Creak (Fleur De Lis)

>Creak. Bump. Creak. Squeak.
>She's at it again.
>Squeak. Bump. Bump. Creak.
>This has gone on for the last 20 minutes.
>Bump. Squeak. Bump. Creak.
>Aren't stallions supposed to have really shitty endurace?
>You are Anonymous, the downstairs neighbor of Fluer de Lis, and this is the third night in a row you're putting up with her... activities.
>Granted, when you first moved in you thought Fleur was a hot number.
>Figured you'd try to sweet talk her a bit, take her out on a few dates, and see what happened.
>Instead, THIS happened.
>Smashing the pillow into your ears, you're bothered to discover that the effort to silence the noises is keeping you up, plus you can still hear it.
>You groan in frustration and cover your head with the blanket, but it persists.
>Thirty minutes now.
>Colgate's going to be upset when she sees how much you've been grinding your teeth.
>It finally stops.
>You let out the breath you were holding.
"Guess the last of her stallionwhores went home!"
>Yelling into the darkness gets you nowhere, but the tightness in your chest eases some.
>You're a busy man.
>Work in the morning, a long shift the night before, and when you finally get a chance to sleep it's denied.
>You NEED those precious six hours.
>Drifting to sleep, she even plagues you there.
>All you can think of is Fleur surrounded by cocks ready to stuff into an available hole.
>When one finishes, the next takes his place.
>They drill her ass so hard that the bed creaks, the floorboards squeak, and the headboard smashes into the wall.
>Over and over and over and-
"Fuck!"
>You decide to get a drink.
"This is bullshit! I have work in the fucking morning and she's up there gargling PONY JIZZ!"
>A steady diet of protein.
>No wonder she has such a trim figure.
"That harlot's gonna get hers, though. Mark my words!"
>You set your drink down, put on your best goyim face, and rub your hands together as you [scheme internally].
>Heading back to bed, you dream about how best you're going to handle Canterlot's top prostitute.
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>Getting up with just enough time to get ready, you rush over to work.
>The restaurant you work at is always busy.
>But even as you consider your plans for Skinny Slut, you're such a badass that you don't mess up any orders and in fact get tipped more than usual.
"Hey thanks, Mr. Rich!"
>Filthy and his daughter Diamond Tiara were out on the town on some special occasion or something.
>Her little friend was there, too.
>You finish clearing their plates and after he pays you out, you lean in close to him out of earshot of the fillies.
"Say, Mr. Rich, you wouldn't happen to know a Fleur de Lis, would you?"
>His expression goes from joyous to serious quite quickly and he looks around, as if guilty.
>"I, er, uhh-"
>He whispers to you now, "I'm actually in town to see her tonight."
>You think about Filthy Rich's filthy Richard pushing into the white menace's asshole and try not to get nauseous.
"Oh... well, you wouldn't happen to have any dirt on her, would you?"
>"Dirt? Well, I..."
>He reaches into a bag and throws some bits across the table to his daughter.
>"Eheh, run along to that toy shop you wanted to visit, Diamond Tiara. Daddy will be with you in a moment!"
>The fillies have dollar signs in their eyes and collect the bits, leaving in a hurry.
>You could swear the silver one slapped your ass as she passed you.
>"Now what's this all about, young man?"
>You explain briefly that she's wronged you in some way and you're trying to get payback.
>"But she's sweet as sugar! How could she have done anything to wrong you?"
"Trust me, I just need to play a... a fun little prank on her, that's all!"
>"Well, my boy, I'm afraid you probably know as much about her as I do."
>So she was a pay and go kind of call girl.
>She probably had a lot of guests and so there wasn't time to cuddle and have pillow talk with her line of work.
"Hmm. Thanks anyway, sir. You have a good day and have fun tonight!"
>He looks at you curiously as you wink at him and head to your next table.
>"Strange lad."
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>After your shift, you count your bits and drop them into a pouch.
>Time to see if you can get any more dirt on your generous neighbor.
>You're not in too well with the elite of Canterlot just yet but you meet many ponies every day.
>They were charmed enough by your presence.
>Or maybe they were just amused being served by some goofy hairless individual.
>Either way, you decided to pay your buddy Fancy Pants a visit.
>...
