 --> 00:06:44,673
It has been quite the run, Dopinder,
and who'da thought?

65
00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:46,884
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.

66
00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:50,554
Passion of the Christ, then me.
At least domestically.

67
00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:53,390
We beat them overseas,
where there's no such thing as religion.

68
00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:56,101
I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy.

69
00:06:56,143 --> 00:06:58,479
Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks.

70
00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,272
- I want to fill my...
- Pockets?

71
00:07:00,314 --> 00:07:03,442
What's your poison? A little cokey cokey?

72
00:07:03,484 --> 00:07:06,570
Can't maintain an erection
without buying shoes online?

73
00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:09,865
I've never experienced that last one.
Talk to me, Goose.

74
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:12,743
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.

75
00:07:12,785 --> 00:07:15,996
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.

76
00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:17,123
Dopinder...

77
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,625
you never cease to surprise me.

78
00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:24,004
You know, the depth of your heart
is extraordinary.

79
00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:28,092
We all need a sense of belonging.
We all need a genuine sense of home.

80
00:07:28,134 --> 00:07:30,094
- A place in this world.
- I want to become a contract killer.

81
00:07:30,136 --> 00:07:31,720
I'm sorry. What did you say?

82
00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:35,224
Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu
and threatened him with great violence?

83
00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:36,684
You kind of killed him.

84
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,686
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?

85
00:07:38,727 --> 00:07:39,854
Don't want to.

86
00:07:39,895 --> 00:07:44,108
When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time...

87
00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:48,904
and she looked up at his smooth,
handsome face and said...

88
00:07:49,488 --> 00:07:51,282
"I want some more."

89
00:07:51,657 --> 00:07:55,202
Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

90
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,122
I'll never not picture that.

91
00:07:58,789 --> 00:08:01,959
But I can't wait to never speak of this,
as soon as possible.

92
00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:03,335
We're here.

93
00:08:07,214 --> 00:08:08,340
You're my Tom Cruise!

94
00:08:08,382 --> 00:08:11,552
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
Kristen? Kirsten?

95
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:17,933
Sorry I'm late.

96
00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:21,979
There was a bunch of handicapable children
stuck in a tree...

97
00:08:22,021 --> 00:08:23,272
and I had to...

98
00:08:23,606 --> 00:08:26,358
You're right. I was fighting a caped badass.

99
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,819
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.

100
00:08:28,861 --> 00:08:29,862
No.

101
00:08:30,237 --> 00:08:31,238
Traffic?

102
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,659
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

103
00:08:35,701 --> 00:08:36,702
Well, come here.

104
00:08:48,506 --> 00:08:50,257
I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit.

105
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,176
Don't you want your surprise?

106
00:08:52,218 --> 00:08:54,053
Do I look like a patient burn victim?

107
00:08:54,845 --> 00:08:56,096
I got one for you, too.

108
00:08:57,264 --> 00:08:58,766
Happy anniversary, baby.

109
00:08:58,808 --> 00:09:00,392
Open, open, open.

110
00:09:02,394 --> 00:09:03,729
Skee-Ball token.

111
00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:05,564
Our first date.

112
00:09:05,606 --> 00:09:06,982
Yup.

113
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,902
That's genuine, high-grade lead.

114
00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:13,906
I'll keep it forever.

115
00:09:15,157 --> 00:09:16,575
Thank you, baby.

116
00:09:18,202 --> 00:09:19,912
- Open yours.
- All right, all right.

117
00:09:23,499 --> 00:09:25,376
That's just the most beautiful thing
that I've...

118
00:09:25,417 --> 00:09:26,877
I don't know what this is.

119
00:09:26,919 --> 00:09:28,337
My IUD.

120
00:09:28,712 --> 00:09:29,755
A bomb?

121
00:09:29,797 --> 00:09:32,591
No, dick for brains. My birth control device.

122
00:09:33,008 --> 00:09:34,135
What, you mean that your...

123
00:09:34,176 --> 00:09:35,970
Baby factory's open for business.

124
00:09:36,011 --> 00:09:37,096
Oh, my God!

125
00:09:38,097 --> 00:09:40,641
Oh, my God! I want a boy!

126
00:09:40,683 --> 00:09:43,477
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!

127
00:09:44,562 --> 00:09:46,605
And I want our kid to have only one name.

128
00:09:47,189 --> 00:09:49,692
Like Cher or Todd.

129
00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:52,153
You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy.

130
00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:53,320
Yes, I do.

131
00:09:53,362 --> 00:09:55,197
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.

132
00:09:55,239 --> 00:09:56,240
Let's do that.

133
00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:58,826
Papa...

134
00:09:59,493 --> 00:10:01,620
Can you hear me?

135
00:10:03,414 --> 00:10:05,875
Papa, can you see me?

136
00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,169
Does this song sound familiar to you?

137
00:10:10,463 --> 00:10:11,922
May.

138
00:10:12,673 --> 00:10:16,385
Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl.

139
00:10:19,054 --> 00:10:23,934
So weird. Family was always an F-word to me.

140
00:10:25,436 --> 00:10:28,647
My pile of shit father took off and bailed.

141
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,942
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models

142
00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:34,320
to draw off of for Todd.

143
00:10:35,029 --> 00:10:37,656
Hey. Look at me.

144
00:10:38,824 --> 00:10:40,993
You are not your father.

145
00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:44,038
Besides...

146
00:10:44,079 --> 00:10:48,918
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

147
00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,254
But here's the thing,
isn't that how it always works?

148
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,509
Like in Star Wars, men are destined
to become their father...

149
00:10:57,218 --> 00:11:00,304
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?

150
00:11:00,346 --> 00:11:02,765
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.

151
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:05,935
No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.

152
00:11:05,976 --> 00:11:07,645
Baby, that's Empire.

153
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,731
The point is, kids...

154
00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:14,860
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.

155
00:11:15,694 --> 00:11:17,822
Better than we used to be.

156
00:11:18,405 --> 00:11:20,908
You're a lot smarter than I look.

157
00:11:21,826 --> 00:11:23,202
I'm gonna go make dessert.

158
00:11:23,661 --> 00:11:26,789
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.

159
00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,459
Pretty sure it doesn't work that way,
but we can try.

160
00:11:31,752 --> 00:11:34,922
What about Krystal? But with a "K"?

161
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:36,882
It's too stripper-y.

162
00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,634
Kevin with a "K"!

163
00:11:38,676 --> 00:11:40,761
No, too stripper-y, too.

164
00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:42,930
Earl!

165
00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:47,476
He's gonna go straight to jail
if we name him Earl.

166
00:11:47,935 --> 00:11:49,812
What about Bruce?

167
00:11:50,813 --> 00:11:51,981
No.

168
00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:53,274
Get down.

169
00:11:53,315 --> 00:11:54,316
What?

170
00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:25,264
Baby? Baby?

171
00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:29,935
I'm okay.

172
00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:33,105
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

173
00:13:07,848 --> 00:13:09,141
Please.

174
00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:16,065
Please. Please.

175
00:13:16,107 --> 00:13:19,276
Baby, I'm so sorry.

176
00:13:19,318 --> 00:13:23,155
No!

177
00:16:27,465 --> 00:16:30,176
Papa, can you hear me?

178
00:16:31,469 --> 00:16:34,722
Is it just me, or does Do You Want to
Build a Snowman? from Frozen...

179
00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:38,100
sound suspiciously
like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl?

180
00:16:39,351 --> 00:16:41,687
Papa, can you hear me?

181
00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:45,941
And nobody fucking realizes it.

182
00:16:45,983 --> 00:16:48,527
Go home.
You've been here for three days, okay?

183
00:16:49,028 --> 00:16:51,280
You smell like somebody shit
in a Civil War wound...

184
00:16:51,322 --> 00:16:52,907
after it had become gangrenous.

185
00:16:52,948 --> 00:16:55,159
They should've just amputated it.
Why shit in it?

186
00:16:55,201 --> 00:16:56,368
Doesn't make any sense.

187
00:16:56,702 --> 00:16:58,120
I love Frozen.

188
00:16:58,454 --> 00:17:01,832
I loved her.
I loved her like an ocean loves water.

189
00:17:01,874 --> 00:17:03,209
An ocean is water.

190
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:07,922
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?

191
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:11,467
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck!

192
00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:13,093
He's dead, too.

193
00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:16,096
At least we still have Bowie.

194
00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:20,309
Yeah. We still have Bowie.

195
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:21,894
I'm sorry.

196
00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:25,606
Shot after shot, it's not gonna change
the fact that I think you're...

197
00:17:25,648 --> 00:17:27,108
Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now?

198
00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:29,902
You're making the face
that you make when you urinate.

199
00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:31,529
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!

200
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,197
There you go, Dopinder.

201
00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:35,157
If you want to be a contract killer...

202
00:17:35,199 --> 00:17:37,743
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.

203
00:17:37,785 --> 00:17:40,246
Although I don't quite understand
how they are at all similar.

204
00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:42,581
Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me.

205
00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:45,292
Go home, Wade.

206
00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,711
I don't have a home, Weas, you know.
I got a...

207
00:17:48,212 --> 00:17:50,548
Fuck! Okay, I'm fine.

208
00:17:50,589 --> 00:17:53,509
- I'm fine.
- You know what "fine" stands for, Wade?

209
00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:56,887
Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional.

210
00:17:57,304 --> 00:17:58,556
According to the...

211
00:17:59,890 --> 00:18:01,058
- Kübler-Ross.
- Yeah.

212
00:18:01,392 --> 00:18:03,310
According to the Kübler-Ross model...

213
00:18:03,352 --> 00:18:06,105
denial is just
one of the five stages of grief.

214
00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:08,107
Jesus Christ, Buck!

215
00:18:08,524 --> 00:18:10,443
No more speaking lines for you.

216
00:18:46,562 --> 00:18:47,688
"I'm thinking it over!"

217
00:18:47,730 --> 00:18:49,398
Motherfuck!

218
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,441
Fuck!

219
00:18:53,402 --> 00:18:54,987
The hell you doin' here?

220
00:18:55,029 --> 00:18:56,447
Don't you know how to knock?

221
00:18:56,864 --> 00:18:58,866
I thought you saw me...

222
00:18:58,908 --> 00:19:00,367
with your ears.

223
00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:02,787
- You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the...
- The wall?

224
00:19:02,828 --> 00:19:06,207
The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain.

225
00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:10,669
I heard the news, sweetie.

226
00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:12,463
I'm very sorry. I am.

227
00:19:12,838 --> 00:19:14,298
What am I gonna do, Al?

228
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:16,509
Probably something terrible.

229
00:19:17,676 --> 00:19:19,053
Knowing you.

230
00:19:19,094 --> 00:19:20,638
It was my fault.

231
00:19:21,847 --> 00:19:23,724
I fucking did this.

232
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,479
And all I wanna do is grab her and see her
and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't.

233
00:19:30,356 --> 00:19:32,108
She's gone.

234
00:19:32,149 --> 00:19:35,069
Sweetheart, can you speak up?

235
00:19:35,778 --> 00:19:38,906
It's a little hard to hear you
with that pity dick in your mouth.

236
00:19:38,948 --> 00:19:41,992
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.

237
00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:43,160
Thank you...

238
00:19:43,202 --> 00:19:46,455
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.

239
00:19:46,497 --> 00:19:47,998
Listen to the pain.

240
00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:51,377
It's both history teacher and fortune teller.

241
00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:54,296
Pain teaches us who we are, Wade.

242
00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:58,342
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.

243
00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:01,720
But we can't really live
till we've died a little, can we?

244
00:20:04,223 --> 00:20:05,432
Wade?

245
00:20:07,893 --> 00:20:09,603
- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.

246
00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:13,983
And that is the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.

247
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,193
You're absolutely right.

248
00:20:20,114 --> 00:20:22,491
I'm about to do something terrible.

249
00:20:26,412 --> 00:20:28,747
There. All caught up.

250
00:20:28,789 --> 00:20:31,667
You can't really live
until you've died a little.

251
00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:33,419
Let's test that theory, shall we?

252
00:20:46,015 --> 00:20:47,933
Baby factory's open for business.

253
00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:53,773
Your crazy matches my crazy.

254
00:20:54,231 --> 00:20:56,275
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

255
00:20:56,317 --> 00:20:57,943
Skee-Ball token.

256
00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:02,323
Happy International Women's Day.

257
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,825
- Listen, I've been thinking a lot.
- Really?

258
00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:07,661
- About why we're so good together.
- I love you, Wade Wilson.

259
00:21:10,164 --> 00:21:11,582
Ness?

260
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:14,168
Ness?

261
00:21:15,002 --> 00:21:16,003
Ness.

262
00:21:16,712 --> 00:21:19,298
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

263
00:21:21,091 --> 00:21:23,177
Your heart's not in the right place.

264
00:21:23,677 --> 00:21:25,513
Wait, hold on. What?

265
00:21:26,347 --> 00:21:28,390
Your heart's not in the right place.

266
00:21:28,432 --> 00:21:30,893
Wait. What do you mean my heart's not
in the right place? What does it...

267
00:21:50,996 --> 00:21:53,582
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.

268
00:21:53,624 --> 00:21:55,209
You're broken.

269
00:21:55,251 --> 00:21:58,587
Oh, God. I know that voice.

270
00:22:02,299 --> 00:22:03,968
"Heart's in the right place."

271
00:22:04,009 --> 00:22:05,553
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?

272
00:22:05,594 --> 00:22:07,388
You've been sleep for three days.

273
00:22:07,429 --> 00:22:09,181
I took the liberty of dressing you.

274
00:22:09,223 --> 00:22:10,599
No shit.

275
00:22:10,641 --> 00:22:12,560
Why can't I fucking die?

276
00:22:12,601 --> 00:22:14,145
Take your mask off, Wade.

277
00:22:14,186 --> 00:22:15,855
We must talk.

278
00:22:15,896 --> 00:22:17,523
You need fresh start.

279
00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:20,776
With training, you can be X-Man.

280
00:22:20,818 --> 00:22:24,280
You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus.
I'm not X-Man material.

281
00:22:24,321 --> 00:22:25,906
Understatement of the year.

282
00:22:26,365 --> 00:22:28,993
Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade.

283
00:22:29,785 --> 00:22:32,037
What in the fuck knuckles is this?

284
00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:33,831
She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit.

285
00:22:34,623 --> 00:22:38,210
Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends.
I'm just surprised anyone would date you.

286
00:22:38,252 --> 00:22:40,337
Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

287
00:22:41,088 --> 00:22:42,423
I like this guy.

288
00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:44,258
Give him a chance.

289
00:22:45,092 --> 00:22:46,093
It's great seeing you like this.

290
00:22:47,386 --> 00:22:48,387
Yeah.

291
00:22:48,846 --> 00:22:49,847
Bye, Wade!

292
00:22:50,222 --> 00:22:52,683
Now, some ground rules while under our roof.

