I have a problem with being too touchy & flirty, especially when drinking. It was really bad in my early days of Smash. I used to just think I was being funny or harmless. We'd joke about how "MacD 's just being MacD haha." In my past few days of reflecting, I've realized just how disturbing it is. How fucked up I've been. The last time this was publicly brought up was a wake up call I desperately needed. That doesn't change or help the things I did before. Hell, even since then there are people I've hurt.

I'm sorry to all those I've hurt and made uncomfortable - I was a problem, I just didn't understand how much of one. I thought things were fine cause "haha he's gay, just flirting with straight guys." Since things would "never happen" because they were straight, it was okay for me to do what I did. There were some that were underage. I thought it was just harmless flirting. Some words, a silly smile, a bop on the head, an arm around the shoulder. People were laughing. It seemed like we were all just having fun. It's ok even if someone feels slightly uncomfortable because everyone else is laughing. I was so so wrong. I was thinking of everyone as equals, when I should have seen the age and maturity differences.

2016 was a wake up call. I realized I had these issues and started dealing with them. These past few days of reflection were an even bigger wake up call. I've been thinking back on many of my interactions. I never comprehended how many things I thought were mild or harmless, were actually so messed up. I had worked on myself so much, but there is still so much to go.

If I've hurt you I'm sorry. If you want to have a conversation, I'll listen. If you just want me to know and not respond, I'll read.

Any of you who only follow me because of smash should leave.
Any of you who were only Smash friends should leave.

I will be fully removing myself from smash. I feel like a stain that people should never have to deal with. Don't waste the CoC's time. Just have them lifetime ban me. I'm also going to tone down my drinking, if not outright quit. So many of the people I hurt were because of alcohol. This is a 2nd wake up call, the final one. I wasn't aware enough or mature enough in 2016.

I'm fortunate that people helped me see my problems many years ago. It's been 4 years since I understood there was a problem. I am not that same person any more and so thankful for that, but I'm also not as good of a person as I thought. That doesn't change my past and what I've done. I completely understand and accept anyone who leaves my life or the consequences I face.

(I won't be on Twitter to read any replies or messages)