"...and so that's where I am now."
>"Fleur's taken up that kind of life, eh? Doesn't sound likely after-"
>You cut him off mid-sentence:
"I know what I'm hearing, Fancy! Those aren't the normal tossing and turning sounds."
>"Yes, but she's got a-"
"Condition? Oh, I know the condition she has. And I'm ready to get back for every second I have to live through her condition."
>"I'm afraid I can't help too much, my boy. I haven't kept up with Fleur for months now!"
>Taking another sip of Equestrian gin, you hum to yourself.
"You know anyone who might be close to her these days?"
>He tosses back his glass as well, ruminating over his next words.
>"If I think of someone, I'll let you know."
"Balls."
>You decide it's time to pay some other ponies a visit.
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>Ah, the Royal Canterlot Guard.
>Surely a pristine member of Celestia's elite squad of stone-faced warriors would be able to assist you, right?
"So you're telling me I can't press charges on ponies in their own home, even if they're being way too noisy?"
>It's not that they're not answering you, they just seem really disinterested and only shake their heads at you at every question you ask.
>Not even the guard can help you now.
>You rub your chin thoughtfully, "So all I have to do... is get her out of her apartment!"
>Remembering that she was only on the third floor, you got to scheming ways to get a pony mid-coitus defenestrated so that she would be spotted by the guards and arrested on the spot.
>Time to visit a pink friend of yours.
>"Well hey, Anony-fee-fi-fo-fum-mous!"
"WHA-?! Pinkie?"
>Ms. Pie is beaming at you, as per usual.
>She then grabs at her face and hair, seemingly worried that perhaps she wasn't Ponka Pone.
>"Yep! It's still me! I had the tummy growlies and the snouty scrunchies which means my good human friend needed something. Also, I just happened to be in this side of town because Rarity came by recently and we all decided to pay her a surprise visit, because who doesn't like surprises, right? Ooh! Speaking of which, is that why you needed to see me? Because you wanted to throw a superduperfunsurprisepartyforRarity with us? I think she'd be DELIGHTED! Even though you moved here just a few months ago and haven't seen us in a while, I think we're all still good friends! Furthermore, I-"
>You booped her nose, turning off Pinkie's fillybuster that would probably never end if allowed.
"Actually, Pinkie, you CAN help me with a surprise! But I need to borrow your party cannon for tonight first. I have a GREAT idea and I don't want aaaa~nyone else knowing. Not even you!"
>Signature Pinkgasp.wav
>Relinquishing of party cannon and Pinkie Promise to not tell anyone about your big plans.
>"Now careful with this thing, Nonny. It packs a wallop! Especially if you hit ponies that are in the middle of their mattress mambo parties right in the booty-patootie!"
>How Pinkie was able to guess these things was beyond the normal realm of comprehension, and you had simply learned to live with it.
"Thanks, Pink! Tell the others I'll be around soon!"
>You laugh jubilantly as you wheel your weapon of ass destruction away.
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>Preparing for the big night, you put on the darkest clothing you have.
>The party cannon is tougher to take up the stairs than you initially thought, and you hope that no one hears you grunting and straining.
>You're sweating bullets as you reach for the handle to Fleur's apartment.
>It's unlocked.
>The entryway is dark and you slowly open the door, swallowing a lump in your throat as you peer inside.
>You were angry before, but this is breaking and entering and things have to go perfectly or you'll never get revenge.
>The coast is clear.
>You wheel your way inside and make your way down the hall.
>Repentance is almost at hand.
>You can hear the creaking again.
>Pressing forward, you see the light under the door.
>Aiming the cannon right at the entrance, you wipe the sweat from your forehead and clutch the doorknob.
>Giving an internal '1, 2, 3...', you push open the door and fire off the cannon blindly, spraying confetti and balloons about as the blast pushes your target out the open window.
>You instantly learn two things as this happens and your face falls:
>1. This is not Fleur's room.
>2. There are no visitors, in fact you sent a filly flying out the window. Her daughter?
>You see that the floorboards under the bed are quite worn and everything comes together.
>You hear a groaning and yawning from the other room as Fleur awakens.
>Having already sprinted out the door, you hope this can't be traced back to you.
>At least you can finally get a good night's sleep.