293
00:22:52,725 --> 00:22:55,519
"Rule number one. No killing...

294
00:22:55,561 --> 00:22:59,023
"anyone ever, no matter how bad.

295
00:22:59,064 --> 00:23:01,692
"Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator."

296
00:23:01,734 --> 00:23:02,735
Wade?

297
00:23:03,611 --> 00:23:04,779
Wade?

298
00:23:04,820 --> 00:23:05,988
Wade!

299
00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:07,740
Don't try to chase me.

300
00:23:07,782 --> 00:23:09,992
I'm not ready to be touched again.

301
00:23:10,284 --> 00:23:12,411
All these elderly white men on the walls...

302
00:23:12,453 --> 00:23:14,205
Should have brought my rape whistle.

303
00:23:14,246 --> 00:23:15,498
Hi.

304
00:23:15,539 --> 00:23:17,708
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!

305
00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:20,294
What am I supposed to do around here, anyway?

306
00:23:20,336 --> 00:23:22,546
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

307
00:23:22,588 --> 00:23:24,924
And how would I do that exactly?

308
00:23:25,549 --> 00:23:28,177
'Cause where the fuck is everyone?

309
00:23:28,219 --> 00:23:30,721
It's always just you
and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever...

310
00:23:30,763 --> 00:23:31,764
Enough!

311
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:33,724
I said no touching!

312
00:23:35,476 --> 00:23:38,062
What the fuck?

313
00:23:38,854 --> 00:23:40,856
You'd think the studio would throw us a bone.

314
00:23:41,315 --> 00:23:43,651
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

315
00:23:43,692 --> 00:23:45,820
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?

316
00:23:45,861 --> 00:23:47,029
What do those do anyway?

317
00:23:47,071 --> 00:23:50,533
Carry him three feet off the ground
to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?

318
00:23:50,574 --> 00:23:52,743
No, no, no!

319
00:23:52,785 --> 00:23:55,704
I am not X-Man material at all.

320
00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:56,747
First off...

321
00:23:58,249 --> 00:24:00,334
I'm not even a virgin. Second and more...

322
00:24:02,503 --> 00:24:05,422
I should have left you
in the self-pitying mess I found you in.

323
00:24:05,464 --> 00:24:08,467
But this is what friends do. They show up!

324
00:24:08,509 --> 00:24:10,177
Not when convenient or easy.

325
00:24:10,553 --> 00:24:13,931
When hard, and you always make it hard.

326
00:24:14,932 --> 00:24:17,476
You are unwell.

327
00:24:17,518 --> 00:24:19,645
I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here.

328
00:24:19,687 --> 00:24:23,023
Wait. One of the assholes
who killed Vanessa got away.

329
00:24:26,068 --> 00:24:27,611
Jesus Christ!

330
00:24:28,070 --> 00:24:30,239
Wade, whoever they are...

331
00:24:30,281 --> 00:24:33,075
we track them down and bring them to justice.

332
00:24:33,492 --> 00:24:34,827
It was me.

333
00:24:37,913 --> 00:24:39,498
I'm the asshole who got away.

334
00:24:40,624 --> 00:24:43,252
I killed every last one of them, except me.

335
00:24:43,627 --> 00:24:45,337
Couldn't kill me.

336
00:24:48,632 --> 00:24:50,634
We were gonna start a family.

337
00:24:55,639 --> 00:24:57,641
We were gonna be a family.

338
00:24:58,184 --> 00:24:59,268
Wade...

339
00:24:59,310 --> 00:25:02,104
Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back.

340
00:25:03,689 --> 00:25:06,025
This may not be family you want...

341
00:25:06,066 --> 00:25:08,068
but it's family you need.

342
00:25:08,527 --> 00:25:11,405
You have a good heart.
It belongs here where it can grow.

343
00:25:13,199 --> 00:25:14,200
What did you say?

344
00:25:16,243 --> 00:25:17,578
About my heart?

345
00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:25,085
I think I'm in the right place.

346
00:26:39,118 --> 00:26:40,119
Wade.

347
00:26:40,911 --> 00:26:41,912
Wade!

348
00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:45,458
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...

349
00:26:45,499 --> 00:26:47,084
looking deep into the future.

350
00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:48,544
This thing...

351
00:26:48,586 --> 00:26:50,463
- That's not how Cerebro works.
- That's not how Cerebro works.

352
00:26:50,504 --> 00:26:52,047
Yes. Yes, it is.

353
00:26:52,506 --> 00:26:54,175
- We have mission.
- We have mission.

354
00:26:54,216 --> 00:26:56,135
We do. You do.

355
00:26:56,177 --> 00:26:57,470
You guys be safe out there.

356
00:26:57,511 --> 00:27:00,264
- No, I want you to join.
- No, you want me to join.

357
00:27:01,891 --> 00:27:03,142
I'm sorry, what?

358
00:27:03,184 --> 00:27:04,727
You are ready.

359
00:27:04,768 --> 00:27:06,437
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

360
00:27:06,479 --> 00:27:08,522
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.

361
00:27:08,564 --> 00:27:11,567
It's on my head
and smells like Patrick Stewart.

362
00:27:11,859 --> 00:27:13,486
Be at the X-Jet in five.

363
00:27:16,697 --> 00:27:19,325
Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

364
00:27:19,366 --> 00:27:21,285
Live here at a breaking news situation

365
00:27:21,327 --> 00:27:24,038
at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.

366
00:27:24,079 --> 00:27:27,374
A mutant boy is appearing to have
some sort of an incident...

367
00:27:27,416 --> 00:27:29,168
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!

368
00:27:29,210 --> 00:27:31,587
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.

369
00:27:31,629 --> 00:27:33,172
- There are open fires.
- Fuck off! Stay back!

370
00:27:33,214 --> 00:27:35,132
- A scene of absolute chaos here.
- Calm down.

371
00:27:35,174 --> 00:27:38,010
I'll burn you! You stay back!

372
00:27:38,719 --> 00:27:40,513
Get away from me!

373
00:27:40,554 --> 00:27:42,181
You wanna fucking die?

374
00:27:57,988 --> 00:28:01,200
And it appears
as if the X-Men are arriving...

375
00:28:01,242 --> 00:28:02,243
Scatter!

376
00:28:02,827 --> 00:28:03,828
...with what appears to be a trainee.

377
00:28:04,870 --> 00:28:07,873
Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I...

378
00:28:07,915 --> 00:28:09,041
We're the X-Men!

379
00:28:09,083 --> 00:28:11,168
A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s.

380
00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,587
So, respect.

381
00:28:14,130 --> 00:28:15,381
At ease, Officer.

382
00:28:16,966 --> 00:28:18,509
What are you doing?

383
00:28:18,968 --> 00:28:20,261
My job!

384
00:28:20,302 --> 00:28:23,222
You're the one who said I was ready,
and I frankly disagreed with you.

385
00:28:23,264 --> 00:28:25,724
But here we are,
trying to overcome our differences.

386
00:28:25,766 --> 00:28:28,185
Like Beyoncé says, "Please...

387
00:28:29,019 --> 00:28:30,771
- "Please, stop cheating on me."
- Hey!

388
00:28:31,605 --> 00:28:32,982
This is the fifth incident.

389
00:28:33,023 --> 00:28:35,234
This kid needs to be in the Ice Box,
not here.

390
00:28:35,276 --> 00:28:37,027
Russell belongs in our care.

391
00:28:37,069 --> 00:28:39,405
Not in prison. I assure you...

392
00:28:39,447 --> 00:28:41,073
- we have everything under control.
- Stay back! I'll burn you!

393
00:28:41,115 --> 00:28:44,076
Not getting
a real "under control" vibe here, Marty.

394
00:28:44,493 --> 00:28:46,537
- It is Glen, isn't it?
- Daniel.

395
00:28:46,579 --> 00:28:48,956
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.

396
00:28:48,998 --> 00:28:53,169
You stay here
with your weird, secret sex lips.

397
00:28:55,254 --> 00:28:56,380
You wanna die?

398
00:28:56,422 --> 00:28:58,632
This kid's adorable. I don't know why
I packed the hollow points.

399
00:28:58,674 --> 00:29:00,134
I'll burn your balls off!

400
00:29:00,176 --> 00:29:02,678
First day. I'm so nervous!

401
00:29:03,554 --> 00:29:05,055
Did you just say "hollow points"?

402
00:29:05,306 --> 00:29:08,267
Yeah, probably should've brought
a Super Soaker.

403
00:29:09,226 --> 00:29:10,227
Hi, there!

404
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,981
Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!

405
00:29:15,149 --> 00:29:17,610
Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.

406
00:29:19,069 --> 00:29:20,613
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

407
00:29:20,654 --> 00:29:23,741
Okay, let's not do whatever that is.

408
00:29:23,783 --> 00:29:25,284
Okay? Let's just talk!

409
00:29:25,326 --> 00:29:26,577
It's Russell, right?

410
00:29:26,994 --> 00:29:28,829
- Firefist.
- Firefist.

411
00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:31,540
That's a great name. Where does it burn?

412
00:29:31,582 --> 00:29:33,000
Just the fist,
or all the way up to the elbow?

413
00:29:38,422 --> 00:29:40,299
Definitely all the way up to the elbow.

414
00:29:40,758 --> 00:29:42,718
Come quietly, or there will be trouble.

415
00:29:43,594 --> 00:29:45,930
- You stole that from Robocop!
- That's from Robocop!

416
00:29:46,430 --> 00:29:50,142
Just stand down! You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...

417
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,854
Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry!

418
00:29:58,609 --> 00:30:02,238
Oh, shit! That fucking does it!

419
00:30:02,655 --> 00:30:05,658
Put your hands behind your knees
and get down on your head! Now!

420
00:30:05,699 --> 00:30:07,910
Wade! What was first rule?

421
00:30:07,952 --> 00:30:09,912
Label everything in the refrigerator!

422
00:30:09,954 --> 00:30:12,623
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!

423
00:30:12,665 --> 00:30:15,543
That's the exact opposite
of what they're meant for!

424
00:30:16,418 --> 00:30:17,878
Fuck! Fine!

425
00:30:18,420 --> 00:30:19,463
I'll start from the beginning.

426
00:30:20,089 --> 00:30:22,508
My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.

427
00:30:22,550 --> 00:30:24,468
- Trainee!
- Shut it!

428
00:30:25,386 --> 00:30:27,680
Look, I get it.

429
00:30:28,848 --> 00:30:30,474
All right, you're scared.

430
00:30:31,016 --> 00:30:32,184
Alone.

431
00:30:32,226 --> 00:30:34,311
You got no family.
I didn't have a family, either.

432
00:30:34,353 --> 00:30:37,857
You live in this dump. Guess what?
I used to live in a shithole just like it.

433
00:30:38,774 --> 00:30:41,402
But you know something?
To make matters worse...

434
00:30:41,444 --> 00:30:43,237
it's a confusing time in your life right now.

435
00:30:43,279 --> 00:30:46,907
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.

436
00:30:46,949 --> 00:30:48,826
Too far? I went too far, didn't I?

437
00:30:56,125 --> 00:30:57,626
That was effervescent.

438
00:30:58,711 --> 00:31:00,004
Stay in school, kid.

439
00:31:00,463 --> 00:31:01,964
Or don't. I didn't.

440
00:31:02,465 --> 00:31:04,049
And I'm an X-Man.

441
00:31:04,091 --> 00:31:05,217
Trainee.

442
00:31:05,259 --> 00:31:06,510
Fuck it!

443
00:31:06,552 --> 00:31:08,304
Superhero landing coming up!

444
00:31:12,475 --> 00:31:13,476
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

445
00:31:14,018 --> 00:31:15,436
That is so not practical.

446
00:31:36,499 --> 00:31:38,709
I could get used to this X-Man shit.

447
00:31:38,751 --> 00:31:40,795
- Trainee!
- Trainee!

448
00:31:40,836 --> 00:31:42,713
Get a power restraint on him. Now!

449
00:31:42,755 --> 00:31:45,841
Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya.

450
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,303
What's that do?

451
00:31:49,345 --> 00:31:52,223
Power-dampening collar.
Shuts down all mutant abilities.

452
00:31:52,264 --> 00:31:54,975
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.

453
00:31:55,976 --> 00:31:58,145
Could've used one of those in the first act.

454
00:31:58,187 --> 00:31:59,438
Thank you!

455
00:32:01,190 --> 00:32:03,526
That was absolutely thrilling.

456
00:32:03,567 --> 00:32:05,694
True heroism in action.

457
00:32:05,736 --> 00:32:07,404
We are in your debt.

458
00:32:08,197 --> 00:32:09,907
We can take it from here.

459
00:32:09,949 --> 00:32:12,159
Take me to the Ice Box, please!

460
00:32:12,201 --> 00:32:13,494
Anywhere's better than here.

461
00:32:13,536 --> 00:32:16,288
Believe me, son,
you do not wanna go to the Ice Box.

462
00:32:16,330 --> 00:32:18,332
Let's get you inside, young man.

463
00:32:18,374 --> 00:32:20,251
No, wait, wait. Wait.

464
00:32:20,292 --> 00:32:21,794
You guys stay there.

465
00:32:31,887 --> 00:32:33,514
Those guys hurt you?

466
00:32:34,932 --> 00:32:35,975
Who?

467
00:32:38,018 --> 00:32:40,729
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

468
00:32:42,189 --> 00:32:43,691
Both of 'em?

469
00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:49,113
Fuck it.

470
00:32:49,155 --> 00:32:50,656
Four or five moments!

471
00:32:50,698 --> 00:32:51,782
I'm sorry?

472
00:32:51,824 --> 00:32:55,035
Four or five moments!

473
00:32:56,287 --> 00:32:59,039
That's all it takes to be a hero.

474
00:33:00,082 --> 00:33:02,084
People think you wake up a hero...

475
00:33:02,418 --> 00:33:04,044
brush your teeth a hero...

476
00:33:04,628 --> 00:33:07,131
ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero.

477
00:33:08,924 --> 00:33:12,678
But, no, being a hero takes only
a few moments!

478
00:33:14,013 --> 00:33:15,764
A few moments...

479
00:33:15,806 --> 00:33:18,350
doing the ugly stuff no one else will do.

480
00:33:21,896 --> 00:33:23,022
No!

481
00:33:25,691 --> 00:33:27,026
Stand down! Hold your fire!

482
00:33:27,067 --> 00:33:29,320
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!

483
00:33:29,361 --> 00:33:30,654
That kid was abused!

484
00:33:30,696 --> 00:33:32,490
- You can tell. You can always tell!
- We have rules!

485
00:33:32,531 --> 00:33:35,326
You are not judge, jury or executioner!

486
00:33:35,367 --> 00:33:38,329
Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right!

487
00:33:38,370 --> 00:33:40,080
And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!

488
00:33:40,122 --> 00:33:43,292
You let me down for the last time, Wade.

489
00:33:46,420 --> 00:33:48,714
Okay, get these guys in the pod.

