Thread 82: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/23443675
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>Flash
"Fizzle"
'???'
~~~~~

>This is the stupidest thing we've ever done.

"If by that you mean the smartest thing we've ever done, yes, correct, right."

>Sometimes I feel like you hear my sanity, lick your own ear, chew it up and spit out crazy.

"Dude, listen, listen, this is perfect, you hear me? This is a gift from FAUST herself! This is a gift and we are going to accept it like the good little Faustlovers we are. Us missing that train? It was destiny a calling! DESTINY!"

>If by Destiny you mean 'you melted the fucking alarm', yes, it's destiny, you are a destined being.

"That is exactly what I meant and you can't stop me!

>...So, what's the plan here?

"What's the plan? What's the plan!? Are you stupid!? Are you a moron!? It's fucking obvious man!"

>Fly to the train with the Queen we're supposed to be on and do the job she actually gave us before she reconsiders that whole 'turning us into "Secretaries" thing' and you end up covered in something white that isn't your scales?

"NO! Fucking no, we don't go on the train yet, that's stupid! We're faster than the train!"

>Hence why we should-

"Why we should wait and then do it later! What's important now... is them."

>...Them?

"The scientists you asshole! The scientists! We gotta break them out!"

>Isn't Pennydrop trying very, very, very hard not to be connected to that?

"Well, yeah, but think of how easy that'll be when they're all loose!"

>By us.

"Yeah! If they're all loose by us, she'll know who to thank while she sweeps up her sweet science loving!"

>The only science loving that's going to come out of this is if you end up sold to be some lab assistant to a lonely nerd with a dragon fetish.

"This'll totally fucking work man! She'll thank us, and we'll get those upgrades we totally deserve!"

>I'm more for just going and catching up to the train-

"TOO LATE!"


The dragon dove down before he could get another word in, leaving Flash with little choice but to dive down with him as he rammed headon into the front doors of the warehouse.

His claws turned to lava as he did so, shattering the bolt lock that held the doors shut, and flinging the doors open with reckless abandon.

Before they even finished, he fired a bolt of electricity, shattering the lock on the nearest cage while he let out a high pitched, shrieking laugh of glee. To his surprise, nobody tried to move.

"UH, HEY!? ALRIGHT FUCKERS! WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE... Oh, come on."

The inactivity became obvious as to the why when no less than ten soldiers fell in line, pointing their guns straight at the dragon. Before anyone could move, four others slammed the cages shut, and held them locked in place.

"Oh please, your little fucking pea shooters aren't going to-"

'HOLD YOUR FIRE! FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA DON'T PISS IT OFF!'

"HA! I knew it! But I'm guy, you little bitch! I don't care what color I am, I'm one hundred percent Alpha motherfucking DRAGON-"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"........."

He turned around, and around, then he looked up, and up, and up, and uuuupppp.

"...I... I could totally take you."

In response, the giant centipede just let out a bolt of electricity.

"...Lightning powers! Uh... that's... that's new. Didn't know... you had lightning powers. I do too but they're... they're smaller."

It now occurred to him that he was going to be going to jail for a very, very long time.

>See, Cruncher! I fucking told you so!

If he wasn't so utterly horrified, he might've been confused when Flash, now for some reason sporing a mask that covered most of his face, stomped up to him.

>Those are ACTUAL GUARDS!

"...A-... actual?"

What he meant was "Why the fuck wouldn't I think that?"

What THEY heard was-

'Yes, ACTUAL guards! As in, ACTUAL FUCKING MILITARY GUARDS!'

>NOT kidnappers!

"...Not kidnappers?"

>NOT FUCKING KIDNAPPERS!

'You thought we were kidnappers?'

"I... thought you were kidnappers?"

>We both thought you were kidnappers!

'Why the fuck would we be?'

>Because you're holding a bunch of scientists in very small cages inside of a previously abandoned warehouse and guarding them with heavy weaponry?... And that thing, apparently, but we didn't know that was, like... alive.

Every one of the guards shared a look.

'...We do kind of look like a bunch of kidnappers.'

>You really do.

'Well, we're obviously not! We got the orders for this from Celestia herself!'

>...Why is Celestia holding a bunch of-

'CLASSIFIED!'

>Oh... well, you see why we broke in, right?

'No! Why didn't you just ask! You broke so much stuff!'

>...Why... why didn't we ask the heavily armed kidnappers?

'Not kidnappers!'

>...

'...You are so under arrest!'

And there came the panic again!

>No, yeah, that's fair, I don't mind. Princesses seem nice, they'll probably just let us off when they realize we only broke in because we thought a whole bunch of ponies got kidnapped and didn't want to wait for backup. I mean... kinda dumb, but we're mercenaries, we do this shit. They'll let us off with a warning at most.

'...Mercinaries?'

>He's Cruncher, I'm Thumper. Heard of us?

'No.'

>Hurtfu;

'...Princesses ARE just going to let them off, you know, they fucking love stupid heroics like this, and they didn't hurt anybody, and nobody got out.'

'Point... okay, listen, just clean up your mess, and we'll let you off.'

>Sounds fair, right CRUNCHER?

"...he is a very big Centipede."

>He says yes.

"...So, uh... we... we just gonna-"

'Gonna get scrub brushes scorchy.'

"I thought I was... oh..."

He didn't know much about cleaning.

But he did know scorch marks were HELL to get out.

"...So! About your plan?"

>Let's do my plan next time.

"Not gonna mention this to anyone?"

>I'm too embarrassed to want anyone to know.

"...This was-"

>The stupidest thing we've ever done.

"...yeah..."

'GET TO WORK!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Guard
"Rainbolts"
~~~~~

