The Winner [AiE]

>Applejack and family was out in Appaloosa visiting family.
>Rainbow Dash was invited to come along and see the sights and whatnot.
>Because she hadn't seen enough the last couple times she was here.
>It's a dusty, run-down western town.
>But she agreed reluctantly regardless.
>Maybe something interesting will happen this time.
>As they arrive, she finds out that no, nothing interesting will ever happen in this hodunk town.
>That is until their cousin Braeburn brought up one fun idea.
>"How's about we go to the saloon and have a drink or two?"
>"That's a mighty fine idea, cousin," agreed Applejack.  "Big Mac?"
>"Eeyup," agreed the large red stallion.
>"Aw, yeah!  I'm down for a night of partying!" shouted Rainbow Dash.
>Finally, something she could get into.
>Applebloom had to stay behind with Granny Smith for obvious reasons.
>The party of four made their way from Braeburn's home, through the apple orchard, and down Main Street.

>Braeburn holds the double swinging doors and allows the ladies to pass through first like a gentleman.
>The two stallions followed suit.
>The saloon was a nice little honky tonk that the majority of the town's stallions gathered at night to sing, share exaggerated tales, and unwind from a hard day's work.
>Several mares were around as well, either as barmaids, dancers, or there to drink as well.
>A couple buffalo were patroning the bar too.
>The Apples and Rainbow Dash found a seat at a nearby table.
>They ordered up a pitcher of beer from one of the barmaids who promptly brought it back for them.
>Braeburn tipped her a couple bits and a sly wink.
>"Bottoms up," said Applejack as she already poured herself one a tipped it back.
>"Hey!" hollared Rainbow Dash.  "You're gonna drink it all!"
>"I payed for the darned thing," retorted Applejack as she started pouring herself a second mug.
>"Hey now, I pitched in as well," said Braeburn as he held out his mug for Applejack to fill.
>Big Mac nudged his from across the table.
>Rainbow Dash also offered up his.
>"I ain't pouring y'all's drinks," said Applejack.  "What do I look like, your mother?"
>"You look like a pansy," said Braeburn with a smirk as he poured himself a glass.

>Applejack slammed her drink onto the tabletop.
>"You got something to say me, bub?" she challenged.
>Braeburn casually sipped on his drink before slowly setting it onto the table.
>"Yeah.  You're a lightweight."
>Rainbow Dash burst into a fit of laughter and Big Mac simply raised an eyebrow at the ensuing altercation.
>"You wanna take this outside, cousin?" challenged Applejack.
>"You think I'm a scared of you?" taunted Braeburn.  "I bet I could give you one free hit and you wouldn't drop me."
>"I can think of somewhere that'll drop you in one hit," said Applejack in a low voice.
>Braeburn's eyes widened and his pupils shrunk.
>His tail quickly tucked itself and he sat his rear down on his chair.
>"Now that's just fighting dirty," said Braeburn.
>"Eeyup," commented Big Mac as he took a drink.
>"I still think I would win," muttered Braeburn into his glass.
>"Pfft, please!" spoke up Rainbow Dash.  "Applejack would whoop your skinny butt in a fight.  Heck, I can whoop 'her' in a fight!  I'm easily the best one here."
>All three of the Apples looked up and stared at the arrogant pegasus.
>"Actually," started Applejack.  "That title belongs to that one, over there."
>She pointed across the saloon to a large figure sitting at the bar.
>Why hadn't Rainbow Dash noticed him when she walked in?
>Not important.

