Proofreading Test Practice!

Proofreading Test Practice!

Here's the practice for Kirei Cake's proofreading test. The main text is here:
http://pastebin.com/WgLrpG49

Here's some quick practice, taken from the very next page of Tomodachi Game, which you can find here:
http://i.imgur.com/cYL8QXk.jpg

Check out the script, make your own proof of it, and compare it to the final proof of the chapter!

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Script Begins
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Ooh It's Ken-chan!
I went and got this. The Coke that Ken-chan likes.
Sakashita Kaito/He was always bullied in the class. I used to always protect him. He was my minion at the time.
Ah, Uum...It's been a while...Ken-chan.
Why does Ken-chan talk to a girl like me?
Uzaki Humi/ She was the most bland girl in the class. She was always forgotten and left out by the class, and I helped her out. She probably liked me.
Kaito...You sure got big...In a lot of ways.
You really think so?
Nononono, no matter how you look at it, you got fat...!!
And...Uzaki, I couldn't tell who you were for a second.
Is...Is that so.

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Script Ends
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Now, here's the final proofread:

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Proof Begins
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Ooh It's Ken-chan!
Ooh it's Ken-chan!
    [m] Gotta fix the capitalization of "It's".

I went and got this. The Coke that Ken-chan likes.
I went and got the Coke that Ken-chan likes.
    [m] Combining these sentences feels more natural. You'll notice a lot of my fixes are just improving the flow of dialogue in the chapter.

Sakashita Kaito/He was always bullied in the class. I used to always protect him. He was my minion at the time.
Sakashita Kaito/He was always bullied in the class. I used to always protect him. You could say he was my minion.
    [m] I felt a softer statement was more fitting with Ken's good-natured, yet arrogant view of the past.

Ah, Uum...It's been a while...Ken-chan.
Ah, Uum... It's been a while... Ken-chan.
    [m] I added some space after the elipses, but ideally should've caught the capitalization, which I didn't. Always room to improve!


Uzaki Humi/ She was the most bland girl in the class. She was always forgotten and left out by the class, and I helped her out. She probably liked me.
Uzaki Humi/ She was the most bland girl in the class. She was always forgotten and left out by the class, so I helped her out. She probably liked me.
    [m] It makes more sense for him to be talking about a cause and effect rather than a grouping, so "and" turns to "so."

Kato...You sure got big...In a lot of ways.
Kaito... You sure got big... in a lot of ways.
    [m] Since Ken is talking to the character introduced above, that should be "Kaito", not "Kato." If you look closely, you can see the hiragana spells out Ka I To. Knowing or recognizing hiragana can be pretty useful for proofing, especially when coming across phoenetic sounds like "oooh" and "ahhh."

Nononono, no matter how you look at it, you got fat...!!
No no no no... No matter how you look at it, you got fat...!!
    [m] A more stylistic change, here, but one I think works better.

And...Uzaki, I couldn't tell who you were for a second.
And...Uzaki, I didn't recognize you for a second.
    [m] Omitting unnecessary words is a good trait for a proofreader to have.

Is...Is that so.
Is... Is that so?
    [m] Definitely more of a question than a statement.

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Proof Ends
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Hope this helps you out!

A useful resource for referencing hiragana/katakana, for those who don't know Japanese: http://www.saiga-jp.com/img/character/japanese_language/hiragana_katakana_list.gif