Fatanon 8

>You are Anonymous.
>You are running faster than you have ever run before.
>There's a little filly in your arms and a giant fucking dog behind you.
>You don't look back, because you know if you do you'll see that thing right on your throat.
>You just run.
>You know your bro has your back, you just hope that she's fast enough to save your ass.
>Ha. Who are you kidding? Of course she's fast enough. She's Rainbow Dash, the fastest little fucker in Equestria.
>You hear the collision and turn, slowing to a gait as you see the giant dog collide with one of the many houses in Ponyville.
>The sheer weight puts a dent in the wall of the house, and before the dog can get up Dash is on him again.
>She literally dive bombs him, flipping in mid-air just in time for her rear hooves to connect with his jaw.
>He's down for the count.
>The filly is still shaking, but you put her down anyways.
>Dash flies to you, panting and grinning.
>The two of you brofist before she lands next to you, "Did you SEE that Anon? I told you I'm awesome, that Diamond Dog didn't stand a chance. I was like, 'Hey Ugly!' and he was like, 'Ergh nooooo my face!"
>You can't help but laugh as she goes on and on about how awesome she is.
>Though you have to admit, she is pretty awesome.
>You look down at the filly, who seems to have calmed down.
>Dash notices her when you look at her, "Applebloom, why were you being chased by a diamond dog?"
>Applebloom takes a deep breath, "I jus' wanted to get my sister somethin' neat. I went to where Miss Rarity always digs, an' I found a couple of gems."
>You notice the saddlebag she has on her back.
>Before you can say anything Dash is already admonishing her. "You should know better, Squirt. I would have gone with you. Did you want to make her a jewellery or something? I know AJ isn't too heavy on that stuff."
>"I wanted to make a necklace like ma's."
>Dash falls silent at that. She looks... contemplative for a long moment, and then smiles, "Okay, I'll keep mum about this whole thing. As far as AJ will know a Diamond Dog wandered into town. On one condition, though."
>"Okay."
>Dash leans down, "Don't EVER go into the wastelands without an adult again, can you promise me that?"
>"Darn tootin'!"
>"Good, because if you do I'll have to tell AJ what you did, and that wouldn't be fun for any of us. Now get to Rarity's. Me and Big Guy'll clean this mess up."
>Applebloom trots off, a bounce in her step as she hums a cheery tune.
"You're good with kids."
>For some reason she blushes furiously at this, "What the hay are you talking about? I just don't want Applejack constantly complaining about this for the next week!"
"And that's your only reason?"
>She shoves you and laughs, "Come on Big Guy, let's get him back where he belongs."
"Don't have to ask me twice."

>Day 40 in Equestria
>Today is the day.
>The day you go to meet the Princess of Equestria.
>So far you've lost around fifteen pounds, but it isn't enough.
>You're still pretty fat, and your goal is fit.
>You're standing in the middle of the library, wearing a nice suit that Rarity tailor made for you.
>You really have to buy that mare dinner some time as thanks for all the clothes she's been giving you for free.
>Hell, she probably needed an army to sew clothes for a beached whale like you.
>Oh yeah, the library.
>Twilight is freaking the fuck out right now.
>She's rushing to and fro with a checklist floating in front of her face.
>You're standing there watching her like a retard.
>You do this a lot.
>You did it with Dash the night you played truth or dare, just stared at her like a neanderthal.
>Come to think of it they've been really quiet about that whole incident.
>Kinda weird.
>Not like you were expecting anything.
>Just...
>They seemed REALLY into it.
>It doesn't help that you've got a bit of a crush on Dash, and MAYBE a little one on Twilight too.
>'Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with me?'
>You try to tell yourself that they're ponies and you are a human, but that's a bit flimsy in the face of reality.
>You don't notice Twilight standing in front of you until it's too late.
>She frowns, "Anon, are you okay? Your face is red. Do you have a fever?"
"Y... yeah I'm fine. Are we gonna get going?"
>Twilight sighs and brings a a hoof to her face, closing her eyes, "I don't know. I want everything to be just right and..."
"Twi, it'll be fine. You told me she's super cool, and I don't think she'll be expecting some grand parade made by her ONE student, even if you'd be more than capable of doing something so awesome."
>You finally get out of the library, Twilight in tow.
>Twilight's other friends are at the door waiting for you.
>You head for the train station.
>The ride is a long one, but Pinkie Pie alone is sufficient entertainment on the way.
>Fuck TV, whenever you're bored from now on you'll just follow Pinkie around for a few hours.
>The Pinkie Pie Show
>You would watch the shit out of that.
>If you ever get back to your world you will write a script of nothing but Pinkie being Pinkie.
>People would eat it up.
>Dash sits next to you on the train as the pink mare blabs and blabs across from the two of you.
>Twilight is pacing the car, and every once in a while you notice her gaze linger on you and Dash. Whenever you catch her she looks away quickly and goes back to her worried pacing.
>Dash is humoring Pinkie, nodding up and down but not really listening to her.
>Friends learn to tune each other out after a while.
>Fluttershy and Rarity were off somewhere, and Applejack sat in the back of the car, napping in a really awkward position.
>Pinkie just keeps going, "And then I told Mrs. Cake that it was a-okay to launch Pumpkin from the cannon as long as we had supervision. Mr. Cake said no but I did it anyways. He was pretty mad at me after that..."
>You start to drift off.
>"... And theeeeen I told him he was being a party pooper and he made me work extra shift at the bakery, which isn't really that much of a punishment because I love love LOVE baking."
>Your eyes shut.
"... And that's how I ended up in Manehatten's soup kitchen for a week."
>Wait what the fuck?
>How did she get from the bakery to working in a soup kitchen?
>When you open your eyes Pinkie is staring at you with a huge grin on her face.
>You notice that it's dark outside the train.
>You look down and see that Dash passed out while leaning on you.
>Cute.
>Pinkie's grin grows wider, it's like she knows what you're thinking.
>"Dashie likes people who don't quit, Anon."
>You nod and let out a yawn, rubbing your eyes to get the sleep out of them.
>That crud that forms in your eyes pisses you off. You wish you could sleep one time without that shit popping up.
------

>This place is fancy.
>Stained glass fucking everywhere, some of it with murals of your new friends.
>Apparently these six ponies are pretty legendary around this place.
>No surprise there.
>Twilight's told you about all their little adventures.
>As the seven of you make your way to the throne room you start to notice that Twilight is on the verge of another freak out right next to you.
>You ruffle her mane.
>She blushes, but calms down a little.
>Inside the throne room is a whole nother beast.
>Dem windows.
>Dat chair.
>Dat XBOX HUEG Princess.
>She's the size of a real fucking horse, and her horn looks like it could eviscerate you.
>You can feel the sheer power emanating from her.
>Thoughts of human guts spilled everywhere enter your mind.
>'YOUR KIND ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!'
>A vision of a tyrant.
>Meanwhile, the real Celestia is smiling warmly at you, completely oblivious as to what's happening in your fucked up head. "Welcome Anonymous. I hope my students have been hospitable."
>You whimper like a little bitch.
>Applejack nudges Twilight, "Is he okay, Sugarcube?"
>Twilight frowns at you, "Anon?"
>You see the sun in all its fiery glory. She could probably burn the skin from your bones without even trying.
>Celestia raises an eyebrow, "Is he alright?"
>"Hey Big Guy! What the hay is wrong with you?"
>Celestia steps forward, a frown now on her face, "Did I frighten you? I did not mean to."
>OH GOD NOW YOU'VE ANGERED HER!
>TOO LATE FOR RETREAT!
>Celestia leans down to you.
>You piss yourself and pass out.