>Rainbow Dash scoffed the drunk old fool with a beer in his hand.
>"Pfft.  Right.  Him?  Really?"
>The others just nodded.
>"I bet if I hit him right, I could knock him right off that stool of his."
>"That's a terrible idea," said Applejack with a shake of her head.
>"Eeyup," confirmed Big Mac
>"I'd watch out if I were you,"  said Braeburn.  "That one there is the one called Anonymous.  He's been in a whole lotta fights and he ain't never lost a one of 'em."
>Rainbow Dash raised a brow.
>"You're yanking me."
>"I most certainly am not, little lady," said Braeburn before he polished off his drink.
>"Anon's a winner," said Applejack.  "And there ain't nothing good that will come of you pickin' a fight with him."
>"You guys are just sissies.  I can fight better then both of you combined."
>Rainbow Dash took the first swig of her drink; a rather large one at that.
>Applejack and Braeburn exchanged an annoyed glance before shrugging their shoulders.
>"Nnope," comment Big Mac as he finished off his third drink already.
>This elicited a chuckle from his cousin and sister, as well as a look of disdain from Rainbow Dash.

>The group continued to talk and drink, ordering several more pitchers as the night progressed.
>At one point, Braeburn and Big Mac decided to go play some cards at a table nearby.
>Rainbow Dash and Applejack were still sipping on their beers.
>Rainbow Dash wouldn't let it drop that she could totally whoop that stranger's butt.
>Applejack did what she could to discourage her, but it stayed on her friend's mind the entire time.
>But Rainbow Dash had about five beers too many.
>"Hey Applejack," she said.  "Do me a favor and pour me another one."
>"No problem, RD," replied Applejack as she grabbed the pitcher.
>While her friend was distracted, the pegasus quickly slipped away from the table.
>When Applejack finished pouring her drink, she tried to pass it off.
>"Here you go, RD."
>Except there was no one around.
>"Hey, Anonymous!" came a familiar voice.  "You're a pussycat!"
>The entire saloon fell deathly silent.
>The music stopped and the crash of glass hitting the floor accented the silence.
>Applejack knew who the voice belonged to.
>She saw Rainbow Dash faced the back of the man at the bar.
>She stood tall and proud as she challenged him.
>"Why don't you and me go outside and we will see who's the better pony?"
>Applejack could just pull her hat down over her face at her friend's enormous amount of stupidity.

>Anonymous slowly looked up from his beer, released his beer glass, and gripped the bar with a very large hand.
>He braced himself against the wall as he stood up and turned around.
>Rainbow Dash's ears fell flat against her head and a large, worried frown overcame her face.
>She hadn't realized that the guy was leaning over the bar.
>She though maybe he'd have been like the buffalo with a large, hunched back.
>Dear Celestia, was she wrong.
>That man was 'tall'.
>His head nearly hit the ceiling.
>Rainbow Dash had to back a few steps away just to be able to look him in the eyes.
"Do you really think you got what it takes?" asked Anonymous with a deep voice.
>Rainbow Dash regained her composure and lifted off the floor to be eye-level with the human.
>"Are you kidding?  I'm the best around at anything!" said the cocky blue pegasus.
>Anonymous chuckled.
>He can sense that this pony doesn't know true competition.
"Let me tell you something about being a winner," he told her.

>Anonymous sat back down on his stool but still faced Rainbow Dash.
"Do you see these big, pearly whites of mine?" he asked, showing off his teeth.
>"Yeah?  So?" replied Rainbow Dash.  "At least I know your big head won't eat me."
>All she could see was a lack of sharp teeth.
"What you don't know is that none of these are mine.  All of mine flew away in a bout with a particularly large minotaur.  I sent him away cussing and nursing seven broken bones.  He only broke three of mine.  That makes me the winner."
>Rainbow Dash waved a dismissing hoof through the air.
>"Big deal.  I've broken my wings several times in competitions."
"I got a steel pin that holds my jaw to my face," Anonymous continued.  "A trophy of a race in Manehatten when I was tripped by an sore loser earth pony and shattered my jaw.  I finished quickly and proudly in first before I went to the hospital."
>"I won a foot race against all of Ponyville without my wings," said Rainbow Dash.
>"That's a big, fat lie and you know it!" hollared Applejack from across the saloon.
>"Shut up, AJ!" shouted back the pegasus.
"Well these ain't tall tales," said Anonymous.  "My back was broken in a nearby town by a buffalo who thought it'd real funny to charge me while I was wearing a red shirt.  Needless to say, I stole his horns away and keep them as a brace for my back.
>"T-that ain't so bad," said Rainbow Dash.
"Come again?" asked the man.  "I apologize, but you're gonna need to speak up when you challenge me.  I can't hear so well with these migraines and this here cauliflower ear.  Heck, could you even step a bit to the right?  This glass eye ain't good for much except making me look dapper as heck."
>Anonymous snorted and wiped away some snot from his nose.
"My nose has been broke so often that I'd probably lose it if I sneezed."

