CHAPTER ONE

It was a cold, snowy day in Clannad. The ravaged wasteland seemed to echo with the cries of an era of more desirable times. Fortunately, business tycoon Tomoya Okazaki was able to carve out a nice existance on his oil farm, with his wife Fuuko.

"Oh Fuuko, be a dear and go make me some sandwiches like you should be doing while I work the fields. Whipping these mutant slaves is a tiring job at my old age of 25." Tomoya rasped.

"Oh honey, I'd do whatever you asked of me ever." she responded, her eyes tearing into his heart and soul.

Then on the way to the kitchen she was hit by a car and forgotten.

END CHAPTER ONE



CHAPTER TWO

Tomoya had no time to grieve for whoever had just died, he needed to farm 500 million rupees worth of gold before 10AM Tuesday.

"SLAVE, BRING ME MORE WOMEN!" Tomoya screeched, "I CANNOT BE SEEN ALONE, PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M GAY AND START PAIRING ME WITH MY FATHER OR SOME CREEPY THING."

"Yes sir, right away."

Two days later, the slaves came back with Nagisa Furukawa.

"GOOD WORK SLAVES" Tomoyo bellowed happily, "NOW LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN HAVE SOME LESBIAN ACTION WITH MARISA HERE."

Nagisa was about to complain, but then remembered she had her tounge removed by the government three years ago for being such a bitch, so she couldn't escape.

END CHAPTER TWO



CHAPTER THREE

"Fuck why aren't these pills working I should be alseep by now." Tomoya lamented. Many years ago, in the war, Tomoya saw his best friend Fuuko shot in front of his eyes. He was diagnosed with PTSD, even though he couldn't remember who exactly was shot right in front of his face because of the severe symptoms.

"Tooommmmmooooyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"I'm awake you ghost, what is it"

"I am the Ghooooooooooooost of Christmas Post mon, my name is Robert Marley. I am here to show you the mistakes you hove commited in your deep, dark post."

Bob Marley played a sweet jam, and they were teleported back into the past.

"Do you remmmmmmmmmmmb-"

"Stop it with the lengthened syllables or I'll cut you, you demon."

"Fine, mon, you need to chill. Anyways, do you remember when you were three years old, already in control of the booming meteor industry? The grave mistake you made that day, accidentially putting your toys on the 'Launch Meteor' button and destroying every dinosaur in existance."

"What?" Tomoyo asked quizzically.

"Mon, I'll be honest with you, I donno. I think I had some bod hosh or something mon."

"Please, stop wasting my time and take me home, I need to force those lazy slaves to water the ramen fields."

Bob Marley riffed another radical jig and Tomoyo awoke in her bedroom, the sun shining through the windows.

"Ok, that's it, I'm using Nagisa's body to transport these goods away to the Brasilian black market tomorrow. These pills are not safe for someone as important as me to ever use."

END CHAPTER THREE