Circus Baby's Pizzeria Simulator - Ch 1

Bzzt! Bzzt!

I jolted up in bed from the sound of my cell phone's vibration. I fumbled my hand over at the night stand next to me, eventually grabbing my phone and pushing the screen a little too hard.

"What?" I was too tired to focus on actually greeting the caller.

"Hey, champ!" I rolled my eyes when I recognized the voice: my uncle. To be more specific, my rich uncle who thought he was doing a favor to anyone in the family he associated with. "How's it going, Anon?"

"I was sleeping." I replied. I rubbed my eyes and let out a loud yawn. "What do you want, Moneybags?"

"Your mother told you to quit calling me that, Anon. It's quite rude." My uncle groaned. "I'll get to the point. I recently found out that I came into some property years ago and seem to have forgotten about it."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "How could you forget something like that?"

"Anyway," my uncle replied dismissively. "It's a pizza restaurant called Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. You remember, it was the place your mother would take you to when you were a kid?"

"Yeah!" I perked up at the sound of the name. I loved Freddy's as a kid! That excitement was short-lived as the recent news reports from TV came to mind, reminding me that the pizza-filled wonderland I knew years ago was involved with murder and something about the 80's and security guards getting court-ordered therapy.

"Great! So you want to be the new owner, then, right?" My uncle's question came too quick for me to register for a moment.

"Wha? No! I don't have the time to own a restaurant!" I replied. "I don't know the first thing about being an owner, or a manager! Why don't you ask one of my cousins?"

"I'll have the paperwork mailed to you overnight, and I'll get in touch with corporate to get you settled in." My uncle ignored my protests. "See you Monday!"

"What? No, no, I don't want--" Click. So not only did I fall for the "other person pretends to hear what they want" gag, but now I'm stuck with a restaurant that I don't know the first thing about how to handle. Even worse, it's a restaurant for kids. I hate kids with a passion. Well, if I'm forced to do this, I'd might as well make the most of it.

I could just outright refuse and mail the paperwork back after bitching and refusing the offer, but where's the fun in that?

...

I looked at the golden key in my hand. The smiling bear's face above the key's shoulder and cuts did nothing to make me feel better, even if the key's bow was shaped like a bear's head rather than a usual round shape. According to my training, I was to call this the "Fazkey." Everything had "Faz" in the name. It was cute for a little bit until the list got to "Faz-Toilet Paper."

After struggling to shove the key inside of the lock (which felt like it was full of spiderwebs, weather-related gunk, and who knows what else,) I stepped inside of my brand-new establishment: my very own Freddy Fazbear's Pizza! Surely I can make the most of this, even if right now it's just one small room with a few picnic tables inside. This was meant to be a pizza place?

I looked around, expecting to see someone else there; of course, I was alone. No arcade games, which made sense--why would a company leave them in a deserted building? The tables were incredibly dusty, with spiders crawling all over the seats and tabletops. There was a huge chunk ripped out of the north wall where I assume a stage used to be.

The only thing that had been left over were a few framed posters on the wall that had art of Freddy and the other characters parodying old movies. The glass on them was cracked, but it was nothing buying new ones couldn't fix. Practically everything in here could be fixed up with a little hard work and a lot of money, and lucky enough I have plenty of drive for the former and can earn the latter.

Making sure to not step in years-old, sticky soda stains on the floor, I trekked through the depressing dining room and made my way into the office. Nothing but an old computer and two ridiculously large open ventilation shafts. I couldn't figure out what purpose these could possibly serve, and made a mental note to have covers put over them as soon as possible.

I looked the computer up and down. It had a really old cable in the back, the monitor looked ancient, and I could read "Location" followed by some number which had been scratched out, so I have no idea which store I'm at. Under that was "Oct 1990" in faded marker ink. This computer was old!

No, this "Faz-computer" was old, I mean. I'm sure that's what I'm meant to call it. Could it even get internet now?

I pressed the computer's power button, and it turned on--I didn't stop and wonder if this place had electricity, but apparently it does. While the computer booted up, I returned to the dining room and looked around for a light switch. After finding one caked in dust just behind an employees-only door, I flipped it and looked into the room--the entire room now had a dim glow to it.

That didn't last long, of course--sparks flew from the flickering light bulbs, and seconds later I was in darkness once again. Shit. I'll have to order new bulbs ... and new light fixtures ... and put out the little fire that the sparks started on the floor.

One fire extinguisher later, I returned to the computer and sat down at the desk. There was a CD next to the monitor with "FAZ-LOG 001" written on it, and a sticky note on the desk. "Hello, Anon! Please call corporate @ 555-5555 ASAP!" was scribbled in pen. I pulled out my cell phone and started to dial; not like I have anything better to do.

...

One week later, I was set to meet with some corporate representative guy about getting the restaurant up and running. He had called me just an hour ago to tell me he was on the way, and sounded absolutely terrified at the idea of having to visit the building again. Knowing the past Freddy's has, this doesn't surprise me. There have been multiple times during the week that I keep asking myself "do I really want to risk dying to open this place again?" but then I just go see what's on TV and forget about it.

I stood at the resturant's front door, playing on my phone and ignoring the world.

