a guest Jul 21st, 2019 76 Never
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- I'm not sure in all honesty if you'll be able to see what I'm saying here, but honestly, what I can see from screencaps is something echoing your discussions with me and even Sparrow from before.
- When talking to you; I'll be frank. It feels like walking on eggshells, often enough. If I call out something I don't like, or if I try to take a different perspective than your own- I immediately get chided at or worry that you're mad at me for having a differing opinion. Likewise; it feels if I'm not 100% on your side, that you'll disregard everything I say as being on someone else's, rather than trying to get you to see things from another perspective. I'm typing all this so you can hopefully understand why I'm weary going into full detail about how I feel about all this, seeing the screen caps, and comparing it to how things went down between you, me, and Sparrow.
- Amber has their demons, that can't be denied. But if you truly want to be friends with someone, and you enjoy their company in full? You're willing to work through those demons- to take time and listen, to reach out to them and offer help as many times as they have done the same for you. To be patient. To not feel attacked so suddenly, to try and understand, or at the very least, awknowledge them but let them know you need a moment to gather your thoughts instead of merely ignoring them.
- I'll be honest; from what they have told me before, to what I see now, you are not being fair. They had a panic attack before, and you went silent on them for several hours, causing them to grow anxious because you weren't answering them, something they have stated that makes them even more anxious. However they're gone for near half an hour, after saying they were waiting for you all day, and to have a friend suddenly tell them that you're on an alt that they aren't aware of, looking for sex? I can't deny I would also feel tilted; it makes it feel like you care far more about getting cock than spending time with them as a friend.
- I can't speak on possessiveness honestly because I only know what I've been told. I will say I have never felt this from them. I've been nervous that seeing a partner I've played with before will come online and hope they understand that I'm wanting to play with them instead; yet all I've seen is a painful selflessness when they would rather me spend time with a partner I haven't seen in awhile and focus on them. Hell. Even then, I try to make it clear that at times I want to make time for them alone, and am willing to sacrifice holding multiple roleplays with others, in order to focus in my entirety on them. Because friendship is a give and take. If you really, really love someone, as a friend or greater, you make sacrifices. You put up with their vices. Likewise, they do the same.
- From logs and what they have told me alike, to me, it seems as if you've just been jaded and defensive about doing any actual wrongdoing. Mental illness is something that can be worked with if you put the work in, often enough. I've seen this with Amber. We have had our disagreements. I've been frustrated. But I've also been touched and happy, enjoyed countless things with them despite everything that has gone down in the past. We work together on things. And in the end, we still consider each other good friends.
- Normally I would be more inclined to be on your side of things if I hadn't seen this before, Moshi. I saw it with Sparrow. With myself. You get upset, and you can be a cruel person even if you don't realize it. You attempt to make a bad guy out of the other person, and even if they are? You attempt to find a way to make it worse. I normally don't jump to such harsh conclusions, whether you believe that or not; but this has happened time. And time. Again now, Moshi. And it will keep happening, I feel like. It's part of why I've been so nervous about actually rekindling our friendship. Because I don't know how long it will be until I do something that turns that anger on me; to transform me into scum of the earth, and make me second guess near everything I've ever said to you. I won't lie, I don't know if I can ever put full trust into you again. I'll merely say I've seen screencaps where it was proved that when you were banned across Moshi Moshi and other Alts, that it was not your first time like you led me to believe. (You had claimed it was because of your VPN matching someone else, and it had to be a complete accident) and it turned my stomach that you had so balantly lied about such things.
- Time and time again, I see you seemingly only come back when it benefits you. Saying that you want to patch things up- but when me and Amber try to do so? 'Im over it'. Clearly not, when you come back and try to patch things up *again*. Yet in the end, I feel something they feel as well. That we're disposable, that when you have the sexual roleplay you need, you can put us on the back burner while you go get your dick wet. No matter what we might be feeling. I felt the same when even we roleplayed. That I only got action or time together late at night, or when I was a more enticing piece than whatever was on that night. At that point, we're not friends. We're someone to help you get your kicks, then shoved down when s more enticing offer comes along. We can't feel safe, or like we can point things out that we feel we have problems about; because we simply are dismissed about being 'butthurt'. I can't tell you how much it hurts. To have stayed up so many nights, and to talk to them, to let them know you *care*. ....and then have them turn on you and claim you're merely being too sensitive or brushing something off as 'oh, you're one of *those* people' when you express your own concerns.
- I'm not sure how much of this will come through to you- but I'm honestly tired of seeing my friends hurt by you. This has happened far too many times to merely be on us alone. You need to realize this, I feel, if you want to keep a friendship going, irl or not. We're not attacking you. We're not trying to make your life miserable. We're merely human, and wish to be treated as such. I only hope you can understand that someday.
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