490
00:33:48,756 --> 00:33:50,341
Take them to the Ice Box.

491
00:34:11,570 --> 00:34:12,571
Hey, baby!

492
00:34:13,656 --> 00:34:15,908
I wonder what gang I'll be in.

493
00:34:15,950 --> 00:34:17,409
Yeah!

494
00:34:17,451 --> 00:34:20,788
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? Hi.

495
00:34:21,580 --> 00:34:22,581
Go!

496
00:34:25,793 --> 00:34:27,044
Hard left, douchebag.

497
00:34:31,507 --> 00:34:32,675
Please, after you.

498
00:34:33,801 --> 00:34:37,179
Another disgusting mutant off the streets.
God bless America.

499
00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:38,472
Let's get a taco.

500
00:34:42,059 --> 00:34:44,645
Nighty-night, you annoying prick!

501
00:35:16,969 --> 00:35:20,264
I'mma tell you what the big lie is.

502
00:35:20,306 --> 00:35:21,640
Toilet paper.

503
00:35:21,891 --> 00:35:25,102
Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer.

504
00:35:25,144 --> 00:35:27,354
But, then...

505
00:35:27,396 --> 00:35:29,815
Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.

506
00:35:29,857 --> 00:35:31,317
That's your main course.

507
00:35:31,358 --> 00:35:34,487
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.

508
00:35:35,154 --> 00:35:38,073
Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper,

509
00:35:38,115 --> 00:35:39,992
maybe clear out that excess moisture.

510
00:35:40,034 --> 00:35:42,953
Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go,
if you can get you a hair dryer.

511
00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:45,331
Just about 30 seconds will do you good.

512
00:35:49,043 --> 00:35:50,044
The fuck?

513
00:35:51,295 --> 00:35:52,338
Year?

514
00:35:53,339 --> 00:35:54,340
What?

515
00:35:55,549 --> 00:35:57,301
What year is it?

516
00:35:57,343 --> 00:35:59,345
What kind of dumbass question is that to ask?

517
00:36:18,697 --> 00:36:21,033
You're a long way from your superpowers.

518
00:36:21,075 --> 00:36:22,076
Yeah.

519
00:36:25,871 --> 00:36:26,997
Fuck!

520
00:36:27,039 --> 00:36:28,541
I wanted to be a superhero.

521
00:36:28,999 --> 00:36:31,001
Always wanted a real super suit.

522
00:36:31,585 --> 00:36:32,878
What happened?

523
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,755
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

524
00:36:35,464 --> 00:36:36,632
Never.

525
00:36:37,049 --> 00:36:38,843
The industry discriminates.

526
00:36:39,552 --> 00:36:41,220
Fuck superheroes.

527
00:36:41,804 --> 00:36:42,805
Fuck everyone.

528
00:36:43,305 --> 00:36:46,142
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...

529
00:36:46,183 --> 00:36:48,477
burn the headmaster alive...

530
00:36:48,519 --> 00:36:51,147
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.

531
00:36:51,647 --> 00:36:53,607
Who says prison isn't reformative?

532
00:36:53,983 --> 00:36:55,609
Fucker hates mutants.

533
00:36:56,735 --> 00:37:00,281
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.

534
00:37:00,698 --> 00:37:02,116
Your abilities.

535
00:37:03,617 --> 00:37:05,536
I know how seductive they are.

536
00:37:08,122 --> 00:37:09,373
Now, please don't cry.

537
00:37:16,422 --> 00:37:20,092
Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy
in here...

538
00:37:20,843 --> 00:37:21,886
and we'll make him our...

539
00:37:25,806 --> 00:37:27,141
What was that?

540
00:37:27,183 --> 00:37:29,101
That is the biggest guy in here.

541
00:37:29,810 --> 00:37:31,896
Fun fact about the Ice Box...

542
00:37:31,937 --> 00:37:35,483
though no one's ever seen it,
they keep a monster in the basement.

543
00:37:36,066 --> 00:37:39,403
Right next to a huge, steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.

544
00:37:40,029 --> 00:37:41,030
Look.

545
00:37:42,031 --> 00:37:43,949
I can't protect you.

546
00:37:44,325 --> 00:37:48,662
With this collar on,
my superpower is just unbridled cancer.

547
00:37:48,704 --> 00:37:51,582
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.

548
00:37:52,208 --> 00:37:54,293
Now, if you'll excuse me...

549
00:37:54,335 --> 00:37:57,630
I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.

550
00:37:57,671 --> 00:38:00,049
I'll start by making us a shank.

551
00:38:00,090 --> 00:38:02,009
- Good listening.
- I stole that guard's pen...

552
00:38:02,051 --> 00:38:05,179
and stashed it in the old prison wallet,
if you know what I'm saying.

553
00:38:06,013 --> 00:38:07,723
Prison wallet?

554
00:38:08,682 --> 00:38:11,143
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.

555
00:38:13,437 --> 00:38:16,023
I can hear you rummaging around in there.

556
00:38:20,778 --> 00:38:23,656
And to update you on the story
reported earlier...

557
00:38:23,697 --> 00:38:25,032
after a lengthy standoff

558
00:38:25,074 --> 00:38:27,952
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...

559
00:38:27,993 --> 00:38:31,122
two mutants were arrested
and transported to the Ice Box...

560
00:38:31,163 --> 00:38:32,540
Entering repair mode.

561
00:38:37,002 --> 00:38:40,422
...several police cars were destroyed and
the X-Men were called in to restore order.

562
00:39:01,652 --> 00:39:07,074
Cells seven and nine
now off-limits for medical personnel.

563
00:39:07,116 --> 00:39:11,203
Cells seven and nine
now off-limits for medical personnel.

564
00:39:16,667 --> 00:39:18,502
Don't do that.

565
00:39:19,211 --> 00:39:21,922
What? Why are you winking at me?

566
00:39:25,885 --> 00:39:27,303
I got your back.

567
00:39:27,344 --> 00:39:28,554
Oh, my God.

568
00:39:28,596 --> 00:39:30,097
You're sick, I gotta protect you.

569
00:39:30,139 --> 00:39:32,057
Just leave me alone, kid.

570
00:39:33,184 --> 00:39:34,268
Oh, great.

571
00:39:36,103 --> 00:39:38,647
Well, hello there, new fish.

572
00:39:38,689 --> 00:39:41,609
It's nice to see some fresh faces
around here.

573
00:39:42,151 --> 00:39:44,028
I've done some light catalog work...

574
00:39:44,069 --> 00:39:46,447
but, really, modeling is
just a stepping stone to acting.

575
00:39:46,489 --> 00:39:47,656
I was talking to him.

576
00:39:49,450 --> 00:39:52,453
Have we met? I can't place your mustache.

577
00:39:52,870 --> 00:39:55,539
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.

578
00:39:55,581 --> 00:39:58,709
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

579
00:39:59,001 --> 00:40:01,504
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.

580
00:40:01,545 --> 00:40:03,380
You don't look like much to me.

581
00:40:04,173 --> 00:40:06,550
First rule of the yard, fuckface...

582
00:40:06,592 --> 00:40:08,594
find the biggest guy and make him your...

583
00:40:12,681 --> 00:40:14,975
Second biggest guy.

584
00:40:15,017 --> 00:40:17,144
The last thing I need is more hepatitis.

585
00:40:17,728 --> 00:40:20,815
It's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!

586
00:40:20,856 --> 00:40:22,233
Can we get a wipe down on the table?

587
00:40:24,026 --> 00:40:25,653
Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.

588
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,739
No, I didn't! He's my friend!

589
00:40:28,781 --> 00:40:30,950
Zip it. We're not friends.

590
00:40:32,660 --> 00:40:33,744
You're about to get dick-slapped.

591
00:40:46,298 --> 00:40:48,134
I had so much fun! You were like...

592
00:40:48,175 --> 00:40:50,177
And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick."

593
00:40:50,219 --> 00:40:51,345
Just let me die in peace.

594
00:40:52,263 --> 00:40:53,764
We make a great team!

595
00:40:54,306 --> 00:40:55,891
Oh, God! We're not a team.

596
00:40:56,809 --> 00:41:01,021
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.

597
00:41:01,063 --> 00:41:03,607
We're not partners or friends.

598
00:41:05,025 --> 00:41:07,236
This doesn't end
with us riding into the sunset.

599
00:41:07,278 --> 00:41:09,447
It ends with me dying of cancer...

600
00:41:09,488 --> 00:41:12,950
and you winning the Ice Box award
for softest mouth.

601
00:41:14,702 --> 00:41:18,122
There's only one person in this world
that I care about, and she's gone.

602
00:41:19,915 --> 00:41:21,917
You wanna survive?

603
00:41:23,127 --> 00:41:26,297
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...

604
00:41:26,338 --> 00:41:28,382
and make friends with them.

605
00:41:29,675 --> 00:41:31,260
Make friends with someone.

606
00:41:32,219 --> 00:41:34,430
Anyone but me.

607
00:41:35,264 --> 00:41:37,600
Maybe even Black Tim.

608
00:41:38,517 --> 00:41:40,102
Black Evan, I don't know.

609
00:41:40,144 --> 00:41:42,646
All I remember is he was African-American.

610
00:42:28,109 --> 00:42:33,489
System malfunctioning. Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.

611
00:42:33,531 --> 00:42:35,991
Back in your cells, you filthy mutants!
Get in there!

612
00:42:36,033 --> 00:42:39,245
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.

613
00:42:40,830 --> 00:42:41,831
Searching.

614
00:42:43,415 --> 00:42:45,793
Cell 04 located.

615
00:42:47,128 --> 00:42:48,754
Door won't open!

616
00:42:49,296 --> 00:42:50,923
On your fucking knees!

617
00:43:27,877 --> 00:43:29,587
That was our cell.

618
00:43:31,714 --> 00:43:35,217
What did I do to piss off a grumpy
old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm?

619
00:43:44,935 --> 00:43:46,437
Get away from me, kid!

620
00:43:53,903 --> 00:43:55,237
Listen to me! Go!

621
00:44:00,534 --> 00:44:02,036
Hello, Russell.

622
00:45:25,494 --> 00:45:26,829
Hello, superpowers.

623
00:45:44,972 --> 00:45:45,973
Who are you?

624
00:45:46,891 --> 00:45:48,100
I'm Batman.

625
00:46:06,202 --> 00:46:08,204
That's got some zip.

626
00:46:16,378 --> 00:46:19,548
Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me.

627
00:46:19,882 --> 00:46:20,925
Talk!

628
00:46:21,467 --> 00:46:24,845
What kind of spineless shit stick
tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?

629
00:46:25,971 --> 00:46:27,181
You might wanna start talking!

630
00:46:27,223 --> 00:46:29,975
'Cause I got a long history of firing
at times like this!

631
00:46:31,268 --> 00:46:32,770
The name's Cable.

632
00:46:33,312 --> 00:46:36,565
I'm from the future. Just walk away.

633
00:46:38,025 --> 00:46:39,485
So, you're from the future.

634
00:46:40,027 --> 00:46:41,987
I have three questions then.

635
00:46:42,029 --> 00:46:45,199
One, is dubstep still a thing?

636
00:46:45,658 --> 00:46:48,410
Two, which Sharknado are we on?

637
00:46:48,702 --> 00:46:51,497
And three, at what point do audiences say...

638
00:46:51,539 --> 00:46:52,832
"Enough with the robotic arms"?

639
00:47:36,292 --> 00:47:38,169
Dubstep's for pussies.

640
00:47:38,210 --> 00:47:39,420
You're so dark!

641
00:47:39,462 --> 00:47:41,672
Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

642
00:47:42,548 --> 00:47:43,966
I love dubstep!

643
00:48:10,242 --> 00:48:11,702
Is that a fanny pack?

644
00:48:11,744 --> 00:48:14,622
I used to have one of those in 1990-never.

645
00:48:15,372 --> 00:48:17,500
Something to remember you by.

646
00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:21,295
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.

647
00:48:21,337 --> 00:48:23,714
Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack!

648
00:48:33,432 --> 00:48:35,267
Why are you protecting the kid?

649
00:48:36,852 --> 00:48:38,771
I don't give a fuck about him...

650
00:48:39,188 --> 00:48:41,607
and his Are You My Mother? complex!

651
00:48:43,943 --> 00:48:45,194
What's this one do?

652
00:48:59,375 --> 00:49:03,420
In every film, there's a moment
when the hero hits rock bottom.

653
00:49:03,462 --> 00:49:06,757
In Cool Runnings, it was
when John Candy's prized bobsled broke.

654
00:49:07,383 --> 00:49:10,136
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...

655
00:49:10,177 --> 00:49:11,762
signed on to be in that movie.

656
00:49:11,804 --> 00:49:13,347
But in this film, well...

657
00:49:14,056 --> 00:49:15,349
you're looking at it.

658
00:49:15,391 --> 00:49:17,143
On your fucking knees, mutant.

659
00:49:20,020 --> 00:49:21,021
Rock...

660
00:49:25,025 --> 00:49:26,527
meet bottom.

661
00:49:37,121 --> 00:49:38,330
I love you, Wade Wilson.

662
00:49:38,372 --> 00:49:39,623
Ness?

663
00:49:40,624 --> 00:49:42,084
Hey, Ness!

664
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,712
Ness, can you let me in?

665
00:49:44,753 --> 00:49:46,922
Please! Please.

666
00:49:49,008 --> 00:49:50,092
Jesus.

667
00:49:53,053 --> 00:49:54,805
You're not giving me a lot of direction here.

668
00:49:54,847 --> 00:49:56,640
I'm at the end of my rope.

669
00:49:59,143 --> 00:50:01,520
Then I joined the X-Men.

670
00:50:01,562 --> 00:50:03,397
I went to prison.

671
00:50:07,485 --> 00:50:08,986
Is it the kid?

672
00:50:11,030 --> 00:50:13,949
Kids give us a chance
to be better than we used to be.

673
00:50:15,367 --> 00:50:16,368
The kid!

674
00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:33,052
That's exactly what she meant.
Your heart needs to be in the right place.

675
00:50:33,093 --> 00:50:34,887
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.

676
00:50:34,929 --> 00:50:37,640
He's never had anyone, ever.

677
00:50:37,681 --> 00:50:39,016
I need to be selfless.

678
00:50:39,058 --> 00:50:41,018
Yeah, but what does that mean?

679
00:50:41,060 --> 00:50:44,313
It means I'm gonna save Russell.

680
00:50:44,355 --> 00:50:45,898
Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...

681
00:50:45,940 --> 00:50:49,026
but maybe I can save
a robust teenager from New Zealand.

682
00:50:49,068 --> 00:50:51,028
Yeah, but what I mean is, like,
the word "selfless."

683
00:50:51,070 --> 00:50:52,613
I literally don't know what that means.

684
00:50:52,655 --> 00:50:53,823
Jesus Christ.

685
00:50:53,864 --> 00:50:56,617
Okay, look. According to my guy, okay...