>...You can't be serious.

"CRIMSSSOOOOOOOON, SWOOOOORRRRRD!"

CRACK!

"WAVE SPLITTING LANCE!"

CUT!

"TWIN DAGGERS OF THUNDAAAAA!"

CRACKTHOOM!

"AXE OF THE FOREST BLOW!"

CRUNCH!

"The strike of the night, BOW!"

SHOOM!

"RAINBOLTS! TOKUSENTAI!"

RAINBOOOOOM!

>...Just fucking lift them! Just fucking lift the rubble! Why are you overcomplicating this so much!?

"...they're heavy."

>WHAT!?

"It's just, we got to look good during the fight!... Even if we didn't get to use our mechs."

"The mechs that are still wrecked and princess Twilight refuses to fix for us... YELLOW! WHO'S FAULT THIS IS!"

"And we didn't get to wear our armor."

"Or use our weapons, because we left them in the room."

"But we got to look cool, and if we try to lift them we're just going to hurt ourselves and look dumb! They're heavy!"

>...YOU ARE EXPLODING THEM!

"Exploding them is easy."

>WHA-BUHYOUH-ITCAN'T-

"..."

>...Just don't pose anymore.

"NO CAN DO!"

"RAINBOLTS! TOKUSENTAI!"

RAINBOOM!

>MY EYES! OH CRYSTAL LOVE THE COLORS ARE IN MY EYES!

"DAMN IT YE-'

"Actually, this one was on me."

"Oh... Meh, we forgive you, Blue."

"It happens."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD

>???
“???”
____

As he stood on limbs that cried out for rest, there existed no sympathy within for even his own bodily needs as he flicked out the legs of his shades and fit them on.

He glanced up into the moderately bright sky, a sky riddled with a slight snowfall.

Yes, it was balls cold today, but he didn’t notice.

He only noticed that he was not where he was supposed to be.

Well. That, and the mare climbing out of the box behind him.

“You have got to be joking… up and about already? C’mon! It’s freezing out here and you’ve only had about six hours rest! At best! And two of those hours was me struggling to keep you pinned down!”

>You’re implying there’s rest to be had for one in my line of work. My Queen’s are immortal so… rest is a null concept for me.

Teeth chattering, she huddled closer to the hardened stallion, internally smiling when he didn’t move away.

“…I st-still say y-you should r-r-rest.”

>Would this be… the nurse’s verdict?

The emotionless tone of his voice caused the mare to shrink in on herself.

“I… I’m sorry-”

>Don’t apologize. I knew you weren’t a nurse, but you’ve patched me up numerous enough times to warrant the title in my book.

“…I failed the entry exam, though. Again.”

Continuing to stare towards the sky, Jetset’s jaw firmed.

>So did I. Trying to become what I am today required a great amount of failing, a great amount of stumbling, falling, and bleeding. I was yelled at, threatened, dismissed, given up on… but here I stand, right where I want to be. Well, not literally thanks to a certain someone.

Again, she hunched, but managed a small smile.

“You know, it was pretty cool how you crashed through the ceiling of the hospital like that. Just… baaawsh! Everyone lost their heads! In fact… how in the world did you NOT die from that? You collided with the roof, first off, and crashed through six floors of hospital! How are you breathing?!”

>You would not believe half the stories I have surrounding my training. Some of them are downright horrific in nature and a blight against all things just and fair. Trust me. That? Foal’s play.

