Uruka's Mind

This is my best attempt to explain how Uruka's mind works and the reasons why it operates in such a seemingly illogical and convoluted manner. There is hidden depth here which is both the result of nature and nurture. For those who don't know what I'm talking about it's due to yesterdays very interesting and equally mystifying stream. It's currently down but she said she'll edit it and reupload. Copyright claims and all that. The text is heavily abbreviated because I tried NOT to branch out into intricacies of Asian culture, their image-based writing system and its effects, the genetic legacy of Neanderthals or metaphysical and occult interpretations and theories. This is extremely difficult for me to do so the text is a bit stilted as a result.

In any case – Uruka claims she doesn't think in words but in "feelings," here meaning she grasps and understands concepts as a whole, non-verbally. This process isn't necessarily visual but it can be. There is no inner monologue or analysis via language. She can imagine physical objects (the famous apple) without difficulty. Her thinking is fully "feeling" based where concepts and things appear fully formed and only sometimes as visual constructs. She finds this hard to explain and insists that "another dimension" of thought exists within her that can be abstractly envisioned as a physical space. This is where her thinking occurs. She finds it impossible to describe this space with words or a sketch.

This inability to explain is the key to understanding this mental process. We can safely conclude that at its core it is non-verbal and not even visual. Both the verbal and visual expressions of Uruka's mind (such as creative efforts or mere note taking and drawing) are an upper layer of her mind, a later addition to this underlying structure. They may theoretically even be worthless to her in a deeper sense since her thinking precedes them. The visual or semi-visual representations of her ideas and thoughts ("visions" or notions of "movement of indistinct shapes within the dark") are the after effects of her actual thinking, or to be more precise of the attention she gives to the subconscious process which then reacts accordingly and gives out vague impressions but acts independently of her attention. One should think of this "dimension" or abstract space as a formless darkness, a dark ocean or a small comfortable room with no light whatsoever for ease of understanding.

This is the most likely explanation on how this came to be, based purely on my own understanding and impressions of Uruka

Uruka's mode of thinking is very old and is the result of her upbringing. Since her earliest ages Uruka's attention and efforts were put towards external things in a typical Asian fashion – to studying. She was given no time to introspect or busy herself with herself in an organic fashion, from the moment she was capable of doing it she had been made to study. This resulted in her internal processes being neglected and "stunted," but a more accurate way of putting it would be to say that her internal mental process remained extremely infantile. Her thinking is the thinking of a very small child or even a baby. She effectively does not "think" as an adult but "feels" like a child, wholistically. Her conscious mind (her "I" or her Self) forms a thin layer over this vastness of her subconscious but it is this subconscious mind which does all the heavy lifting.

The Uruka that uses words, the verbal and linear Uruka is merely the interpreter to this subconscious Uruka which forms the basis and most of her actual person. Uruka is an interpretation of Uruka, not the "real" Uruka. It is important to stress that this is not a pathological diagnosis or a problem per se. This is how all people are, but for most (many caveats here) of us our sense of Self is far stronger than Uruka's.

Now, the situation is as follows – little Uruka is studying day in and day out. She has no proper downtime to "just be herself" and interact with the world and herself. She has no time to become herself. She only has time to study and sleep, with few chances to play or just be a kid. Thus she becomes an imitative creature and leans onto her brother, copying many of his behaviors. His sense of Self is more developed and leaves a lasting and deep impression on her pliable subconsciousness. Time continues passing and her studies and schooling increase. All her attention, all her effort, all her abilities are externalized and focused outward. She has no time to find herself or build up herself. This continues for a very long time and leads us to the present situation. Her inner structures remained the same as they are in a small child but with the accumulated experience of a young adult. This explains a lot of her behavior. Even her vague lesbianism is the result of this – since the I (conscious mind) can be thought of as Masculine and the subconscious as Feminine her choice of clothing and general demeanor (the "vibe") were a subconscious effort to create a "masculine" I, the Self, through imitative arts ("Fake it until you make it.")

The subconscious mind gives birth to our I. This is the true meaning behind the "virgin birth" thing in Christianity and so forth. In other words, Uruka dressing as a boy and so on was her own subconscious mind leading her into temporarily adopting a semi-masculine posture in order to create a "masculine" I that would dominate it, resulting in a full and proper person.

This is a natural process that begins in our earliest childhood and that forms the basis of our human existence. It continues on until we die and dissolve in the same darkness from which we came. Must I point our that both Raven and Zatanna were visual representations of your own subconscious, Uruka? Your appreciation of them was indicative of your emerging Self, which was individualizing itself and began to see the subconscious mind as "the other," in your case represented by two girls with strong mystical and feminine themes as their core. Batman himself is the beloved son of darkness so to speak. Notice that he is a very masculine man, a representation of and unthinking understanding of your own emerging nature, a symbol of your "masculine" I rising from the depths.

So, where does all this leave us? In a perfectly fine and beautiful position. My opinion of Uruka remains unchanged. Here we have a happy example of a person whose development might've been put on hold, lagged a bit, but not in a pathological way. All of Uruka's inner structures are rock solid, the foundations are immensely wealthy and full of life. She is simply a late bloomer and she knows it. With her schooling completed she now has time to devote to herself and the results are evident and inevitable. There was never an inner obstruction to her blossoming into a full person, merely a too Asian approach to parenting. Yet at the same time the conclusion that her upbringing was also healthy is inevitable. There are no discernible psychological issues or hangups like with Pippa or Panko. Uruka's family situation and the general emotional content and outputs within the family were all conductive to her wellbeing, even if their outer expression was faulty. One cannot fake the feeling of being loved.

Your goal now, deliciously alluring bear, is the same one I mentioned when you told us your schooling has been completed – live. That is all. Nothing else is to be done. Have experiences, pursue your interests, devote time to yourself and the things you want to do. Everything about you is poised for proper growth and success, here measured by the metric of becoming your own person mentally, emotionally and intellectually. The subconscious mind is all there is in the end, and everything we think, fell and understand is understood and felt by it. We are ALL interpreters. Your issue was the issue of one side of you being neglected, but your subconscious mind was healthy and strong (good family relations and healthy environment are critical for this) and so now that it can devote itself to you fully you will continue to develop. All you need is time, and there is no rush.

The seemingly nonsensical way you think by feeling is the subconscious mind doing its thing. It isn't linear, it simply is and produces thought-feelings as interconnected wholes. It doesn't produce results by going from A to B to C or from left to right, but more in a binary fashion where a 0 becomes 1. There is no process of becoming to observe. It simply is or is not, leaving us to disassemble and reassemble its results when we are trying to explain something or do creative work. Your I, your Self is the one writing down notes and thinking in terms of rhythm and other musical things I don't understand, your subconscious is the one giving you music as-is. The "indistinct visions" you mention are the result of your I, your Self, shifting your attention to the subconscious which them produces visual and semi-visual imagery as a result. Such is its nature. It is a "girl." I am confident that you will inevitably find out that your mode of thinking is a great boon and an achievement many strive for and even more are utterly incapable of. It is a superior instrument, one that is operated by the lightest hint of a touch. You will learn in time.

Rest assured, you are perfectly fine.

Outlook: Very Positive