686
00:50:56,659 --> 00:51:00,329
those muties are being transferred
to a supermax, 80 miles away.

687
00:51:00,371 --> 00:51:02,206
Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way.

688
00:51:02,248 --> 00:51:06,460
Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay?
We're talking about an armored convoy...

689
00:51:06,502 --> 00:51:08,712
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...

690
00:51:08,754 --> 00:51:11,549
that is looking to turn your skull
into a fuckable ashtray.

691
00:51:11,590 --> 00:51:14,969
You know what we need to do?
We need to build a fucking team.

692
00:51:15,010 --> 00:51:17,179
We need 'em tough, morally flexible...

693
00:51:17,221 --> 00:51:19,890
and young enough so they can carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.

694
00:51:19,932 --> 00:51:21,600
My body is an instrument of death.

695
00:51:22,810 --> 00:51:24,395
Not now, Dopinder.

696
00:51:24,437 --> 00:51:26,480
I could be of great use.

697
00:51:26,522 --> 00:51:28,107
What's your superpower?

698
00:51:29,692 --> 00:51:31,360
- Courage.
- That's adorable.

699
00:51:31,402 --> 00:51:33,154
Do you have the courage to check and see...

700
00:51:33,195 --> 00:51:35,573
if there are enough sanitary napkins
in the dispenser?

701
00:51:35,614 --> 00:51:36,657
Yes, sir.

702
00:51:36,699 --> 00:51:40,035
I'm sorry you had to see that,
although I'm glad you heard it.

703
00:51:40,411 --> 00:51:42,329
All right, I'll put out a call for resumes.

704
00:51:42,371 --> 00:51:44,623
But we're not paying medical or dental.

705
00:51:44,665 --> 00:51:46,709
It's time to get back on LinkedIn.

706
00:52:24,789 --> 00:52:28,083
Transport will begin at 0800 hours...

707
00:52:28,375 --> 00:52:29,418
Oi.

708
00:52:29,460 --> 00:52:30,795
What the fuck do you want?

709
00:52:30,836 --> 00:52:32,755
That's my fucking pudding.

710
00:52:32,797 --> 00:52:34,089
- Fuck your pudding!
- You like pudding?

711
00:52:55,945 --> 00:52:56,946
Hello?

712
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:01,575
I know you're in there.

713
00:53:17,258 --> 00:53:19,552
Must be hard being the biggest guy in here.

714
00:53:20,845 --> 00:53:23,139
Lonely at the top, eh?

715
00:53:23,180 --> 00:53:25,141
They're moving us tomorrow.

716
00:53:27,601 --> 00:53:29,395
Maybe I can get you out of here.

717
00:53:30,604 --> 00:53:33,774
And we can make the whole world our bitch.

718
00:53:35,609 --> 00:53:37,361
We need a secret code.

719
00:53:40,281 --> 00:53:43,033
No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.

720
00:53:50,291 --> 00:53:53,836
We're a team.
We're like thugs, we're like gangsters.

721
00:53:53,878 --> 00:53:57,381
I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube.

722
00:53:57,631 --> 00:53:59,884
Supposedly, she can rap, too.

723
00:53:59,925 --> 00:54:02,553
I like that.
Terrific, these are all terrific.

724
00:54:02,595 --> 00:54:04,346
Meet Bedlam.

725
00:54:04,388 --> 00:54:06,682
Cool name! Superpowers?

726
00:54:06,724 --> 00:54:08,559
I can distort electrical fields.

727
00:54:09,435 --> 00:54:11,645
Including the one inside your brain...

728
00:54:11,687 --> 00:54:14,273
causing anxiety, confusion...

729
00:54:14,315 --> 00:54:15,441
pain.

730
00:54:16,484 --> 00:54:18,569
So, basically, you're Dave Matthews.

731
00:54:18,611 --> 00:54:19,779
We can use him.

732
00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:23,199
I'm Zeitgeist.

733
00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:24,533
Cool. I like it.

734
00:54:24,575 --> 00:54:28,245
So you have the power to put your finger
on the pulse of society?

735
00:54:29,413 --> 00:54:30,456
No.

736
00:54:30,498 --> 00:54:32,333
No, I spit acidic vomit.

737
00:54:33,334 --> 00:54:34,668
- Do you want me to demonstrate?
- No!

738
00:54:34,710 --> 00:54:35,961
- We'll take your word for it.
- Thank you. Yeah.

739
00:54:36,003 --> 00:54:37,588
Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay?

740
00:54:38,422 --> 00:54:41,050
And this is the Vanisher.

741
00:54:44,386 --> 00:54:45,387
But...

742
00:54:46,555 --> 00:54:47,973
Vanisher!

743
00:54:50,559 --> 00:54:52,228
- Nice!
- Right?

744
00:54:53,521 --> 00:54:54,647
He's not here, is he?

745
00:54:54,688 --> 00:54:56,232
He may be running late.

746
00:54:57,691 --> 00:55:00,152
My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar.

747
00:55:00,569 --> 00:55:01,904
That's good, yeah.

748
00:55:01,946 --> 00:55:03,989
- "Rusty" is terrible.
- Toughie.

749
00:55:04,031 --> 00:55:06,867
- So, where are you from?
- The planet Mojo World.

750
00:55:06,909 --> 00:55:08,953
- So you're an alien, I guess.
- Bad name.

751
00:55:08,994 --> 00:55:10,663
How does that help us?

752
00:55:10,704 --> 00:55:13,624
I'm basically better than you at everything.

753
00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:15,376
Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people

754
00:55:15,417 --> 00:55:17,002
that are worse than me at everything.

755
00:55:17,044 --> 00:55:19,255
A whole bunch of functional idiots.

756
00:55:19,296 --> 00:55:21,298
I'm gonna go there,
and I'm gonna be their Superman.

757
00:55:21,340 --> 00:55:22,383
Isn't that Canada?

758
00:55:22,424 --> 00:55:24,844
You shut your goddamn trash mouth!

759
00:55:26,262 --> 00:55:27,763
- Meet...
- Domino.

760
00:55:27,805 --> 00:55:30,057
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.

761
00:55:30,099 --> 00:55:31,976
If you're so lucky,
then what are you doing here with us?

762
00:55:32,017 --> 00:55:33,227
I don't know yet.

763
00:55:33,269 --> 00:55:34,395
What's that supposed to mean?

764
00:55:34,437 --> 00:55:35,980
It means that I don't know yet.

765
00:55:36,021 --> 00:55:38,649
But there's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.

766
00:55:38,691 --> 00:55:40,192
Everything usually works out for me.

767
00:55:40,234 --> 00:55:42,069
Luck isn't a superpower.

768
00:55:42,111 --> 00:55:43,487
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.

769
00:55:43,529 --> 00:55:44,822
- Yes, it is.
- No, ma'am.

770
00:55:44,864 --> 00:55:46,115
Mario No-pez.

771
00:55:46,157 --> 00:55:47,366
- Yeah.
- Nacho cheese.

772
00:55:47,408 --> 00:55:49,201
- No, it definitely is. I really...
- There's no way that it...

773
00:55:49,243 --> 00:55:51,454
- Sorry, I was interrupting you.
- Sorry. No, I interrupted you.

774
00:55:51,495 --> 00:55:52,621
No, no, no. You can go first.

775
00:55:52,663 --> 00:55:54,206
I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't."

776
00:55:54,248 --> 00:55:56,917
I was gonna just bring it back
to that yes, it is.

777
00:55:56,959 --> 00:55:58,502
Let's meet in the middle
and say, "No, it isn't."

778
00:55:59,670 --> 00:56:01,797
- But it is.
- Okay.

779
00:56:01,839 --> 00:56:03,466
- You're hired!
- You're hired.

780
00:56:03,507 --> 00:56:04,800
Oh, lucky me.

781
00:56:04,842 --> 00:56:05,843
She's great.

782
00:56:07,261 --> 00:56:08,679
And last, but not least...

783
00:56:08,721 --> 00:56:09,847
Peter.

784
00:56:11,140 --> 00:56:13,100
Am I getting catfished here or...?

785
00:56:13,726 --> 00:56:16,771
- Any powers you wanna tell us about?
- No.

786
00:56:17,313 --> 00:56:19,023
I don't have one.

787
00:56:19,064 --> 00:56:22,151
I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun.

788
00:56:23,194 --> 00:56:24,236
You're in.

789
00:56:24,278 --> 00:56:25,905
- Yeah.
- Fuck!

790
00:56:28,199 --> 00:56:30,201
It's fulfilling work.

791
00:56:34,663 --> 00:56:35,956
Let's go!

792
00:56:49,470 --> 00:56:52,306
This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box.

793
00:56:52,348 --> 00:56:53,724
We are en route.

794
00:57:01,315 --> 00:57:03,692
Peacetime makes people soft.

795
00:57:05,277 --> 00:57:07,071
I was born into war.

796
00:57:08,614 --> 00:57:09,782
Bred into it.

797
00:57:10,908 --> 00:57:13,452
- Okay.
- People think they understand pain.

798
00:57:14,745 --> 00:57:16,956
What's the most pain you've ever felt?

799
00:57:19,166 --> 00:57:21,252
- These restraints are pretty...
- I've got a list.

800
00:57:22,670 --> 00:57:24,630
We're gonna work down it.

801
00:57:25,339 --> 00:57:26,340
Together.

802
00:57:27,508 --> 00:57:29,635
Number one, I'm gonna bend something.

803
00:57:30,594 --> 00:57:32,930
Something that was not meant to bend.

804
00:57:32,972 --> 00:57:35,266
I'm gonna stop you right there
because I'm not gonna make it to two.

805
00:57:35,307 --> 00:57:36,684
I won't even make it to one.

806
00:57:36,725 --> 00:57:38,227
I don't do well with pain, you know.

807
00:57:38,269 --> 00:57:40,604
If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day.

808
00:57:41,021 --> 00:57:42,773
I cried when they canceled Felicity.

809
00:57:43,774 --> 00:57:46,610
When I get really scared, I get
nervous erections. I have one right now.

810
00:57:46,652 --> 00:57:48,320
Don't look. It'll only make it worse.

811
00:57:48,362 --> 00:57:51,740
I don't want you to hurt me,
and I'll tell you anything you wanna know.

812
00:57:52,700 --> 00:57:54,201
Except for where they are.

813
00:57:54,785 --> 00:57:57,455
Russell's in a convoy heading southbound
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.

814
00:57:57,496 --> 00:57:59,123
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.

815
00:57:59,165 --> 00:58:00,332
You all know the plan.

816
00:58:00,374 --> 00:58:04,253
Intercept the convoy, grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!

817
00:58:04,295 --> 00:58:06,422
You know what,
I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either.

818
00:58:06,464 --> 00:58:09,300
Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable.

819
00:58:09,341 --> 00:58:11,886
He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it.

820
00:58:11,927 --> 00:58:14,555
Watch out for this guy, Cable!

821
00:58:14,597 --> 00:58:17,850
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

822
00:58:17,892 --> 00:58:20,478
And if we succeed, we all go home early.

823
00:58:20,519 --> 00:58:22,813
So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you...

824
00:58:23,898 --> 00:58:25,608
there's a wind advisory in effect.

825
00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:38,329
A little turbulent up here.

826
00:58:45,753 --> 00:58:47,630
I don't know much about this Cable fella...

827
00:58:47,671 --> 00:58:50,758
but I guarantee he hasn't killed
as many people as melanoma has.

828
00:58:52,218 --> 00:58:53,219
We're getting close!

829
00:58:53,594 --> 00:58:55,262
As a former X-Man...

830
00:58:55,304 --> 00:58:57,306
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.

831
00:58:57,348 --> 00:59:01,268
I was always appalled by the
blatant sexism in the group's name.

832
00:59:01,310 --> 00:59:02,853
X-Men! Men!

833
00:59:03,395 --> 00:59:06,398
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.

834
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:07,858
Gender neutral.

835
00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:10,069
From now on, we'll be known as...

836
00:59:12,363 --> 00:59:13,864
X-Force.

837
00:59:13,906 --> 00:59:15,533
Isn't that a little derivative?

838
00:59:15,574 --> 00:59:17,993
I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter!

839
00:59:19,245 --> 00:59:20,704
That wasn't me.

840
00:59:27,753 --> 00:59:30,172
Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet...

841
00:59:30,214 --> 00:59:31,966
intercept the convoy, and grab the boy.

842
00:59:32,007 --> 00:59:33,175
Let's bring on the carnage, baby!

843
00:59:33,217 --> 00:59:34,927
Get me on the ground, watch me go!

844
00:59:34,969 --> 00:59:35,970
Yeah!

845
00:59:36,512 --> 00:59:37,930
I can't wait to kill!

846
00:59:37,972 --> 00:59:39,640
Hey! Hey! Hey!

847
00:59:40,766 --> 00:59:42,560
I just wanna say how proud I am of this team.

848
00:59:43,477 --> 00:59:46,355
You know, you guys look amazing!

849
00:59:46,397 --> 00:59:49,275
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.

850
00:59:49,316 --> 00:59:51,902
This is the family that I've always
dreamed of having and I...

851
00:59:52,945 --> 00:59:53,988
Shit.

852
00:59:55,614 --> 00:59:57,283
I just get a little choked up sometimes.

853
00:59:57,324 --> 01:00:00,619
I hate to interrupt, but is anybody
nervous about the high winds?

854
01:00:00,661 --> 01:00:02,079
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.

855
01:00:02,121 --> 01:00:03,956
I realize that you're new to this, but relax.

856
01:00:03,998 --> 01:00:05,416
You've been chosen by a higher power.

857
01:00:05,708 --> 01:00:08,002
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.

858
01:00:08,043 --> 01:00:09,712
- I'd like to go home.
- And I'd like...

859
01:00:09,753 --> 01:00:14,133
the McRib to be available year round,
but sometimes dreams don't come true.

860
01:00:14,175 --> 01:00:16,260
I spent 10 years in Special Forces.

861
01:00:16,302 --> 01:00:18,971
You think we didn't jump out of the plane
because of a light breeze?

862
01:00:19,013 --> 01:00:21,098
You're in this shit now, Mustache!

863
01:00:21,807 --> 01:00:23,767
I'm only yelling to impress the other guys.

864
01:00:23,809 --> 01:00:26,187
I'd never let anything happen to you,
Sugarbear.

865
01:00:26,228 --> 01:00:28,397
Leonard, hit it!

866
01:00:37,072 --> 01:00:39,116
Go! Go! Go!

867
01:01:14,819 --> 01:01:16,195
Let's get some!

868
01:01:17,488 --> 01:01:18,739
Oh, yeah!

869
01:01:18,781 --> 01:01:21,617
Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command!

870
01:01:22,576 --> 01:01:24,078
Deploy! Hey now!

871
01:01:30,626 --> 01:01:32,545
Little off course here.

872
01:01:34,713 --> 01:01:37,216
Holy mommy fucking shit!

