Lexi/Harken "You cad! You cute, womanizing cad!"

==START!==
[13:26]  * abrasiveCaliginist has begun espering strikingBelladonna
[13:26] <abrasiveCaliginist> Good evening, Lexi.
[13:26] <abrasiveCaliginist> I have returned, and mostly in one piece.
[13:27] <strikingBelladonna> Well, I'm always pleased to hear my favorite faux-grubslinger hasn't yet fallen in glorious battle.
[13:27] <strikingBelladonna> Though, I must say, I had the most darling funeral dress already selected.
[13:28] <strikingBelladonna> Are you sure you are not quite dead, I am ever so disappointed I can't use it.
[13:29] <abrasiveCaliginist> Fairly certain. I think it'd be fine if you wore it anyway. We can pretend, if it assuages your disappointment.
[13:29] <strikingBelladonna> Oh, you'd pretend to be dead for little old me?
[13:30] <strikingBelladonna> I suppose you tell all the girls the same thing, though.
[13:30] <abrasiveCaliginist> I'd pretend to be dead for a lot of people if it got them to stop trying to kill me, but I'd feign death for you in particular.
[13:31] <strikingBelladonna> Well then, consider me duly flattered.
[13:32] <abrasiveCaliginist> Of course. Why wouldn't you be? This is much better than the old, "actually give your life for your matesprit" shtick
[13:32] <abrasiveCaliginist> Because I get to continue experiencing the lovely sensation of breathing.
[13:33] <strikingBelladonna> Oh, am I your "matesprit"?
[13:34] <abrasiveCaliginist> Haha, whaaaaat. Why would you be my matesprit that isn't really something we agreed on right and matespritship ship requires consent but hey you don't know what that is so I guess I can take some small solace in that I mean jeez it's only been five days
[13:35] <abrasiveCaliginist> Not that, y'know, I wouldn't be okay with it if you were! You're pretty, uh, nice! In your own way!
[13:35] <abrasiveCaliginist> Please don't hate me
[13:36] <strikingBelladonna> Why Harken, you charmer, the way you weave these words is enough to make a maiden positively melt.
[13:36] <abrasiveCaliginist> Sorry. I'm not normally that frantic.
[13:37] <strikingBelladonna> No, of course not, just when you're around pretty girls, right?
[13:37] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, not quite.
[13:37] <abrasiveCaliginist> Only when I'm around pretty girls who don't want to murder me.
[13:39] <strikingBelladonna> Well, it's nice to know all I need to do is try and kill you to have a normal conversation.
[13:40] <abrasiveCaliginist> Oh darn. I screwed up the lovely thing we have here. Maybe you'll get to wear your dress after all.
[13:40] <abrasiveCaliginist> Then again, I might need to get a suit. I won't just keel over.
[13:41] <abrasiveCaliginist> As SOMEBODY might learn fairly soon, should she try to kill me.
[13:42] <strikingBelladonna> I'd never actually kill you of course, you're far too precious to risk losing.
[13:42] <strikingBelladonna> But that's hardly important, am I sensing a romantic rival brewing?
[13:43] <abrasiveCaliginist> A romantic rival? I don't think that's quite how the quadrant system works. Then again, it's been a good minute since I've had an actual flushed or caliginous relationship.
[13:44] <strikingBelladonna> You can hardly blame a girl for getting jealous when she finds out a pretty alien might try to off her intergalactic paramour.
[13:45] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, the plus side is that she only threatened to kill me if I came near her.
[13:45] <abrasiveCaliginist> She thought we were alike. HAH! As if I'd treat killing like some sort of perverse sport!
[13:45] <strikingBelladonna> An invitation if ever I've heard one! What a loose woman!
[13:46] <strikingBelladonna> However am I to compete if I don't immediately toss up my skirts and allow you access to everything about me?!
[13:46] <abrasiveCaliginist> ((Take 10 real quick. Got something what needs doing.))
[13:46] <strikingBelladonna> ((aight))
[13:47] <strikingBelladonna> ((ping me on here when you get back))
[14:05] <abrasiveCaliginist> Yes, but that isn't how caliginous relationships work. Here, let me finally explain.
[14:05] <abrasiveCaliginist> Do you know anyone, or have you known anyone, who has driven you up the wall? Absolutely infuriated you to no end?
[14:06] <strikingBelladonna> Perhaps.
[14:06] <strikingBelladonna> Why?
[14:07] <abrasiveCaliginist> Did they, through the aspects of them that angered you, drive you to be better?
[14:08] <strikingBelladonna> It's possible such a thing may have happened, depending on one's perspective.
[14:09] <abrasiveCaliginist> That's the basis for a kismessitude. They irritate you so much, you just want to be better than them, and you constantly rag on and insult each other.