There was no hiding the grim look of astonishment that surfaced over the mare’s face.

>And, just a little tidbit? How about the next time you accidentally trip and fall, you make sure my vial isn’t somewhere it can so easily break.

She started to bluster an apology but he was already handing her a new one, filled with that same odd silver substance.

>Here.

“…thank you.”

>No, thank you for saving me from that neverending flight. But now what will you do? That last failure marked your sixty-third try.

Clutching his present close to her chest, the thus far unemployed mare followed his gaze up towards the sky.

For a moment, silence.

“…Time to study and try again. And again. And again. And then hold a party to celebrate my one hundredth failure if it gets that far.”

>Better.

“…And you?”

>The Queen of Changelings flicked me aside with far more ease that I’m willing to admit. A twitch of her hoof and off I was like a caught in the wind. Embarrassing. Judging from the fact that the world is not a burning pyre, I can assume she did not harm my second Queen. But she very well could have, because I was too weak to do anything. I must strengthen myself, in more than just the physical. To do that, there is someone I wish to speak with. Hopefully they will be able to help….

“…Better.”

He would have cracked a grin at the use of his own word against him but she giggled enough for the both of them.

And then the giggling faded and the two continued their skyward gazing in a comfy hush.

>Better days.

“Mmmmhm. Better days, hun.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chitania
"13"
'??'
~~~~~

>We're here.

The changeling on her back snapped up, clearly having dozed off on the way over. Something about being back in that familiar place, that same old spot nestled in her hair... it felt like old times again, and she couldn't help but let the modicum of effort she had done take it's toll on her comparatively weak and frail body, and rest.

Chitania did not mind.

So much so, she didn't even pause to let her get off when she landed.

"You can let me down if you want."

>Is that what you want?

"...Hmm."

Question answered.

>Good, because... you have got to be kidding me.

"What's the mat...ter... what is that sound?"

'....tttyyyyyyYYYYYY!'

Like a blur of snow, a white shape launched in to the taller one, latching onto her leg like a leech.

'Chitty! You're okay! Oh thank Celestia ya' have no idea how freaked out I was cause I mean first you just like stomped out and then you took off and Celestia was after you and then the whole guards started panicking and then I had to go hide at the hotel and I was so freaked out cause I was sure they were gonna come after you but then I had to go pay for the door you broke cause you broke a door and I'm just lucky you showed me where the money is which was really cool so then I was just sitting and waiting and then I saw you and I ran and ran and nobody is trying to arrest you so it's all cool I guess WHATWASGOINGON!?'

>....

"...Mother? Who's this?"

'MOTHER!? Ya' didn't tell me you had a kid!... Er, dunno if that's the right word... Hi!'

"H-hi?"

>This is my... erm... what would be a good term... love donor? I'll go with that. It's less insulting then 'battery' I guess.

"Oh! So... you're how she didn't... like... collapse? Cause I wondered about that."

'Yep! That's me! Names Sweet Note! I mostly just sit around and feed her that stuff ya'll eat, no biggie! Way better than my old job!'

"Oh? What was your old job?"

'....Customer satisfaction.'

"Huh."

>And to answer your question, I didn't know she was alive.

'Oh... oh! Oh wow, yeah, cause you were all... brrr! You know! Er... you uh... want me to make myself scarce? Figure you got some catching up to do.'

>Normally, yes. But... I'm rather low on love right now.

'Oh! Oh, okay, gotcha! All charge you up and then go find somethin' to do, it's fine.'

>Good.

"...where did you find this mare?"

'NOWHERE!'

"..."

'Er, I mean...'

>Don't worry about it. Come, there is... quite a lot we need to talk about. Most importantly, I'm sure you're wondering why... what are you doing?

The mare jerked her hoof away, but she never stopped looking at the angry scar on her chest.

'...Someone hurt you?'

>Not someone still living.

'Oh... yeah, didn't think they'd last after that. You should, uh... you should probably, like, cover that up. Scars don't make ponies think you're tough, scars make them think you bleed. You don't wanna bleed around 'em. Gives 'em funny thoughts.'

>I will have it repaired shortly. It is of little consequence.

'Okay...'

>Good. Come, as I was saying, I'm sure you're wondering why Variolus decided to call me out like that.

"Yeah, that was confusing. Did you and her have a history? I don't remember her all that much."

>There is much to discuss. Come.

'Right behind you!'

"...She seems nice."

>I've occasionally gotten that impression from her.

"No, but really, where did she come from?"

>She was a prostitute.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...So, like grandmother-"

>SHE JUST HAD BAD EYESIGHT! THAT'S ALL!"

"I never once met her, and even I can tell you're in denial... just glad you're not in denial about-"

>I just needed food!

"Nevermind."

>WHAT!?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Crystal Guards"
~~~~~

>Wow, this is ridiculously well organized. Princess Cadence is way better at this than I thought.