873
01:01:38,425 --> 01:01:39,760
There they are.

874
01:01:39,802 --> 01:01:42,263
Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches.

875
01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:45,349
Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam!

876
01:01:50,438 --> 01:01:54,150
No! Tripping motherfucking billies!

877
01:01:54,775 --> 01:01:57,611
Shatterstar. Okay, you got this.

878
01:01:58,529 --> 01:01:59,613
Left!

879
01:01:59,655 --> 01:02:01,031
Left!

880
01:02:01,073 --> 01:02:03,284
No, stage left, you idiot!

881
01:02:07,204 --> 01:02:09,874
Well, I guess we found something
you're not better at.

882
01:02:11,750 --> 01:02:12,751
Vanisher.

883
01:02:13,461 --> 01:02:15,212
Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see.

884
01:02:18,340 --> 01:02:19,341
Really?

885
01:02:19,842 --> 01:02:21,635
All right, we could do this with four.

886
01:02:22,219 --> 01:02:25,222
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!

887
01:02:25,264 --> 01:02:27,391
That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit!

888
01:02:28,601 --> 01:02:30,770
Never underestimate a man with a mustache!

889
01:02:30,811 --> 01:02:32,271
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

890
01:02:33,189 --> 01:02:35,191
- We did it!
- You're a goddamn superhero, you!

891
01:02:35,232 --> 01:02:36,275
X-Force!

892
01:02:36,859 --> 01:02:37,860
X-Force.

893
01:02:47,995 --> 01:02:49,038
Peter.

894
01:02:49,079 --> 01:02:51,290
- I got you, buddy! You're gonna be fine!
- This is not good, man!

895
01:02:51,332 --> 01:02:53,876
You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter!

896
01:02:53,918 --> 01:02:55,461
Look at me. We're X-Force, right?

897
01:02:55,503 --> 01:02:57,630
- Yeah, we're X-Force.
- We're X-Force.

898
01:03:01,592 --> 01:03:03,636
Oh, my God! What the fuck?

899
01:03:03,677 --> 01:03:05,054
Fucking acidic vomit!

900
01:03:07,223 --> 01:03:10,226
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask.

901
01:03:13,104 --> 01:03:15,523
Okay, I'm over the convoy.

902
01:03:15,564 --> 01:03:17,399
Where did the rest of the team land?

903
01:03:18,025 --> 01:03:19,693
Good news and bad news.

904
01:03:19,735 --> 01:03:22,947
Bad news is the whole team is dead.

905
01:03:22,988 --> 01:03:26,158
The good news is, I don't think
anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar.

906
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:29,453
He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul!

907
01:03:29,495 --> 01:03:32,039
- Peter!
- Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.

908
01:03:32,081 --> 01:03:34,583
But there is a slight chance
Vanisher could make it.

909
01:03:35,668 --> 01:03:37,294
Nope, no chance. He's dead.

910
01:03:37,336 --> 01:03:38,504
The whole team?

911
01:03:38,546 --> 01:03:40,548
Only the main ones. We're still good.

912
01:03:40,589 --> 01:03:41,757
Fuck, you are dumb.

913
01:03:41,799 --> 01:03:44,426
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.

914
01:03:44,468 --> 01:03:46,554
Who knew these winds would be so strong?

915
01:03:46,595 --> 01:03:49,223
Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter!

916
01:03:49,265 --> 01:03:50,766
And everyone not on the helicopter!

917
01:04:00,109 --> 01:04:01,986
They're headed into the tunnel.

918
01:04:02,987 --> 01:04:06,365
I'm that kid's only hope,
so sit tight and wait for my word.

919
01:04:07,116 --> 01:04:09,368
Whatever.
We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.

920
01:04:10,161 --> 01:04:12,413
That's a negative, sole survivor.

921
01:04:12,455 --> 01:04:14,999
Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!

922
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:18,085
No, we most certainly are not fucked.

923
01:04:21,213 --> 01:04:23,883
Seriously, I don't get it!

924
01:04:23,924 --> 01:04:26,385
What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes?

925
01:04:28,554 --> 01:04:30,389
It's just it's hard to picture.

926
01:04:30,431 --> 01:04:32,558
And certainly not very cinematic.

927
01:04:35,227 --> 01:04:36,854
I mean, luck?

928
01:04:36,896 --> 01:04:40,858
What coked out, glass pipe-sucking
freakshow comic book artist...

929
01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:42,610
came up with that little chestnut?

930
01:04:42,651 --> 01:04:44,862
Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

931
01:04:55,956 --> 01:04:59,251
Once again, it all falls on my shoulders.

932
01:04:59,293 --> 01:05:01,420
It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act.
Wander the Earth...

933
01:05:01,462 --> 01:05:03,214
- I'm in.
- I'm sorry, what did you say?

934
01:05:03,255 --> 01:05:06,217
- I'm in.
- How in the fuck are you in already?

935
01:05:06,675 --> 01:05:07,927
Oh, shit.

936
01:05:08,511 --> 01:05:09,720
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.

937
01:05:09,762 --> 01:05:10,888
Okay.

938
01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:16,185
New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers
to stop Cable from killing that kid.

939
01:05:16,227 --> 01:05:17,853
I'm coming up on your six.

940
01:05:26,112 --> 01:05:28,114
That gun is amazing!

941
01:05:37,289 --> 01:05:39,333
Hey! Asshole!

942
01:05:39,375 --> 01:05:41,001
Where is he? I can't see him.

943
01:05:41,043 --> 01:05:42,545
He's on top of you.

944
01:05:44,755 --> 01:05:46,173
He's going in through the back!

945
01:05:46,715 --> 01:05:47,925
Oh, God, he's inside!

946
01:05:47,967 --> 01:05:49,260
You hear yourself, right?

947
01:05:49,301 --> 01:05:50,803
Accidental double entendres!

948
01:05:50,845 --> 01:05:53,222
Russell! Russell Collins!

949
01:05:53,264 --> 01:05:55,182
Hands off that kid, John Connor!

950
01:06:00,563 --> 01:06:01,814
No, no, no!

951
01:06:05,526 --> 01:06:06,652
Shit!

952
01:06:28,591 --> 01:06:30,509
Two can play that game!

953
01:06:32,636 --> 01:06:34,472
Got it! No, I don't.

954
01:06:35,473 --> 01:06:36,515
Showtime, mama!

955
01:06:36,557 --> 01:06:38,184
Lady Luck, take the wheel.

956
01:07:15,930 --> 01:07:17,807
I'd ask who you are,
but you'll be dead in a second.

957
01:07:17,848 --> 01:07:19,892
I'm Domino, and doubtful.

958
01:07:36,450 --> 01:07:37,451
Hang in there, Doms!

959
01:07:38,828 --> 01:07:40,454
This is really hard.

960
01:07:52,716 --> 01:07:54,135
And give me back my Skee-Ball token.

961
01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,223
- You're doing great.
- X-Force.

962
01:08:01,183 --> 01:08:03,185
I guess dubstep never dies.

963
01:08:15,406 --> 01:08:18,200
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!

964
01:08:20,995 --> 01:08:22,121
That's unfortunate.

965
01:08:25,249 --> 01:08:26,625
We got no brakes!

966
01:08:26,667 --> 01:08:27,918
Figure it out!

967
01:08:32,298 --> 01:08:33,841
There's nothing I can't kill.

968
01:08:37,470 --> 01:08:40,764
Somebody knows karate.

969
01:08:43,267 --> 01:08:44,852
Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.

970
01:09:02,203 --> 01:09:03,204
Here we go.

971
01:09:04,288 --> 01:09:06,624
Domino, mind slowing us down?

972
01:09:06,665 --> 01:09:08,709
Here goes nothing.

973
01:09:39,657 --> 01:09:41,617
Knock, knock.

974
01:09:48,165 --> 01:09:49,166
That's my boy.

975
01:09:55,589 --> 01:09:56,757
Holy...

976
01:10:07,184 --> 01:10:08,811
I'll be first to admit...

977
01:10:08,853 --> 01:10:11,105
this did not go according to plan.

978
01:10:12,565 --> 01:10:16,068
I'll also be the first to admit that
that plan was written in crayon.

979
01:10:16,110 --> 01:10:19,238
Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly.

980
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:24,160
Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass,
and maybe, possibly mildly lucky.

981
01:10:24,201 --> 01:10:27,455
But Cable? That guy's in a mood.

982
01:10:27,496 --> 01:10:30,374
A mood that is about
to get significantly worse.

983
01:10:54,148 --> 01:10:56,317
Something is so terribly, terribly wrong.

984
01:11:02,782 --> 01:11:04,283
Oh, God, that hurt.

985
01:11:09,663 --> 01:11:10,748
Russell.

986
01:11:13,459 --> 01:11:14,543
Russell!

987
01:11:15,169 --> 01:11:17,254
Russ, where are ya?

988
01:11:20,883 --> 01:11:23,093
Russell. Russell, you're okay!

989
01:11:23,135 --> 01:11:26,305
Oh, thank God. Oh, my God!

990
01:11:26,597 --> 01:11:27,807
Juggernaut!

991
01:11:29,058 --> 01:11:31,101
I thought that was you!

992
01:11:31,143 --> 01:11:33,229
I should've worn my white pants.

993
01:11:33,979 --> 01:11:36,982
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.

994
01:11:37,858 --> 01:11:41,195
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.

995
01:11:41,237 --> 01:11:42,530
X-Men Unlimited 12.

996
01:11:42,571 --> 01:11:44,740
You know,
it has always been a dream of mine...

997
01:11:44,782 --> 01:11:46,659
to see my face reflected in your helmet...

998
01:11:46,700 --> 01:11:48,786
as you charge at me with murderous intent.

999
01:11:48,828 --> 01:11:50,371
I don't mean right now.

1000
01:11:50,704 --> 01:11:52,748
I'm gonna rip you in half now.

1001
01:11:52,790 --> 01:11:55,000
That is such a Juggernaut thing to say.

1002
01:11:59,088 --> 01:12:03,134
Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs.

1003
01:12:03,175 --> 01:12:04,260
I can't feel...

1004
01:12:05,219 --> 01:12:06,720
Oh, no, they're right here.

1005
01:12:07,555 --> 01:12:09,348
Got 'em. God, Russell.

1006
01:12:09,390 --> 01:12:11,225
I have a mission.

1007
01:12:11,767 --> 01:12:12,893
To get my revenge.

1008
01:12:13,394 --> 01:12:15,688
I'm going to burn that headmaster alive.

1009
01:12:15,729 --> 01:12:17,940
You're not the revenge type.

1010
01:12:17,982 --> 01:12:19,150
Take it from a friend.

1011
01:12:19,567 --> 01:12:23,404
Friend? You were sick, and I protected you.

1012
01:12:23,446 --> 01:12:25,614
You said it yourself.

1013
01:12:25,656 --> 01:12:28,367
"I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger."

1014
01:12:28,409 --> 01:12:29,618
So I did.

1015
01:12:31,328 --> 01:12:33,497
Russell, I couldn't protect you back then.

1016
01:12:33,539 --> 01:12:37,001
But I can now. What do you want me to say?

1017
01:12:37,585 --> 01:12:41,338
"I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it,
I care about you, Russell.

1018
01:12:41,964 --> 01:12:44,091
What's Juggernaut got that I don't have?

1019
01:12:44,133 --> 01:12:47,303
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!

1020
01:12:47,845 --> 01:12:50,639
- Legs!
- Still hurts to hear out loud!

1021
01:12:52,808 --> 01:12:55,770
What is that? That's not a real rope!

1022
01:12:55,811 --> 01:12:58,147
You get back here, young man!

1023
01:12:59,106 --> 01:13:00,232
Doms!

1024
01:13:00,608 --> 01:13:02,818
Doms, get me out of here, please.

1025
01:13:02,860 --> 01:13:05,780
Use my arms as backpack straps.

1026
01:13:07,990 --> 01:13:10,951
I think we may have found
your cosmic reason for being here.

1027
01:13:11,368 --> 01:13:13,245
I'm pretty sure this isn't it.

1028
01:13:13,287 --> 01:13:14,538
X-Force.

1029
01:13:27,968 --> 01:13:29,887
No child is hopeless.

1030
01:13:29,929 --> 01:13:32,723
- Don't give up on the boy.
- How could he just walk away?

1031
01:13:33,474 --> 01:13:35,726
It was the coldness in his eyes.

1032
01:13:36,227 --> 01:13:37,812
You should've heard it.

1033
01:13:39,730 --> 01:13:42,024
I guess family really is an F-word.

1034
01:13:43,484 --> 01:13:45,152
Rub my legs, Mama.

1035
01:13:45,194 --> 01:13:46,612
Why would I rub your legs?

1036
01:13:46,654 --> 01:13:49,240
Please, they hurt. I have growing pains.

1037
01:13:52,701 --> 01:13:53,911
What in the...

1038
01:13:54,411 --> 01:13:56,664
Why is your hand so tiny again?

1039
01:13:57,164 --> 01:13:58,541
That's not my hand.

1040
01:13:59,041 --> 01:14:00,876
Mary, mother of Joseph!

1041
01:14:01,460 --> 01:14:02,670
That was nice for me.

1042
01:14:03,420 --> 01:14:06,173
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...

1043
01:14:10,678 --> 01:14:12,513
Why wouldn't you cover that up?

1044
01:14:13,013 --> 01:14:15,224
A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.

1045
01:14:15,266 --> 01:14:17,226
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.

1046
01:14:17,268 --> 01:14:20,813
You're just straight shirt-cocking it,
toddler-style.

1047
01:14:20,855 --> 01:14:22,815
Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.

1048
01:14:22,857 --> 01:14:24,859
The hell's happening? Describe it.

1049
01:14:24,900 --> 01:14:26,235
I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you.

1050
01:14:26,277 --> 01:14:27,820
- It's like...
- Here we go.

1051
01:14:27,862 --> 01:14:30,698
It's like he was giving birth anally,
but they quit halfway through.

1052
01:14:30,739 --> 01:14:33,159
They got the legs out, and they said,
"You know what, I'm done."

1053
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:34,243
Happy?

1054
01:14:34,285 --> 01:14:35,369
It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down.

1055
01:14:35,411 --> 01:14:38,330
But this time, you can see the Muppet's dick.

1056
01:14:38,372 --> 01:14:39,707
Grover's got a cock the size of a twig.

1057
01:14:39,748 --> 01:14:41,000
Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked.

1058
01:14:41,041 --> 01:14:42,626
I've had three tickets already.

1059
01:14:44,253 --> 01:14:46,714
No, no, no, DP, not again!

1060
01:14:47,047 --> 01:14:48,591
This has happened before?

1061
01:14:49,717 --> 01:14:52,553
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
The indecision is killing me.

1062
01:14:52,595 --> 01:14:54,472
Why couldn't God take my hearing?

1063
01:14:57,224 --> 01:14:58,267
Wow!

