10:22	GibberingEloquence	Hello Ihp. Can you please read the start of my Cactusman vs Goatman Tale?
11:26	ihp	Morning
11:26	ihp	Sorry, I wasn't up yet. x.x
11:28	GibberingEloquence	It is fine.
11:28	GibberingEloquence	How is your headache?
11:28	ihp	better. Finished up my course of antibiotics last night; I think I might finally be over this bug.
11:28	GibberingEloquence	Glad to know.
11:29	GibberingEloquence	Do you feel well enough to read the thing I mentioned?
11:31	ihp	Yep
11:31	GibberingEloquence	I already wrote the first scene and Goatman will show up in the next one, and I want to make sure he is in-character.
11:32	GibberingEloquence	http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/gibberingeloquence First text
11:34	ihp	Huh
11:34	ihp	I'm a fan of the premise, but the dialog doesn't quite work for me. It feels a little bit stilted.
11:35	GibberingEloquence	Yeah, others said the same thing
11:35	GibberingEloquence	But I'm at a loss regarding how to fix it
11:35	ihp	I can help some.
11:35	ihp	"If you are so sure of that"--> "If you're so sure"
11:35	GibberingEloquence	Thank you!
11:37	ihp	"A real riot, is what ya mean!" --> "A real riot is watcha mean" or "A real riot, ya mean". Makes the biker's speech more consistent.
11:37	ihp	"Listen, and listen good. Anyone who lives in this town knows that there have been attacks and other incidents which cannot be logically explained as simple actions of violent madmen. You can either help me and receive a part of this…" I'm gonna need a little time to work out this one, so bear with me.
11:39	ihp	"Listen. Anyone who lives in this town knows that there's been things that can't be explained simply by maniacs in the woods; attacks on campers, sightings of strange creatures, bizarre sigils in the woods. You can either help me and be a part of this..."
11:39	ihp	Edit these how you will, whatever feels right for you.
11:39	ihp	These just feel right for me.
11:39	ihp	""…or you can keep trying to make money with poker or what have you. The choice is yours." --> "Or you can try to make a living by gambling. The choice is yours".
11:40	ihp	"I'm Daniel MacIntyre. I'm a detective in training." --> "I'm Daniel MacIntyre, detective in training."
11:41	ihp	"I came here because this town has one of the largest concentrations of unexplained cases in this region of the United States." this reads well, but I'd change "cases" to "phenomena".
11:42	GibberingEloquence	OK
11:42	ihp	Similarly, "And the Goatman is said to be at the center of many of these cases." change the cases here to "phenomena".
11:42	ihp	or phenomenons? Not 100% sure which plural is right to use here, or if phenomenons is even a proper plural.
11:42	GibberingEloquence	I am pretty sure it is "phenomena"
11:43	ihp	Mysteries, huh? You got that right. We have more of those than we have Mom And Pop stores." Again, mostly reads well, but decapitalize "and" in "Mom and Pop" and remove the second "we have".
11:45	ihp	I do like the idea that Cactusman is trying to be a discount John Constantine, since his vigilante act didn't seem to work too well for him.
11:46	ihp	One last thing: ""There you go, little buddy!" He said affectionately. " I'd maybe show some affection instead of saying "he said affectionately". Like, "he said while carefully stroking the cactus's spines".
11:46	GibberingEloquence	Ok.
11:46	ihp	That's pretty much it.
11:46	ihp	I'm intrigued to see where you take this.
11:47	GibberingEloquence	I actually do know where I am taking it. Wanna know?
11:48	ihp	Surprise me.
11:49	GibberingEloquence	Ah, so you don't want to know. I wanted to know if my ideas for the next scenes made sense, though.
11:49	ihp	Hmm, Fair enough, then. Tell me.
11:50	GibberingEloquence	I'm thinking that in the next part Daniel will go into the woods by himself, with the reasoning that if he goes with more people he will be less afraid and thus the Goatman will be less likely to show up.
11:50	GibberingEloquence	I think it would be funny if the Goatman smelled Daniel's fear, and when he found him he was all like "kid, what are you doing alone in the woods?" and Daniel just fucking punches him across the jaw and puts him into a sack.
11:50	GibberingEloquence	And then they need to get arrested. I'm guessing that Goatman escapes from the sack in the middle of a town square or something and a chase sequence happens.