"Pfft."

>Sorry, I know how that sounds, I'm just saying. She's already planned on how everything needs to go and this things on autopilot. How the fuck did she plan the best routes to get the rubble out already? It wasn't rubble four hours ago! She's damn good!

"Hhn."

>I mean, that's not even getting into the whole stores thing. I mean, that's just planning ahead. Nobody is going to go hungry anytime soon, that's for damn sure. Very forward thinking.

"Heh."

>I'm serious!... You think she'd give me pointers?

"..."

>...

"...PFFTAHAHAHHAHAH!"

>Okay, I get concerning past comments, she'd probably be hesitant, but still. You don't have to be mean about it...

"AHHAHAHHAHAHAH!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>7
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>M-Majesty?

He had to sneak in as best he could, in a show that would have impressed any changeling infiltrator the world over!

...Even though nobody really seemed to wish to stop him and, for all he knew, they were encouraging visitors, but no matter! He had managed to sneak like a sneaker should!

...the act sneaker, not the shoe.

>Majesty?

She grunted, a single pained eye cracking open like a rotten egg, and the sight within it to match that feeling.

"Seven."

>Um... R-reporting in, Majesty, I have uh... I have my report... I think that's why they say reporting in, because you are-

"What did I tell you to doooooooo?"

His stomach bottomed out, and he was suddenly very thankful she didn't have the firepower to take off his head.

>Uh... o-obey Forty Two? And... and she was the one who asked for me-

"I doubt she asked for you specifically."

>Well... I mean, she did, kinda, cause I was... well, it's more like she asked for a group I was in and I was in it, so-

"What. Did I tell you. To. Doooooo?"

>...G-go get Celestia's hair?

"Veeeerry good. You do, in fact, remember. I was honestly worried you had brain damage at this point."

>...I-I got Twelve out, Majesty.

"Oh, I heard. First one in, fought a centipede, yadda yadda yadda. Heard it all."

>...it was a big centipede.

"My point is, that's not what I told you to do. This is not the first time you have not done what I told you to do. I am getting very, very tired of you not doing what I tell you to do. Do you understand?"

>...S-sorry? I uh... O-OH! Here!

From one of his many many holes, he pulled out his last ditch effort.

Admittedly, ten minutes ago it had been his 'bonus points' on top of an assured victory, but now it was a lifesaver.

"...What the fuck is that?"

>Changeling blood, Highness. I don't know where she got so much or who's it is, but I managed to steal it from her! Nobody has our blood stuff now!

"...Fine, take it to Twilight."

Somehow, he had expected more.

>Uh... what?

"Take. It. To. Twilight. So she can find out who's the fuck it is, obviously."

>...That's it?

"Yes, that's your whole mission, I'm honestly worried about you following even that, so I'm not overcomplicating it. Take that blood, put it in Twilight's hooves, and then go... I don't know, go sit with the hive, being in Canterlot has clearly not worked.."

>...That... that's it?

"That is, in fact, it."

Her regal eye closed, her head shuffled a little bit to get comfortable, and it seemed that was, in fact, it.

>... I got shot today.

That closed eye cracked open once more, looked up and down his frame, and closed without anymore fanfare.

"You're not bleeding, you're fine."

>...Sorry I'm not so good at my job, I'll do better next time...

There was a pause, a brief moment when Chrysalis decided to actually mull over those words.

After one solid minute past, she sighed.

"I'm not fucking angry that you're not doing your job well, you're above average at worse, one of the betters at best. Yet you continue to make me mad because you keep disobeying orders I give you for a fucking reason for some stupid need and putting yourself in situations where you constantly end up almost-... Seven?"

The moment her heavy eyes had finally opened, she noticed he was gone.

In that minute of silence, he had left so quietly even she hadn't heard him go.

"...Fine, tell you later, little shit..."

She flopped onto her side, pulling up her covers quite impertinently.

"Hopefully BEFORE you get hospitalized and nearly die, again.... fuck, maybe I should just give him a vacation."

Her eyes couldn't stay open, and she couldn't stay conscious.

"Yeah... guess he could use a vacation..."