1064
01:14:58,309 --> 01:14:59,977
Cool your pits. They're growing back.

1065
01:15:00,019 --> 01:15:01,604
I'm talking about your face.

1066
01:15:02,021 --> 01:15:03,939
I've never seen you without your mask before.

1067
01:15:03,981 --> 01:15:06,192
- Jesus Christ!
- Looks like an avocado.

1068
01:15:06,233 --> 01:15:07,860
Your legs, though, they're cute.

1069
01:15:08,194 --> 01:15:09,987
You wanna borrow a pair of pants?

1070
01:15:11,572 --> 01:15:13,157
I'm glad everybody dropped by.

1071
01:15:13,199 --> 01:15:15,493
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.

1072
01:15:15,951 --> 01:15:17,578
I'll tell you why I'm here.

1073
01:15:17,620 --> 01:15:20,039
"The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband...

1074
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:22,625
beat me within an inch of my life.
He was torturing me!

1075
01:15:22,666 --> 01:15:25,544
But all I told him
was everything he wanted to know.

1076
01:15:25,586 --> 01:15:27,755
So, I'm here to help us gear up.

1077
01:15:28,506 --> 01:15:30,466
- So we can go after him without me.
- No!

1078
01:15:30,883 --> 01:15:32,343
I'm doing this alone.

1079
01:15:32,384 --> 01:15:34,678
- The Juggernaut will kill you all.
- Fair enough.

1080
01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:36,806
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.

1081
01:15:36,847 --> 01:15:37,973
What will you do?

1082
01:15:38,015 --> 01:15:39,433
I don't care what the kid did to me.

1083
01:15:39,475 --> 01:15:42,186
I ain't letting Cable get to him,
even if I have to teabag him to death.

1084
01:15:42,228 --> 01:15:44,188
It's really just a sip of tea at this point.

1085
01:15:44,230 --> 01:15:46,023
Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing.

1086
01:15:46,065 --> 01:15:48,067
The first order of business
is to get me in front of Cable...

1087
01:15:48,109 --> 01:15:50,069
so I can pull all the fucking blood
out of his body...

1088
01:15:50,111 --> 01:15:52,404
and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry.

1089
01:15:52,446 --> 01:15:54,240
Then, I'm gonna take his skin...

1090
01:15:54,281 --> 01:15:57,368
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.

1091
01:15:58,953 --> 01:16:00,538
He's standing right behind you, isn't he?

1092
01:16:09,213 --> 01:16:10,965
What in the ass?

1093
01:16:11,257 --> 01:16:14,343
Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr?

1094
01:16:14,635 --> 01:16:16,637
You picked the wrong shithole to fuck,
future boy.

1095
01:16:18,264 --> 01:16:20,266
Is that really necessary?

1096
01:16:22,518 --> 01:16:25,312
No. It's his "Basic Instinct."

1097
01:16:25,354 --> 01:16:26,397
What can we help you with?

1098
01:16:27,106 --> 01:16:28,774
I'm here to proposition you.

1099
01:16:30,276 --> 01:16:32,570
Oh, boy! He's really teeing it up, isn't he?

1100
01:16:32,611 --> 01:16:34,655
Who gets to make the first joke?

1101
01:16:34,697 --> 01:16:35,990
I think we should all do it at the same time.

1102
01:16:36,031 --> 01:16:37,158
Good call.

1103
01:16:37,199 --> 01:16:38,742
For $45, you get sucky-suck.

1104
01:16:38,784 --> 01:16:41,162
- I only do over the pants, mouth stuff.
- Fuck!

1105
01:16:41,203 --> 01:16:43,372
The Proposition has a wonderful
Guy Pearce performance.

1106
01:16:43,414 --> 01:16:45,166
Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over.

1107
01:16:45,499 --> 01:16:47,585
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!

1108
01:16:48,127 --> 01:16:50,463
Trust me, I'm even less happy about this
than you are...

1109
01:16:50,504 --> 01:16:53,132
but you unleashed the Juggernaut,
you dumb cunt!

1110
01:16:53,674 --> 01:16:56,051
I can't bring him down alone.

1111
01:16:56,093 --> 01:16:57,636
So here we are.

1112
01:16:58,971 --> 01:17:02,224
We're no longer accepting applications
for X-Force, unfortunately.

1113
01:17:02,266 --> 01:17:03,726
Even if we were...

1114
01:17:03,767 --> 01:17:05,436
there's a wind advisory in effect
until at least...

1115
01:17:05,478 --> 01:17:06,687
We don't have a lot of time.

1116
01:17:06,729 --> 01:17:08,522
Your friend's about to make his first kill.

1117
01:17:08,564 --> 01:17:10,065
No offense, but if you know so much...

1118
01:17:10,107 --> 01:17:12,443
why not travel back to
when he was a baby, kill him then?

1119
01:17:13,110 --> 01:17:15,154
Or better yet, head back a little further,
kill baby Hitler.

1120
01:17:15,196 --> 01:17:17,198
I use a device to slide through time.

1121
01:17:17,239 --> 01:17:19,909
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.

1122
01:17:19,950 --> 01:17:23,746
I got two charges: one to get me here,
one to get me home.

1123
01:17:25,039 --> 01:17:26,957
That's just lazy writing.

1124
01:17:26,999 --> 01:17:29,877
Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster
of the orphanage tonight.

1125
01:17:29,919 --> 01:17:32,129
After that, he gets a real taste for it.

1126
01:17:32,171 --> 01:17:34,924
Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!

1127
01:17:34,965 --> 01:17:36,884
So he keeps killing...

1128
01:17:36,926 --> 01:17:39,678
and killing, and killing, and killing.

1129
01:17:40,012 --> 01:17:43,224
Until one day,
he kills the wrong fucking people.

1130
01:17:45,810 --> 01:17:47,186
My people.

1131
01:17:51,107 --> 01:17:52,274
Relax.

1132
01:17:52,316 --> 01:17:54,819
I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.

1133
01:17:54,860 --> 01:17:57,446
It's a goddamn fanny pack...

1134
01:17:57,488 --> 01:18:00,074
and you know it, you sick son of a bitch!

1135
01:18:00,116 --> 01:18:01,784
The difference is night and day.

1136
01:18:03,619 --> 01:18:05,746
You remind me of my wife.

1137
01:18:06,038 --> 01:18:07,039
I'm sorry.

1138
01:18:07,748 --> 01:18:09,917
- I said, "You remind me of my wife."
- No, I'm sorry that you said that...

1139
01:18:09,959 --> 01:18:12,753
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.

1140
01:18:12,795 --> 01:18:13,963
She always struggled.

1141
01:18:15,089 --> 01:18:16,632
But she was funny...

1142
01:18:16,674 --> 01:18:19,093
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.

1143
01:18:19,969 --> 01:18:22,179
Something I could never master.

1144
01:18:23,097 --> 01:18:25,307
It was my fault she died.

1145
01:18:26,934 --> 01:18:29,603
It was my job to stop people like him.

1146
01:18:30,646 --> 01:18:32,606
I came close a few times.

1147
01:18:36,819 --> 01:18:38,487
He wasn't too happy about that.

1148
01:18:40,197 --> 01:18:41,365
He was trying to hurt me...

1149
01:18:41,407 --> 01:18:43,367
and he knew exactly how to do it.

1150
01:18:47,413 --> 01:18:50,749
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.

1151
01:18:53,878 --> 01:18:55,296
He came into my home...

1152
01:18:56,255 --> 01:18:59,133
and took the only thing that made it a home.

1153
01:19:03,345 --> 01:19:04,722
Sound familiar?

1154
01:19:05,764 --> 01:19:06,891
I'm sorry.

1155
01:19:07,433 --> 01:19:09,101
No, I'm really sorry.

1156
01:19:11,312 --> 01:19:13,481
But that isn't Russell.

1157
01:19:13,522 --> 01:19:15,483
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...

1158
01:19:15,524 --> 01:19:17,485
Yeah, he's got anger issues...

1159
01:19:17,526 --> 01:19:19,069
maybe a small learning disability...

1160
01:19:19,111 --> 01:19:20,529
splash of diabetes...

1161
01:19:20,571 --> 01:19:23,616
- but nothing that can't be fixed.
- If you could go back...

1162
01:19:23,657 --> 01:19:26,452
and stop the people that took your girl,
would you?

1163
01:19:26,494 --> 01:19:28,245
Of course I fucking would!

1164
01:19:28,996 --> 01:19:30,790
But I wouldn't kill a kid.

1165
01:19:30,831 --> 01:19:33,667
I'm not asking you to kill a kid!
I'll kill the kid.

1166
01:19:33,709 --> 01:19:37,213
I'm asking you to save hundreds
of other kids.

1167
01:19:37,254 --> 01:19:39,590
Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage.

1168
01:19:39,632 --> 01:19:41,675
And I can imagine your dead girlfriend...

1169
01:19:41,717 --> 01:19:43,969
would want you
to do the right thing, wouldn't she?

1170
01:19:44,970 --> 01:19:47,556
So, what's it gonna be, handsome?

1171
01:19:48,224 --> 01:19:49,934
Give me a chance to save him.

1172
01:19:49,975 --> 01:19:51,435
- What?
- You said...

1173
01:19:51,477 --> 01:19:53,104
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.

1174
01:19:53,145 --> 01:19:55,523
If we can get to him before that happens...

1175
01:19:55,564 --> 01:19:59,110
promise you'll give me a chance
to put him on a different path.

1176
01:19:59,151 --> 01:20:00,444
Define "chance."

1177
01:20:00,486 --> 01:20:02,988
I don't know. How long does it take
to save someone's soul? That's not...

1178
01:20:03,030 --> 01:20:04,406
I'll give you 30 seconds.

1179
01:20:04,448 --> 01:20:06,408
- What? No!
- Best I can do.

1180
01:20:06,450 --> 01:20:07,743
Take it or leave it.

1181
01:20:18,504 --> 01:20:19,755
He's doing it!

1182
01:20:19,797 --> 01:20:21,257
Look at the little fella. He's doing it.

1183
01:20:21,799 --> 01:20:23,342
There he goes.

1184
01:20:23,384 --> 01:20:24,927
Jesus Christ!

1185
01:20:24,969 --> 01:20:26,345
Just shirt-cocking it.

1186
01:20:28,389 --> 01:20:29,723
There you go, little fella.

1187
01:20:30,474 --> 01:20:31,809
Go on, you're doing it!

1188
01:20:32,226 --> 01:20:35,062
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.

1189
01:20:37,356 --> 01:20:38,482
Christ!

1190
01:20:38,524 --> 01:20:40,192
That's disturbing.

1191
01:20:40,234 --> 01:20:41,569
30 seconds.

1192
01:20:46,949 --> 01:20:48,451
- Deal.
- Deal.

1193
01:20:51,036 --> 01:20:53,622
I have no idea what's happening.

1194
01:20:53,664 --> 01:20:55,958
Probably for the best.

1195
01:20:57,001 --> 01:21:00,421
And that is why you never eat a raw starfish.

1196
01:21:00,463 --> 01:21:02,131
It's just common sense.

1197
01:21:02,756 --> 01:21:04,216
Where the hell are we going?

1198
01:21:04,258 --> 01:21:05,551
You said it yourself.

1199
01:21:05,593 --> 01:21:08,554
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.
We need backup.

1200
01:21:08,596 --> 01:21:11,348
I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.

1201
01:21:15,686 --> 01:21:17,313
Can you turn off the music?

1202
01:21:18,314 --> 01:21:20,441
You'll do no such thing.

1203
01:21:20,483 --> 01:21:22,359
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?

1204
01:21:22,693 --> 01:21:23,861
What the hell are you...?

1205
01:21:23,903 --> 01:21:25,863
Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head.

1206
01:21:25,905 --> 01:21:27,615
I am so sorry. It gets better.

1207
01:21:27,656 --> 01:21:29,450
I'm not a fucking racist, moron!

1208
01:21:29,492 --> 01:21:31,702
Tell that to Black Tom.
He was like a brother to me.

1209
01:21:32,578 --> 01:21:35,664
I'm with the old white guy on this one.
And that's a twist.

1210
01:21:36,123 --> 01:21:39,502
So what exactly do you do in the future,
anyway? Some kind of soldier?

1211
01:21:39,877 --> 01:21:41,712
Yeah, something like that.

1212
01:21:41,754 --> 01:21:43,964
I was a soldier. Special Forces.

1213
01:21:44,006 --> 01:21:46,592
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1214
01:21:46,634 --> 01:21:48,719
50 years from now, you're very dead.

1215
01:21:48,761 --> 01:21:51,096
Your entire generation
fucked this planet into a coma.

1216
01:21:51,138 --> 01:21:52,139
Boom!

1217
01:21:52,848 --> 01:21:54,099
Spoiler alert.

1218
01:21:55,559 --> 01:21:56,685
Planets.

1219
01:21:56,727 --> 01:21:58,229
Next time, Uber.

1220
01:21:58,270 --> 01:21:59,647
Here's a spoiler alert.

1221
01:22:00,815 --> 01:22:02,608
You're not a fucking hero.

1222
01:22:02,983 --> 01:22:06,529
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1223
01:22:06,904 --> 01:22:09,490
Well, I got news for you.
My heart is in the right place.

1224
01:22:09,532 --> 01:22:11,075
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

1225
01:22:11,117 --> 01:22:13,452
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1226
01:22:13,494 --> 01:22:17,164
Because of you, I'll always know what
a grown man with baby balls looks like.

1227
01:22:17,206 --> 01:22:19,708
I'm a grower, not a shower.

1228
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:21,043
I should've finished college.

1229
01:22:21,085 --> 01:22:22,294
Right here!

1230
01:22:40,438 --> 01:22:42,106
I made mistakes!

1231
01:22:42,481 --> 01:22:44,358
I wanna take them back!

1232
01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:47,361
You trusted me. I took that trust...

1233
01:22:47,403 --> 01:22:50,281
and turned it into a glory hole
in an airport bathroom.

1234
01:22:50,322 --> 01:22:53,033
The one in Minneapolis. You know the one.

1235
01:22:53,993 --> 01:22:55,119
Colossus!

1236
01:22:55,161 --> 01:22:57,496
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death!

1237
01:22:57,538 --> 01:22:59,582
That kid needs our help!

1238
01:22:59,623 --> 01:23:01,667
I know you're listening!

1239
01:23:01,709 --> 01:23:04,295
He's teamed up with the Juggernaut!
The Juggernaut!

1240
01:23:04,336 --> 01:23:06,088
That's like my favorite
Marvel character ever,

1241
01:23:06,130 --> 01:23:07,465
but you should never meet your heroes...

1242
01:23:07,506 --> 01:23:10,426
because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick!

1243
01:23:10,468 --> 01:23:12,970
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock...

1244
01:23:13,012 --> 01:23:14,722
and causes nothing but problems!

1245
01:23:14,763 --> 01:23:16,390
- Hi, Wade!
- Hi, Yukio!

