Apologies to the Irwin Family

Credits to anon for the first paragraph. You are a gem.

>Lana is in the backyard filming Lynn, who is wearing her Steve Irwin get up
>"Hello, today we're going to be observing the mysterious 'White Haired Loud' in his natural habitat!"
>Lana zooms in the camera on Lincoln who is unaware of his two sisters
>"Just look at that beauty. The teeth on him could rip you to shreds! A truly unique creature here in the Michigan jungle. Now let's move closer..."
>The girls began to crawl closer and closer to the unexpecting boy.
>Finally close enough, Lynn Irwin pounced on Lincoln, who emitted a less than manly scream
>"Oh this one's a fighter! Gotta get a good grip on him!"
>Lana jumped up and down excitedly
>"You gotta paralyze him Lynn! Stick your thumb up his butt-"
>"NO LANA STOP ENCOURAGING HER!"

>"Now you Gotta assert your dominance which is why I'm going to put me thumb up his bung hole. Absolutely no ulterior motive here!"
>She glares a little too hard at the camera as she says that last part.
>"No! No! I'm uh ... I'm a stingray! Yeah, I'm your weakness!"
>"Noice try, but we all know that the stingray's natural habitat's the frozen tundras of Africa!"
>"What!?"

>Lana starts to get second thoughts, taking her eyes off the camera lens to look directly at Lynn.
>"Are you sure we should be doing this?"
>Lynn slips out of the Aussie accent.
>"Yeah, it's fine keep filming!"
>Lincoln's squirming harder than an Amayzee Dayzee.
>"No, it's not fine! Please stop filming!"
>"Oi, it seems our lil bugger's trying to break free! Time to use the Lynn Irwin mana drain!"
>She pins Lincoln and gives him a very big smooch on the lips.
>He freezes up in shock.
>Lynn is flustered, blushing, and out of breath.
>"Learned that one ... huff huff, from the Tibetan monks of Saudi Arabia."

>Lana stares at Lincoln's limp body on the grass.
>"Is he dead?"
>"Crikey, I ain't no poacher! I just put him into a state of restful ... uh, rest."
>She twiddled her thumbs and broke her accent.
>"But you think he's okay?" Lynn asks in concern.
>Lincoln's staring wide eyed at the sky. He can't believe Lynn kissed him.
>Lynn starts waving her hand in front of his face to no response.
>She gives Lana a worried look before regaining composure.
>"Uh, right! That's how you uh, tame the wild and dangerous White Haired Loud! Join us next time for more crazy high octane adventures with Lynn Irwin!"
>She does the swiping of the neck motion to cut the camera. Her face just a little panicky.
>Lana closes the camcorder and Lynn immediately starts shaking Lincoln, worried that she broke him or something.
>"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, please wake up!"
>He does a few eyelash flutters, grabs her shoulders and starts wrestling her.
>"And the White Haired Loud's instinctual tactic to capture prey works again!"
>Lana starts excitedly filming again.
>Lincoln's laughing evilly and hammily like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

>"Crikey, it seems we're in a conundrum now! I failed to notice the White Haired Loud's natural ability to play dead to capture prey and escape predators!"
>She easily reverses the pin Lincoln has her in, putting him in a camel clutch and smiling devilishly.
>"I shoulda learned me lesson after fighting that ... uh, TIE Interceptor in Kattelox Island!"
>Lincoln grunts in frustration.
>"Oh, come on you're just making things up now!"
>"Dude, shut up! I failed geography!"
>Lana looked up from the camera.
>"Is this part of the show?"
>Lynn and Lincoln both answered at once.
>Lynn shouted yes.
>Lincoln shouted no.

>Lynn starts pulling on Lincoln's chin. He pounds his fist on the grass in pain.
>"Now unless you want to end up like Brockenman, you better tap out, mate!"
>Lincoln gives a long drawn out grunt.
>"Nuh uh!"
>He flails his hands behind him to grab her.
>Accidently brushes against Lynn's chest.
>Lynn loses her grip, shielding her chest and slipping out of her accent.
>"Hey, hands off the merchandise, dude!"
>Lincoln pounces on top of her, pinning her hands to the floor.
>Face to face.
>He does his own Aussie accent, giving the camera a sly smile.
>"Crikey, looks like our explorer's in trouble now! Wonder what she'll do to get out of thi--"
>He's interrupted when he looks at Lynn's face.
>She's blushing redder than Ermac, eyes shut and her lips puckered, waiting intently for a payback kiss.

>Lincoln nervously darts his eyes between Lynn and the camera.
>Lana leans out of the lens, more than a little confused.
>Lincoln clears his throat.
>"And ... uh, ahem! And now the White Haired Loud will perform its own mana drain to reclaim its lost energy from the overconfident hunter."
>Lynn pushes her head up off the ground just a bit to lean in for a kiss. Lincoln doesn't notice.
>Nervously eyeing the camera, Lincoln slowly goes in and gives Lynn a tiny peck on the lips.
>He immediately pulls his head away, heart beating like a Dethklok drum solo.
>Lynn opens her eyes. A little disappointed.
>"That's it? I mean ... I uh ..."
>She sees Lana filming. Back to her accent.
>"Crikey, I don't think that mana drain was nearly enough! I can feel me strength swelling back up to break free!"
>She looks at Lincoln with a playful smile.
>"Unless you want to be in a world of hurt, I think you'll have to give me another."

>With some hesitation, Lincoln goes in for another kiss.
>Lynn easily breaks her hands free of his pin and puts them on the back of his head and his lower back.
>She wraps one of her legs behind his knee.
>She really puts her all into that kiss.
>I'm talking tongue action here.
>Lincoln has steam coming out of his ears.
>His eyes roll back a little.
>Lana's just finding all of this grossly funny.
>Lynn gives his bottom lip a playful little biting tug as he pulls away.
>He has her saliva dripping down to his chin. He feels like he could breathe fire with how hot he's feeling.
>Lynn's just laughing breathlessly.
>"Crikey, it looks like he drained all of my energy. I guess I gotta take it back the hard way, just like when I ... uh, beat Bluheim in Ixa'taka."
>Lincoln was wide eyed, breathing heavily and staring into space. Raising a single hand in correction. Barely whispering.
>"Bluheim was in Yafutoma."
>"Just shut up and give me another ki--"
>She glances at the camera.
>"I mean, mana drain."