"Good morning, Mr. Anon!" I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and saw a balding, older man in a fancy gray suit approaching me. Behind him was a very new, very expensive sportscar, which made me quite envious. Maybe I could afford one if everything went right. "I'm ... well, my name isn't important ..."

"Good morning." I replied, putting my phone in my pocket. I'd like to know who I'm talking to, though. "Was your drive here okay?"

"Oh, no problems ... no problems at all ..." The man muttered. Sweat was pouring down his face. "S-So let's go inside ..." He gulped in fear. I wanted to roll my eyes at this walking, talking cliche.

"There's nothing in here, sir." I said, opening the door with the Fazkey. "The computer surprisingly gets dial-up internet access, but beyond the spiders there's nothing moving around inside."

"Uh-huh ..." He nodded, following me inside.

We sat at one of the tables that I had dusted off just for our meeting. He reached into the briefcase he had been carrying (that I could have sworn I didn't see him come in with) and fished out a huge file of papers.

"Now then, since you're going to be a part of the Fazbear Entertainment family, I have some things we need to talk about." The man said, flipping open the folder. "First off, your animatronics. Your uncle has been speaking to head office, so we've prepared a Freddy Band animatronic set for you, but they're old and-"

"Not interested." I interrupted him. He paused.

"E-Excuse me?" He asked. "This is Freddy's. You HAVE to have the character animatronics, or a Freddy animatronic alone at the least."

"Nah, I'm good." I replied. "I looked into it, nothing says I can't just use costumed characters and ditch the robots. I can hire people to wear the suits and dance with kids."

"Oh, suits! Yes!" The man nodded. "We can also provide-"

"No. I'll arrange to get brand new ones handmade. Nothing with any sharp metal inside, thanks." I dismissively waved a hand. The man was clearly becoming annoyed. "Listen, sir. With all due respect, I've been coming to Freddy's since I was a kid. I love this place, and I've also been reading up on every little detail."

"On details, huh?" He asked. He had stopped sweating and seemed more interested now. "Do tell."

"I was one of the few people who got to see Fazbear's Fright before it opened." I replied. "Call me a special snowflake, but I knew a guy. I heard the training tapes, about how the old character suits were supposed to double as animatronics, and you just locked the robotics inside against the suit walls? How stupid was your boss back then? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen."

"It didn't wait long ..." He muttered under his breath.

"The old animatronics leaking blood and mucus, heard about that, too." I continued. "Why in God's name did that manager not alert someone and close the store until it was solved? How in the hell does a robot get liquids inside of it? Aren't these things moved with air valves?"

"You've heard the rumors, then ..." He sighed.

"If someone stuffed a kid into an animatronic, it wouldn't work." I spoke as if I was some kind of professional. "The air wouldn't reach to make the movements right, the gears and whatnot would be stopped in place by a human body, and, well ... well, I don't know where that place was that had such incredibly stupid people for customers, but none of it adds up."

"Yeah, but enough of the past." He replied. "Anyway, let's get you started so I can get out of your hair. After looking through all of the paperwork your uncle filled out so long ago, he left you around a hundred bucks for a budget. Anything you need to order for the store, like food, plates, stuff like that, will be on corporate's dime. The only thing you need to worry about is the store's income to purchase attractions and things like that."

"Shouldn't that be reversed?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'm expected to pay for top-dollar arcade games and attractions?"

"Do you want to keep arguing with me, or can we move on, sir?" The man glared at me. I shrugged. Might as well get this over with. "Thank you. You'll need to get in touch with the head office about these new suits you want made, but I don't see it being a problem as long as you're covering it. They're very fond of using older attractions and anything else that doesn't cost much, so something new and free would likely be warmly recieved."

"Cool." I nodded. "So I just need to get the suits made, get an arcade game or two, and you'll cover the food. Shouldn't be difficult."

"Yep!" The man smiled for the first time in this whole meeting. "Just need you to sign this, and post somewhere in public eye that Fazbear Entertainment is not-"

"Responsible for death or dismemberment." I finished for him, smirking.

"Good boy!" He laughed, patting my shoulder. "You HAVE done your homework!" I jotted my signature down; I didn't plan on having any animatronics, haunted or otherwise, so death and dismemberment won't be an issue. "I'll get in touch with the distributor and have some pizza kits delivered next week. Should that be enough time to get your suits commissioned and finished?"

"Maybe not all of them, but at least Freddy, yeah." I nodded. He held out his hand and I shook it in return. This wouldn't be so hard after all, since I don't have to worry about robots killing folks.

...

The week was, for me, uneventful. Thanks to Uncle Moneybags (who was thrilled that I was taking an interest in running Freddy's,) I was able to pay top-dollar and get a professional working on the mascot suits. As I expected, the entire group of four wouldn't be finished that quickly, but Freddy was a rush job and was delivered the same day as I had to sign for the pizza kits.