[14:11] <abrasiveCaliginist> If you don't get it, that's fine. Our system of romance can be a little nuanced at times, and sometimes it even confuses us.
[14:11] <strikingBelladonna> So... I need not worry about that shameless hussy because she will be your kismesis and I your matesprit?
[14:11] <abrasiveCaliginist> Probably not. Probably.
[14:12] <strikingBelladonna> She will probably not be your kismesis, I will probably not be your matesprit, or I will probably not not need to worry about the shameless hussy?
[14:13] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, she probably won't kill me, is what I mean.
[14:14] <strikingBelladonna> And that would constitute her failing her duties as a kismesis?
[14:14] <abrasiveCaliginist> Yes. That's when caliginous relationships get out of hand.
[14:14] <abrasiveCaliginist> It's equivalent to, I don't know, abusing your matesprit.
[14:16] <strikingBelladonna> Then, if I am understanding this correctly, your culture has a perfectly reasonable excuse for you to date the two of us at the same time, but I need not be jealous simply because she is pretty and you wish to be intimate with her, because it is entirely different.
[14:16] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, it doesn't mean *I* want to cater to her theatrics.
[14:17] <abrasiveCaliginist> "Bluh I'll put an arrow through your throat."
[14:17] <abrasiveCaliginist> As if.
[14:18] <strikingBelladonna> You cad!
[14:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> What!
[14:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> I'm no cad!
[14:19] <strikingBelladonna> Using this strange alien system to excuse your philandering ways!
[14:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> I'm... I'm not a philanderer!
[14:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> I won't start a kismessitude with her!
[14:19] <strikingBelladonna> To think, I contemplated letting you take advantage of me, when you have plans for no less than four other partners to fulfill these quandrants of yours!
[14:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> Especially if she wants to threaten violence!
[14:20] <strikingBelladonna> I am disgusted in the both of us! How could I have been such a fool?!
[14:20] <strikingBelladonna> You with your smooth, grubslingerly wiles, how quickly you made me forget myself and become just another plaything in your parade of women!
[14:21] <strikingBelladonna> I'll never trust again! I shall grow old and alone, with only my cats to keep me company!
[14:22] <strikingBelladonna> I'll be an old maid, whispering to my little buttercup (for that shall surely be his name) that he shall never betray me as that beguiling alien once did all those years ago!
[14:22] <abrasiveCaliginist> No! That's not how it is at all!
[14:22] <abrasiveCaliginist> Wait.
[14:22] <strikingBelladonna> Oh, woe unto those who wear their hearts upon their sleeve, for the world is a cruel and cold place, and many will take advantage of them!
[14:22] <abrasiveCaliginist> Is this more sarcasm?
[14:23] <strikingBelladonna> How dare you accuse me of sarcasm when my heart has so been rent from your callous misconduct?!
[14:23] <abrasiveCaliginist> No, no!
[14:23] <abrasiveCaliginist> I just...
[14:23] <abrasiveCaliginist> Dammit!
[14:24] <abrasiveCaliginist> ((My sides are being destroyed vamp))
[14:24] <strikingBelladonna> Truly, you are the most unconscionable of curs, to so abuse a woman and then expect her to be entertaining you with histrionics in response!
[14:25] <abrasiveCaliginist> No, wait, that's not what I said though...
[14:25] <abrasiveCaliginist> I said she wants me to entertain her histrionics.
[14:25] <strikingBelladonna> And the tentacles! Oh sweet mercy, the tentacles!
[14:25] <abrasiveCaliginist> Okay we don't have tentacles c'mon we've been over this
[14:26] <strikingBelladonna> They were everywhere as you ravaged me, yet all I can now imagine is how they must have intertwined with that godless whore of an archer you've been of cavorting with!
[14:26] <strikingBelladonna> ((off*))
[14:27] <abrasiveCaliginist> No no no look there's a difference between her coming on to me and me actually reciprocating
[14:27] <abrasiveCaliginist> Lexi please!!!!!!!
[14:27] <strikingBelladonna> But a sin of the mind is as to one as a sin of the heart, and so soon shall you be fleeing from my bosom to hers as I shall bring mine to the blade!
[14:28] <abrasiveCaliginist> What no
[14:28] <abrasiveCaliginist> I would never consider doing so!
[14:28] <strikingBelladonna> And now you would retract your statements, yet further manipulations to keep me dancing within your lecherous designs!
[14:29] <abrasiveCaliginist> No! That's not it at all!
[14:29] <abrasiveCaliginist> I never said I would!
[14:29] <abrasiveCaliginist> And I am reinforcing the fact that I would never!