11:51	GibberingEloquence	When they are in jail together, they bond over their respective losses (Cactusman's murdered fathere and Goatman's lost family) and being misfits who nobody takes seriously. They eventually come to like each other enough to agree on a plan to escape jail together.
11:51	GibberingEloquence	Then they clear up their name by helping to catch an anomalous serial killer who escaped the same jail as them.
11:51	GibberingEloquence	That is the plan.
11:51	ihp	Where does the serial killer come in? Because you might want to introduce the fact that he exists a bit earlier.
11:52	GibberingEloquence	I'm thinking they meet him while in jail.
11:53	GibberingEloquence	Unless you thought of a better alternative?
11:54	ihp	Hmm. Slight pedantry here: a serial killer probably wouldn't sit in a jail very long, unless they're awaiting a trial that's going to happen very soon. Even then, serial killers are usually treated as federal criminals, and since this is the US, the UIU might have a hand in dealing with him.
11:55	GibberingEloquence	Hmm. Maybe Cactusman and Goatman lend a hand to the UIU?
11:55	GibberingEloquence	Or is that a stretch?
11:55	ihp	I'm thinking more "serial killer escapes when the UIU comes for him, and since there are two other freaks in the building, they're made scapegoats (no pun intended).
11:56	GibberingEloquence	That is also a good choice.
11:56	GibberingEloquence	But where to take it from there?
11:56	ihp	How are they anomalous, exactly?
11:57	ihp	Also: when is this set?
11:57	ihp	2018? 2015? 2010?
11:57	GibberingEloquence	They are a skinwalker, I imagine. And this is contemporary.
12:00	ihp	Where to take it from there: Slightly humorous argument ensues, UIU agents (who are somewhat new to the job) think that all anomalous entities are in league and try transfer the two of them under federal jurisdiction (I don't 100% know the legal nomenclature of this, but I'm pretty sure it's something that can be done.) And then...
12:02	ihp	Okay, massive headcanon here: I think that Cactusman's powers of "having spines growing from their body and being able to retain water really well" is a little boring. So, I've had the headcanon that they can do other cactus-related things; one thing that might be relevant in this case is that I've headcanoned it that he can produce mescaline from his body-- that's the compound in peyote cactuses that makes you
12:02	ihp	hallucinate.
12:02	GibberingEloquence	That sounds cool and fitting. How would he use it in this scenario?
12:05	ihp	Well, it depends. He could possibly tip his spines with it and then "accidentally" scratch the UIU agents, putting the hallucinogen into the bloodstream. But I have no idea how mescaline works, other than it's a hallucinogen. You may have to research the mechanism yourself.
12:05	ihp	BRB, I need to pick up a package from the front office.
12:10	ihp	Nevermind. The office is supposed to open at 9:00, but it seems that they forgot to tell the people who work here that. x.x
12:21	GibberingEloquence	Lel
12:22	GibberingEloquence	Is there anything else you would like to tell me about the Tale Ihp?
12:30	ihp	Not at the moment
12:30	ihp	I'm just about to head out to get some breakfast before class starts
12:30	ihp	First day of the new semester woo
12:32	*** ihp is now known as ihpbreakfast
13:36	*** ihpbreakfast is now known as ihp
18:22	ihp	So I saw you wrote more
18:23	ihp	Firstly: kudos on getting the geography of Sloth's Pit consistent. Secondly: The idea of the Goatman wearing an apron and oven mitts amuses me greatly.
18:27	GibberingEloquence	Ah, thank you!
18:28	GibberingEloquence	Did you think of anything else I should add?
18:29	ihp	One thing about the Goatman, though, is that he somewhat works based on expectations; he has kind of a 'default' form, but if someone's actively observing him, he'll find out because details on his person will change, even if it's something as simple as the stains on his apron turning to fresh blood.
18:29	ihp	At which point, he'll roll his eyes and say "Come out!"
18:32	GibberingEloquence	Got it!
18:37	GibberingEloquence	What sort of stuff might one find inside Koch's Hovel, Ihp?
18:38	ihp	Well, it's literally a hovel. Just a small, stone hut about the size of a walk-in closet. But that still has plenty of room for a small stove, some bedding, and a place to keep clothes.