Inside the restaurant, I was putting the food ingredients away while looking around the kitchen. I had all new ovens installed, a large chest freezer (I thought about a walk-in, but people get trapped in those in horror movies,) multiple refrigerators, new sinks, everything a restaurant kitchen needs. My uncle insisted that he help even further and even paid for the place to get a new coat of paint inside! It was looking like a brand new Freddy's, fresh out of the 80's. I was loving every second of it as the destroyed, dirty shack slowly turned back into the pizza-scented wonderland I remembered so many years ago.

"Hey, uh, Anon?"

I jumped at the sound of a voice. It took a moment of catching my breath before remembering that I had asked a buddy of mine to help set everything up for the first day of business.

"What .. what is it, Anondos?" I asked him. Anondos pointed out of the kitchen.

"I was throwing some trash in the dumpster, and there's ... there's something you should probably see." He said. "Like, right now."

"What, is there a raccoon out there or something?" I asked, closing the chest freezer after putting the last of the pizza dough inside. I followed Anondos through the dining room and into the employee hallway, stopping at one of the exit doors near the office. "Okay, what?" I asked.

"Just look. Mind the smell." He pushed open the door and stepped back. I looked outside, seeing a large, messy green dumpster. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something red. I looked over, seeing a huge ... robotic thing leaning against the wall, next to the door. I stepped outside with Anondos, the two of us looking at it. "What the hell is that thing? Did you order it?" He asked.

"Fuck no, look at this thing!" I exclaimed.

It had red pigtails and a white face, looking like some kind of clown. It had a pink nose and pink cheeks, but most of the color seemed to be peeled off and was replaced with rust. Its red "clothes" were rusted and destroyed as well, as if this thing had lost a fight with a woodchipper. The orange rollerskates on its feet looked okay in quality, but they were nothing compared to the massive, squeezing claw that took the place of its right arm.

"I've seen this before." Anondos spoke up. "I think its name is Baby."

"Baby?" I asked. "That thing ain't no baby. Look at it."

"No, no, it's an old Freddy's robot." Anondos replied, fishing his phone from his pocket and beginning to tap the screen. "It wasn't at Freddy's though, but I think it was by the same people ... here it is. Her name's Circus Baby."

"Circus Baby?" I looked down at the monster of a robot. In her mouth, between her normal, kid-friendly teeth were a small line of sharp-looking fangs. I looked down her body more, seeing that her once-white midriff had a broken fan in the center, with one of the blades barely hanging on. What the fuck would that even be used for?

"The one there ain't what she's s'posed to look like. Look." Anondos held up his phone, and when I looked I saw that Circus Baby's intended appearance was nothing like the trash heap in front of us. Shining red hair with pigtails that could move up and down, white "skin" on her face, arms, hands and midriff, and a red two-piece "dress" painted on to resemble clothes. The original version held a red microphone in her left hand. One major difference between the two was that the original Baby looked to have pins sticking out of her arms and most of her body. The Baby I had's arms were cut up into ribbons.

I have no clue why my mind decided to move to this, but I looked at her clothes again. Her top stopped before her midriff, and was rounded at the bottom. Was her red top meant to have a chest line? Like, literally giving this thing the impression of tits?

Heh. A clown robot girl with tits and a mini-skirt.

No, no! This thing could KILL me, not FUCK me. Moving on!

"Forget it. Leave it here." I said, walking back inside with Anondos on my heels. "She's cute, but I'd rather not have that claw snip my dick off."

"What? She's ... cute?" Anondos asked. "I know you think with your dick, but what the fuck is cute about that thing?" I took his phone from his hand and looked at the original Circus Baby once again.

"Ya know, if I use my uncle, I could probably have that one sent off and fixed, and get that claw removed." I thought out loud. "Could make her look just like this ... save for those painful-looking pins coming out of her and maybe this belly fan."

"I thought you hated the idea of animatronics because you said they would just try to kill you." Anondos replied. "Remember? You turned down the Freddy ones because of that?"

I looked at the phone screen, then back at the exit door. Circus Baby wasn't around back then, so she couldn't have any dead kid inside of her. Besides, we could see her insides out there. There was nothing there but a destroyed robot. There couldn't be any problems if I could obviously see a broken metal shell with gears, right? No dead body in sight.

"You're thinking about fucking the robot, aren't you." Anondos snatched his phone back. "Did you not see the claw? I'm sure there's porn for fucking weirdos like you."

"I'm not thinking about that, asshole!" I shook my head. "But if I don't get a robotic something, corporate's gonna be on my ass! Now go put on the Freddy costume and dance for me so I can see if you're good enough for the kids."

"I'm not the one you're paying for that! You hired that Tresnon guy for that!" Anondos whined.

"Fine, then go make a pizza and we'll see if they're shit. Receipe's posted on the wall next to every oven." I said. "I have to go make some phone calls."

"Anon, I'm gonna tell you this one time, and one time only." Anondos said as I started to walk away. I turned to face him. "Do not fuck the robot, Anon."

"I'm not gonna fuck a robot, dude. I'd like to keep my dick attached to my body." I replied.

"So should I bring her inside?" Anondos asked. I froze in place.

"Fuck no!" I responded a little too loudly. "I don't wanna die today! I'll call someone to pick her up!" I heard Anondos sound flustered as I walked into the office.

"But you said ... and ... but, cute ... aw, here it goes!" He yelled.