[14:29] <strikingBelladonna> Scarcely moments ago, you said I had naught to worry about, as she would be your kismesis and I your matesprit, yet now you say such a thing never even crossed your mind!
[14:30] <strikingBelladonna> Where do these lies and manipulations end, Harken?!
[14:30] <abrasiveCaliginist> There never were any such falsehoods!
[14:30] <strikingBelladonna> When might I free myself from this web of probing tentacles you have weaved about me, and return once more to my quiet and peaceful life?!
[14:31] <abrasiveCaliginist> Dammit not the tentacles again!
[14:31] <abrasiveCaliginist> One day, I shall show you a picture of myself and prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that I do not have a single tentacular appendage!
[14:31] <strikingBelladonna> It is enough to bring a girl to tears! Such cruel mistreatment! Such horrendous machinations, bringing me ever closer to you so that you might steal from me my maidenhead as a thief makes off with a prized jewel in the night!
[14:32] <abrasiveCaliginist> Never!
[14:32] <abrasiveCaliginist> I am always faithful!
[14:33] <abrasiveCaliginist> Please don't cry!
[14:33] <strikingBelladonna> And now you say you would never take my maidenhead, denying a woman the most dearest gift she could give her partner! How you wound me!
[14:33] <abrasiveCaliginist> What even
[14:33] <abrasiveCaliginist> I wouldn't just take it and run off with it!
[14:33] <strikingBelladonna> It is my weight, is it not! I am too fat for your tastes!
[14:34] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, no, actually you're quite fit.
[14:34] <strikingBelladonna> You need not lie, I understand, I shall go without food!
[14:34] <abrasiveCaliginist> Just saying, the training paid off.
[14:34] <strikingBelladonna> I will never eat again, and leave behind a corpse you will wish you had taken advantage of rather than simply stringing along!
[14:36] <abrasiveCaliginist> No! Don't do that!
[14:36] <abrasiveCaliginist> I hasten to warn you that I take threats of suicide very seriously, Sai Lexi.
[14:37] <strikingBelladonna> Fine then, I shall not bring an early end to my life, I shall instead remain your tentacles' plaything until I reach my natural end.
[14:38] <abrasiveCaliginist> I don't think of you as some waif with which I may do what I please! This is... There's more than that!
[14:39] <strikingBelladonna> You need not lie to me any further, Harken, I understand what my lot is to be in life. You will take me as yet another concubine within your perverted alien society, and I shall spend my days being violated horrendously by your tentacles.
[14:39] <abrasiveCaliginist> Urgh!
[14:40] <abrasiveCaliginist> We don't... That's not how we work! C'mon! I'm serious here!
[14:41] <strikingBelladonna> How am I meant to believe what you say about your culture when you insist on denying the existence of your tentacles to me?!
[14:41] <abrasiveCaliginist> Okay, let me... Hang on. Gonna fiddle with this computer a bit...
[14:42]  * abrasiveCaliginist sent notentacles.png!
[14:42] <abrasiveCaliginist> [it's a grainy full body picture of Harken.]
[14:42] <abrasiveCaliginist> sorry. Lighting is awful here.
[14:42] <strikingBelladonna> Huh, in low lighting, you look cute.
[14:43] <abrasiveCaliginist> Really?
[14:43] <abrasiveCaliginist> I've never been called "cute" before.
[14:44] <strikingBelladonna> Mayhaps I just have unusual taste in cuteness.
[14:45] <abrasiveCaliginist> I... Guess so? But more importantly, this proves once and for all that I do not have tentacles!
[14:45] <strikingBelladonna> You are quite right, any presumption I would make regarding your tentacles has been woefully off base.
[14:46] <abrasiveCaliginist> You and I are not so different in our distinct lack of tentacles.
[14:46] <strikingBelladonna> A shame, really, a cute alien with tentacles would be nearly irresistible.
[14:46] <abrasiveCaliginist> I mean, I can glue on some tentacles. It wouldn't be a big deal.
[14:47] <strikingBelladonna> It would not be the same.
[14:47] <abrasiveCaliginist> True, true.
[14:47] <abrasiveCaliginist> I guess I'd better go find some radioactive material. Maybe I'll get lucky and grow a tentacle in addition to getting cancer.
[14:48] <strikingBelladonna> That is an excellent plan, but, before you do run off in a quest to grow further appendages with which you could fondle me, I am truly curious to know more of this filthy huss- I mean, archer.
[14:50] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, her name is Innana, and I first ran into her five days ago.
[14:51] <abrasiveCaliginist> ((One moment))
[14:52] <abrasiveCaliginist> ((K back))
[14:52] <abrasiveCaliginist> I was fleeing some pursuers after I killed a few more grubslingers.