1246
01:23:16,432 --> 01:23:18,350
- Please don't.
- You guys make a super cute couple.

1247
01:23:18,392 --> 01:23:20,811
Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah!

1248
01:23:20,853 --> 01:23:24,982
Colossus! Look, I don't deserve
your friendship or your help.

1249
01:23:25,024 --> 01:23:26,859
But this kid does.

1250
01:23:26,901 --> 01:23:29,612
And I'm not gonna bail on him
like everyone else.

1251
01:23:31,363 --> 01:23:33,324
Oh, come on!

1252
01:23:37,536 --> 01:23:40,289
Any chance Pigeon Wings is available?

1253
01:23:40,664 --> 01:23:43,083
That's just fine! That's fine!

1254
01:23:43,125 --> 01:23:44,668
No! You know what?

1255
01:23:44,710 --> 01:23:47,546
Doing the right thing is sometimes messy...

1256
01:23:47,588 --> 01:23:50,549
and fucked up,
and not particularly convenient!

1257
01:23:50,925 --> 01:23:54,220
So stay here in Château de Virgin...

1258
01:23:54,261 --> 01:23:56,388
while we go get our fuck on!

1259
01:23:59,391 --> 01:24:00,768
You're doing great.

1260
01:24:06,398 --> 01:24:09,693
So you wear that helmet because
your brother tries to read your mind?

1261
01:24:09,735 --> 01:24:12,988
Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair,
so even-steven.

1262
01:24:13,030 --> 01:24:15,491
Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir.

1263
01:24:15,533 --> 01:24:16,992
He's not alone.

1264
01:24:17,535 --> 01:24:19,245
Secure the children.

1265
01:24:23,791 --> 01:24:26,085
What do you say we go fuck some shit up?

1266
01:24:26,627 --> 01:24:30,464
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.

1267
01:24:33,801 --> 01:24:36,428
Watch my back. I've got the old man.

1268
01:24:36,470 --> 01:24:38,764
Amen, brother.

1269
01:24:44,562 --> 01:24:46,188
Time to make the chimichangas.

1270
01:24:46,230 --> 01:24:47,857
30 seconds.

1271
01:24:48,482 --> 01:24:50,609
I finally know why I'm here.

1272
01:24:51,026 --> 01:24:52,987
I was raised in this place.

1273
01:24:53,028 --> 01:24:55,281
Well, not raised. I was tortured.

1274
01:24:55,322 --> 01:24:58,200
Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here.

1275
01:24:58,242 --> 01:24:59,577
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.

1276
01:24:59,618 --> 01:25:00,786
Yeah!

1277
01:25:00,828 --> 01:25:02,329
Hey! Been meaning to ask you...

1278
01:25:02,371 --> 01:25:05,374
what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear?

1279
01:25:06,083 --> 01:25:09,420
It's not dirt.
It's the blood of my dead daughter.

1280
01:25:11,755 --> 01:25:13,632
I have a gluten sensitivity.

1281
01:25:13,674 --> 01:25:15,176
So one glass of wine, I just...

1282
01:25:16,552 --> 01:25:17,553
Yeah.

1283
01:25:21,223 --> 01:25:24,185
Wish we could head back in time,
and I could take all that back.

1284
01:25:24,226 --> 01:25:25,561
We should just cue the music.

1285
01:25:50,753 --> 01:25:53,464
Welcome home, Russell. We missed you.

1286
01:25:54,673 --> 01:25:55,800
Russell!

1287
01:25:55,841 --> 01:25:58,177
You don't need to do this! Let's talk!

1288
01:25:59,220 --> 01:26:00,471
Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?

1289
01:26:04,809 --> 01:26:05,893
That's why!

1290
01:26:05,935 --> 01:26:07,019
Told you this little fucker's too far gone.

1291
01:26:07,061 --> 01:26:09,647
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...

1292
01:26:10,231 --> 01:26:11,232
Hey!

1293
01:26:11,774 --> 01:26:14,902
I'm gonna shove that cab driver
right up your ass.

1294
01:26:16,028 --> 01:26:18,322
My body and my hands are so soft.

1295
01:26:18,364 --> 01:26:21,283
- You should probably head back to the car.
- I think I'll head back to the car.

1296
01:26:22,409 --> 01:26:25,079
It works best when you pull the trigger.

1297
01:26:27,998 --> 01:26:29,291
That gun is amazing!

1298
01:26:30,626 --> 01:26:31,836
Say it!

1299
01:26:34,004 --> 01:26:37,007
You are an abomination!

1300
01:26:44,348 --> 01:26:47,643
Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy
up the old guy.

1301
01:26:47,685 --> 01:26:50,104
I believe him! Every man for themselves!

1302
01:26:54,483 --> 01:26:55,568
Gotcha!

1303
01:26:56,360 --> 01:26:57,528
Beat it, midget!

1304
01:27:00,531 --> 01:27:03,242
Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low!

1305
01:27:03,659 --> 01:27:04,743
Shit fuck!

1306
01:27:18,632 --> 01:27:20,217
Come here, beautiful.

1307
01:27:22,344 --> 01:27:23,429
Say it!

1308
01:28:22,947 --> 01:28:24,073
You came for me.

1309
01:28:24,115 --> 01:28:27,827
I'm not giving up on you,
and you are not giving up on that boy.

1310
01:28:27,868 --> 01:28:29,829
Who says that rules aren't meant
to be broken?

1311
01:28:29,870 --> 01:28:32,248
It's time to fight dirty.

1312
01:28:32,289 --> 01:28:33,749
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

1313
01:28:33,791 --> 01:28:36,502
Hey! Pick on someone your own size!

1314
01:28:36,544 --> 01:28:40,256
That's such a you thing to say!
Go get him, tiger!

1315
01:28:40,673 --> 01:28:42,299
Big CGI fight coming up!

1316
01:29:05,614 --> 01:29:06,991
He's doing great.

1317
01:29:07,032 --> 01:29:08,242
Say it!

1318
01:29:12,413 --> 01:29:13,831
- Russell.
- Bingo!

1319
01:29:25,843 --> 01:29:27,803
That's right! I'm fighting dirty!

1320
01:29:28,971 --> 01:29:30,848
- Oh, great!
- There they are! Those freaks!

1321
01:29:30,890 --> 01:29:32,933
A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes.

1322
01:29:33,434 --> 01:29:34,894
Can I have one of those guns?

1323
01:29:35,561 --> 01:29:37,354
- No.
- That's fine.

1324
01:29:37,396 --> 01:29:39,356
Get off this property, mutant scum!

1325
01:29:39,398 --> 01:29:40,399
I'm just gonna use this brick.

1326
01:29:41,150 --> 01:29:42,151
Maximum effort.

1327
01:29:48,282 --> 01:29:50,034
Who says you can't go home again?

1328
01:30:07,176 --> 01:30:08,177
Yeah!

1329
01:30:10,387 --> 01:30:11,722
Say it.

1330
01:30:12,097 --> 01:30:15,142
Say what you said every time you tortured me!

1331
01:30:15,684 --> 01:30:16,811
Say it!

1332
01:30:16,852 --> 01:30:19,772
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!

1333
01:30:20,981 --> 01:30:22,608
Blessed are the wicked...

1334
01:30:23,150 --> 01:30:24,360
who are healed...

1335
01:30:24,860 --> 01:30:26,362
by my hand.

1336
01:30:44,421 --> 01:30:46,674
You commie motherfucker!

1337
01:31:13,200 --> 01:31:14,910
Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too?

1338
01:31:15,786 --> 01:31:17,997
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.

1339
01:31:20,916 --> 01:31:23,252
You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug!

1340
01:31:23,294 --> 01:31:24,503
Now we're getting it.

1341
01:31:29,216 --> 01:31:31,427
I need a bus to get you all out of here.

1342
01:31:36,765 --> 01:31:37,808
Orphans.

1343
01:31:38,976 --> 01:31:40,186
Oh, geez.

1344
01:31:41,604 --> 01:31:44,315
It's time to burn for what you've done!

1345
01:31:44,356 --> 01:31:46,859
A child should not be burdened
with such power!

1346
01:31:55,659 --> 01:31:56,744
Russell! Wait!

1347
01:32:11,258 --> 01:32:13,385
Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet!

1348
01:32:13,427 --> 01:32:15,429
- What more do you need to see?
- Don't you fucking dare!

1349
01:32:15,471 --> 01:32:16,680
He's just a kid!

1350
01:32:16,722 --> 01:32:18,599
Tick, tock. Meter's running!

1351
01:32:31,278 --> 01:32:34,323
I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring.

1352
01:32:54,718 --> 01:32:57,346
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on!

1353
01:32:57,888 --> 01:32:59,014
Listen to me!

1354
01:33:22,830 --> 01:33:25,416
That's how we do it in Mother Russia.

1355
01:33:27,626 --> 01:33:30,171
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.

1356
01:33:31,547 --> 01:33:34,758
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.

1357
01:33:36,093 --> 01:33:38,596
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

1358
01:33:39,013 --> 01:33:40,848
Go home, Wade!

1359
01:33:40,890 --> 01:33:42,725
You're ruining everything!

1360
01:33:48,063 --> 01:33:49,398
I'm getting good at this shit.

1361
01:33:49,440 --> 01:33:50,483
Go, go, go!

1362
01:33:53,986 --> 01:33:55,946
He dies tonight, Wade.

1363
01:33:55,988 --> 01:33:57,531
You can't stop me!

1364
01:33:58,491 --> 01:34:00,367
He even runs like a fucking pervert.

1365
01:34:00,409 --> 01:34:03,162
Like an online predator who lost his laptop.

1366
01:34:04,580 --> 01:34:06,081
There's one bullet left in that gun.

1367
01:34:06,123 --> 01:34:08,125
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!

1368
01:34:08,167 --> 01:34:09,627
I got this.

1369
01:34:09,668 --> 01:34:11,921
- Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!

1370
01:34:11,962 --> 01:34:14,089
Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way!

1371
01:34:14,673 --> 01:34:15,966
That piece of shit...

1372
01:34:16,383 --> 01:34:18,135
he deserves to die for what he did to you.

1373
01:34:18,177 --> 01:34:21,555
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.

1374
01:34:22,431 --> 01:34:24,225
But if you kill him, he wins.

1375
01:34:24,266 --> 01:34:27,770
You become everything he says you are,
but worse.

1376
01:34:28,187 --> 01:34:29,647
You're just a kid.

1377
01:34:30,231 --> 01:34:31,982
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

1378
01:34:32,024 --> 01:34:33,275
How do you know what I want?

1379
01:34:33,317 --> 01:34:34,944
Because I've been inside you.

1380
01:34:35,611 --> 01:34:36,904
That came out wrong.

1381
01:34:37,530 --> 01:34:39,240
I've been inside your shoes.

1382
01:34:39,281 --> 01:34:41,158
Which is also off-putting.

1383
01:34:41,200 --> 01:34:42,660
It's not a great analogy.

1384
01:34:42,701 --> 01:34:44,120
The point is...

1385
01:34:44,578 --> 01:34:46,288
there are people...

1386
01:34:46,330 --> 01:34:49,375
There are people in this fucking world...

1387
01:34:49,416 --> 01:34:52,128
besides him, who will treat you right.

1388
01:34:52,169 --> 01:34:54,797
It isn't too late. Don't do it.

1389
01:35:00,344 --> 01:35:02,721
I never should've left you there.

1390
01:35:04,473 --> 01:35:06,350
I never should've left you in that prison.

1391
01:35:13,441 --> 01:35:14,733
I can't trust you.

1392
01:35:16,444 --> 01:35:18,821
I can't trust anybody!

1393
01:35:28,038 --> 01:35:29,373
Wonderful kid.

1394
01:35:29,415 --> 01:35:31,083
You can't stop me, Wade!

1395
01:35:33,335 --> 01:35:35,588
I got one more idea.

1396
01:35:35,629 --> 01:35:38,549
It's just a really bad one, even for me.

1397
01:35:38,591 --> 01:35:39,800
Wade, what are you doing?

1398
01:35:39,842 --> 01:35:41,469
All right. This is for all the marbles, kid!

1399
01:35:42,261 --> 01:35:43,971
You're gonna kill someone today...

1400
01:35:44,388 --> 01:35:45,806
Blessed are the wicked...

1401
01:35:45,848 --> 01:35:47,766
...then it's gotta be me.

1402
01:35:48,851 --> 01:35:50,770
...who are healed by my hand!

1403
01:35:53,898 --> 01:35:56,317
Fuck this!

1404
01:36:57,044 --> 01:37:00,005
Tell me they got that in slow motion.

1405
01:37:05,010 --> 01:37:06,512
That's not good.

1406
01:37:08,097 --> 01:37:09,515
No, sir.

1407
01:37:17,148 --> 01:37:20,067
You sacrificed yourself for me.

1408
01:37:20,484 --> 01:37:21,652
Yeah.

1409
01:37:21,694 --> 01:37:23,904
And it was the best thing I ever did.

1410
01:37:25,865 --> 01:37:27,992
I told you I care about you.

1411
01:37:28,033 --> 01:37:29,785
You're a good kid, Russell.

1412
01:37:31,412 --> 01:37:32,413
Hey.

1413
01:37:33,873 --> 01:37:35,207
The bear.

1414
01:37:35,249 --> 01:37:36,542
It worked.

1415
01:37:43,507 --> 01:37:45,134
Because of you.

1416
01:37:45,176 --> 01:37:47,470
No, Wade, because of you.

1417
01:37:48,345 --> 01:37:50,431
Stop, stop, stop!

1418
01:37:50,473 --> 01:37:51,640
Stop!

1419
01:37:52,808 --> 01:37:55,352
Just let it happen, okay?

1420
01:37:55,811 --> 01:37:58,731
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

1421
01:37:59,565 --> 01:38:01,984
That riddle is so fucked up.

1422
01:38:06,781 --> 01:38:09,200
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1423
01:38:09,241 --> 01:38:10,409
Don't be. Don't be.

1424
01:38:10,451 --> 01:38:12,203
I've been trying to make this happen
for a while.

1425
01:38:12,870 --> 01:38:14,538
Please, just don't leave me.

1426
01:38:14,580 --> 01:38:16,207
I don't wanna die without an audience.

1427
01:38:16,248 --> 01:38:17,875
We are not going anywhere.

1428
01:38:17,917 --> 01:38:20,127
Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching.

1429
01:38:20,169 --> 01:38:21,212
Just rest, okay?

1430
01:38:23,047 --> 01:38:24,131
Papa.

1431
01:38:26,342 --> 01:38:28,302
Papa, can you hear me?

1432
01:38:30,554 --> 01:38:36,560
Papa, can you find me in the night?

1433
01:38:57,832 --> 01:38:59,083
Before I go...

1434
01:38:59,625 --> 01:39:01,335
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.

1435
01:39:01,919 --> 01:39:03,170
Domino.

1436
01:39:03,212 --> 01:39:07,716
I want you to have my Adventure Time watch.