In the next two minutes, there was a vial of changeling blood directly in front of Princess Twilight, a little note attached to explain.

After that... there was no sign of the changeling known, as Double O Seven.

He didn't have a mission.

Just... somewhere he needed to be.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Pennydrop
"Assistant"
~~~~

>...How much did we lose?

"Well, thanks to the loss of research, staffing, unfinished experiments that never got a chance to be completed, loss of materials for the machines, loss of property values, complete loss of most of what we set out to make, uh... it's a big number."

>Are we in the red?

"Well... no, we're still in the black thanks to the business from the Gryphon Kingdom. Thanks to that, we're still even this quarter, it's just... well..."

>We were expecting a massive spike up, not barely breaking even.

"Yeaahh... projected profits are going to be a... a little down."

>What are the odds of this being traced back to us?

"Next to nill. And even if someone fingers us, we already have an alibi for you and a scapegoat ready to toss in the way."

>...But there's no way.

"No way to get back the profits we lost, no. Unless we find some way to get at least the completed stuff back, there's no chance of recouping a dime from this."

>...and if we do get the completed data?

"Well, I mean, we have a lot of cures and systems in there that would probably at least put us back in the green. But there's no way, no way do we get a single bit of that information back. Not while it's being watched over by Princess Twilight."

>...

"....Ma'am?"

>...Tell the lab technician in Fillydelphia to prep for... incoming data.

"How... how could you possibly get that close to a princess? How could you get an agent that close?"

>I don't have to... I already have someone there.

"W-what?"

>I said, get to work... and then get me a ship to Canterlot. Time to... recoup some losses.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Gwen
"Vekir"
'???'
~~~~

>So then Hilda decided to show him how to do a necklock... we still don't know what happened, but long story short the Zephyrious's entire room burned down, and then the adjacent bathroom exploded.

"Vekir understands, explody is muchly common around her."

>I do not doubt that in the least.

"Queen Catbird? May Vekir ask a question?"

>By all means.

"When Catbrids fly next to trains carrying giant stacks of papers, what does it mean?"

>...

"..."

Slowly, without even looking, Gwen opened the window.

'Papers for you, my Queen!'

A massive stack of newspapers easily as tall as Vekir were flung in through the window. Outside the gryphon gave an exhausted, yet content salute, then promptly collapsed, rolling to a painful stop sometime later.

>...he's probably alive.

"Vekir did not know Catbird also collected the wordy things like Rekulk did! Very muchly you two would have to talk about!"

>I don't. Why on earth did he decide to give so many papers? This has to be over a month's worth.

"But... they all have same numbers on top. Do numbers not mean day? Vekir was lied to!"

>...

She picked up a one.

Then another.

And another and another and another and another.

She didn't even need to read them, the picture of what was on the front page was plenty.

"...Queen of Catbirds? Your eye is uh... twitching."

>WHAT! THE! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

"Vekir thinks this is good time to get water.... outside, maybe."

>UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >2
"Celestia"
'SA'
[Cadence]
~~~~~~

>Sooooo... sleepover?

'Two, we're not doing a sleepover. We're staying at Canterlot Castle in a guest room.'

[More specifically, my old room!]

>...So, Sleepover.

"She clearly wants a sleepover."

'I'm just happy she's not traumatized because her room got punched.'

[Literally punched.]

>Hey! Least it wasn't me this time!

'...worrying.'

[Definitely have to make an appointment about that.]

>Sooooo... sleepover?

"I'm hearing sleepover."

'Celestia, it's already enough you're putting up with us while our castle becomes something other that 'deadly unstable', we certainly don't have to bug you in your own room.'

>Sooooo....

"...sleepover?"

'Seriously?'

[She's being serious.]

'...Fine.'

"Bunny pajamas are mandatory."

'Seriously?'

"Does this look like the face of anything but upmost seriousness? Bunny pajamas, mister."

>YAY!

FWOOSH!

"She's on target."

[...I just realized that, if ponies ever got that ability, they would completely collapse the fashion industry.]

'Distracting her won't work.'

[Distracting her from what?]

'...how... how did you get on the... I literally just blinked...'

[...]

'...Sooo... sleepover and bunny pajamas?'

"Thus is the law."

>Princess orders!

'Pictures?'

"All of the pictures."

'...Think I would've preferred the trauma.'

>SHUT UP AND BE A BUNNY! Hop hop hop!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"Guard"
~~~

>So... everything's just on autopilot now?

"Yep."

>Nothing really else I can do?

"Nope."

>Everything's optimized, in progress, shied is back up, Heart is working again, all of that?