[14:53] <abrasiveCaliginist> I wandered into the woods she had rather pretentiously claimed as her own. It was a bad time in general.
[14:53] <abrasiveCaliginist> I killed a hell deer, and this kid just stepped out with a bow and arrow and said "okay, I'll shelter you for the night."
[14:54] <abrasiveCaliginist> So I slept on a cushion, and pissed her off by "not earning a kill" the next morning. She promptly knocked me out, and I burned the bodies of the slain when I woke up.
[14:55] <abrasiveCaliginist> She had an odd, truncated way of speaking, and struck me as something of a mystic.
[14:56] <strikingBelladonna> She sounds like an interesting girl, I can see why you're attracted to her.
[14:57] <abrasiveCaliginist> I have repeatedly stated that I am not attracted to her. If you choose not to believe me, I am sorry. I've spoken nothing but the truth.
[14:58] <strikingBelladonna> Deny it all you wish, loverboy, I see the truth behind your words, even if you yourself are blind to it.
[15:00] <abrasiveCaliginist> You'll just have to trust me, Lexi.
[15:01] <strikingBelladonna> Oh, very well, if I absolutely must trust you, Harken, I shall believe that you believe you are not attracted to her.
[15:01] <abrasiveCaliginist> Thank you.
[15:03] <strikingBelladonna> Still, it is a shame I cannot meet her, she sounds quite... fetching.
[15:04] <abrasiveCaliginist> Hm. Waxing red are we? That's slightly disappointing. All this trouble to prove my devotion to you, and you'd cast it away like so much garbage!
[15:04] <abrasiveCaliginist> However shall I survive!
[15:04] <abrasiveCaliginist> Spurned, by the object of my flushed affections!
[15:05] <strikingBelladonna> I know, the heart of a woman is a fickle and cruel mistress, but you must simply hope that she does not intrigue me more than you.
[15:06] <strikingBelladonna> Stay strong, my dearest one, perhaps I shall return and settle for you.
[15:06] <abrasiveCaliginist> "Settle"?! As if!
[15:07] <strikingBelladonna> Ah, yes, how could I forget, you are the greatest male specimen your species has to offer, and we have not even begun to touch on your flawless personality, cutie.
[15:08] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, okay, greatest is probably overdoing it. I'm confident, not self-centered, but I digress.
[15:08] <abrasiveCaliginist> I am the best, and I believe it wholeheartedly. To prove it, I shall give you a whole list of esperhandles! Let me dig them up real quick.
[15:08] <abrasiveCaliginist> So, first, there's Noah. He's a bit strange, but his handle is dualisticArcanist
[15:09] <abrasiveCaliginist> Then there's Vera. Sweet girl. Maybe a little naive, though. Her handle is arkeUnbound.
[15:10] <abrasiveCaliginist> Lastly, there's Innana. culminateCarnivore is her name. She's... Well, she just doesn't get it. That's what I think.
[15:11] <abrasiveCaliginist> ((Wait, am I missing anyone? I think that's everyone harken knows for now))
[15:11] <strikingBelladonna> ((Uh, you've got terra, kriem, and allie, so yeah, you're good))
[15:12] <strikingBelladonna> I presume I am now expected to fly off to them on a quest to gather further information on your bestness?
[15:13] <abrasiveCaliginist> Do what you like. It is evident to me that you will not rest until you've explored all options. It's prudent and, on some level, I respect that.
[15:14] <abrasiveCaliginist> I can do little else but state my own desires and make my case. Beyond that, it's all you.
[15:15] <strikingBelladonna> Very well then, I shall set off posthaste on my journey. Wish me God's speed, my dear, for I go to traverse strange and interesting new lands.
[15:16] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, romance isn't really all that strange.
[15:16] <abrasiveCaliginist> Complicated, maybe, but strange? I don't think so.
[15:16] <strikingBelladonna> The lands were representative of the people...
[15:17] <abrasiveCaliginist> Oh.
[15:17] <abrasiveCaliginist> Well, have fun. I'm off to go sleep. It's nearly dawn, and I must try to maintain a semi-normal sleep schedule.
[15:18] <strikingBelladonna> It seems that if you're falling to sleep at near dawn, then you have already failed, but far be it from me to question an alien's sleep, especially one so together as you.
[15:18] <abrasiveCaliginist> Mm. Might be a topic for tomorrow night.
[15:18] <strikingBelladonna> Good night, Harken, sleep well.
[15:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> Long days and pleasant nights, Lexi.
[15:19]  * abrasiveCaliginist has gone offline.
[15:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> "What have I done."
[15:19] <abrasiveCaliginist> ==END!==