>Rainbow Dash was still in silence, but the rest of the saloon had a silent smirk on their faces.
"So, you say you still want to fight?" asked Anonymous, standing back up and cracking his knuckles.
>Rainbow Dash took a few steps back.
>"I...  I..." she stuttered.
>The man gave a short laugh.
"You know?  A scrapper such as yourself reminds me of myself in my younger days.  Unfortunately for you, I feel no need to fight anymore.  In fact,"
>He sat right back down in his stool.
"I think I'm just gonna sit right here and drink this beer all night.  And if there's something you gotta gain to prove by winning some silly fight, well then okay.  I quit.  I lose.  You're the winner."
>And with those final words, he turned back towards the bar and took another sip of his drink.
>The saloon erupted in a roar of laughter.
>Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel embarassed and insulted.
>"Hey!  You stand back up and we go outside!  Right now!" she challenged.
>The pegasus hovered in the air and gave a few jabs to the man's back who simply looked back at her and gave her a dismissing wave.
>Applejack grabbed her friend by the tail and dragged her back.
>"Whoa, nelly!  Calm down there, RD.  I think it's time for us to go."
>"No!  I can take him!" fought the pegasus.
>Braeburn and Big Mac helped to pull the stumbling mare out of the saloon.
>The hoots of laughter from the crowd followed them out, soon to be drowned out by the resuming music.

>Rainbow Dash was very sore from the exchange she had with Anonymous.
>"Face it, Rainbow Dash," spoke up Applejack.  "There was no way you could have won that."
>"Are you kidding?" defended Rainbow Dash.  "He was old and broken!  It would have been nothing at all!"
>"Except," interjected Braeburn.  "Had you won, you'd have beaten up an old, broken man.  Had you lost, well...  Same thing but reverse."
>"Eeyup," said Big Mac.
>"So why didn't you just tell me that instead of making it seem like he was invincible!" demanded Rainbow Dash.
>"Because he is," said Braeburn.  "He woulda mopped the floor with you the moment he stepped outside."
>"Just let it go, RD," said Applejack.  "You're drunker than the rest of us."
>Bigmac was only mildly tipsy, despite the amount of drinks he's had and Braeburn was still feeling pretty good.
>Applejack was drunk too, but at least she wasn't getting so incredibly stupid.

>Rainbow Dash just grumbled as they walked back to Braeburn's home.
>She was deep in thought as she went.
>"Come to think of it," she started.  "My wings and back ain't broke."
>"Yeah?" asked Applejack.
>"My eyes still see, my nose still works, and my teeth are still in my mouth."
>"What are you getting at?" wondered Braeburn.
>"Compared to him?" asked Rainbow Dash.  "I guess that makes me...  The winner!"
>"I don't think it works like that," said Applejack.  "Y'all didn't even fight.  Just talked."
>The triumphant pegasus didnt hear her friend and instead decided to do a victory lap through the air.
>Except that she forgot to flap her wings and ended up flopping flat onto the ground, knocking herself out cold.
>The three Apple ponies just stared at her and sighed.
>"Big Mac, would you mind?" asked Applejack.
>"Nope," answered her brother as he lifted Rainbow Dash onto his back and carried her the rest of the way home.