"Done and done."

>...

"..."

>...I feel like I need to do something.

"Nothing else to do."

>Can... maybe I should... I mean maybe another look at...

"..."

>...nngghhh...

"Are you alright?'

>I need to do something here!

"Uh... well, um..."

>...

"...You could visit the hospital?"

>BRILLIANT! Then I can organize their paperwork!

"That's not what I meant-"

>AWAYYYYYyyyyy...

"...Eighteen is fucking scary sometimes..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Twilight
"Haymaker"
'Lucky'

>WHAT!?

"Oh, hi Princess, we're were just-"

>WHAT!?

'We can totally explain...I think. Okay, not totally, but a large fraction there of.'

>Why is there wet sticky paper everywhere!? Why are heavy weapons pointed at my computer!? WHAT ARE THOSE!?

"Okay, soooo...you kind of have an eldritch monstrosity in your computer, which somehow printed magical origami cordyceps that proceeded to die really easily because paper. We finally just unplugged the printer and threw the stragglers into that terrarium over there."

>...What is WITH this week!?

'We understand completely. Point being, the Captain has this whole room on lockdown until he can speak with you about it and-'

>Fine then. I'll find him and we'll talk about this...thing in the computer. And if I come back and find this place any more damaged than it already is, you are going to regret it, understand me?

"'Yes ma'am!'"

The Princess walked off, annoyance clear on her face.

>This just doesn't end.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"AJ"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but Lord Gaben demands it now! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Howdy."

>What do you think about hatesex?

"...what?"

>You heard me. It's my (not) late night show. I can ask adult questions here. What do you think about hatesex?

"...you mean like having sex with somepony you hate?"

>Just answer the question AJ.

"...I think that it's-"

>Time to end the show here! You've been a great guest. Catch you again some other time!

AJ wakes up.
"...that felt more uncomfortable than usual."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AGENT SWAPPPPP!

~~~~

>...This worked out way better than I thought it would.

"HOLY FUCK CHRYSALIS!"

>Right? Seven never stabbed anybody, but this guy just does it cause. I don't even have to order him to do it, fucker goes right for the eyes. He's amazing. You?

"Uh... well, he succeeded, but-"

>Hospitalized?

"Hospitalized. You?"

>...Actually? Never succeeds in anything he tries, it's weird.

"..."

>...The fuck is up with our agents.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Zephyrious
"Hilda"
'Anton'
~~~~

>...So, little cousin... how are you?

'I itched a bit, I'm kind of worried it's spreading.'

"...Any interesting events here recently?"

'A bug made it's way into my room, I had it burned.'

"The... bug?"

'No.'

>...Interesting methodology.

'Mother is wondering when you two are going to get married.'

"Huh. That's an odd thing for her to take interest in."

>Perhaps she wants to organize the event? I heard from father she loves planning weddings.

"Oh yeah, that makes sense."

'...'

>...What? Oh no, no no no, I don't suppose I'd hire her.

"Myself either, she seems... controlling."

>Not to mention that's a LONG time off, considering.

"Oh lord no. Me, getting married, at a time like this? There is not enough gold in a dragons horde to bribe me into thinking that's a good idea."

>I doubt I'd agree to be wed if someone offered to grant me supermagic.

"...I might. Magic is cool."

>Fair enough, it is very cool.

'...'

>...Erm, not that will be worried too much about that? I assume your own wedding will be-

"Ten years from now, middle of the second season on the first dawn of the eight day."

>...Oddly specific.

"But I suppose It's romantic that you've already found the chick you wish to wed. What's her name?"

'I dunno, mother hasn't introduced us yet.'

>...

"...I see..."

>...Will they be much longer?

"If not, I will set fire to this place, don't tempt me."

'Oh thank the hawk.'

>...

'...You weren't serious, were you?'

"..."

'Don't make promises you can't keep.'

>...Father come back, help.

'At some point... wishing for help becomes pointless.'

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>AJ
"AB"
~~~

"Hey'a, sis! How was yer' week?"

>...

"...Uh... Ah' kinda don't wanna be the one ta' tell ya' this, but uh... well, everyone didn't wanna go home, but gettin' drunk out in the street was bad, so..."

>...

"...they're ALL in there.... yer' room, specifically."

>...

"...And they ain't stayin' sober."

>...Did ya'll really make Two look like an adult and then-

"CHEESE IT!"

>GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE VARMIT! AH'M GONNA FOCUS MAH' RAGE SOMEWHERE!

"NGH!"

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