18:39	ihp	Also: fictional entities don't really need latrines? Because literally nobody wants to write about a fictional entity undergoing bodily functions, especially if it's one as (allegedly) murderous as the Goatman.
18:42	GibberingEloquence	Could the Goatman keep mementos from his scare victims inside his Hovel that hint at his backstory? Baby shoes and such?
18:42	ihp	Ooh yes
18:42	GibberingEloquence	How do you imagine Goatman would react when he finds Cactusman inside his Hovel without permission?
18:44	ihp	Well, he'd first try to scare them off. If that didn't work, he'd grouse a fair bit and start grilling him, asking him if he worked for the Foundation (the Plastic People or Plastic Fanatics, as he calls them.)
18:45	GibberingEloquence	Understood. I don't think this particular iteration of Cactusman gets scared too easily. Startled, maybe, but not scared.
18:45	ihp	Then, if he figures out that Cactusman is anomalous, he'll try to dissuade him from further inquiry, as the Foundation is gonna try to pick him up and lock him away, and it'd be hard to convince anyone that he's from Sloth's Pit, since cacti aren't usually found in the American Midwest.
18:46	ihp	The Foundation's policy on anomalous individuals in Sloth's Pit is essentially: "Don't cause trouble in town, sign these forms if you want to leave for an extended period of time, and if we catch word of you using your anomalous abilities outside of Sloth's Pit, we're gonna drag you back kicking and screaming."
18:46	GibberingEloquence	Understood.
18:47	ihp	But if someone anomalous from Outside of Sloth's Pit comes into town... I'm not actually 100% sure what would happen.
18:47	GibberingEloquence	Well, Cactusman is Scottish, yeah?
18:47	ihp	I... he is?
18:47	ihp	How does a Scot get cactus abilities?
18:48	GibberingEloquence	"Description: SCP-2800 is an anomalous male of Scottish descent, formerly known as Daniel MacIntyre, though SCP-2800 refers to itself as "Cactusman, the Spiked Menace." SCP-2800 measures 187 cm and 76 kg, and possesses brown hair and green eyes."
18:48	ihp	Ah. Fair enough.
18:49	GibberingEloquence	McSomething is a very Scottish surname type.
18:49	ihp	Mac/Mc yeah. I'm pretty sure "Mac" means "Son of", but don't quote me on that.
18:50	ihp	So is this before he's contained, or did he escape somehow?
18:50	ihp	Or is he just completely uncontained in this setting?
18:51	GibberingEloquence	The third option. The Foundation has no idea of who he is.
18:51	ihp	Fair enough.
18:51	ihp	The Goatman would probably take one look at what Cactusman is trying to do with his paranormal detective scthick, and hold his hand against his face for a good thirty seconds or so, letting out a long, weary /groan/.
18:51	GibberingEloquence	The Foundation ain't omniscient, brah. And they have bigger fish to fry.
18:52	GibberingEloquence	Ayup.
18:52	ihp	"You have the powers of /a cactus!/ Do you even know anything about this town? Any part of it s history?"
18:53	GibberingEloquence	Can I use that line?
18:53	ihp	Yes.
18:53	GibberingEloquence	Also, this Cactusman is a detective in training cause he has a Barry Allen thing going on.
18:53	ihp	Really.
18:54	ihp	It'd be amusing to see how the Goatman reacts once Cactusman reveals he can emit Mescaline.
18:54	GibberingEloquence	Yeah. Is that a problem for his backstory?
18:55	ihp	I don't know anything about Barry Allen, to be honest. I'm more of a Wally West guy; Allen got his powers from being struck by lightning in front of a cabinet of chemicals, yeah?
18:58	GibberingEloquence	Yeah, IIRC
18:58	GibberingEloquence	He got into forensics to clear his dad's name
18:58	ihp	*nod*
18:58	ihp	Yeah, I remember. in the Justice League cartoon, the Flash was West, but they gave him Allen's background in Forensics and origin story.
19:02	GibberingEloquence	Now that you gave me this info, I am not sure if I want to make Cactusman put Goatman into a sack.
19:04	ihp	well, it's all up to expectations: if he thinks the Goatman can be put into a sack, it can be put into a sack.
19:05	GibberingEloquence	Well then. I guess it is Clickety Clack time.