1437
01:39:10,302 --> 01:39:13,180
Turns out that I'm the lucky one.

1438
01:39:13,889 --> 01:39:14,890
Thank you.

1439
01:39:16,392 --> 01:39:19,311
Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

1440
01:39:19,937 --> 01:39:22,022
It has been a pleasure.

1441
01:39:23,649 --> 01:39:26,360
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!

1442
01:39:28,487 --> 01:39:29,488
And you...

1443
01:39:30,030 --> 01:39:31,157
Chrome Bone.

1444
01:39:32,074 --> 01:39:34,452
I haven't always been the best friend to you.

1445
01:39:35,035 --> 01:39:37,413
But you've always been that to me.

1446
01:39:37,455 --> 01:39:38,747
So thank you.

1447
01:39:40,916 --> 01:39:42,501
Say "fuck" for me.

1448
01:39:43,335 --> 01:39:46,297
Just once. Come on, we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.

1449
01:39:46,338 --> 01:39:48,048
Here we go. One, two, three.

1450
01:39:49,425 --> 01:39:50,551
Fuck.

1451
01:39:50,593 --> 01:39:53,637
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.

1452
01:39:55,264 --> 01:39:57,099
And you, Cable.

1453
01:39:58,392 --> 01:40:02,062
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.

1454
01:40:02,938 --> 01:40:06,150
And promise me. Promise me one thing.

1455
01:40:06,609 --> 01:40:08,027
That you'll start judging people...

1456
01:40:08,068 --> 01:40:11,363
not by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character.

1457
01:40:12,114 --> 01:40:13,699
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?

1458
01:40:14,909 --> 01:40:16,827
There you are. Hey!

1459
01:40:17,411 --> 01:40:19,163
You're a superhero now, bubba.

1460
01:40:20,664 --> 01:40:21,749
Look.

1461
01:40:22,041 --> 01:40:24,668
Family is not an F-word.

1462
01:40:25,419 --> 01:40:26,754
All right?

1463
01:40:26,796 --> 01:40:28,506
There's one out there for you.

1464
01:40:29,256 --> 01:40:30,966
Just keep looking, okay?

1465
01:40:34,470 --> 01:40:37,223
Guys, for a second there...

1466
01:40:38,057 --> 01:40:40,726
we made a pretty good team.

1467
01:40:55,241 --> 01:40:57,243
It's so hard to go.

1468
01:40:58,744 --> 01:41:01,122
I just love being around you guys so much.

1469
01:41:02,206 --> 01:41:03,457
So, so much.

1470
01:41:05,584 --> 01:41:07,753
No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah.

1471
01:41:08,462 --> 01:41:12,341
I feel the soul exiting the husk.

1472
01:41:12,383 --> 01:41:13,384
Yeah.

1473
01:41:15,177 --> 01:41:17,012
Can you see it?

1474
01:41:17,721 --> 01:41:19,890
Do you see that beautiful bright light?

1475
01:41:21,350 --> 01:41:22,518
There it is.

1476
01:41:28,774 --> 01:41:32,027
That's the sun.
Don't stare directly into that.

1477
01:41:32,069 --> 01:41:34,071
I just have a few final words.

1478
01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,032
Woodpecker.

1479
01:41:37,825 --> 01:41:39,160
Gingivitis.

1480
01:41:41,203 --> 01:41:42,580
Codswallop.

1481
01:41:46,917 --> 01:41:48,878
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

1482
01:43:03,869 --> 01:43:05,162
Sorry I'm late.

1483
01:43:05,204 --> 01:43:08,207
There was a bunch of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.

1484
01:43:08,249 --> 01:43:09,458
- No.
- No.

1485
01:43:10,543 --> 01:43:13,212
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.

1486
01:43:13,671 --> 01:43:15,589
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.

1487
01:43:15,631 --> 01:43:16,632
I tried to tell him.

1488
01:43:18,968 --> 01:43:20,386
Is this heaven?

1489
01:43:21,262 --> 01:43:22,471
It is now.

1490
01:43:25,933 --> 01:43:27,810
I am so sorry.

1491
01:43:28,644 --> 01:43:29,979
It's okay.

1492
01:43:49,832 --> 01:43:51,709
I missed you so much.

1493
01:43:57,298 --> 01:43:58,966
What is it? What's wrong?

1494
01:44:00,885 --> 01:44:02,386
It's not time.

1495
01:44:03,012 --> 01:44:05,014
What do you mean it's not time?

1496
01:44:05,055 --> 01:44:06,682
I'm here, I made it.

1497
01:44:06,724 --> 01:44:08,434
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.

1498
01:44:08,476 --> 01:44:11,145
I'm staying.
I'm not going anywhere without you.

1499
01:44:11,187 --> 01:44:12,188
It's okay.

1500
01:44:12,688 --> 01:44:15,524
There's a time for us. It's just not now.

1501
01:44:16,525 --> 01:44:18,986
- They need you.
- Who?

1502
01:44:21,030 --> 01:44:22,323
Your F-word.

1503
01:44:23,574 --> 01:44:24,575
Why?

1504
01:44:24,950 --> 01:44:26,744
You'll find out.

1505
01:44:27,703 --> 01:44:29,622
It's all right. I'll be here.

1506
01:44:30,915 --> 01:44:32,166
I love you.

1507
01:44:34,668 --> 01:44:37,087
I know. I love you, too.

1508
01:44:37,838 --> 01:44:38,839
Now, go.

1509
01:44:40,132 --> 01:44:42,134
Go on. Go, get out of here.

1510
01:44:43,177 --> 01:44:44,178
Go.

1511
01:44:46,972 --> 01:44:47,973
Hey!

1512
01:44:50,976 --> 01:44:53,145
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

1513
01:44:53,771 --> 01:44:54,897
Well, come here.

1514
01:45:14,333 --> 01:45:15,876
Don't fuck Elvis.

1515
01:45:15,918 --> 01:45:17,878
- Don't fuck Colossus.
- What?

1516
01:45:27,346 --> 01:45:29,515
- Time to make the chimichangas.
- 30 seconds.

1517
01:45:29,557 --> 01:45:30,808
Hey. Been meaning to ask you...

1518
01:45:30,850 --> 01:45:33,352
what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear?

1519
01:45:33,394 --> 01:45:35,146
It's my daughter's teddy bear.

1520
01:45:35,604 --> 01:45:36,814
Her name's Hope.

1521
01:45:39,150 --> 01:45:41,068
What are you doing?

1522
01:45:41,110 --> 01:45:42,695
Somebody swiped right.

1523
01:45:55,499 --> 01:45:57,877
Tell me they got that in slow motion.

1524
01:46:01,213 --> 01:46:03,090
You sacrificed yourself for me.

1525
01:46:03,132 --> 01:46:04,633
It would seem I...

1526
01:46:09,138 --> 01:46:11,474
Genuine, high-grade lead.

1527
01:46:13,392 --> 01:46:16,437
You time-sliding son of a bitch!

1528
01:46:16,479 --> 01:46:18,063
You did this for me?

1529
01:46:19,940 --> 01:46:22,443
Wait. You can't go back.

1530
01:46:23,068 --> 01:46:26,155
You used the last of your fuel.
What about your girl, your wife?

1531
01:46:26,197 --> 01:46:29,450
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.

1532
01:46:30,910 --> 01:46:33,370
No, I'm gonna stick around for a while...

1533
01:46:33,412 --> 01:46:36,415
and make sure the world
doesn't shit itself into oblivion.

1534
01:46:37,124 --> 01:46:40,002
No. You did it for me.

1535
01:46:40,753 --> 01:46:42,213
No, I didn't.

1536
01:46:42,254 --> 01:46:43,672
- You did.
- I really didn't.

1537
01:46:43,714 --> 01:46:45,549
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.

1538
01:46:45,591 --> 01:46:47,384
Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay?

1539
01:46:47,426 --> 01:46:50,137
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.

1540
01:46:50,179 --> 01:46:52,640
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.

1541
01:46:53,057 --> 01:46:54,183
Say it again.

1542
01:46:54,225 --> 01:46:55,810
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.

1543
01:46:55,851 --> 01:46:57,770
- We must get the collar off.
- Forget it. It's no use.

1544
01:46:57,812 --> 01:46:59,605
These collars don't just come off.

1545
01:46:59,647 --> 01:47:00,648
Wade.

1546
01:47:01,190 --> 01:47:02,817
I have an idea.

1547
01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,277
No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please!

1548
01:47:05,319 --> 01:47:07,738
I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just...

1549
01:47:07,780 --> 01:47:10,908
Oh, God! They do say
the pen is grosser than the sword.

1550
01:47:11,909 --> 01:47:13,285
We need the code.

1551
01:47:13,327 --> 01:47:15,246
Try seven?

1552
01:47:15,287 --> 01:47:16,872
Settle down, Captain Lucky.

1553
01:47:16,914 --> 01:47:18,374
It's not gonna be one number.

1554
01:47:18,415 --> 01:47:19,500
God, that's lazy writing.

1555
01:47:20,501 --> 01:47:21,836
I still got it.

1556
01:47:24,880 --> 01:47:26,841
Put that back in your prison wallet.

1557
01:47:28,551 --> 01:47:30,469
I don't know how to thank you.

1558
01:47:30,511 --> 01:47:32,012
But I do know how to hug you.

1559
01:47:32,471 --> 01:47:33,764
- No.
- Yes.

1560
01:47:33,806 --> 01:47:35,266
Here we go. Bring it in.

1561
01:47:35,307 --> 01:47:36,433
Come on.

1562
01:47:36,475 --> 01:47:37,893
Pelvis to pelvis.

1563
01:47:37,935 --> 01:47:39,311
Let's go tip to tip.

1564
01:47:39,353 --> 01:47:41,856
There we go. The kids call this docking.

1565
01:47:43,607 --> 01:47:44,775
Is there a knife in my dick?

1566
01:47:44,817 --> 01:47:47,111
- There's a knife in your dick.
- I'm just gonna back up now.

1567
01:47:47,153 --> 01:47:48,946
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.

1568
01:47:48,988 --> 01:47:51,782
Gonna pretend like that never happened.

1569
01:47:51,824 --> 01:47:53,742
Let's go home, Russell.

1570
01:47:57,413 --> 01:48:01,792
All you dirty mutants are gonna
rot in hell with the boy!

1571
01:48:01,834 --> 01:48:04,920
Your souls are beyond redemption!

1572
01:48:04,962 --> 01:48:06,255
Let's see your soul, perv!

1573
01:48:06,297 --> 01:48:09,133
No, no! No! No more! We're better than that!

1574
01:48:09,175 --> 01:48:10,384
We're better than him!

1575
01:48:10,426 --> 01:48:13,137
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!

1576
01:48:13,179 --> 01:48:14,763
We'll let karma take care of him.

1577
01:48:14,805 --> 01:48:17,808
The day of reckoning is here!

1578
01:48:27,151 --> 01:48:29,153
I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great.

1579
01:48:30,529 --> 01:48:32,156
Courage, motherfuckers!

1580
01:48:32,198 --> 01:48:33,491
And karma, motherfucker.

1581
01:48:33,532 --> 01:48:35,201
I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds.

1582
01:48:35,242 --> 01:48:37,244
I could barely keep a straight face.

1583
01:48:37,286 --> 01:48:39,121
I want some more.

1584
01:48:39,163 --> 01:48:40,873
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

1585
01:48:40,915 --> 01:48:43,918
We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up.

1586
01:48:44,502 --> 01:48:46,754
Good call. You guys coming with us?

1587
01:48:46,796 --> 01:48:48,756
No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion.

1588
01:48:48,798 --> 01:48:50,090
Besides, we're X-Men.

1589
01:48:50,382 --> 01:48:53,052
No, you're X-People.

1590
01:48:53,093 --> 01:48:54,428
You're exhausting.

1591
01:48:54,470 --> 01:48:56,430
I see what you did there. Puns.

1592
01:48:56,972 --> 01:48:59,183
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!

1593
01:49:01,811 --> 01:49:03,979
What do you get
when you take eight feet of chrome...

1594
01:49:04,021 --> 01:49:05,189
one pinch of courage...

1595
01:49:05,231 --> 01:49:06,482
a cup of good luck...

1596
01:49:06,524 --> 01:49:08,067
a dab of racism...

1597
01:49:08,109 --> 01:49:09,318
a splash of diabetes...

1598
01:49:09,360 --> 01:49:11,695
and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer?

1599
01:49:12,113 --> 01:49:14,281
Answer: a family.

1600
01:49:14,865 --> 01:49:17,993
See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was.

1601
01:49:18,035 --> 01:49:19,370
If there's anything you take away today...

1602
01:49:19,411 --> 01:49:22,581
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...

1603
01:49:22,623 --> 01:49:25,417
it's that we all need to belong to someone.

1604
01:51:22,451 --> 01:51:26,247
How something so small generates
enough energy to reverse time is...

1605
01:51:26,288 --> 01:51:30,501
Just fix it, Eleven,
or I'll take it to the Genius Bar.

1606
01:51:30,543 --> 01:51:31,752
Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out.

1607
01:51:31,794 --> 01:51:32,878
Never heard of him.

1608
01:51:32,920 --> 01:51:34,255
Why do you think I'm helping him?

1609
01:51:35,631 --> 01:51:39,927
The Lord works in mysterious ways,
don't I? A good day.

1610
01:51:40,928 --> 01:51:41,929
Bye, Wade!

1611
01:51:42,429 --> 01:51:43,430
Bye, Yukio!

1612
01:51:44,765 --> 01:51:46,976
That was probably a bad idea.

1613
01:51:47,309 --> 01:51:48,435
What have we done?

1614
01:52:06,871 --> 01:52:08,873
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.

1615
01:52:19,049 --> 01:52:20,509
I'll be right back!

1616
01:52:22,470 --> 01:52:25,014
We're definitely naming our kid Cher!

1617
01:52:28,225 --> 01:52:29,602
Peter!

1618
01:52:29,643 --> 01:52:33,397
- X-Force!
- Walk away! Just walk away!

1619
01:52:34,273 --> 01:52:37,234
- But we're X-Force!
- Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force!

1620
01:52:37,276 --> 01:52:40,112
All right, well, this has been pretty scary!

1621
01:52:40,154 --> 01:52:42,907
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.

1622
01:52:42,952 --> 01:52:46,118
Okay. Will you give Domino my email?

1623
01:52:55,377 --> 01:52:57,171
Wade, is that you?

1624
01:52:59,840 --> 01:53:02,218
I guess Stryker finally figured out
how to shut you up.

1625
01:53:08,933 --> 01:53:14,105
Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!
Just cleaning up the timelines!

1626
01:53:19,026 --> 01:53:20,319
Love you!

1627
01:53:22,780 --> 01:53:24,073
Welcome to the big leagues, kid.

1628
01:53:31,580 --> 01:53:33,415
You're welcome, Canada.